They watched in horror as Deadpool used his hands to rise and free himself from the spike that had impaled him. The continue to stare blankly at him as the wound healed completely in seconds. Soon, he got up on his legs and adjusted his head (remember Tifa's uber-bitch slap?) They just kept looking at him with their mouths agape as if he'd grown a second head. In retrospect, he might as well have. Seeing that that they were speechless, he decided to break the ice. After all, he was good at breaking things, right?
"I would say 'sorry' for grabbing your supple ass and equally supple... well, y'know. But seein's as you probably woulda sent me into orbit- nice punch, by the way- if that ceiling didn't stop me, I'd say we'll call it even, eh? This a bar?"
Barret was the first one to gain some control over himself after the shock. He nods numbly.
"Fantastic minus the freakin' Four! So how about us men sit back, have a brew or two, and talk about how much Miss Badonkadonk over there costs for a night?"
"But you don't have any money, I checked when I changed your clothes..." Tifa still hadn't recovered completely from shock.
Barret gave Tifa a strange look. The 'just when you think you know a gal' look.
Deadpool saw an opening. "Well, money I can get quickly enough. I usually don't go for sluts, but for you, my dear, I'll make an exception."
"Damn, gurl... moaght want some of that action maself!" he chuckled.
It finally dawned on Tifa. They where implying that she was a... "No way!" her eyes were wide and her cheeks (her face, you pervert) were flaming with indignation.
"I am not a whore! And I don't care who you are, just leave now! I mean it!" She huffed all the way up the stairs that led to the second floor.
Deadpool looked at Barret and raised his hands defensively,"Look, with the way she dresses, anyone could make that mistake!"
Berret let out a sigh. This had happened a few times before, but the victims where in no condition, mentally or physically, to talk about it afterwords.
"She just gets like this sometimes. Look, Ah'm gratefully for you bringing Marlene back, I am. So, here some cash. I hope ta see you around, but I don't think you should stay. I'll give you some money and some clothes for what you did. We cool?"
Deadpool smiles,"We cool. Musta been that time of the month, eh?"
Barret chuckles, but says,"I don't know about all dat, but I know that that's not all it."
"Women. Whatcha going ta do?"
"True dat."
Barret hands him the money, which was 10,000 gil, and the clothes, a plain white t-shirt, jeans, and faded red sneakers. Barret said that these clothes are from his school years, as what he owns now would be far to large for Deadpool. He goes to a bathroom to change, but as he leaves he sees a slightly feminine white kid with blond hair in a purple uniform of some kind. He stops in front of Deadpool without a word just as Wade was coming through the door.
"Um, pardon moi..."
The man, if man he was, didn't move. Deadpool's dick head senses where starting to tingle.
"Fine. If you're going to be like that..." Deadpool did the last thing you would expect him to do. He moved out of the way, and let the guy by.
'The guy' passed him without comment. Deadpool then went forth to face his new life.
Not my best work, by a long shot, but it's not my worst. I hate that it's so short, but I plan to do another chapter within the week.
Next chapter: Wade goes shopping and runs into some trouble because of his mutated facial features. He leaves town and forms a partnership with a certain ninja by chance. Until then, this is your captain speaking, sit back, relax, and for the love of the Father, buckle those damn seat belts!
