I Do not claim to own anything.
My Quantum Immortality
"And I feel I'm goin' under
'Cause you smile like you're my savior
While your hands keep getting
Tighter around my throat"
It was so dark. The sky was like ink, dark, cold, so cold. It assaulted her senses lashing against her skin, burning, pinching, and nipping against her skin. Her heart pounded an ominous tattoo, breaths escaping her throat sporadically. Her feet moved on autopilot, numb, as numb as her soul.
The once deathly silent forest was filled with the crackle of stray, dead branches beneath her bare feet. Dirt caked her once pristine dress; her shoes were discarded in the night, left behind with broken heels as she ran to save a life. The life clawing desperately, fighting for it's right to be in this world.
Her vision was darkening. As the wave of the incoming contraction flooded her senses, the air squeezed out of her as each and every muscle within her abdomen tightened. Next came the pain, as if she was being torn apart, at war with her own being.
Her arms searched for support from a near by tree, but they had failed her, like the world had failed her time and time again. She crashed to the cold moist dirt, tears flowing from her eyes in earnest. Though they weren't tears for her, these were the tears she shed for her child. The child within her, the child who she is failing.
There was nowhere for her to run anymore. Her body refused. The waves of endless agony filled her mind, pushing out all the other thoughts she may have had.
"Rumple…" She called out.
"Rumple…"She called again
Only silence answered her. It was always there, this heavy silence, it followed her like a shadow, like a lost puppy on the street, coming back like an old friend for dinner. She can't even pretend to be disappointed anymore. It was foolish for her to expect him to be here, and fulfill his promise. Promises are meant to be broken, shattered, and fragmented. It was liberating in a way, finally he showed his true colors. But my, what a dark painting did he paint.
She wasn't slow, she knew that the end was approaching; death's claws are slowly wrapping around her throat. No, death is coming to her as a friend, taking her hand to lead her towards peace. It was a dance, a battle that was coming to its logical conclusion. The music was the silence, occasionally broken by the little gusts of wind and rustle of leaves, the ambiance was set by the full moon shinning it's pale blue light, and the stage was this torturous reality.
I'm sorry was her last thought. Her consciousness wanted so desperately to give in to death's cold numbing touch, to finally stop this violent tsunami rolling over her body. She did not scream because nobody would hear her anyway. She did not cry because her tears had dried long ago.
I'm sorry…so, so sorry.
This will be a quiet death my dear.
No…blood.
This is a peaceful…death…my dear.
It's time to sleep…my dear.
"Now, now, this won't do at all dearie," Rumple jeered out, smiling his signature face splitting grin, "Is this any way to honor an appointment? I've even brought a fr…"
Rumples words were like nails against a chalkboard for her, but each sentence was a slow diminuendo into the comforts of the silence that she craves. Her eyes grew tired, lidded, and the world was faded, though she could see a few locks of golden hair behind Rumple.
"You ne…do…some…"
"I know…Rumpl…step…"
"Maleficent…hurr…she…time"
Blackness finally took her whole, into the abyss; the darkness of her soul had finally caught up to her. Or so she believes. She does so with a small hint of a smile on her face. She had broken her promise too.
"Regina, dearie."
His voice was soft, like velvet, dark velvet, but tender indeed. There was an uncanny air of directness behind it there was no clandestine message, no little quirk in place. It was just sad. Broken.
"Regina." A feminine voice calls her.
This is no heaven. It is the same tragic moonlight, dirt caking her clothes, musky scent of the forest, and bone chilling weather. The disappointment is instantaneous as she opens her eyes into a thin crevice.
Though something is wrong. Empty. She was empty.
An instinct like no other takes over, her soul was calling out for her child, desperate. She springs up, barely able to hold herself up in a sitting position, but she does because a piece of her soul is missing.
Nothing waits for her other than Rumple's quiet gaze, and the face of the one who must be Maleficent, however she keeps her eyes firmly trained on the ground.
