Beyond Desired Limits
Chapter 7: Darkness
"Drink it already" Hermione muttered, eyeing Pansy from across the Great Hall. The girl had gotten Pumpkin Juice with her dinner and had yet to touch it, the drink mixed with the Sleeping Draught Hermione had gotten earlier. It was risky for Hermione to knock her out in front of everyone, but with her luck, Draco wasn't around for the second day in a row. He would be completely oblivious to it all for it didn't seem he had kept any close relation with anyone and he was bound to be locked up in his dorm, away from the gossip-filled chatter. That, and the fact that Pansy would probably be kept in the hospital wing for the night, nowhere near the Slytherin common room. Clutching her fork tightly, she glared over at the girl.
"Something wrong?" Fred asked, waving his hand in front of her face. She looked up to meet his eyes and before she could respond, a loud shriek filled the hall. Everyone fell silent and turned their gaze towards the Slytherin table to see Pansy sprawled out on the stone floor, her body unmoving. A blonde-haired girl rushed to her side along with Blaise and Millicent, her cries filling the hall.
"Oh, please! Someone come quick! I think she's dead!" Hermione shook her head, fighting back her laughter. Pansy was far from dead and if the panic would cease for just a mere second, they would be able to see her slightly moving chest. Blaise and the blonde girl knelt beside her, shaking her shoulders to awaken her. Professor McGonagall pushed through the crowd, bending down by Pansy's face.
"Enough with the cries! She is asleep. Someone has tampered with her drink, I assume." The Weasley twins looked at each other curiously, wondering if the other had played this prank. McGonagall exchanged an annoyed glance with the hysteric blonde before turning to Blaise.
"Take her to the hospital wing. She can sleep it off there." Blaise gave her a nod, unhappily lifting Pansy off of the floor and squeezing through the crowd towards the door.
"Please, sit down everyone! Everything is fine!" McGonagall beckoned, shooing the mass of people before her. Whispers flooded through the crowd as everyone took to their tables. Hermione smiled to herself proudly before standing. It was time. She toyed with the potions in her pocket, trying to calm her recent anxiety. Nothing could go wrong, right? Pansy was on her way to the hospital wing, Ron and Harry seemed to be out of her way, and she would be able to talk to Malfoy. Alone. Her nerves began to worsen as she left the Great Hall. She had no idea where Pansy and Malfoy stood relationship wise and the thought of him lashing out on her for something she would be completely oblivious about began to be a worry. Perhaps she'll play the innocent card and get on his good side. Then again, being someone else for an hour or two opens up a world of possibilities.
~.~
"What am I getting myself into?" Hermione asked herself aloud, studying her figure in her dormitory mirror. Her Gryffindor robe had been replaced with the Slytherin one she stole the night before, the crest feeling heavy against her chest. Sitting on her nightstand was the Polyjuice Potion that had been haunting her ever since she placed it there over an hour ago. Adjusting her green and silver tie, she continued to study the intricate design on the crest. She was having second thoughts. Perhaps she was simply overanalyzing Malfoy's condition. He could be ill or stressed. No, Hermione thought. Something is truly wrong.
It was late now and Hermione needed to speed things up if she wanted to avoid running into Lavender and Parvati on their way to the dorm. Groaning slightly, she finally pulled out the vile and plucked Pansy's dark strand from its confinement. Grabbing the mug of Polyjuice Potion in her opposite hand, she dropped the hair and watched as the liquid began to bubble and change to a bright green color. The potion's color and taste acted as the essence of the person, usually mirroring their personality. Hermione didn't even want to know what effect Pansy's stubborn and foul mind had on the concoction. She took a whiff and cringed, her nostrils burning at the nauseating scent that began to fill the room. You can do this. Taking a deep breath, she began to down the contents of the mug, tossing it to the floor once it was cleaned. She doubled over in both disgust and slight pain. Her body throbbed immensely as her limbs forced themselves to grow just an inch or two longer for Pansy was taller than she was. Her bushy mane seemed to almost grow back into her scalp until it reached a much shorter length, her curls completely straightening out to a pitch black tone. Her skin pulsated as it tightened around her new figure and Hermione finally gained enough strength to stand before the mirror. She released a gasp, running her fingers across her face. Well…more like Pansy's fingers across Pansy's face. She studied herself intently, not quite sure what to make of her new appearance. The pug nose was definitely a not-so-pleasant feature to obtain and Hermione began to wonder how the girl could possibly live without smelling everything within a five mile radius. Tugging on her robes, she scowled at herself in the mirror. She needed to seem as convincing as possible and Pansy was far from amiable. She nudged the empty mug underneath her bed and crept out the door.
