Respite
Darwhen had to admit that a funny tight feeling in her chest went away while she watched that planet drop out of sight from the cockpit interior. Either the woman or the old people, though they hadn't seemed mean, would have been worse than Serenity. She didn't really want another family, though she knew she had to have a place. Her mama had always told her it was important. Their little house was important, she'd said, not because it was big or fancy, 'cus it surely wasn't. But because it was theirs. It was where they 'kept faith' (Darwhen wasn't actually sure what that meant) and 'had heart' (she wasn't too positive about that one, either).
Faith-keeping and heart-having were important. As soon as she found out what exactly they were, Darwhen would do them. Even though her mama couldn't anymore. But she had to have a place for it.
And after awhile, it started to occur to Darwhen that Serenity was a place. If she had to have one, why couldn't it be Serenity? Some time went by – River said it was a month – and even the Zoë woman didn't seem so mean or ignore her all the time. And one day Darwhen fell, running in the common area, and remembering Mal's rules had frozen there on the floor in fear of an explosion of his wrath. She still couldn't forget how he'd made River mad. But he only shook his head and shooed her off to Simon to get a bandaide for her skinned knee.
Maybe he wasn't so scary after all. Especially if Inara, the beautiful soft lady, liked him. Which she must, since they lived in the same bunk.
Darwhen had liked Jayne since she first saw him, putting down the harness to rescue her and River. He was big and strong and didn't treat her like most adults treat little kids. And she knew she was going to be sad when she couldn't have River around anymore.
A funny thing about River and Jayne; she couldn't figure them out. They didn't live together like Mal and Inara or Simon and Kaylee. But they were together, in someway different. Even on days when Jayne had been doing a lot of touching and River took to leaving the room when he came in. Sometimes he did the touching, sometimes he didn't. Darwhen always wanted to laugh when he did. He'd put his hand on her hand, or stand real close, or pretend he had to get something on the counter behind her that took both arms around her … and River would jerk her hand away, or jump, or leave the room. And Jayne would smile to himself.
Darwhen would have asked one of the other grown-ups about it, 'cept Jayne never did it where they could see. They didn't know. Darwhen guessed he thought she didn't see it, either.
But she changed her mind about what he thought one night in the galley, a night that Jayne had made dinner. They did that here, took turns, and Darwhen didn't think it was always a good idea. Nice soft Inara couldn't even make cookies right, though she tried and so Darwhen lied and said they were good.
Darwhen's mama was a good cook. She said Darwhen would learn, later, when she was bigger. Darwhen guessed that wouldn't happen now. And she didn't like that she kept remembering things about her mama and there was no one here who had known her enough that they would remember them, too.
Anyway, Jayne could cook some things. And he was going to wash dishes after they ate what he cooked that night, Darwhen could tell when he got the soap out.
Everybody else was just leaving the table with a mess all over it. So Darwhen picked up her plate and chopsticks and carried them, careful like Mama taught her, to the sink where he was. Most of the others were gone out of the galley now. Jayne stared at her while he turned the water on. That was one of the things she liked about him; when he didn't understand her, he acted like it. He didn't just pretend he knew everything like lots of other people she had known.
She also liked him just because he was so big. Darwhen had never had a papa, and never really missed having one. But some of the other kids in her town had had papas. And she thought smugly that none of them, that she could remember, had been as big as Jayne was.
She put those dishes in the sink – well, they kinda dropped -- and went back for some of the others. She saw River still at the table, and wondered why she stayed if she wasn't going to help.
Darwhen brought more dishes and put them in the sink with the others; but now there was water in the sink and she had to stand on tip-toe anyway and still couldn't quite reach the bottom of the sink. The other dishes had clattered but these ones splashed, because Jayne had run the water into it.
They splashed a lot, really, and it got on his white t-shirt.
"Wei!" He said, loud, and he was frowning. Darwhen stood still, not sure if he was gong to holler at her. He did look kinda mad.
"This's my only good white t-shirt," he said, crossing his arms. Darwhen wrinkled her nose.
"Soap and water won't hurt it," she pointed out.
His arm dropped on the counter while he looked at her. Then somehow, too fast for her to see, his hand was in the water and then there was a lot of water on her.
