Thanks to all who reviewed/followed/favored! I have bumped up the rating to M.
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Regina awoke to the feel of strong arms around her. It was a familiar feeling as this is how she'd woken up nearly every morning since they were brought back to Storybrook. In the last several months she'd woken every morning feeling safer then she ever had in her life. As comforting as the feeling was it was equally heartbreaking. She wouldn't be waking to this much longer.
At some point in the night she'd turned in her sleep and she was now nestled into his chest. She kept her eyes closed doing her best to memorize the feel of his arms around her. She wanted to remember the security of being in the arms of someone who truly loved her. Of course she didn't fool herself into actually believing that he loved her. He was cursed to feel this way and make no mistake, anyone in their right mind would realize that being married to the Evil Queen was a curse.
It was made all the more heartbreaking that this was the man who was supposed to be her happy ending. He was the one who was supposed to be her true love, but that was a lifetime ago. The things she had done since certainly insured that no one would be able to love her.
So she would enjoy this moment. She would remember what it felt like to be held by someone who loved her. Sure it was a lie, but it was most likely as close as she would ever come to it.
Her heart beat a little faster when she felt him shift and place a kiss against her hair. She did her best to remain relaxed as he began rubbing her back lightly. She continued to tell herself in her mind to act natural…don't freak out.
The truth was she didn't know how to be natural in a situation like this. For one thing she wasn't used to being held like this…well her cursed self was, but Regina wasn't that person. She was herself now and people didn't hold her like this. Not to mention the fact that he was still cursed and she couldn't very well just tell him what was going on.
He would have her locked away for sure.
She took a deep breath and shifted giving him a soft smile. "Good morning."
He looked down at her and grinned. "Good morning beautiful." He shifted and moved down so they were now both on their side and facing each other. He put his hand on her side and placed a kiss to her lips. "Did you sleep well?"
She smiled. "I always do when I'm with you." What?! She thought to herself. Where in the hell had that come from. Maybe there was more of her cursed self still in there then she realized.
He moved his hand that currently rested at her waist and brought it around her back before pulling her closer to him. Her chest was now flush against his and she felt her breath catch. Oh no…would he expect sex?
Regina's heart beat a little faster. It wasn't as if they hadn't had sex. Hell they'd been living together as husband and wife for nearly six months…of course they had, but now…things were certainly not the same as they were.
She had her memories back and he didn't. It wouldn't be right for her to allow that to happen anymore would it? It just didn't seem fair to him to continue a sexual relationship when she knew the truth and he didn't.
She sighed and closed her eyes when he brought his hand up to push her hair back from her face. "It's nice to actually get to spend some time in bed with you. The last two mornings you have gotten up so early I haven't had a chance to hold you…or even talk to you."
Regina smiled and told herself to stop panicking. "I missed you too."
He grinned. "I've missed you a lot." He leaned in and pressed another kiss to her mouth. When he lingered for a moment Regina instinctively parted her lips to allow him access. He grinned a bit before sliding his tongue slowly into her mouth. All of Regina's thoughts seemed to melt away as he kissed her. She moaned into his mouth as he deepened the kiss and their tongues tangled in an intimate dance with each other.
He pulled back for a moment and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek while he allowed his hand to slide down to her hip. He smiled and began to lower his head for another kiss before Regina placed a hand on his chest. One more kiss like that and it wouldn't matter if sleeping with him was right or wrong, she would be putty in his hands.
Damn his kisses were potent.
"I should probably start breakfast. Roland will be up soon." She told him.
He groaned a little and pulled her closer. "Aww…it's the weekend. He might sleep for a little while yet and I have missed my wife." He leaned down to feather soft kisses along her neck.
Regina swallowed at the sensations he was sending through her body with the attention he was paying to her neck. "Mmm…I would hate for us to start something we can't finish, not to mention that your son has the habit of barging into our room on Saturday mornings…I wouldn't want him to end up scared for life. He is an early riser."
Robin nearly growled. "Just like his Mother." He leaned in and placed a kiss to her nose.