It was almost curfew and Hermione passed right by Lavender and Parvati, trying her best to seem as intimidating as possible. The corridor was empty now as she slowly made her way down to the dungeons. Both fear and nerves were holding her back and she seemed to almost be crawling as she neared the familiar stone wall. She had made sure to make certain detours to her classes for the past day or two to watch her "fellow Slytherins" enter their common room, finally being able to spot the exact location of the entrance on the blank wall. Brushing her fingers against the rough stone, she took two more steps before coming to a halt. She could feel it. The common room gave off a sort of eerie feel, making Hermione's stomach churn. The nerves were setting in even deeper now and her fingers trembled away from the wall as she prepared to enter. Clearing her throat, she shut her eyes tightly.
"Pureblood." She opened her eyes to watch as a door faded into sight. She had to admit, the password disgusted her. She couldn't think of anyone who had been daft enough to create the password when not all Slytherins were born from wizarding families. Reassuring herself, she pushed on the door and entered the very dark room. The fireplace was dimly lit, the flames withering down to almost nothing. She shut the door slowly behind her before taking in her surroundings. From what she could see, it was the complete opposite of the Gryffindor common room. The room itself had a green tint to it, black leather couches sitting right in the center. The windows looked out right into the depths of the Black Lake, and even with the fireplace on, the room was far from cozy. Slowly, Hermione began to climb the stairs to the boy's dormitories. Problem was, she had no idea where Malfoy would be. She walked through the hall, hesitating to peer into the rooms. She opened the one closest to her, allowing the light to illuminate two unfamiliar faces. Sighing, she shut the door. She turned, running smack dab into someone. She steadied herself and looked up to find Goyle watching her curiously.
"Hey!" She said, adjusting her voice slightly in hopes of keeping her disguise. Pansy wasn't that cheerful or soft spoken.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest. Hermione didn't know whether Pansy and Goyle were friends. She had never seen them together.
"I…was just looking for Draco's dorm. Care to direct me?" She placed her hands on her hips, making an attempt to keep a hard expression.
"I thought you were in the hospital wing." Hermione's palms began to sweat. She couldn't lose her cover. Not yet. She cleared her throat, scowling at the boy in front of her.
"Are you going to help me or not?" She spat, sounding much angrier than she had expected, but this seemed to send a shockwave of surprise straight through Goyle. He hopped up, leading Hermione further into the hallway. The closer and closer they became, the more nervous she was. Malfoy had a strong temper, she knew that, but what would it be like now that his snarky, pug-nosed friend decided to show up late at his front door? She was snapped out of her deep thought by Goyle who had been hesitantly pointing towards a door beside him.
"I-I'm sorry, Pansy." Something in Hermione felt sorry for the Slytherin boy that was worriedly appointing "Pansy" to his master's door. That's exactly how Crabbe and Goyle were viewed. As followers, almost like house elves, serving at their master's feet. The master obviously being Draco Malfoy. It seemed as if the boys had just been dropped off one day and replaced by Pansy and Blaise. Perhaps it was for their own good. She pretended to calm her temper, giving him a gentle nod.
"Off to bed," she commanded, pointing down the hallway. Her face turned a slight shade of red as Goyle walked in the opposite direction of her demanding finger. She should've figured out a way to study the common room ahead of time. He scurried off on her command and left Hermione to dwell by Malfoy's door, running her fingers slowly across the doorknob. She took a deep breath, gripping it tightly and pushing it open to enter complete darkness. She was trembling now, not quite sure if Malfoy was sound asleep. Hermione began to shuffle about the room, allowing her fingers to guide her away from any obstructions. A sudden movement to in front of her stopped her feet dead in their tracks. Her pulse quickened, expecting a wand to be shoved in her face.
She had forgotten hers.
The light flashed on, illuminating every inch of the room dimly. Malfoy was sitting atop his bed, the sheets completely untouched. So he hadn't been sleeping. Both of them took a minute to adjust to the sudden light, Draco's eyes trailing curiously over the figure in front of him. After a few quick moments, his eyes widened as if in shock and then reverted to complete anger, hopping off of the bed faster than she could blink.
