A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All
A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P
A/N: So...this took me forever to write. I was super busy with school-still am-and I'm just really sorry :( But I hope you like this chapter. It's an important one. If Logan seems a little OOC, it's mainly because he's reached his breaking point with all the confusion that he's been dealing with. But yeah. You'll understand when you read it. As always, enjoy :)
Logan sat outside the Paul Recital Hall, notebook resting on his lap while he waited for Camille to get done with her lecture. His noise-reduction headphones covered his ears, drowning out his all-over-the-place thoughts with his Wicked, West Side Story, Hairspray, Phantom of the Opera, and Jersey Boys playlist. As a steady stream of students passed him, he mulled over Professor Rivera's offer. Him, auditioning for Wicked? Sure, it was one of his favorite musicals, and he sang Dancing Through Life for his application performance, but actually be a part of the entire show? Was he even good enough?
Professor Rivera obviously thought that Logan had a shot at landing at least an ensemble role, though. Maybe one of the Ozians…
A small smile played on Logan's face while he scrolled to the song No One Mourns The Wicked. Humming along to the intro, Logan began to envision himself performing this song on a real stage, in a real show, in front of a real audience. If he was being completely honest with himself, he was kind of enjoying the vision.
"Hey, Loges. I got your SOS text. What's going on?" Camille abruptly appeared beside Logan, sinking down to sit next to the startled brunette. Logan paused his music and pulled the headphones from off his head.
"Hey, Cam. How was your lecture?"
"Boring as hell. What's going on?" Camille persisted, seeing right through Logan's attempt to change the subject.'
Logan ran a hand through his hair, sighing softly. "Well, James and I got paired up as scene partners in Professor Neilson's class, he was all cryptic again, and then Professor Rivera wrote out a recommendation for this year's main-stage musical. Which just so happens to be Wicked. So yeah. I'm actually thinking about auditioning…" Logan intoned, staring at the ground.
Camille squealed loudly, practically shattering Logan's eardrums. "Oh my God, Logan! This is so huge! Professor Rivera never gives out recommendations for auditions! You're going to do so great!" Camille wrapped her arms around Logan's shoulder, shaking him back and forth erratically. "We have to tell Carlos! Logan, this is so awesome!" The ecstatic actress jumped to her feet, tugging on Logan's arms in attempt to pull him to his feet. Logan slowly rose and grabbed his bag off the floor. He slung it over his shoulder, trying to keep up with Camille.
"Do we even know where Carlos is?"
Camille looked back over shoulder, giving him a "Bitch, please" look. "Logan. Me and Carlos are acting partners, and best friends. I always know where he is. He's in Rose, grabbing some food." Encasing Logan's wrist in her tight grip, she increased her speed as they headed toward the Rose Building.
Logan bit back a laugh, forcing himself not to make some snarky comment. "Do you think I should go through with the audition? It's in a week and a half."
"Better start preparing." Camille smiled at him as they entered the building. "You're going to sing Dancing Through Life again, you're going to own that stage, you're going to land a lead role." She stated with complete confidence before she quickly spotted Carlos standing in line at the coffee bar. "Carlos! Guess what!" She squealed, rushing over to the short Latino.
Startled, Carlos spun around, his face lighting up at the sight of the perky brunette. "Hey Cam, Logan. What's up?" He asked as he stepped out of line.
"Logan got a recommendation to audition for this year's main-stage musical!"
Carlos grinned broadly, quickly embracing his friend. "That's awesome, dude! Congratulations!" He stepped away and adjusted the ski cap on the top of her head. "You're gonna do it, right?"
"Well, I…"
Camille slapped her hand over Logan's mouth. "Of course he's going to do it!"
Logan rolled his eyes, leading his friends to a table. "Guys, I don't know if I'm going to do it. I mean, I have practically no experience. One lead role in a musical does not make me good enough to land a big role in Wicked, of all plays. If I audition, I'm not going to expect to get a lead role. I'd probably get a spot in the ensemble."
Carlos planted his palms on the glass table, leg bouncing up and down. "I can actually see you getting cast as Fieyero or Boq. Maybe even the Wizard. Or Dr. Dillamond."
"You just named almost all of the male leads."
Camille placed a hand on Carlos' shoulder, leaning toward him slightly. "I'm pretty sure that Carlos is saying that you are too good for an ensemble role."