Regina felt a pang at that comment…it was the same pang she felt every time she remembered that Roland wasn't actually her child.
"Can we at least stay in bed until he wakes up?" Robin wanted to know. "I promise I'll behave myself…our son won't be scared for life today."
Regina grinned. "I'm not sure you are capable of behaving yourself."
Robin ran his hand up her side. "Well I will admit that being this close to you makes it difficult." He leaned in for another kiss. "But I will do my best. I miss holding my girl."
Regina wanted to cry when he called her his girl. This life with him and Roland was so normal. It was what she had dreamed of for so long as a little girl. Living with her mother had been a rough childhood. All she had wanted was the complete opposite of that. She'd wanted a simple life with the man she loved and children…she'd wanted lots of children.
That life hadn't been in the cards for her though. It had been ripped away the day her mother had killed Daniel and she had been forced to marry the king. He had never even pretended to love her. Instead he'd treated her as a glorified babysitter that he occasionally liked to use to warm his bed.
There had been other lovers, but there had never been love…there had never been kindness, longing or tenderness. All of her relationships had been lust driven. There had been no spending a lazy Saturday morning in bed kissing and holding each other close.
It would have been better if Regina had never been shown what it was she was missing.
"Come on Regina…cuddle with me for a while." Robin urged.
She gave him a small smile and this time it was she who leaned in for a kiss. She moved her hand to the back of his head as she gently urged him to open his lips with her tongue. One more kiss wouldn't hurt. Just one more.
He smiled when she pressed herself against him and was more then happy to oblige her in deepening the kiss. When she pulled back for a breath she gently stroked his face.
"You know it's not fair to ask me to behave myself then turn around and kiss me like that." He told her grinning.
Before she could speak the bedroom door opened and an excited five year old was leaping into their bed. "Good morning!" The boy said grinning from the end of the bed.
"Good morning sweetheart." Regina smiled at the energetic child.
"Your son has terrible timing." Robin whispered into her ear.
"I told you it wouldn't be long before he was up." Regina grinned at him.
"Daddy…" Roland said pushing on his father's leg. "Move over. It's my turn to snuggle with Mommy."
Robin grumbled a bit but moved so Roland could crawl between them. The boy settled himself between his parents and cuddled himself against Regina. "What we gonna do today Mama?" He asked her.
"What would you like to do?" She asked him.
"Can we go the arcade?" He asked looking up at her with pleading eyes.
In this moment…in this last little bit of time she had with him, she would promise him anything. Hell she would probably get him a puppy if he asked for one. "I think the arcade sounds like a wonderful idea."
The boy smiled and turned to his father. "You gonna come Daddy?" He asked.
Robin grinned and ruffled the boy's hair. "Well I'm not just gonna sit around here by myself all day."
"Don't forget that Emma and Henry are coming for dinner tonight." Regina reminded them both.
"Yay!" Roland said. "The arcade then some new friends!"
Regina leaned in and placed a kiss to Roland's head. "I guess I should get up and make breakfast." She tickled Roland's belly causing him to laugh and squirm. "I gotta feed my growing boy."
Robin reached out and took her hand into his then brought it to his mouth. "I'll fix breakfast." He told her. "Your growing boy hasn't seen much of you the last two days and I think he's starved for some Mommy cuddles."
Regina smiled and brought her arm around Roland as Robin climbed out of bed. "Any requests?" He asked.
"Pancakes!" Roland said.
"I think I can manage pancakes" Robin told them both as he grinned and walked out of the room.
"Mommy, I've missed you in the mornings." Roland told her. He was used to her being the one to wake him in the mornings for school, but since she had left the house early the last two days he hadn't gotten his normal morning routine.
"I've missed you in the mornings too baby." She told him and pulled him a little closer. "Roland you know I love you right."
Roland looked up at her and nodded. "Yep." He answered.
Regina smiled at his simple answer. "I just want you to remember that ok?" She brushed his hair back from his head. "No matter what happens, I want you to remember that I love you so very much."