"What are you doing here?" he sputtered, his fists tightly clenched at his sides. Hermione swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, giving Pansy's short hair a small flip before glaring back at Malfoy.
"Is this how you greet your friend?" He was silent for a moment, staring back at her as if she had grown three more heads. Then, he erupted with laughter.
"Friend? Friend? We are no longer friends! Or have you forgotten?" Hermione pouted, folding her arms across her chest. Truth is, she had forgotten. Well, she didn't know to begin with. Giving that answer to Malfoy would probably send is mind into utter confusion.
"We could be," she stated, raising her eyebrows as she awaited his response.
"Oh, really? So now you want to be friends! I thought I was just some low-life git who only cared about himself." She stared at him, completely astounded. Had Pansy really had the sense in her to say that?
"Enough! Are you willing to talk this out or not?" This so called "friendship" between Pansy and Malfoy needed to be somewhat mended before she could take it a step further. Otherwise, she would've left Pansy to drown in her over- dramatized pool of tears. Malfoy's eyes widened even further, eyeing her up and down.
"What do you mean?" She dropped her hands at her sides, staring at him blankly. Playing Pansy wouldn't be so hard after all. He made it so easy to be mad at him.
"Do I have to spell it out for you?"
"Yes, I would like that very much." He smirked, watching as anger boiled to her face. She released a fake laugh, mocking him.
"Your jokes are so funny, Malfoy!" She gushed, clapping her hands together. Malfoy tugged at his collar knowingly. "Don't get too full of yourself. It was a joke." His anger seemed to subside a bit and was now placed with bemusement. Hermione shifted her foreign figure awkwardly, placing her hands on her hips.
"What is your reason for coming in to bother me this late?"
"Bother you? You weren't sleeping!"
"I never said I was." He shrugged, looking about the room as if in search of something.
"And why weren't you?" Malfoy looked back to meet her gaze and smirked.
"You sound like Granger." Hermione stiffened, clenching onto the side of her robes tightly. He couldn't have caught on already, could he? She had to be more careful of her words.
"Don't compare me to that disgusting Mud—" Hermione stopped, hating herself for even taking it that far. She was simply acting like one of them. She wasn't and never would be one of them. She fumbled with her thoughts, continuing. "That disgusting, bushy-haired freak."
"Trust me, Pansy, there are many things I can compare you to." She was slightly intrigued to hear this long list of his. They were about Pansy, anyway. She was getting off topic.
"Why were you just sitting in the dark?"
"Why do you care? We aren't friends, remem—"
"Will you stop saying that? Why else would I be here?"
"To be a pain in my arse" he mumbled, throwing himself on the edge of his bed. Hermione took this as an invitation to sit down and placed herself in a leather chair in the corner, her feet folded up beside her. Pansy would sit like that, right? She seemed like the type of person to sprawl herself out without any sense of manners. Malfoy didn't seem to mind this.
"I came to talk." He furrowed his eyebrows, creases forming along his once smooth forehead.
"What for?"
"About…us." She wanted to gag at how utterly cheesy and romantic that sounded. She wasn't interested in any charades. Her goal was set and that was where she was headed. Pansy's sex life had no interest in her whatsoever and she wasn't about to score her front row seats to Malfoy's pants. No help was to be offered.
"You didn't seem up to talking just yesterday! You and Blaise seem to think you can handle life without me." He chuckled, propping his elbows up on his knees. Hermione rolled her eyes. He really was a self-centered git.
"We can live without you, Malfoy. Doesn't mean we have to." She watched as his expression softened, staring down at the floor. She could tell he was in deep thought and decided not to disturb him, but then she remember that she was playing the role of Pansy. That girl would do the exact opposite. "I'm starving" she stated rudely, picking at the corners of her nails. Malfoy looked up at her, his eyes trailing over her all too casual figure.
"Dinner ended not too long ago." Hermione shrugged, her stomach actually growling with protest. She had been too focused on slipping Pansy the Sleeping Draught that she had completely overlooked her dinner.
"You haven't been showing up."
"So? What's it to you?" He scowled, muttering a slew of words under his breath. Hermione pushed herself up in the chair with her hands, placing her feet on the ground.
"You plan on starving yourself?" She asked, watching as he slid back to lean on the headboard of the bed.