Suddenly it all hits her when Rumple slowly approaches, cautiously kneeling next to her. No words are exchanged, words won't help; Regina's heart plummets as she sees the child in his arms.
She is the image of perfection, beautiful with piercing blue eyes. Though she is silent, sickeningly silent. Regina's hand reaches for her child but she is beyond cold, rigid, as she gazes down her eyes don't gaze back. They stare unblinkingly, looking but not seeing.
This time the transition wasn't smooth. Both of them were thrown back roughly. A blinding light engulfing them both, it was instantaneous neither had enough time to react. What they had seen was the last thought they had as their little bubble of reality was ebbing away. The earth rumbled beneath their very bodies, Regina had tried to crawl towards Alex but magic was holding her down. Alex's eyes were filled with fear; a terror marred her azure eyes, the same azure eyes that they had just seen in the well.
Time snapped to a halt, the world was tuned out for the lawyer, all she saw was Regina crawling toward her. She knew what she was now, on instinct then actual solid proof. She dug her nails into the earth and clawed; forcing her body to move, inch by agonizing inch, until the weight of the magic pressing down on her was too much for her to bear. But bare it she did, there was no stopping her once she started.
Blue met brown one last time before white had drowned them both. One last promise was made between them, a wordless contract.
Neither had believed in words. But they knew the resolve that burned within.
In the last instant of their existence here, each knew that they would see each other again.
Present
"Don't leave me wake up..."
Some love doesn't leave. It doesn't leave your soul, it is ignited through words, silent promises, and good intentions. Henry's love never left his words, as his sobs racked his body, as all of his guilt kept coiling around his heart, love was still there. The white light was a conglomerate of it all, his pain, his light, his will, and his love. It shown bright in the darkness, it was strong and protective, just like she had raised him to be. It fought the good fight, the fight to bring those chocolate eyes back to him, to make them full of life again.
It was rising and falling with the tides of Henry's emotions, shinning brightest as his hope hit it's lowest point. Even though he was chocking on his sobs, he refused, he will not bury his mother, yes mother. All those times he had hated her seemed to fade in this moment, because it wasn't important. Hate wasn't important.
He clutched her ever tighter, tighter than before. He held her as if he was the last thing anchoring to this world. He whispered little prayers, and promises for her to come back to him. It was never too late, at least he hoped that it wasn't too late. One last time he lifted his head from her chest, to gaze into her eyes one last time. To gaze into the abyss so it could gaze into him, to maybe be filled with his love. Love is the strongest magic after all. He did not even entertain the thought that his mother wouldn't come back to him. She always does, whether he pushes her away, whether he screams at her, whether he literally hates her. She always comes back.
This time felt different. It was as if he had squandered his last chance to be with her. It was as if she had let him go, for in her death she could truly set him free.
"No, please no"
Henry was the thief that stole her heart, the bastard that crushed it in his hands, and the coward that let it go. And now his heart is bleeding, painfully drowning in its regret. Now his hands are tied, there is nothing that he could do for her. So he just presses his forehead on hers, one last time. To inhale her scent. It was always the same as he remembered, the same sweetness of apples, muskiness of cinnamon, and freshness of fresh flowers. A new wave of tears spilled from his eyes, because it would be the last time. The last time he would smell the scent that smelled like home, the last time he would walk into his home.
His world would crumble die. Whither with his mother, and burn to ash. Just like those hearts on the palm of his mothers hand, in a split second transform from living and breathing to dead, gray ash.
Who will wipe away all his tears now? Who would be the dark night that would fight away his nightmares? Who would be the there to hold his hand and pull him back when he had gone too far, at the same pushing him forward?
There would be nothing to fix him now, time will not heal this wound, because he would be beyond repair. Half of a man drifting through life, carrying the memories, of his choices with him like a noose tightening around his neck with each day as a reminder of his cowardice, his childish morality. No curse could be this painful, no magic this final, because it was not magic that was the source of his pain. It was his own choices, the choices made so carelessly, selfishly, because the consequences were hazed. Because he could not see clearly through his shattered frame of mind. Now this great divide had left him abandoned, alone with his anger.
