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Sore Loser
"You've got to be kidding me..." Pip groaned as he started at the television screen, his hands tightly gripping a video game controller. He had been playing some new World War 2 game for hours, and there seemed to be a problem with it. "Zis is getting annoying..."
"Aaaarghh!" his character screamed as bullets tore into him. He was playing as an Allied soldier, and some German soldier kept killing him over and over.
"Zis is getting very old!" Pip growled. The moment his character came back to life, a sniper's bullet nailed him in the forehead. It was, not suprisingly, the same German guy. "I. Am. Getting. MAD!" Pip barked.
"Yo, Jeac Pierre, what's up?" Fenrir suddenly snuck up on him.
"Grrr... my name is Pip Bernadette. Stop calling me Jeac Pierre!" Pip replied with extreme disdain.
"MY NAME IZ JEAC PIERRE, ZE ANNOYING FRENCHMAN!" Fenrir mocked him with a heavy French accent.
"Grrrrr..." Pip reached for his pistol.
"I'm just messing with you. Relax... Dude, you might want to look out for that-" Fenrir was interupted by an explosion in the game.
"Eaaaarrrggh!" Pip's character screamed as he got blasted into oblivion.
"Grenade..." Fenrir finished his sentence as Pip began to scream in French.
"MERDE!" he roared as he hurled the controller across the room. "AM I FIGHTING AGAINST ZE REAL HITLER OR SOMETHING? HOW CAN HE BE ZAT GOOD?"
Meanwhile, in Brazil, the leader of a long-lost Nazi military unit known as Millenium was enjoying his success at his new video game.
Moral of the Story: Never play a WW2 game against a real German soldier.
Merde is another bad word in French. Hahah... I keep finding the most random French things, huh?
The Better Sniper
"Top zat," Pip smirked as he lowered the sniper rifle. Fenrir surveyed him with squinted eyes. A rivally had been growing between them, and now it was becoming a full blown competition for superiority. They where having a bit of a shooting contest. Fenrir raised his rifle and fired, hitting the target almost exactly in the same spot that Pip had hit.
"I think I just did..." he scoffed.
"I can hit further zen zat, you know..." Pip smiled.
"So can I..." Fenrir chuckled.
"But I can do it with only one eye," he pointed at his eye patch.
"Well, sniping only requires one eye," Fenrir pointed at his rifle's scope.
"I can hit zat target with only one eye and without a scope," Pip raised his rifle and removed the scope.
"Oh... a no scope shot? I bet I can, too! It's obvious that I am the better sniper," Fenrir did the same and closed one eye.
"No, I am the better sniper..." Pip replied. As they both prepared to fire at their target, the target suddenly exploded, and a deafening boom met their ears.
"WHAT WAS THAT?" they screamed in unison.
"Would you look at that? It seems that I am the BEST sniper," Seras walked over to them, her Halconnon slung over her shoulder, smoke rising from it's barrel. She swaggered off, leaving the two men with badly bruised egos.
"Yeah... well... I MAKE ZE BEST FRENCH TOAST!" Pip suddenly pointed at Fenrir.
"OH YEAH? I BET MINE IS BETTER!" Fenrir pointed back at him.
"GRRR... BRING IT ON, DOGGY!" Pip snarled.
"OUI, OUI, JEAC PIERRE!" Fenrir taunted him.
"ZAT IS IT!" Pip tackled Fenrir, and once again they began to brawl.
Moral of the Story: Seras is the best sniper in Hellsing.
I intended to make the rivalry between Fenrir and Alucard... it just turned out to be between Fenrir and Pip instead. Oh well, this is funnier to me.
Flirting 101
"Hello, Master," Alucard slowly morphed up through Integra's desk up to his knees, interupting her paperwork.
"Hello, Alucard," she sighed. She knew exactly where this was going.
"How are you doing today?" he asked her politely.
"Er... I'm fine, thank you. And you?" she was caught off guard by his manners.
"I am quite alright. Is there anything I can do for you, my Master?" Alucard walked out of her desk.
"No, Alucard. Not at the moment..." she wanted to know why he was acting like this.
"If you need anything, just tell me," he smiled kindly.
"Alright..." Integra was worried. He was normally trying to flirt with her through bizarre methods that failed miserably. Now he was acting... normal.
"Master, may I ask you a question?" Alucard leaned against one of the walls in her office.
"I suppose so, Alucard," she replied.
"If I am really that bad at flirting, why does your heartbeat quicken whenever I act troublesome?" he grinned mischieviously. Integra frowned, and instantly reached under her desk. But before she could grab her pistol, Alucard was gone, leaving only the echoes of his laughter behind.
"I hate him so much..." she growled.
"Aw... isn't that sweet... she's in denial..." Alucard's voice taunted her.
"ALUCARD! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" she threatened.
"But I'm-" he didn't have a chance to finish his usual 'I'm-a-dead-guy' thing.
"I DON'T CARE! I WILL FIND A WAY TO KILL YOU!" she screamed. Meanwhile, Walter was standing outside her office with a tray of tea. Hearing the threats coming from inside, he reconsidered offering tea right now.
"Perhaps I should come back later. When she isn't armed..." he shrugged and walked away.
Moral of the Story: Its a love/hate relationship... mostly hate. But a little love. Somewhere...
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