"That's the plan" he replied, sarcastically. Hermione finally stood, making her way around the room slowly in order to study every detail. Two sets of Quidditch equipment sat in the corner near Blaise's bed, the brooms propped up near the door. She trailed her fingers along the desk, eyeing the books that sat upon them. She suddenly became determined on finding the one he had managed to get in the Restricted section that day, but there were too many to look through. They were school books, mostly, but one caught her eye. She picked it up, flipping through the pages.
"What is this?" She asked, turning around to show Malfoy. The title was "Muggles: The Study of the Non-Wizarding World."
"Why are you still here?" He asked, watching as she skimmed through the many pages of the book. Had he really been reading this?
"You've taken a sudden interest in Muggles, I see." She didn't know whether to run away or burst into laughter. What would Malfoy be doing with a book like this?
"I haven't read it," he stated, glaring at her.
"Then why is it in here?"
"I grabbed that randomly the day you and Blaise battled each other to attend the trip to the library with me. I couldn't just walk out empty handed. Madame Pince already thinks we're up to something." Hermione looked up to meet his gaze. Up to something? So she was right after all…
"Have you—"
"Read it? I already told you no. I don't even want to touch that thing." He looked at it in disgust, turning his gaze to the corner of the room. Hermione placed the book back onto the desk. Perhaps he'll decide to pick it up eventually. Now wasn't the time to make a defensive comment about Muggles. Pansy probably didn't even know enough about the topic to conjure a decent insult. This time she seated herself on Blaise's bed, facing Malfoy.
"So, are we good?" She asked, hoping they could get passed this friendship hurdle in order for her to continue to do some snooping. Malfoy's laugh ripped her out of her thoughts, causing her to glare at him angrily.
"Are you daft? You can't get off that easy. The nightmares you and Blaise have caused are unbelievable." He shook his head and Hermione could've sworn she saw him slightly cringe at whatever was poisoning his mind all of a sudden. Curiously, Hermione hunched over to lean on her knees.
"Nightmares? What kind of nightmares?" He adjusted the pillow that was behind his back, refusing to meet her gaze.
"That's none of your business. They're highly influenced from your bickering!" He was lying. She could see right through him. She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue, studying him carefully.
"They don't seem to be nothing—"
"PANSY!" he roared, chucking his pillow towards the bedroom door. Hermione jumped at the tone of his voice, immediately understanding why Pansy had looked so scared when Malfoy had done the same thing to her in Charms class. "Merlin, why the fuck can't you just leave me alone?"
"Is that what you want? For me to leave? Because I will do so happily, Malfoy! But when I do, don't you dare say it was all my fault!" She expected herself to stand and leave at this point, but she just shifted slightly on the bed. She couldn't leave. Not yet. She had learned absolutely nothing from this so far painful trip.
"Fuck off," he muttered, scowling at the wall. It was as if she had taken one step forward and two steps back. Malfoy had clearly been trying his best to avoid her eyes now, casting a dreadful silence amongst the dorm. Clearing her throat, she shook the dark hair off of her face.
"Is this what we are going to do? Constantly fight?"
"You've finally figured it out!" he said, rolling his eyes in her direction.
"You selfish—"
"Git? Prat? Am I daft? Being too thick for you?" He spat these words straight out to her, pronouncing every part of them precisely.
"Couldn't have said it any better myself!" she muttered, folding her arms tightly across her chest. Her anger was rising and she was doing everything in her power to keep her composure.
"May I ask again why you're still here?" He squinted his eyes, awaiting her answer. It was beyond her how Pansy could put up with this nonsense every day and actually enjoy it. Then again, it wasn't like Malfoy and Pansy were polar opposites.
"Are we friends or not?" She was growing impatient and began running out of things to say. She still had no idea what Malfoy was up to and it seemed like she was being pushed even further away.
"I don't need you. Same goes for Blaise," he growled. She had had enough for one night. Pushing herself off of the bed, she rushed towards the door.
"We don't need you either. Go ahead. Continue to lock yourself up in this insufferable room away from everyone else. That'll get you real far." She stormed out, making sure to slam the door as loud as she could. The wood-on-wood noise echoed throughout the hall, footsteps shuffling about in the rooms. She stood before the door, steadying her breath. She had no idea how she was going to accomplish anything with his intolerable attitude. So far, she wasn't doing too well.