David didn't know exactly what he was seeing. The last thing he remembers was being thrown against the wall of the house by a strange force, then a blinding white light. He couldn't move a muscle, the force of Henry's magic was too powerful. He could barely see two inches in front of himself because of this the gale rushing around the house that kept him pinned down. Though he could make out two figures in the light, one prone on the ground, he guessed Regina, and the other Henry? It couldn't be, he knew that Henry didn't know magic, especially anything this powerful. However there was no other explanation for this onslaught of energy swirling around them.
He could hear the buzzing of words on the wind, fragments of sounds. Was Henry chanting?
"Henry!" Charming roared pointlessly. As he geared up to scream another wave of energy hit his chest knocking the wind out of him. "Hen..."
Suddenly the magic burst, fading slowly, receding into a faint glow like that of a candle in the darkness. Little rays of white were radiating from Henry, the little shaking boy, who seemed so small fragile, broken. He looked like the fire inside this collapsing home. The little bit of light waiting to be snuffed out. Charming could barely move, as he struggled with his body. He throat tightened, scratched had tender from hours of screaming. "Henry, what the hell..." He whispered hoarsely. David pulled himself up clumsily, finding some much needed support from the nearby wall, he stood on weakened knees. The light might have been gone but the pressure of his magic was nauseating, it was as if all his pain was coming out of his body, and painting the room in darkness, he could feel every singe emotion surging through the kid like a sick roller coaster.
*Cough*Cough*
A tiny cough, no louder than a squeak of a mouse pulled Henry out of his balling. Not sure what he heard, he pulled his forehead from his mothers to see what was even going on around him. It wasn't until a cold hand cupped his cheek. "Henry...my...beautiful...son."
Regina whispered, dazed, still not fully awake, before unconsciousness overtook her again.
"Alexandra Cabot"
Squinting her eyes in overwhelming light, a groan escaped her lips, as the scent of medicine over took his senses. The offensive scent of anesthetic and cleaning detergent assaulted her nose. She became keenly aware of exactly where she was. The tell tale white walls surrounded her, window allowed the cold light of the morning sun to enter the room. She knew this was a hospital though. She had no idea how much time had past, how long had she been laying in the bed. Most importantly what happened after Liv had caught her, or how real that was, was it just a really vivid trip from the anesthetic or something more. Don't be stupid Alexandra. She could almost hear her mother, well step mother Ingrid in her mind.
She wanted to chuckle but the motion was too painful. Well now it was clear that she had got shot and survived. Which was a bit iffy considering she had been tripping balls the last few hours. Though it was definite since she could feel the rough canvas of the bandage wrapped around her skin, and the crimson staining the bandage over her chest and shoulder, and the pull of the sling over her arm. There was a part of Alex that wanted it to be a nightmare, all of it. For all of this to just be a dream, so she can wake up and go to work just like she does everyday.
"Miss Cabot, we don't have much time." A male voice stated. The voice was gruff and tired, it was cordial but forced like each part of his cadence was rehearsed and tweaked to perfection. Her skin bristled from his voice, somehow she could always tell if people were genuine or not, he was as fake as they come. His voice was venomous he smelled of the streets, and a bit of gun powder, all mixed with the scent of fresh cigarette smoke.
Alex turned her head slowly to face the source of the voice. Though she instantly regretted it, her muscles were all so sore, it felt as if she was fighting each muscle in her body to make even the simplest of movements. A dull ache followed, she had felt it once before, knowing that it will get exponentially worse as the pain meds wore off the thanked her lucky starts for the morphine that they were pumping through her IV.