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
Logan sighed, running a hand through his hair. "But playing Rooster in Annie is my only theatrical background. There are hundreds of other guys on this campus with way more experience than me—l-like James, for instance. I'm sure that he's going to be auditioning. I mean, why wouldn't someone give him a recommendation letter? He's the most talented guy on campus." Logan rolled his eyes at Carlos' offended expression. "No offense, Carlos. I'm just saying that most of the guys here are more talented than me." He shrugged his shoulders, laying his head down on his arms. Voice muffled, he groaned, "I just don't know what to do. I want to so badly, but I don't want to make a fool out of myself."
Exchanging a look, Camille and Carlos raised their eyebrows simultaneously. "Um…you brought up James earlier. You-you mentioned that you got paired up with him in Neilson's class. What do you, uh, think about that?" Camille asked, biting her bottom lip.
Logan groaned once more, looking up for a moment before dropping his head back down onto the table. "Ugh, I completely forgot about that. I don't get that guy, at all. And it's been driving me crazy. I mean, I know I should happy to be paired up with him, because it pretty much guarantees me a top grade in that class for the rest of the year. But he…is it going to sound weird that he kind of freaks me out? I mean, that first time he talked to me in Neilson's class, then the staring in the union yesterday, then the weird conversation this morning. I just…I just don't know."
Carlos pursed his lips, internally sighing. "What's your opinion on James as a person?" He asked casually, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.
"Um, James…James is an arrogant douche."
Camille blinked once, eyes wide. "Th-that's how you feel about him?" She snuck a quick, panicked glance at Carlos.
Looking up at the ceiling, Logan sighed. "Well, I think that he is, but doesn't everyone? I mean, I'm sure there's the potential for him to be a good person, but it must be hard to dig through all those layers of ambition and all the walls he's built up around him. Have you guys ever noticed that James seems really guarded? Because he has that whole confident-but-seems-to-be-hiding-something thing going on. Do you see that? Or am I just crazy?" Logan took a deep breath, face reddening. " I don't know. I'm rambling. Someone shut me up, please." Logan begged, burying his beet-red face in his hands.
"You seem to have put a lot of thought into James Diamond." Camille snorted, discreetly pulling out her phone and typing out a message to Kendall. Logan shook his head defiantly, rubbing his palm over his face.
"No. No, no, no. I have not thought about him, and I will not think about him. Especially not in the way that you are implying, Camille. I cannot afford to think like that. You know what would happen if I allowed myself to think like that. He is my scene partner, and that is it. Nothing more, nothing less. Do not try to do anything to meddle with this, Cam. And that goes for you, too, Carlos." Logan said sternly, planting his hands on the table.
Carlos reached across and gently rested his hand on Logan's forearm. "Loges, no one said anything about that." He informed the brunette softly, tilting his head to the side. "Camille was just teasing you."
Logan ripped his hand away. "Yeah, well, it wasn't funny. I need to go think." He snatched his bag off the floor and stormed off in a rage, muttering under his breath incoherently.
Camille and Carlos looked at each other, identical expressions on their faces. "Well, shit. That didn't go well. I hate when Logan's mad at me." Camille muttered, resting her head on Carlos' shoulder. Pressing his lips to her soft hair, Carlos laid his head on top of hers.
"James is going to be so pissed."
Camille turned her face toward Carlos' neck, burying her face in the crook between the column of this throat and his collarbone. "I only want him to be happy, Carlos. I don't understand why he resists so much. It's a part of who he is. And we all accept it, his mom accept it. I mean, I love Logan, but God! He can be so frustrating sometimes."
Carlos ran a hand through her dark locks soothingly. "I know, Cam. He's stubborn beyond belief. But I really think that if anyone can break him down, it'll be James."
…
"Professor Rivera, I cannot express how grateful I am to you." James said, relaxing on the leather couch, staring at the man before him. Professor Rivera stared right back, stony expression playing on his weathered face.
"James, I still don't understand how I allowed you to persuade me to change this year's main-stage musical from Chicago to Wicked. We just did that show two years ago. And I had never even heard of that Logan Mitchell until you told me to recommend him." The teacher said, crossing his arms over his chest.
James smirked. "But you watched his audition tape, right? He's talented."
"I won't argue with that, James. I won't argue with that. I'm just wondering why you were so adamant about this year's musical being Wicked."
"What, a guy can't dream about being cast as the lead in his favorite musical ever?"
"I wouldn't be so confident that you'll get the role of Fieyro. Mr. Mitchell seems to be very, very skilled when it comes to musical theater. Why, his performance of Dancing Through Life would be enough to make anyone cast him." Professor Rivera stated as he scrawled something down on a piece of paper before handing it to James. "Here's my recommendation letter for you. I'd get practicing if I were you."
James' face quickly dropped the smile. "I'll do just that, Professor. Thank you." Grabbing his backpack from off the carpeted floor, he turned on his heel and stalked out of the office.
