SO sorry for not updating! I'm in the middle of a really personal dilemma that's been confusing me so much and I only got round to writing most of the chapter today!
Full Chapter Title; I may be partially in the darkness, but that doesn't stop me from trying to stay in the light.
Things get better, then they get worse, then they get better again. It's a cycle, one she is sick of, but Ten just doesn't know how to fix it.
The war is over, they've won, but Ella just can't help but be angry. They all survived, so why didn't Crayton? It just isn't fair.
The new house is nice, but the others are all planning on sharing rooms with their partners. She has no one. She lies in bed alone, knowing that the others are all with each other, not lonely like her.
And they don't even realise what they have. Especially John and Six, who start arguing with each other to the point that they're screaming their voices raw, clawing at the weak bits they knows the other has. It's pathetic, she thinks, watching them yelling over the simplest things. It's pathetic that they hate each other so much when they clearly are in love.
Five is horrible as well, even worse than the others. She doesn't use the emotions they all know she has, instead opting to wear a blank mask the whole time. It fuels Ella with anger, knowing that this girl has true love and cool powers to be envious of and she really can't even be bothered to appreciate the fact.
At least Ella appreciates the fact that she's alive. She just doesn't appreciate the fact that her papa isn't.
The others have virtually forgotten about her, she can tell.
She wants to go to school, get a proper education and eventually a job. She wants to live her life, not be cooped up in a place too unfriendly to be called 'home'.
Gone is the child-like innocence she used to have.
She gets angry. Like, really angry. She gets angry at John and Six for arguing, at Five for being so cold, at Nine for cage-fighting (really, cage-fighting), even at Marina and Eight for trying to pretend that the others don't exist.
She's living in a house with six other people, but she's alone.
She goes out at night sometimes, stays away for up to a week. She just kind of wanders around, reflecting on how pathetic her life is, filled with emptiness and anger.
She often comes back crying.
Ella ends up going to anger management classes, talking about how cross she is at her 'cousins' and how she wishes her life was the way it used to be. She meets no judging look, no condescending words. Just acceptance and understanding.
It's nice.
She still gets mad at the others, though. Marina and Eight are virtually inseparable, taking off without notice and coming back laughing, before seeing her and their smiles fade. John and Six can't stop arguing, fighting every second of every day. She screams at them to shut up, but they just completely ignore her. Nine goes all self-destructive. Five might as well be dead with the fact that she isn't really living. None of them are.
When the anniversary comes around, stuff actually begins to improve. She finds someone else who wants their old life, her and John bonding. The tense atmosphere finally lifts. Things are getting better.
She begins to see Crayton. He haunts her dreams and appears in front of her, yelling at her for not being good enough to save him.
"You're worthless, you know that?" he says one day, as she cries silently to herself. "So pathetic. No wonder the others ignored you. No wonder Marina called you a selfish brat. It's true."
She finally snaps, yelling at John and running out the house. Things are worse then, but Marina and Eight come after her and it gets better again.
She still sees Crayton. She still has nightmares. But she can cope.
It's like a cycle. Things are alright, then something happens and they're not, and something else happens and they are, and so on and so on.
She wants so badly for it to be good all the time, but bad just seems to be magnetically drawn towards them. She hates it.
Eight smashes a plate eventually, a far-off look on his face. He leaves before Ella can do anything. Nine frowns. Marina moves to go after her boyfriend, but Ella stops her.
"Let him calm down," she says, and since when was she good at giving advice? "If he wants to talk about it, he'll come to you. We just have to wait."
He does come back, but he doesn't talk about it.
The time she wakes up to find herself locked in is one of the scariest in her life. She bangs on her door loudly, the panic taking control and preventing her from simply using telekinesis. The others eventually open the door, and she's never been so thankful to get away from Crayton and his cruel comments.
Eight has gone somewhere and locked them all in their rooms. Luckily, the others had managed to remain calm and opened their own doors. But that still leaves the question of where Eight's gone.
He returns eventually, drunk out of his mind, refusing to meet any of their eyes.
He's different after that. More quiet, withdrawn, even more so than he was straight after the war. He looks at them sadly from time to time, opening his mouth to speak but seeming unable to get the words out.
He leaves to New Delhi with Marina, coming back even more depressed.
"Ella?" he eventually says, when the others have gone out somewhere and it's just the two of them. "Do you…Can you help me with something?"
"What?" she asks, flipping through the channels on the TV with disinterest. "Have you and Marina had an argument?" He shakes his head hesitantly.
"No, no. Nothing like that. It's just…" He trails off. She sits up. Something is very wrong.
"What is it?"
"I-" he seems to be struggling to get the words out. "I…" He sighs, shoulders slumping in defeat. "I have a brain tumour."
She gasps sharply, wondering if this is some kind of sick joke. But one look in his eyes and she can see that he's deadly serious.
Things have gotten worse again.
"You can't tell Marina," is the first thing she says. "She'll lose it."
"I know," he says, looking sick. "I just…the government are planning on seeing if there's a way to remove it. I don't want to go alone. And, you're now the only one in the house that knows, so…"
She knows what he's going to say before he does.
"Yes," Ella answers. "Yes, I'll come with you."
The room is stuffy – it's a hot day without air-conditioning, and the windows seem jammed shut. Ella sits next to Eight, whose leg bounces up and down nervously. She feels angry at the government. How dare they drug their water, enhance their abilities without their consent? It has caused a brain tumour, and they didn't even think to tell them.
"There is a chance of removal," the doctor finally tells them, handing over a sheet. "We've made an appointment for three weeks' time. I'm sorry, but that's the soonest we could get you. You're lucky you're not waiting three months."
Ella nods at the Asian woman as she stands up.
"Thanks. But…should we tell our friends?"
"I'd suggest that, yes, you do. If the removal isn't successful, you'll want them to know."
So, when they get home, they tell Nine.
Nine wants to leap up and attack the government, but Ella yells at him for being so ridiculous. It's technically only because of the government that Eight is getting it 'removed' so soon.
Ella feels angry every time she thinks about the fact that the tumour might not be removed. That's all she seems to have been since the end of the war – angry. This anger has consumed her very being and taken control of her. For a while it seemed to be the only thing that she was. Just angry.
They tell Five. And, for the first time in a year, Five begins to cry.
And Ella feels angry, because it's taken something terrible like this to make them snap out of it.
Thanks for reading! I'm going away for a bit so I might not update soon but to all the people who've been reading since Chapter One and are still checking for updates...THANK YOU!