Alex's brow creased as she faced him, he didn't have the face of a cop. He didn't seem like the type to be in law enforcement, she would know, she was a DA. He reminded her of a ferret more or less. His face was a little dopey, he seemed to exude or command about zero authority. He didn't have a commanding presence at all, he seemed a little meek, his hands were hit in the pockets of his black wool trench-coat, which was just an item too expensive for him to buy on a detective salary, but even if he bought it he would cherish it more than to wear it on the job. His eyes were firmly planted on her, but they weren't on her, it was always in her general direction, he had seemed to evade direct eye contact. Which began to peak Alex's interest. There was also a woman behind him, she was a totally different story, he frame wasn't small, but it wasn't too bulky, she had taken her coat off, she was wearing a moderately expensive blouse. Her whole outfit was all standard issue, like something you would see from an extra in a crime fighting show. She could see the lean muscle that was generously traced by the blouse arms that were a little too tight. She had a tough frame, probably had seen battle, but her arms had the most bulk, her shoulders were oddly square, means she probably carried a lot on them in her time, though one was almost imperceptibly larger than the other. As the dark woman held her coffee cup her hands were about as still as a surgeon, and her breaths were even and measured. She was a sniper. Military at that. It made sense, her intense gaze, perfect deadpan, and perfect bun without a strand out of place.
What's an ex - military sniper doing here with this dopey idiot?
"Miss-"
"I heard you -" Alex whispered harshly, barely keeping her voice from crackling like a thin wrapper, " - The first time...What do you want?"
"It's not about what we want. It's about what's going to happen next." The woman cut in rudely, as she stood up with her coffee in hand. More to force Alex to acknowledge who exactly was in command of the room. The dark woman wasn't the tallest one in the room, but she certainly overshadowed her partner.
Alex's throat ran dry again, she cleared her throat a bit more loudly than she wanted to. Before should even apologize, the warm coffee was in front of her face. How the...the woman got here before I could even blink. Alex glanced up at the woman, her glare left no room for argument, though she didn't intimidate Alex in the slightest. And Alex feels like the dark woman realizes this by the beginnings of a smirk curling on her mouth.
"Drink." The dark woman, commanded, well almost commanded, it had the potency of a command but her voice just wasn't sharp enough for it to bee too serious. Alex's smirk grew imperceptibly, but she took the cup anyway. She knew her utter aloofness was pissing the dark woman off. Even more than the fact that she was just cradling the drink in her hand instead of drinking it.
"You need to be awake for what we're about to say." The dark woman spoke again, this time with utter detachment as she took a few steps back.
Taking the cue her partner pulls himself out of her shadow and speaks up, "Miss Cabot, I am Special Agent Gregg Mendel, and this is my partner Special Agent Tamara Green" they both flash their badges "in light of recent events we need to take you into special witness protection. As you know you've really, I mean really pissed off the Cartel's not just the Velez cartel but the rest as well. It seems like they want to make an example out of you, and I'm sorry to say but with good reason too, before this case the Cartel's functioned with almost no impunity, well at least to their top ranking members. But you just took out a pretty big fish, like the second in command, kudos to you, but.."
"- Shut up Greg, point is you just made your life one big clusterfuck. And now to keep you alive we need to get you out of here as fast as we can. But you're not going to like it."
Alex gulped as the hot agent - er- Tamara sat down on the edge of the hospital bed, her arm found purchase on the other side of the bed, so she was draped over her. Burning steely onyx eyes bore into hers. She was dangerous, her eyes shone brightly against her dark complexion, her dangerous scent devoured her senses, exotic, original, clearly not from around here. Her delicate features had captivated the lawyer, and she was powerless to it. Her knees grew weaker as she could feel them press against the detective. Tamara's predatory grin widened, as she watched Alex squirm beneath were locked in a staring match that she was clearly domineering, not like Alex wanted to win anyway.
A faint rustle broke them out of their trance, and Alex was able to focus on something else other than Tamara's plump lips -er - predator - er - face, just face. A thin syringe was now in Tamra's hand, "For you to disappear you need to die. These cartel's won't stop until you are dead and they find something or someone else to focus their attention on. We're going to fake your death with this. It's a derivative of puffer fish poison, it will make your heart rate extremely low for about 4 hours,which is enough time for you to be processed and placed in the morgue. From there we will retrieve your body and we will be on our way to the safe house north of here. However be warned this poison acts very quickly you will fall unconscious in about 15 minutes. But before that we need you to sign a DNR form." Tamara explained in a low unwavering voice, it was firm like steel but words rolled off her tongue like fine silk.