"I won't forget Mama." He promised.
She smiled a little sadly and placed a kiss to his head. "Good."
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Regina put the finishing touches on her lasagna before placing it in the oven. Their family day had gone well. She had been worried that she wouldn't be able to act the way her cursed self had, but she found that it wasn't very hard to fall back into the routine that she'd lived for the past several months.
Of course having Roland around made things easier. He was such a sweet boy. It was so strange to have two separate lifetimes in your head. While she knew who she really was and that this had never really been her family at the same time she couldn't help but think of them that way. She could tell herself in her head that the memories of them weren't real, but her heart was a different story entirely.
She did think of Roland as her son, she could only hope that when the curse was broken and everything came crashing down around her that she would still be able to have a part in his life. She hoped he would want her to and that Robin would be ok with it.
Spending time with Robin was a little more complicated. Being with him made her long for things that she knew weren't meant for her. No one could live the life she had and expect someone to fall in love with them. Robin was to good of a man to want to be with a woman like her.
The way he was with her though…that made her long for this life they had together. He was considerate of her feelings, he listened to her and he was kind. She paid attention to the gentle hand that he would lay on her back or the way he would look at her when she was talking to Roland. He looked at her with love. Only one other person had ever looked at her that way and he'd been taken from her.
Regina had often found herself wondering after Daniel's death what it would be like to be married to a man who looked at her that way. Now she knew. It was to bad she would have to lose it.
She shook her head. She was being ridiculous. These were cursed memories. They weren't real. None of it was real. She had to stop dwelling on Robin. Everything they had found together was a lie. It wasn't like Roland who was a child and would possibly be willing to have her in his life. Robin was a grown man. He was a man who had been in love before…probably with a decent woman. He would see this curse as exactly what it was…a curse.
She glanced up when she heard the doorbell. She was nervous about this dinner as well. It hadn't been lost on her the day before the way Henry had glared at Roland. If someone had told her two years ago that Henry would one day look at another child with jealousy because of her she never would have believed it, but if she wasn't mistaken it had been jealousy in his eyes. She also hadn't missed the fact that Henry assumed that when the curse was broken, Regina would cease to have anything to do with Roland.
Of course he may be right about that. Regina's heart picked up when she thought about the fact that Robin could very well keep Roland from her. After all she wasn't his mother…she was the Evil Queen. Just because the man had been friendly to her in the Enchanted Forest didn't mean that he would want her to be a parental figure in his son's life.
But if he was willing to let her be in his life she wanted to.
She would have to talk to Henry about that if it happened. She knew he wouldn't be happy about it, but she couldn't just erase her feelings for the little boy that she'd grown to love. She wanted him in her life. She hoped that Henry would be able to accept that.
She walked out of the kitchen to find Robin already at the door letting Emma and Henry in. Her heart lurched as it always did when she saw her son. She wanted to run to him and pull him into her arms.
Emma smiled at her. On the way over she had coached Henry on what to say. She didn't want him calling her Mom. Talk about blowing their cover. She hadn't been sure how good of an idea this would be. All they needed was just one thing to go wrong and it would be over. They would all be locked in the Storybrooke mental institution and the curse would remain in tact forever.
"Something smells great!" Emma commented.
"I made lasagna." Regina told them.
Henry grinned. "My favorite." He commented making Regina smile. She knew it was his favorite, it's why she had made it.
"Mine too!" Roland piped up. "Mommy makes the best lasagna."
Henry looked at the boy with that same look Regina had seen the day before.
"Indeed she does." Robin added. "The best lasagna in town."
Emma pasted on a smile when she saw the way Henry was glaring at Roland. "Anything we can do to help? I'm not the best cook but I'm great with salad…or you know slicing bread."
Regina smiled and shook her head. "I have everything under control, but I wouldn't mind some company." It wouldn't hurt to have the opportunity to see if the two of them had learned anything new.
"I'll keep you company." Henry added quickly then shrugged when Emma gave him a look. What part of act natural had he missed? "I like watching people cook." he added.
