(A/N): I'm trying not to make this corny. It's hard.
Oh and SoulEater! I did read that fanfic very long ago ^_^ and I liked it. The very first Matt/Sayu.
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Chapter VII
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"Sleepyhead."
Sayu weakly looked up from the floor, her eyes fighting their assumed position for the last…how long? When she awoke fully, the first image in sight was Matt watching curiously over her while he sat criss-crossed beside her form—his chin in his hand, a cancer stick in his mouth (where else?) and smoke in the air. His fur vest wasn't on and she could see his collar bones so outlined out of his skin.
She then realized that what she had been sleeping on was, in fact, his fur vest, folded into a square on the ground where her head was lying currently. He had made her a pillow.
Sensing her confusion, he explained. "You fell asleep on my arm. But I didn't think you'd have the best feeling in the world when you woke up to a sore neck."
"So you did this?" she asked pointedly to the folded article of clothing beneath her hair. He nodded. "How long have I been asleep?"
"Don't know." He honestly didn't. He spent the entire time just watching her in her peaceful slumber. The last part was going to go unrevealed, however.
"What'd you do this entire time I slept, then?"
"Final Fantasty." The lie came through so naturally. He was kind of proud of it.
"Of course. Why'd I ask?" they absentmindedly ended up staring at each other for a few spare seconds (her looking up, him looking down) before she felt her stomach growl. Apparently, it was loud enough for him to hear, too.
Matt grabbed the plate that had been tossed aside earlier. "Got those crackers still."
"Hey…"
"Huh? What is it?"
She felt the pillow beneath her head. She looked at the plate of crackers on the ground. She felt no bruises on her body, no urge to cry in her head. "Why are you so nice to me?"
His answer did exactly make her day.
"You weren't sent here to be tortured. I'm just doing what I'm supposed to. It's my job."
Aww, poor you, are you hurt, Sayu? She thinks. A job? Nothing else? Am I nothing else?
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"Boss," Bart said. "Absolutely positive that the chief from the Japanese Task Force is gonna be in LA shortly."
"Inform Mello. He'll be pleased," said Ross, who couldn't help but show his own greed and satisfaction with a glint in his eye. "What'd I tell you, Neylon?" He turned behind him to the man in glasses with long hair, smiling devilishly as he addressed Jack Neylon.
Neylon merely grunted. He never really took a liking to Mello.
"The little bastard came through. You ought to give him some credit. Power and money, Jackie," Ross mocked. "All you ever wanted."
A voice sounded at the entrance of the room. "Don't get cocky now."
"Good of you to join us, Blondie. I have a feeling we're gonna be plus one notebook around here soon," Ross spread his enormous arms around to hookers on both sides.
"Like I planned, Ross." Exactly how I planned. He plopped onto the sofa next to Ross and took another methodical bite out of the Hershey bar. Looks like I got it this time, Near.
I'll have the death note. I'm going to be number one. All because of little Sayu Yagami.
Family. They're so easily manipulated.
Mello's thoughts briefly scattered to Matt's reaction towards this. How odd. Me thinking of someone else for a change, he smiled. That wasn't really true. Mello had always tried to find a way to best fit Matt's well being.
No matter how much his red-headed friend might like to deny it, there was something going on in that little room of theirs. Mello shook his head. The motherfucker finally likes someone and look who it is. What did I expect, though? The guy worships Halo. Did I honestly think he'd fall for someone under normal circumstances?
Then, as tradition goes, he took a thoughtful bite out of the chocolate bar in his hand.
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He had gotten her up again before giving her crackers to consume (since she wasn't in any state to move herself), with her back against the wall, like before, and he was sitting across from her again, like before, but now he wasn't quite so far.
"Water?" Matt offered. Sayu nodded furiously. Her mouth was do dry from all those saltines—things that shouldn't be called those to begin with. They were as tasteful as paper.
He had to pour the bottle for her to drink himself, seeing as she was still tied up. Water spilled slightly out of the corners of her mouth before he became conscious of the fact that he had poured a bit too hastily.
Matt's mouth twisted in a dissatisfied at his fumble. He took away the bottle when she was done drinking and wiped the access water away with his fingers. Secretly, Sayu's brain was buzzing.
He apologized and felt a little awkward for what he did. But what was he supposed to do? Just let her face stay all wet?