The actor had never thought of the repercussions of getting Logan to audition for Wicked. He was obviously a worthy candidate for Fieyro, but before Professor Rivera pointed it out, James had pictured Logan getting cast as Boq or Professor Dillamond. Not the male lead. That was James' part. James was born to play Fieyro. He had the looks, the voice, the talent…
But so did Logan. James hadn't taken that into account when he was making all these plans to get close to the brunette. Storming out of the building and into the crisp fall air, thoughts swirled around in his head.
Did I totally screw myself because of some guy? See, James, this is why we don't fall for people! Especially other guys! God, have you not learned anything from the past? Besides, we don't have time to get involved with anyone. We need to focus, James. Focus on the dream. If we lose sight of the dream, the past 11 years of our life will be for nothing.
James pulled out his phone, sent a quick text to Kendall, informing him that he wouldn't be able to meet up for dinner like they had planned, and stormed into the McClelland Drama Theater. He walked past the lobby, past the ticket counter…
And paused when he heard muted music coming from the other side of the heavy doors that lead to the stage. After a few seconds of listening, his mind registered that it was the introduction to Dancing Through Life. Curiosity struck him, and he softly pushed the door open and moved inside.
On stage was Logan, eyes closed, chest puffed out. Behind him was a large metal platform, lit up by the lone spotlight. Brown eyes popping open, Logan opened his mouth and began to perform, and James once more got to watch the man completely change his personality, let go of his anxiety, and truly come to life.
"The trouble with schools is they always try to teach the wrong lesson. Believe me, I've been kicked out of enough of them to know. They want you to become more callow, less shallow, but I, 'Why invite stress in?' Stop studying strife, and learn to live the unexamined life." Logan's voice carried through the introduction, filling the auditorium and making James' heart swell with emotions he didn't know existed. Logan's tone was so rich and full, and, if he was being completely honest with himself, James a bit jealous.
Breaking out into the dance moves that James had memorized years ago, Logan continued. "Dancing through life, skimming the surface, gliding where turf is smooth. Life's more painless for the brainless. Why think too hard when it's so soothing…Dancing through life? No need to tough it, when you can slough it off as I do? Nothing matters, but knowing nothing matters…It's just life. So keep dancing through…" James was amazed at how well Logan's voice followed the notes, moving up and down, while still managing to put full effort into his dancing. Leaping and gliding across the stage as if it was all he knew how to do.
And James really couldn't deny that Logan spinning around the poles behind him was turning him on just a little. The sandy-haired brunette watched Logan come to a standstill at the front of the stage, arms outstretched as he belted out the last note of the song. As the track faded out, Logan released a deep breath, bending at the waist.
James really couldn't resist his next move. He rose to his feet, hands coming together in a loud set of claps. "That was incredible." He called out, smirking as the performer jumped harshly.
Logan squinted, trying to figure out who had been spying him. "What the fuck?" He yelled, storming off the stage, flicking on the house lights as he hurried up the aisle. "James! What the hell?" Logan asked angrily, getting up in James' face. "Why the fuck were you spying on me?"
James was taken aback. He hadn't expected the brunette to get this angry. "Hey, I was coming here to let out some steam, and you were here instead. The door was open, I was intrigued. I didn't mean to offend you, Logan. By the way, you were really good." James held up hands up in front of him, trying to convey his innocence. Logan rolled his eyes, planted his palms on James' chest, and shoved him—hard.
"Look, James. I don't give a flying fuck that we're scene partners. Stop acting nice to me." Logan seethed, getting up close to James' face.
"Why? Why don't you want me to be nice to you?"
"Because! Life was so much easier when you didn't know I existed! You make me nervous, you make me angry, and worst of all, you make me so fucking confused, all the goddamn time, James! I hate being confused, and I don't know what to make of everything I've been thinking, and I can't seem to stop thinking about you lately—" Logan snapped his mouth shut, internally cursing himself out at the slip of the tongue.
James leaned closer. "You've been thinking about me, Logie?" He watched Logan's face slowly grow redder by the second, almost felt the heat radiating off the boy. "Do I make you nervous?"
"N-no."
"I think I do. And you make me nervous, Logan. You make me very nervous."
"I do?"
James nodded, moving closer still. "Very nervous. I'm actually starting to believe that you're better than me. At least with that song." He gestured toward the stage.
Logan inhaled deeply, trying to reign in his ever-growing nervousness and desire that he felt for the man in front of him. "L-look, James…"
"No talking." James said before simply staring at Logan.
"W-what are you—" His question was promptly cut off when James crushed his lips to Logan's.
