Thanks for the reviews they made me so happy, and thanks to every one whose reading this. I was reluctant to post this chapter because I've had up to this point written for a while. Now I have to do some actual writing and thinking and stuff, but I can't think of anything.
Disclaimer: I don't own any thing in this story but plot. I think I own that.
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Seven and a Half Circles
Chapter 6
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There was a tense silence hanging in the air. They stood facing each other in the middle of the room while I waited by the door. I was booth poised to run, and trying to disconnect myself from the situation. This had nothing to do with me and I didn't want to be here.
"So, Yuna?" He asked looking away from her for a minute, "I've been hearing some thing and I've been wondering…" he did even finish. Tidus probably didn't wake up this morning imagining that he was going to have this conversation.
"I've been waiting for the right time to tell you." She looked away then let out a sad laugh, "Tidus, I am very sorry you had to find out like this."
"Why would it matter how I found out? It doesn't change a damn thing! I fought for you. You have no idea how much I fought for you, and you just don't love me? How the hell does that work?" he moved slowly pacing, with his eyes running randomly around the room. He stop suddenly facing her directly and looking determined, "Say the words. I want to here you say it."
"Leave. I don't need this now!" she spoke deliberately and passionately, like she could care about some thing if she tried.
"JUST SAY THE DAMN WORDS!" He yelled and both Yuna and I jumped. He combed a hand through his hair, but kept his eyes steadied on her. She recoiled under his stare, and couldn't meet his eyes.
"I don't love you. I don't think I ever did," she shook her head, and look at him with sad eyes. She wasn't crying. This wasn't sad for her. Yuna just walked over to the now screaming baby and rocked him in her arms ignoring us completely.
The silence consumed us again.
"Tidus?" I asked, then walked to put a hand on his shoulder. He tensed under my touch then turned to look at me. His eyes were blank and without emotion. Every thing about him made him look so tired all of the sudden, like he was dying but done with the fight.
There was no answer he just walked silently out of the room. I had turned to do the same, when Yuna stopped me.
"I'm not a bad person. Some day you'll understand that." she looked at me with the same pleading eyes I thought were reserved for me, "You don't just love someone because it's convenient. There is no reason or way to control it, and that's why real love is so rare. He deserves to find some one to love him."
"You're right, Yuna," I smiled in an insane way, "He, unlike you, deserves to be happy!"
She didn't even try to say any thing else. Her face was sad and tired as she hugged Vidina to her in the dim light of the apartment. I felt bad for her for a minute, before removing the thought from my mind and leaving the room. I let the door slam hard to intensify the baby's screaming.
"Want to go get some food?" A voice grumbled aimlessly, and I looked up to see Tidus leaning against the wall opposite Wakka and Lulu's room. He looked much the same as he had inside the room; broken.
We walked to the first restaurant we could find in silence. It was a painful silence, drowned in words that were never said.
The little café we landed on first was a silent place, with the majority of it's seating outside. It was cold so we went into the building and sat down at a little booth near a window. The tables sparkled like glass, making me wish for a table cloth.
I searched for something to say. Something comforting to make him feel better, but I couldn't think of a single thing. What do you say to a friend who just had his heart crushed into pieces?
"So, um, the weather sucks." I muttered, while I played with my fingers and looked across the table at him. Tidus offered me a fake smile.
"It's going to rain soon…" He shook his head, "It's hard enough to find a prostitute in Bevelle." He laughed at this, but I didn't find it the least bit funny. I hit him upside the head.
"I'm sorry for making it rain," I smiled and stood to get out of my seat, attracting some looks when I curled up next to him on his little bench.
He held me to him for a long time, burrowing his head in my hair and saying things that wouldn't even qualify as words. I tightened my grip on him, trying to make him know that I really was sorry for every thing. After few a few long minutes he kissed my head distantly and pulled me off of him. Our food had arrived but I wasn't the least bit hungry, but he ate like he'd been starving.
I laid my head back down on his shoulder.
"You know," He chuckled between bites, " I could get used to all this special treatment." I reached down to intertwine the fingers on one of his hand in mine, to which he gave an awkward cough.
Tidus ate through all of his food and mine in complete silence after this. He didn't make a move to get me away from him though. It was comfortable and nice. For a little while I finally felt at peace. I hated that I felt okay about it.
If I hadn't said any thing he wouldn't be so quiet right now. His voice wouldn't be so serious and sad, even when he was joking around. I wished that he would just hit me, to make me feel better about how I'd wronged him.
"It's not your fault," He muttered after finishing his food and paying, "You were just telling me the truth,"
I just nodded unable to find a word to say. I knew it really was my fault though, he was being painfully sweet.
"She didn't even cry about it. You did. This doesn't even concern you and you at least managed to feel sad, like a human. My god!" He shoved open the doors looking a little angry, "Why'd you have to go and cry?"
"I never wanted to see you get hurt like that. It just killed me." I smiled at him sadly.
He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, "Don't worry about it. It's my problem and I'll find someway to deal. Besides one day you'll have plenty of your own mishaps, and then we can be miserable together." I turned to him feeling like an idiot for what I was about to do.
"But, Tidus, this is one of my 'mishaps', because it involves you. And I l-love you like I shouldn't. " I looked away, hoping he understood what I was trying to say.