Regina saw the crestfallen look on Roland's face. He'd been hoping that the older boy would want to play with him. He'd been talking about Henry coming all day and wondered if he would like his bedroom which had various super heroes all over it.
"Are you sure Henry?" Robin asked noticing the look that came to his son's face. "Roland and I were just about to start up the Xbox."
Henry shook his head. "Nah, I like to hang out in the kitchen." He grinned and added. "I don't really get the chance to do it…like…ever." He eyed Emma with a grin.
Emma rolled her eyes. "That's his way of saying I'm a terrible cook." She looked at Roland who still looked sad that Henry didn't want to hang out with him. "I however hate the kitchen though so I would love to play some Xbox." She told the little boy. It would give Henry and Regina some time together anyway
He looked up his face brightening a little. "Ok." He took her by the hand and led her into the living room.
Robin looked at them as if he wanted to follow, but then looked back at Regina. "Um…is there anything you need me to do?" He asked her.
Regina grinned and shook her head. "Go play your game."
He smiled back at her and dropped a quick kiss to her mouth. "You're the best babe."
"I know." She told him and shooed him into the living room.
When they were left alone again Henry wrapped his arms around her waist and grinned up at her. "I'm glad I get to spend some time with you."
She smiled back at him and pulled her arms a bit tighter. "Me too."
Once they were in the kitchen Henry sat at the island and watched as she began to prepare the salad. "It's weird seeing you with a husband."
Regina laughed a little. "It's weird having a husband." She told him.
"Who is he in the Enchanted Forest?" Henry wanted to know.
Regina grinned. "Well I'll give you a hint…His name hasn't changed."
Henry looked at her for a moment. "Robin Hood?!" He grinned from ear to ear. "My Mom is married to Robin Hood."
"So it would seem." Regina said.
"Did you know him there?" Henry asked.
Regina nodded. "We helped each other a bit."
"Were you guys friends?" He wanted to know.
"We were friendly." She said.
Henry lifted a brow. "Did you like him?"
"He was nice to me and always polite." Regina told him.
"But I mean…did you like like him." Henry asked.
"Double like huh?" She grinned at her son. "No, I had trouble focusing on anything but you when I was there."
"So you're not attracted to him at all?" he asked.
"I…" Regina started to answer then made a face. "Why am I talking about this with you? You are my son. I'm supposed to be asking you about your crushes not telling you about mine."
"So you do have a crush on him?" Henry grinned when Regina narrowed her eyes at him. "You're talking to me because at the moment me and Emma are your only options to talk to…and Emma has a tendency to make conversations like this awkward."
Regina shook her head and leaned in to place a kiss to his cheek. "Well at least I know you come by it honestly dear."
Henry laughed and rolled his eyes. "I'm not as awkward as Emma Mom."
She smiled again. "Maybe not quite."
Henry studied her for a moment. "So what about the kid?"
Regina looked at her son's face. "Roland…he has a name Henry."
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah so what about Roland?"
"Roland is Robin's son. I actually met him before I met Robin. He wandered into my part of the castle and got himself turned around. I helped him find his father." Regina told him. She laid a hand on Henry's arm. "He's a very sweet boy Henry. You should really give him a chance." When Henry only looked down at her hand she continued. "He's been looking forward to you coming all day. He wanted to show you his room…He really wants to impress you."
"Why?" Henry asked.
Regina smiled and ruffled his hair. "Because you're so cool."
Henry rolled his eyes. "I would rather spend time with you."
Regina took a breath and nodded. "Ok, but maybe you could let him show you his room before you leave…and maybe you could be very impressed by it?"
Henry looked back up at her. "What difference does it make? When he gets his memories back he's not going to care about impressing me…or his room."
"Henry" Regina said in exasperation. "He's five. Of course he will still care about those things."
Henry looked back up at her. "Do you love him?"
Regina blinked but didn't hesitate. "Yes."
Henry shook his head. "Why? He's not your son! I am!"