By the time she had returned to the Gryffindor common room, her normal bushy curls had sprung back into their rightful place, her height dropping just an inch. Her nose had shrunken down to its average size, the pug-like appearance finally disappearing. She pulled off the Slytherin robe to reveal her regular Gryffindor sweater. It felt good to be freed of it all. The whole trip was rather uncomfortable, but she had to admit, something inside her made her excited to return the next night. The whole plan was…different. She had never experienced anything of the like alone. She praised herself with some sense of accomplishment, even though she had returned with the same amount of knowledge she had left with. Sighing, she began to make her way up the stairs, the Slytherin robe draped over her arm.
"Hey, wait!" a voice called out. Hermione froze, her eyes quickly examining the robe to make sure the crest had been fully covered. She turned around to face the common room once more, watching as Harry descended the boys staircase. He gave her a small wave, weakly smiling. She decided to leave the robe folded on the step she had been standing on. It could easily be passed as a Gryffindor robe. Harry couldn't possibly see the detailing from where he was standing. She walked down the last few steps, staying close to the wall.
"H-Hi" she managed to say, curiously eyeing him. He hadn't spoken to her in what seemed like ages.
"Mind if we talk?" He motioned towards the couch, raising an eyebrow. She gave him a nod and sat down. "We haven't really spoken in awhile, have we?" Thinking back on it, Hermione knew it really had only been a day or two since she had confronted Ron on the Quidditch pitch. She was glad to know she wasn't the only one who felt as if they had been distant friends meeting for the first time in years.
"I'm sorry, Harry." She frowned, looking towards him as he adjusted himself beside her.
"Sorry? What for?" Hermione bit her lip intently. She really had no reason to be sorry. At least not to Harry, anyway. That apology was intended for Ron, but part of her wished apologizing to the dark haired boy in front of her would be enough.
"I just…I miss you. I miss Ron, too." Harry frowned in return, nodding his head in agreement.
"I miss you too, Hermione, and I'm sure Ron is thinking the same thing. You know how he is. It's not like he ever listens to a word we say."
"I'm surprised he hasn't grown to absolutely loathe me yet." Harry released a chuckle, raising his eyebrows.
"Loathe you? The Hermione Granger?" Hermione smiled. "I don't think he could ever loathe you. In fact, if it were up to me I'd say he fancies you." Hermione's face had reddened now, her smile turning into one of sheer embarrassment. Ron's feelings towards her were all too obvious, even if he had denied it. Harry wasn't the first to mention it to her, either.
"He clearly isn't showing that now," she said, staring down at the floor.
"He just needs time to cool off. I've tried talking to him and he's still worked up. It'll be fine, I promise." Hermione smiled at him again, but it wasn't as genuine as the first. She had taken his promise into consideration, hoping to consolidate it with her task of conversing with Malfoy. She needed the luck for both.
~.~
Stupid girl, he thought, locking the door with his wand. Draco couldn't believe the nerve she had to barge in and completely reprehend his thoughts and actions. Scowling, he shut the light off once more, absorbing the sudden darkness around the room. All was silent except for his calm breathing, his heart thumping softly in his ears. He didn't need friends. He especially didn't need Pansy as a friend. She had made the mistake of leaving him, and that was now her loss. He always knew she would come crawling back to beg for forgiveness, and he wasn't one to offer that. It had been her mistake from the beginning and if she was too daft to realize that, well, that was her problem, not his.
"Nightmares? What kind of nightmares?"
As if it were her business! Her fucking mouth was what had inflicted those venomous dreams into his mind and he still couldn't rid of them. They latched onto his thoughts and were getting progressively worse as the nights went on, which was why he had resorted to sitting alone in the dark. Blaise would eventually walk in, give him and confused look, and send himself off to bed. No questions asked. No words exchanged. Staying up was the only aid to his awful thoughts. If he even drifted off to sleep for a mere second or two, they would fill his mind again and he would be even more scarred than he was already becoming. Pulling his knees towards him, he simply sat, allowing his mind to wander. He didn't need friends, he thought again. Being alone seemed to be the only way he was going to actually get anything done. Everyone else meant absolutely nothing to him. They were simply obstacles. He didn't need a single person. He was better off alone.
Routinely, Blaise entered the dorm and flicked the light on. He caught sight of Malfoy who was sitting on top of his bed, probably where he was the last time Blaise had seen him, and gave him a confused look. He furrowed his eyebrows, turning the light off again. After a minute or two of shuffling about, he had finally made his way into bed.
And all was silent and Draco was still alone.