"Are you insane!? There is no way in hell I'm going into WPP!" Alex thundered slicing through the rising tension in the room. Tamara's hold over her seemed to collapse in an instant and the agent jerked away from her. Anger bubbled slowly inside her, shimmering since they had awoken her, and now fully ablaze, "Did you expect me to just roll over and go through with this asinine plan? What the hell are you thinking! I'm not going to bow down to these Cartels, they've already taken too much from this city, from this department, from me..."
Tamara in an instant put her hand over Alex's mouth, lunging toward her until they were face to face, until she was only a breath away. Tamara leaned in and hissed out through gritted teeth,"Stop causing a racket! Don't you get that this isn't a game!? This isn't some court case that suddenly ends with a beat of the gavel? This is your life, or hell, what ever the fuck is going to be left of it! Don't be an idiot, these people aren't the neighborhood rapists that you can fuck with! They can kill you with a single phone call! Don't you understand what these people will do to you?"
Alex stared wide eyed, unable to move as Tamara pressed her hand into the shoulder that she got shot in. She could barely stifle the yelp threatening to escape her mouth.
"Oh you think this is pain? You should be ready for what they're going to do to you. They will grab you when you least expect it, maybe not tomorrow, or a week from now, or even a month from now. You'll start to feel safe, like they've forgotten about you. But the cartel doesn't forgive and they certainly don't forget. And then when you're least expecting it, out of the blue you get into a taxi but this time it isn't the taxi guy but a Cartel hit man, but he won't kill you, no, you won't get off that easy. They'll knock you out, quickly, so quickly that you won't even get a chance to scream or process what's happening. And when you finally come to, you won't be in America, you probably won't even be on the continent anymore. And when you're out of reach of police and any help, they will break you, day and night, they will break you, they will break every... single...bone in your body, mark every... single...inch of your skin, they will shatter your mind, and turn you into their little bitch that they will fuck day and night until you don't even feel it anymore. Until you're just a human blow up doll, and once you're so broken and disgusting that even they can't look at you they will dismember you and dissolve whatever is left of your body and spread dump the sludge in a nearby dump. Is that what you want huh? Does that sound like a bright future to you! Is it sinking in? Don't be stupid Alexandra Cabot."
This was it, this was the end of Alexandra Cabot Special Victims Unit lawyer extraordinaire, this was the end of the golden trio, this was the end of Alex as Olivia and Elliot's best friend, this was the end Alex as the only one who listens to Munch's newest conspiracy theory, this was the end of Allie - the one who has Saturday brunch with Captain Craigen, this was the end of Alexandra as the one who manages to get under Petrovsky's skin the most, this would be the end of the Donelly- Cabot power duo, it saddened her most that the last argument they had about law would be their last.
With death comes a finality that cannot be put into words. It is the final destination so to speak. Her eyes drifted toward the window, to the streets of New York and all it's memories, the ups and downs, and everything in between. And now it's come crumbling down, just like it always does, and it will again. The night has never seemed darker than it does tonight. It was as if the curtain had fallen on Alexandra Cabot, but instead of cloth the curtain was a guillotine. They could take her body away from here, they could take her to the other side of the earth but her heart would always be here, this will always be her home. Her heart would always be with Olivia, she will always hold a piece of her like a locket. Her love would be with Neal as well though it would never be the same as the love she holds for Olivia, but she was always too timid to say anything. And now she will never have a chance to correct it. A silent death fitting for a coward.
Alex tentatively reached to grab Tamara's wrist, she gripped it faintly, her touch as light as a feather. She carefully removed it from her mouth, her blue eyes still firmly fixed on the window.
"How long?" She muttered, her voice had suddenly lost all its power, authority. "How long until I wake up again?"