Blinking through wet eyelashes, Darwhen couldn't close her mouth for a second, she was so surprised. But then she laughed. Right out loud, without thinking about it.
"You got me wet!" she screeched, while making a dive away for a chair. Jayne watched her drag one over to the counter and climb up on it.
"You got me first," he said, eyes narrow, and put his hands on his hips. "What're you doin'?"
Giggling, Darwhen leaned over the now-full sink and slapped her hands flat down into it, hard. Water splashed everywhere – on the counter, on her, on the floor, and on Jayne. He howled, and before she knew it she'd been swooped off the chair and was being held sideways under one of his great muscle-ey arms, while he turned the hand sprayer on her.
'Course, since he was holdin' her, they just both of them got wetter. Laughing madly – 'like a hyena', her mama said – Darwhen wriggled and squirmed and got her hand over the lip of the sink and splashed again. Jayne was starting to laugh, too; she could feel it creaking in his chest kinda rusty like he hadn't used it in awhile.
They were drenched by the time there was a loud, "Hey!" that stopped their wrestling. The interruption was Mal, in the doorway. His arms were crossed and he was frowning. But even though she was upside-down Darwhen could tell the captain wasn't really very angry.
Jayne set her down on her feet, anyway; down into a puddle. Her clothes stuck on her when she moved. Jayne's clothes were sticking to him, too.
"Think water's just free?" Mal wanted to know. "Looks like you wasted several liters' worth. Comin' outta your next payday."
Darwhen knew her eyes got big. "I don't got a payday," she said. She latched unto Jayne's pants and water wrung out between her fingers. She held back a giggle. Jayne shook his head disgustedly, but at Mal, she thought. He still had the hand sprayer and it tilted in Mal's direction. Just a little bit. Then he reached to turn it off.
Mal cocked his head at Darwhen and bent his shoulders in a funny sort of half-bow.
"You, miss, can work it off. Starting now." The captain nodded his chin at the dishes still in the sink, still dirty. Then he smiled, smug. Then he left.
Darwhen shrugged, and shook the water out of her eyes. She had been gonna help with the dishes anyway.
Turning loose of Jayne's pants, she saw River standing by the table. She hadn't known she was still there; she must have just been watchin' Darwhen and Jayne play. Yep, River was staring at Jayne. Staring at his wet clothes, Darwhen thought. Or maybe not, because you could see lots of Jayne through the clothes with them soaked like they were.
Jayne had seen River, too. He shook water out of his hair, and then he walked over to her. He walked like he had something to show off, although Darwhen couldn't figure what it would be. He had got so much water on him his t-shirt didn't look white anymore, it looked like his chest. Darwhen giggled again.
River wasn't laughing, though. She maybe thought he did have something to show off, because she was watching his wet t-shirt while Jayne walked up real close to her. Real close, and River backed up a step but Jayne followed her and got her waist in his hands. They were still wet and so River's dress got a little wet too. And River was breathin' kinda fast and couldn't seem to look anywhere but at Jayne.
"Did you enjoy the show?" Jayne asked her, and his voice was low and a little rough.
River put her head back and her hands on Jayne's shoulders. Water dripped on her from his hair. Her eyes were only half-open. "Yes," she said, though Darwhen could hardly hear her. And she moved closer to him, just for a minute, but then she pushed away. And Jayne let go and watched her leave, his hands on his hips again. He was breathing a little fast, too, and Darwhen watched, sure he'd forgotten she was in the room.
But in a little bit he turned and looked right at her. And he winked. And that was how Darwhen knew he'd known all along that she noticed him and River.
"No ya don't," he said as she climbed back up on her chair, preparatory to following Mal's orders. He came over by her and scooted her, chair and all, away from the sink. He opened a drawer and then shoved a towel at her. "I'll wash. And rinse. All the watery parts, I'll do. You dry."
Darwhen nodded agreeably.
More time went, and Darwhen began to relax more. Because River found something wrong with every person who said they might want to adopt Darwhen. Most of the time Mal agreed with her. The crew had started doing jobs in between looking for a place to leave her, because they had to eat. A few times when River shook her head and said 'no' to a prospective parent, Mal shook his head too and said something about Darwhen turning into a permanent fixture. River had smiled small, like she liked that idea, and Darwhen had hurt for hoping.