Tidus wasted no time coming over to me. Roughly he pulled my arm to bring me in closely to him, I hit his eyes and couldn't read the look that he was giving me. He pushed his mouth against mine violently, and stuck his tongue in my mouth. One of his arms was wrapped around my lower back pulling me close to him, and the other was reaching up the front of my shirt. He lifted me slightly to push me up against the wall of the café.
He broke away for a second to regain his breath, and searched my eyes looking for any sign of protest, before kissing me again just as roughly. I let out an involuntary shudder as he bit my lip, but nothing more than that. I tried to move my arms to touch him but I could only move one to tangle in his hair, as the other was behind my back. He was crushing it against the wall painfully and I couldn't move it.
I tried not to focus on that though as the hand he wasn't using to hold me up had abandoned my shirt and moved down to my legs. His fingers closed roughly on my inner thigh, scratching me, causing my body to fall into another shudder. I felt them move higher and up under my skirt.
I suddenly turned my head way from him letting his mouth concern it's self with my neck. This was just in time for a moan to escape my lips. I tried to push him away.
"Stop it," I growled, surprised at the rough sound of my own voice. He tore his mouth away and looked at me with distant eyes.
Maybe yesterday, no matter what the circumstances I would have had no problem making-out with him right in the middle of a public plaza. I wouldn't have cared, if he was upset about Yuna. If playing make believe with me would make him feel better even for a second I would have done it. Or maybe the day wouldn't have made a difference at all. Right then and there I knew I didn't want him, and he didn't want me either.
Yuna was right after all. Love is definitely not convenient. You can't help it if you love the person who drives you crazy, or the one who will tend to your every whim. You can't help whether or not you love the man your kissing. You most certainly don't always love someone who loves you back.
I really did love Tidus. I did. I'm not sure when it happened, and might have happened right that instant, but I didn't love him any more. It wasn't anything he said or did, and it wasn't because he was in love with some one else. It was because I was in love with someone else. Some idiot who couldn't spring for a expensive flower.
I wasn't the same as Yuna. She never loved this man, but I did. Either way I hated myself.
"My boyfriend wouldn't like it very much if he saw you dong this," I laughed sadly as he pulled away, and turned his back to me.
"Is there just something about me Rikku?" He asked, then his eyes hit the crowd of people we had gathered with a panicked face. They didn't look to happy, but for now they stayed entirely still, save for a few hurtful shouts.
"You deserve so much better," I shook my head and turned him to me.
"I want to love you. I want us to run away and forget all of this." He smiled, "But I can't, and you can't… I guess I'm screwed then right. I got shot down two times today, it kind of sucks."
"I just realized I'm in love with some one else." I said with a happy smile, and hated that I was happy while the world must be suffocating him. I'm so selfish and I hate it.
He walked close to me and leaned down to touch his forehead to mine, "You gonna go see him then? I mean, who knows how much time you've got?" his smile was sad but I smiled back nonetheless.
I kissed him goodbye before I left.
There was a cut on my lip that stung painfully when I tried to speak, finger-nail marks where no one else's hand should have been, and probably a big ugly hickey on my neck. All of that and I didn't care. I wanted to go see him for a minute, or maybe just a second. My heart was flying in a good way.
I practically ran all the way to his room in the hotel. I waited several minutes just standing there before knocking, to nervous to do anything. It didn't matter though because he wasn't even there. I thought about calling people on the commsphere to see if anyone knew where he had gone, then I tried the door knob and the door came right open.
I went into his room, feeling bubbly and excited. That didn't take to long to wear off.
That man never showed any interest in me. Sure I was fun for him, but other than that, what did he care?
What would he think after my leaving him yesterday and telling him that I liked another man. Not to mention I was considerably marked by said man. He might just tell me to leave.
Telling him and enduring the embarrassment would be better than not doing anything. I just wished he'd tell me he loved me and wouldn't decide to talk about a coat then kiss me. But I knew that wasn't him.
I'd picked Tidus over him. All of the sudden I had the nerve to come and see him and tell him everything I felt just because Tidus was making me feel guilty. I didn't even know if I really loved Gippal. I felt something, and love is the name I called it. How am I really supposed to really know what love is if I had never been in love before. I just want it. I want it so bad it hurts.
This was starting to sound more and more like a stupid idea. I wanted to leave anyway, to find someplace where none of this existed. Maybe I was just scared. Maybe that's why I was thinking all these stupid thing that I didn't want to. Maybe he would make everything okay again.
I sat on the floor next to his bed for what must have been hours, before I saw the horizon light up into a gradual sun set. The orange light of it spread across my face. I looked at that one beautiful thing, in this world of broken hearts and ugliness.
This was the only true beauty I had ever known. I was ugly and horrible. I broke up a man's heart today, I made a baby cry, and I was yelled at my the savior of our country. I was kissed by a man who was pretending I was some one else, and I had kissed him back without caring. I would have slept with him. I should be rotting on a wanted poster right now.
The door creeped open and I heard a voice calling my name. I stood up with a start and faced him. The light from the window hit him in a wonderful way. He smiled when he saw me looking at him.
"Now what do you want, Cid's girl?" he said softly and walked as close to me as he could.
"N-Nothing." I stuttered and headed for the door.
He grabbed my arm, and searched my eyes with a foreign seriousness, "Couldn't get enough of me could you?"
Because I'm so stupid and young, I looked him right in the eye and wrapped my arms around his neck. I smiled at him, nervous as hell.
"I love you," I whispered.