I'm just being polite. Hah! You polite. You just wanted an excuse to touch her. Opposite sides of his spectrum fought with each other. Face it. You have something for the hostage. Do not. Do too. You're just too much of a fucking idiot to know anything like that. All you know is how to shoot a gun, hack into a Mac, and get past level 54 without waking the dragon. What do you know about this?
"Umm, are you alright?"
She falls asleep on your shoulder and then you go all haywire?
Matt snapped out of a trance he hadn't known he was in, in the first place. "Uh, yeah."
"You looked like you were internally punching yourself."
Hah. Well shit. She got you. At least you have it on for someone smart—shut UP. "It's all good."
"Okay…" she answered skeptically—not entirely convinced.
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"Hey, Goggles?"
He raised an eyebrow slowly. "I thought I said not to call me that?"
"Then take them off."
There it was again, her challenging, goading voice that always got him to oblige. There was something about her that made his will buckle at its knees.
"And if I don't?"
She nudged his knee with her foot. "C'mon…"
"No." You just like to hear her beg in that little sweet voice of hers. You really are just a hormonal boy. Yeah. Okay. Shut the fuck up.
"Why not?" she whined.
"My eyes will go into shock if they don't see the world through orange colored vision. Then I'll go blind."
"Liar. C'mon…"
He shook his head and picked up the opened bottle of water. Declining was making him thirsty.
Wrong move.
Sayu saw this as an opportunity and kicked it when he brought the bottle to his mouth. Water got allover his white striped shirt, hair, and face—including his goggles. She smiled slyly at her victory.
Matt sighed in defeat, giving her a very blank, disappointed stare (disappointment at himself for being so easy to trick) and grudgingly removed the goggles from his face to wipe them.
What was the expression Sayu was wearing now? Awe? He could be so good-looking without his goggles. No, scratch that—he was handsome. With or without. It was just more accentuated without. He such a boyishly beautiful face, as odd as that was.
You could see his emerald irises. You could see the real youth behind his seemingly lifeless exterior—that puppy look now uncovered. The hint of dark purple around his eyes (what she guessed was a result of staring at an electronic screen in the dark)—it made him even more wonderful.
Underneath his thick vest, orange goggles, and messy bangs, behind the screen of a computer, a television, and a handheld—the body that belongs to hands that hold guns—he was still a boy, a boy who wanted to seem as unaffected by the world as much as possible, even though there's nothing that could have impacted him more. Nothing that could have done this much damage to someone so smart and so young.
He was expressionless the entire time she had observed him—the water dripping from his pale face and from the locks of auburn/scarlet/brownish hair. It's a color she can't quite define. "You look better without them."
Turning away, he blushed. "Yeah, yeah."
"You're supposed to say thank you."
"Thanks," he said tightly, wiping the goggles dry.
No one ever really complimented him on his looks. Except for the desperate hookers the mafia always had hanging around. Other than that, there weren't much other people to say anything about how good/bad he looked because not many people saw him to begin with. He was always locked up in a room, on multiple lap tops, monitoring multiple screens, or playing video games—hence the paleness to his skin. He might as well been a vampire. Outside was a sworn enemy.
"You're shy…"
I am not SHY. "No. I just," you just what, loser? " –Lack the proper social skills, that's all. I don't care for human interaction." Except when you see, like, you know, those magazines…and when you see her.
The bright tint in her eyes faltered. "Oh…"
He caught it and immediately felt bad. "I didn't mean you. I mean people in general."
Poor boy, thought Sayu. She frowned.
"I'd just rather not spend my time around people, you know? Hey, don't get all offended. The universe just isn't all it's cracked up to be. Socialization. Relationships. It's all overrated."
"Is that what you think?"
"It's how I've always thought," he stated.
All he does is probably smoke all day indoors playing video games. He doesn't even believe he's gonna make it through a normal life span. What kind of mentality is that?
"Is that why you always just stare at a screen? You think locking up yourself inside somewhere is going to get you away from the world?"
He stays quiet. She wouldn't know.
"I can't say I'm totally opposed to that. But Matt…that's not always healthy." Here you go talking about healthy. You're the one that likes the guy who's an accomplice to your kidnapping.
He continued to sit there, with his hand under his chin, his elbow on his knee—not saying a word. His goggles were slung around his neck. His eyes vacant. "Hello? Earth to Matt? Can't you just show that you care about something other than 'your' world for once!" she didn't mean to yell.