One day River decided Darwhen couldn't go around in adult-sized t-shirts any longer. Or she'd been trying so hard to stay away from Jayne that she was tired and needed a distraction. Whichever, for the first time since having Darwhen on board, they'd landed on a planet where children's clothes might be had, and she told Mal firmly that she and Darwhen were going shopping.
"Long as it's your money, fine. And since you're going …" Mal walked from the cockpit to holler out into the hallway. "Jayne!"
River sighed. Her distraction plan was obviously going to backfire. She couldn't very well complain about Jayne coming, unless she wanted to answer all sorts of questions she preferred not to deal with.
The mercenary's head popped around the corner in response. "Yeah?"
"Take the supply list and these two"- the captain gestured back into the cockpit at River and Darwhen- "and go into town, stock up."
Jayne glanced back at River, who was rolling her eyes, and Darwhen, who was feeling a real smile coming on. She liked shopping. And she hoped that River would talk in her sometimes sing-songy way, and that Jayne would growl like a bear.
Jayne was walking down the corridor toward them, bent sideways buttoning a pocket on the leg of his pants. "Why I gotta take the kid shopping?" He didn't say a word of objection to River.
"Girl needs clothes," Mal answered, walking past as Jayne reached the cockpit.
"You're sending me shopping for little girl's clothes?!" Jayne's voice was the opposite of a growl – it almost squeaked. Darwhen felt her smile get bigger. She liked the squeak almost as much as she did the growls.
"Just do it. Kaylee and Simon are getting the engine parts. They'll have their hands full, and it's a completely different side of town. Zoë …" Mal shrugged as he left. It went without saying that Zoë, for all her softened attitude, wasn't going to accompany Darwhen shopping.
River produced the supply list and waved it at Jayne. "The females will transport the clothing, and the male may carry the food, to preserve his dignity." Her voice was sing-songy. Darwhen giggled.
Jayne growled. Darwhen laughed right out loud. His face swiveled toward her, his eyebrows making lines all over his forehead. He growled again, and Darwhen laughed again in delight.
"What's so funny?" Jayne demanded. Darwhen flung her arms out on either side.
"You growl like a big bear, Jayne! But you don't scare me. I think you could be a teddy bear, if you had more hair."
Jayne stared at the kid, pole-axed. A teddy bear? A gorram stuffed animal, that's what she thought he was?
River was laughing, her face light and beautiful. He liked the sight and he'd missed her and so all he did was roll his eyes at the two of them. Darwhen kind of bounced over to him, and there was that hand fisted into his pants leg again. She grinned up at him while he stared down at her. He found he didn't really mind her being there. In fact, the attention was kind of nice.
So he growled down at her again, for effect, and grinned back (just a little) when she giggled.
"Food and little kid clothes, huh?" he said to River. "Guess we better get started."
River was surprised to find herself welcoming the outing. But in the past weeks that she'd been avoiding Jayne in any non-work-related situations, she'd been unaccountably lonely. Even with Darwhen at her side, she had missed someone. So here in the sun, walking between the small girl who was working her way into River's heart and the big man who was – well, the sun was out and the temperature was pleasant. That was enough.
It took longer than River would have thought to find and purchase age- and size-appropriate clothing for a child. This was a world with several farming settlements, and much of the clothing selection reflected that. There were overalls, coveralls, and more overalls. There was nothing very feminine. Darwhen didn't seem to mind; in fact, she looked a little relieved that there wasn't a skirt in sight that would fit her. River felt otherwise.
"Don't you have anything else?" She asked the person behind the counter of one of the stores. Darwhen was starting to get whiney and petulant, and so was Jayne.
"This is the third shop we've tried," he told River, pulling her back toward the clothing racks. "This is what's here. Ain't no frilly little dresses or fancy shoes. Let's get what she needs and get to the food."
Darwhen nodded, bouncing up and down on the soles of her feet which were shod with a worn pair of third- or fourth-hand, ill-fitting walking shoes that had been donated to them on their last stop. River caught sight of the hole in the left one and gave in.