Regina took his hand into hers. "Yes you are but so is he…Henry" Regina paused. "You know how you have new memories with Emma now?"
Henry nodded. "Yeah."
"Well are those memories any less real to you even though you know the truth now?" She asked him.
Henry sighed. "I guess not." He looked back into her eyes. "But I am Emma's son…your not really his Mom."
That comment cut like a knife. "Blood doesn't matter Henry…you know that. To him I am his Mother…and yes he is my son. If Robin is ok with it I want to continue to be in his life. Even after the curse breaks."
Henry shook his head. "But you're my Mom."
Regina laid her hand on his cheek. "If I were to get married and have another child would you object to it?"
Henry shook his head. "I don't know…I just always had you to myself before."
Regina smiled. "And I loved it when it was the two of us Henry, but things are different now…I have other people in my life, but it hasn't made me love you any less."
"If you love Roland like your son then do you love Robin too?" He wanted to know.
"I…things with Robin are more complicated. It always is with adults." She told him. "Will you just try to be sweet with Roland? Please?" Regina asked him.
Henry rolled his eyes. "I guess."
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Henry and Roland walked back down the stairs after dinner with Roland happily chatting away.
"I love Batman! He's my favorite of all!" Roland told him.
"Spiderman's better." Henry told him but caught his mother's eye and sighed. "But Batman is cool too."
"Thanks for having us for dinner." Emma said as she slipped into her coat. "It was great." She and Regina hadn't really had the chance to talk but Henry had gotten to spend some time with his other mother.
"Thanks for coming!" Robin said. "It's always great to get to know people from other places. Sometimes we forget around here that there are other places besides our small town."
Regina smiled sad to see her son leaving again. "It was wonderful having both of you." She laid a hand on Henry's shoulder. "Thanks for keeping me company in the kitchen."
"Anytime" He grinned at her. He wanted to hug her but didn't want to make it seem weird so he waved instead. "See ya soon."
"Thanks for coming to see my room Henry!" Roland said.
Henry gave the little boy a small smile…he did promise his mother he would try. "Sure kid, It's a pretty cool room." Roland beamed at him and Henry felt a little stab of guilt for not being very nice to him.
Regina mouthed a thank you to Henry and he smiled at her. "See you all soon." Emma told them as they turned and walked to the car.
"They are really friendly." Robin commented as he watched them. "I wonder how much longer they will stay."
"As long as it takes." Regina said then finished when he raised his eyebrow. "For Emma to find that girl she's looking for."
"Can I play more Xbox?" Roland asked.
Regina turned to him. "It's getting close to your bed time and you still need a bath."
"Please Mama?" He asked with big sad eyes.
Regina knelt down and pulled him into a hug. "Xbox tomorrow baby…bath time now."
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"He out?" Robin asked from the couch when Regina walked down after changing into her pajamas and reading Roland a story.
Regina smiled. "He barely made it through three pages."
"He had a big day" Robin said as she sat on the opposite end of the couch. "Why are you sitting way down there for?" He grinned.
Regina swallowed and shrugged but moved closer and he wrapped an arm around her. "What are you watching?"
He shrugged. "Some old movie called 'Romancing the Stone' It's not bad."
She smiled at him and turned to watch the TV. She felt him shift and begin to play with her hair a bit. This was nice. Sitting with him like this. It was just to normal.
He heart began to beat a little harder when he leaned in and placed a kiss to her neck. She swallowed as he moved up to nibble on her ear.
This was wrong she thought frantically. He didn't have his memories but she did. She shouldn't let this happen…but it was so nice to be with someone like this. Someone who actually felt something for her besides simply lust.
She wanted this. She wanted to be with him. Not as her cursed self but as her. She could remember what it felt like to make love with him. It had happened many times when she was still under the curse.
