1Bella and I kissed for what seemed like an eternity, not that I complained about that. She needed to breathe, if it wasn't for the sound of her lungs wheezing after almost two straight minutes of kissing, I would have forgotten. She laid her head against my shoulder, gasping for some much needed air, her warm moist breathe raised goose bumps on my hard skin. I shivered, allowing myself an unneeded breathe.
"I love it when you hold me." Her voice was so much louder then she was speaking, my ears were overly sensitive and some sounds even made them hurt, but this time, it just sent another chill down my spine.
"I love holding you, it feels good being so close to you, your warm, you make me feel warm, too." I smiled and she kissed my neck, nibbling on it gently. She shifted herself, yawning before wrapping her arms around me and sighing.
"Your tired." She nodded against my neck and I cuddled her gently to my chest, reaching for the blanket that hung over the arm of the couch and draping it over her. I hummed her lullaby and she was asleep in minutes. I kissed her forehead once and let my own head fall back, closing my eyes. They were stinging, I'm not sure why, but the burning was starting to hurt. My ears hummed quietly, lulling me into a trance state, as I called it, a 'vampire sleep.'
Growing up, I could never sit still, I always had to move. Sleeping was a problem, my energy never seemed to run down. Until I was ten, my mother had to sit with me until I fell asleep, and even then she told me many times that I twitched in my sleep. As I got older, it went away, but in its place came mood swings and temper tantrums. It had no name back then, I was just labeled as the 'problem child'. Carlisle told me now that I most likely had ADD, or something along that line.
I blame the mood swings and temper tantrums on adolescence. Even now I still was moody, and in the beginning, the start of my new life, my temper was erratic. I know what caused my temper problems, the fact that I could read minds. When I first woke up after my extremely painful three day change, I remember Carlisle trying to hold me down on the bed where I was. He couldn't, I was to strong. I leaped from the bed, backing into the corner and sliding down the wall into a crouch.
As if the enlightened senses wasn't enough to scare me to death, I heard things, voices, in my head. Carlisle's thoughts were screaming in my head, just as if he was saying them out loud.
Maybe it was wrong for me to save him. Maybe I should have let fate take its way. No that is a horrible thought, how could I think such a thing? He is no more then a boy! All I could do was stare at him in horror.
"What's wrong Edward?"
"I can hear you...your thoughts..." He crouched next to me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder and looking at me worriedly.
"What number am I thinking." 9, 9, 9, 9, 9. I gulped, I didn't notice I was holding my breathe this whole time. I didn't need to breathe anymore? I took in air anyway, refusing to give that up.
"9..you thought it 5 times..." He smiled at me.
"You have a gift, that's amazing." I looked at him and frowned.
"A gift, you call this a gift? I'm schizophrenic, I'm insane, this can't be happening."
"Your not schizophrenic and your not insane Edward, some vampire's are born with a power others don't have."
He explained it to me and I took in all his information, mesmerized by it. He taught me everything I needed to know, hunting, my strength, everything. I was given a second chance to live, a never ending chance, a chance others never got, I wasn't going to screw it up. It didn't take long to master everything I needed to know, but the voices in my head still bothered me. I wanted silence, I wanted to be able to focus on something, but the voices kept intruding. I started feeling the emotions of the peoples thoughts, sending my temper all over the place. Carlisle put up with it all. He watched as day after day I screamed at him, cussed at him, and broke objects all over the house. What made it worse was that, not only did he take it, he took it so well.
One night, Carlisle went out to hunt and I was alone. I was playing the piano, the only hobby that didn't make me frustrated, when my mind decided to single in on two different voices. My fingers hit hard on the keys and I froze, the thoughts were of sex, the two people were having sex. I tried to block it out but it was louder then ever before, all the moaning, gasping, every thought. I growled, trying to focus my attention elsewhere, but my mind wouldn't listen. It went on for what seemed like forever, until something inside me broke. I ran at vampire speed to my pitch black room and dove for the corner.
I never felt so alone in all my life. I covered my ears with my hands and curled into the smallest ball I could, humming to myself quietly, rocking gently. I squeezed my eyes closed, trying with all my might to focus my attention elsewhere, but I couldn't win. Suddenly a hand on my shoulder snapped my attention upwards. Carlisle was kneeling next to me, hugging me.
"What do you hear." His voice was gentle.
"Two people..having sex..." He chuckled slightly.
"I am going to have to teach you to focus on one voice at a time, and when you don't want to listen to them, to block them out, all you have to do is train your mind."
He worked with me, never giving up even when my temper caused me to scream and cuss at him. I got the hang of it and slowly my depression went away and I was able to control my anger more. I needed to take a break from Carlisle, I was sick of hurting him. So I left, taking two years to learn to control myself, taking the lives of only the evil humans, while learning to control myself better. I thought I wasn't so bad, only killing the evil humans, but eventually I still saw myself as a monster and I returned to Carlisle's way of life, with his new mate Esme. I was unsure of Esme at first, but I couldn't help but love her.
Even now I have a problem with my temper and my mood, but nothing more to blame then just the fact that I was forever seventeen. Seventeen was the final year between changing from a little boy, to a man, and I looked at it as the hardest year, and I was stuck forever in the cross hairs of being a young adult and an adult, my annoying adolescent mood swings would always be there, I would just have to live with them. Jasper and Emmet were in their twenties, men, they couldn't relate to me in that way. What would have happened if I was bitten when I was still going through puberty? I shuddered lightly at the thought, that would have been a nightmare.
I looked down at Bella, she got older every day. I watched as every day she grew into a woman, leaving childhood and adolescence behind. I wanted nothing more then to age with her, keep pace with her changes, let my body change the rest of the way. I stopped thinking about it, it was making me depressed. Bella sighed in my arms, mumbling my name, instantly drawing my attention to her.
"Edward...I love you..." I smiled slightly as I bent my head down to her ear.
"I love you too."