"All right. Try these on." She pulled several different pairs of overalls – who'd have guessed they came in that many styles? – shoved most of them at Jayne, and grabbed Darwhen's hand to lead her to the corner enclosed for that purpose.
Darwhen pulled back, protesting. So did Jayne. They were both ready to get what they needed and be on to the important stuff, the food. On the need for a good fit, though, River stood firm. So Jayne stood around outside the fitting room door while River helped the kid on the other side of it, hoping no-one he knew walked by and saw him with little kids' pants draped over his arm.
"Thought you said the females would hold the clothes," he muttered toward the closed door. No one heard him. Where he needed to be was in a good cathouse, with a round blonde … his thoughts strayed to River. No, actually that wasn't what he needed.
There were feminine voices and sounds from inside the little booth, mutterings of 'turn around' and 'no that won't work' and 'stop fussing' and then, 'go show Jayne'. He straightened away from the wall he'd been slouching against, wondering why he had to be consulted as the door swung open. Darwhen poked her head out, caught sight of Jayne, and rolled her eyes in a perfect imitation of River. So he wrinkled his nose conspiratorially at her and gestured her over.
"Just go along with it," he whispered to her. "gripin' will only make it take longer." She sighed long-sufferingly, then nodded and turned a dutiful circle.
"Looks good," he approved out loud. River nodded and smiled from the doorway. "Next one," she enthused. Darwhen groaned but went back into the little closet. More muttering ensued; occasionally the door would open a crack and River's hand would appear, into which Jayne would shove the next item of clothing. If it passed River's muster, Darwhen was paraded out for Jayne's inspection. He invariably approved all River's choices immediately, earning himself smiles from both females.
After they'd finally found pants, shirts, shoes and underthings, even socks, they went to fill the food order Mal had sent. Between the two tasks, they were busy all morning, and were hungry as they traipsed back to Serenity. And Jayne felt exhausted – he'd never have guessed that buying clothes could take so much out of a person.
Darwhen seemed full of energy, though. She twinkled about between the two adults and sang some little song that her mama had prob'ly taught her. It sounded vaguely familiar and Jayne thought maybe it was one his own ma had sung to him when he was a kid.
All in all, he supposed it hadn't been a bad morning. Earlier, while Darwhen had been engrossed in a capture that played a fairy tale, they'd been going through bins filled with protein. He'd come up close behind River as she'd been bent over fishing a packet out of a waist-high bin that was almost empty. "Can ya reach it?" he'd murmured solicitously, standing there but not quite touching. Yet. River'd straightened right up, and her back had come full up against his front. She'd frozen there, while his body hardened and heat crackled in the air. His blood had sung and he'd been about to press her back forward over that bin with his torso. But Darwhen's voice had interrupted.
"What's a castle, River?"
Jayne cast her a disgruntled frown and River used the moment to duck under his arm and put hers around the little girl, effectively installing her as a barrier between them.
"Chicken," he said to her. River's eyes narrowed at him while Darwhen's head swung up from her capture with a new curiosity on it. He just knew she was about to open that mouth again and ask him a question; so he bent over to get the protein packet River had dropped. That didn't work. Darwhen asked him, anyway, why he was calling River a chicken.
"Cuz she is," he answered, throwing the protein in with their other supplies. He reached for the fairy-tale story Darwhen held, and added it to the pile too. Wasn't any kid stuff on the boat, and surely she'd stay out of their way more if she had something to do. The way the kid beamed at him had nothing to do with it. "Don't she look like a chicken to you, all skinny 'n squawky?"
"Skinny and squawky?!" River sputtered, but Darwhen giggled and she shook her head ruefully. Then she put on an expression of mock-outrage as they made their way to the pay line. "See, there it is," Jayne nudged Darwhen. "Little chicken eyes. Beaky chicken nose."
Darwhen was chortling as they paid for their things. She was adding to the litany as they exited the store. "Skinny chicken legs! Funny chicken hair!"
River elevated her maligned nose in the air. "Chickens do not possess hair," she informed them regally. For some reason, Darwhen found this statement hi-larious. Jayne had to admit it was kinda nice to listen to her laugh. Over the sounds of her squeals, his eyes met River's smiling ones. The moment stretched. Then it was gone, as Darwhen asserted her need for lunch.