Was it really so wrong to want to feel this way as herself…just once? Was it really so wrong that she wanted to know what it felt like to be touched by someone who loved her? She wanted to know what it felt like…not as her cursed self, but as her, the person she was. She wanted to know what it felt like for someone to cherish her. She wanted to feel hands that didn't possess her roughly and with no care for her own pleasure. This was certainly the closest she would ever come to it. She knew that it wasn't her he was in love with, but the cursed version of herself. But for once in her life she would like to know what it felt like to be loved like that. To have someone look at her the way Robin did.
Was it really so wrong?
She sighed as he moved back down to her neck and her breathing increased. She couldn't think straight as he feathered kissed across her jaw before reaching her mouth. She parted her lips in invitation and he didn't hesitate to dive in. She let out a moan as he moved his hand from her stomach to lightly caress one of her nipples through her pajama shirt.
To hell with what was right. She thought to herself. She may hate herself in the morning but she wanted this. She wanted to know what it felt like to be touched by someone who loved her.
She moved her hand to the back of his head as he began to trail his lips down her neck and into the V of her pajama top even as he moved his hand to the buttons. She feared her heart would pound right out of her chest as his lips moved lower and her top began to fall open in the center. When he got to the last button he brought his hands under her legs and she shifted so that she now straddled him on the couch. He grinned at her as he weaved his fingers through her hair and brought her lips down to his for another kiss.
He moved his hands down to her pajama to and pushed the sides apart so he could see her. He moved both hands over her breasts and lightly brushed her hardened nipples as he moved his hands along the front of her body causing her to let out a long moan. He grinned into her mouth before he moved his lips down her chest. He feathered kisses along the upper part of her torso before finally arriving at her breast. Regina gasped when he pulled one of her nipples into his mouth.
It felt so good. It felt right. No one had ever touched her this way. All of her experiences before this had been rushed and heated. No one had ever wanted to take their time and savor her.
She bit her lip when he moved his attention to her other breast. She wanted him more then she had ever wanted anything in her life. She arched her back into his mouth.
"Mommy!" She heard the scream as if in a fog. "Mommy! Daddy!" She heard it again this time more clearly. Roland was screaming for them from his room.
Regina swallowed even as Robin's head fell back to the couch and he groaned. She cleared her throat and sat up straight pulling her pajama top closed. "I'll get him." She told Robin.
He smiled a bit. "I'll come with you." He told her.
Regina did up the buttons to her top as she hurried up the stairs to her crying child and pushed open the door to his room. "What is it baby?" He had been having nightmares recently. Regina hoped it was just a stage.
"There was a monster Mama. It was trying to get me!" He told her.
"Oh, sweetheart. There are no monsters here." She walked to him after flipping on the light and pulled him into her arms.
"Mommy I saw it!" He told her. Robin walked in a moment later. "Daddy there was a monster!" He told Robin.
Robin went through the normal routine of checking the closet and under the bed but Roland couldn't be swayed.
He shook his head with tears rolling down his face and clung to Regina. "Mommy please don't leave me here. I'm scared!" He told her. "Can I please sleep with you and Daddy?"
Regina sighed and looked up at Robin who already looked resigned to the fact that what they had started earlier would not be finished tonight. She sighed internally but shook her head. It was better this way…it was. She shouldn't have let that happen. Robin could end up hating her more if she did. No they couldn't do this. It really was better this way.
She ignored the little voice that told her she would never have this opportunity again. She would never know what it felt like to be with a man who truly loved her.
It didn't matter. At least that's what she tried to tell herself.
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Hope you all enjoyed. Please please leave a review! They are my crack as you know.
I do have some bad news. I have to send my computer to get fixed on Monday. It is halfway working right now which is why I was able to give you an update on this story, but I will be without it for 7 to 10 business days so I am not sure about updates on my stories during that time. Since I do use my computer for work too I am going to see if they will let me borrow one of the laptops we have there to use at home. If they do I might be able to get you an update on at least Starting Over but I will have to see.
Once is back tomorrow! Are you excited?! Please stop by and say hello on tumblr if you like, I'm thequeenstolemyheart (although if I don't have a computer I won't be on there as much either) You can also find me on twitter. I do have the twitter app on my phone that I use a lot. I'm mrsddixon