That snapped him out of his stiff state. "I don't just care about myself!" he defended, standing up.
"That's rich."
"Why would you say something like that?" He fell back to the opposite wall—a side he hadn't been on in a while.
"Oh, yeah. This coming from a guy who'd rather sit in a room full of computers than in a room with where there are actually people." Arguementative. It wasn't supposed to reach this point. But they found they couldn't help themselves. How would I know?...I just do. Matt…I feel like I know him better than I do...
It had been a long time coming.
"I come in here don't I? I feed you and talk to you don't I?" his voice rising. "I stay in here so you don't have to deal with those monsters outside." I think about you all the time now, don't I? What. Have you done. To me?
"But I'm just a job, aren't I?" No. Don't cry now. "You said it yourself."
They let the quiet and alone eat them alive. They let the background anger cover what the true occurrence was trying to break out and say. "Amazing. You really think it's like that?"
You're blocking it, Matt. You're avoiding it, he thinks.
She feels so…Why? Can't you see…Matt…?
"How am not supposed to?" she screams. I don't want to be mad at you. Please don't make me mad at you.
"Because," he snaps. "Because I'm not like this around anyone. My limits don't get tested. My feelings don't get tested. And then BAM. You come out of nowhere. And now you're mad at me—"
"I'm not mad."
"—It's like you can't see! Don't you? I care about you. As much as that may surprise you, I do," his voice is strained so easily. It's all that tobacco and smoke. It makes it so that when he yells, the life in his voice is coated with a mask of physical damage.
Dead. Silence.
There you go, you incessant girl. Look at what you made me say.
Eyes are wide. Her eyes. Finally. Finally. Maybe you're a person after all. You bastard. Does he mean that? He better mean it. Because I can't take this back. If I do this, I cannot take this back. But I won't want to. I'm not even considering how much he wants this now. Because I'm selfish. Not him.
So he cares. He admits it. And now she wants to apologize. She knows that won't do any good. He'll probably sulk there, all mad, and cast a 'whatever.' Or worse, he'd leave the room. And she just can't let that happen."…Matt?"
He exhaled, sinking back to the floor, and dropped his head into his hands, letting the pent up…whatever that was…escape his body. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I didn't mean to you tell at you."
"Matt…Matt come here. Matt, please..." It makes me sad. The way you think.
You piece of shit, he says to himself. You made her sad. You didn't have to scream at her. You didn't have to be so defensive. What's there to defend about you anyway?
"What is it?" he answers. I know you don't think the world matters, she thinks.
"Come closer." But I want you to know that you at least matter. "To me."
Oh, naïve girl. He's getting to your head.
So what? I'm just happy he cares. But I'm past that. I more than just care about him.
He listened, reluctantly, not sure of what was to happen, and walked over to sit, close enough so that he was beside her, but far enough so that their shoulders were parallel and just an inch apart. It was killing him that he wasn't closer. And he had no idea why.
"I want you to know something okay?"
He nodded—with no clue to where this was going. He gazed at her small face. He liked her eyes. He liked her mouth. He liked the way she could like an angel in this shit hole.
You know what you want, he told himself. But you're stupid. You're a bitch. You're an ass and you know it. You don't deserve her. Look at you. You're nothing. Forget about it.
"Are you listening?"
He strains to say something. "Yeah," he replies, weakly.
I don't want him to be scared. I don't want him to run away from me. "I don't know what's going to happen to me. Or you. So let me…can you promise me something?"
I can't promise you a thing. I could promise until kingdom come and it would amount to nothing, Sayu. Don't land your hopefulness on me. I need you to be happy. Just…
Her voice runs so low it's barely audible. It's not like her at all. She's fallen completely defenseless.
What could she possibly want from me? Why would she trust me enough to keep a promise? Whatever it is—
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Like a spin into reality and fantasy all at once. Into want and uncertainty between fine lines.
What happened next was out of his control.
I-I need to think.
He has to go. He has to leave the room. He has to say, "I'm sorry." He has to think about it because right now his mind is like the globe spinning a million miles per second ready to crash into the universe.
He has to leave her there, alone, because he has to think—Goddammit—because he's too damn selfish to do anything else.
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Thanks for all the support. Hah. I feel like those cheesy actors that get those cheesy awards they don't deserve.
Will update soon!