"Five to six hours at best." Greg chimed in.
Alex shot him a glare that screamed, speak again and I will kill you in your sleep.
"Would you - "
"No" Alex interjected a little too forcefully, "It would be too cruel..."
A humorless chuckle resounded through the still room. Alex's eyes darted towards the origin of the sound only to find Tamara's cold, dead eyes stare right back at her. "You really are an idiot" She said, "Do you know what people would give to see someone they love one last time, just say goodbye?"
"Goddamn it! Don't you think I of all people would know!" Alex let out an undignified snarl, her usually pristine features twisted betraying the pain deep within that she kept in a special box within her heart, never to be opened.
"Do you know how many people I have seen just end. Their lives just ended, all their happiness just...gone because of someone else, someone who they had barely known, someone who they had never seen before, or someone who they had trusted so completely that they couldn't see the monster lying in wait for them. Do you know how many people I've worked with died each day, they died a million deaths when they walked into my court room, they died each time they had to relive what happened to them, over and over again, they died a billion times before their bodies gave in." Her words were rushed, as if the damn had broken, the chain that held her together for so long had finally snapped beneath the pressure.
"- The families, they were fragmented, they were beyond repair, because they had to watch their loved one suffer, time and time again. And for what! What justice did they get, what kind of twisted closure? Just more pain, more pain than it's worth," Alex shook her head mutely, "I won't do it to them, let them think I died a quick death, there on the streets. I just want them to keep living their lives, they have the right to move on, let them think it was just one of those freak things. An unlucky twist of fate in this shitty life."
"I hope you don't regret this Cabot." Greg finally chimed in, keeping his eyes trained on the little droplets of rain descending lazily down the cold window.
"Regret... it's an extravagant emotion in my line of work."
With one final glance at the clock Tamara sighed, "Okay lets do this Cabot. The poison should start working in about 5 minutes, so just sign the DNR so the doctors don't shock you and actually kill you alright?"
Alex grabbed the clipboard that was thrown haphazardly on her bed, and her hand numbly scratched her signature on the dotted line. It would be her last signature as Alexandra Cabot. The moment the tip of her pen left the paper, her hand was quickly jerked away and gripped quite roughly by Tamara, who was still tightly clutching the syringe. She brought Alex's pale arm towards her, giving it one last sweep, she could almost see a twinge of sadness in her dark pools, almost. Alex knew better.
"Last chance Cabot" Tamara whispered, schooling her face into the picture of impartiality.
The allure was undeniable. To see them one last time, to share one last laugh. But she didn't want to remember them with tears staining their faces, grief and revenge on their minds. She wanted to remember the ups, them at their best. Those precious moments at the bar when they were all finally together at the bar, just sitting, laughing drinking some cool half decent beer. She knew that they would live on in her heart. She would always have these moments, these memories forever etched in her heart, living within her, through her. With ever beat of her heart, with every court room, with every stale doughnut and shitty coffee, with every sci-fi movie, with every cold long night. She would remember them, her team, her family, her life.
Her resolve steeled her heart, as it ached for the chance to see them again. But her mind had already said no as she shook her head.
"As you wish then."
Tamara bit the plastic end of the syringe cap and exposed the needle, her deft hands quickly slid down her arms to the area just below the shoulder, with no hesitation she jabbed the needle into Alex's arm. There wasn't even time to yelp as the cold liquid was injected into her muscle. Before even a breath left Alex's body the needle was already chucked out the window. Tamara had left her side and made her way toward Greg who was already at the door.
The world seemed to slow and grow darker. The colors seemed to fade, but it wasn't exactly bright in the beginning.
"You have a good day now Ms. Cabot."
Fuck you...asshole.
The story is back! Yay! Happy 2017 guys and stay tuned as the story finally goes into full swing and I will finally write some decent FrozenQueen fanfiction. Please leave some reveiws and comments if you like this writing style change or if i should go back to the old way. but yeah just keep reading i promise it should get better from here.
