Episode 2 - The Hot Teacher Comes Around
Plot: Cagney bumps into his teacher from high school while at the store and she attempts to seduce him. Meanwhile, Beppi, Cala Maria, and Baroness Von Bon Bon start an unsuccessful campaign to save the squirrels.
Beppi is outside on a chair feeding seeds to pigeons. "Hey birdies! Want some food?" "Oh Beppi! What are you doing playing with those filthy animals?!" said Bon Bon. She stomped on all the pigeons and blood splattered everywhere, including Beppi and herself. "There. Those filthy animals won't bother us anymore." "Bon Bon! Are you crazy?! Those pigeons weren't dirty animals. They aren't bugs. They're harmless creatures." "Beppi, all animals are filthy. They're uncivilized. That's why they live outside. They're dirty and do their business everywhere. Do you see now?"
"Bon Bon, I love animals. I worked with them in the circus all the time. You don't understand animals like I do. They're just living they're life like you and me. They can be cute and cuddly *Beppi picks up a puppy* and they can even be your best friend. See?"
"Bon Bon shrieked. "Get that dirty animal away from me!" She knocked the puppy out of Beppi's hand and it went flying. Beppi screa"med. "You whore! That was an innocent puppy!" "That was a dirty filthy animal! It deserved that!" "You monster! I'll show you that animals deserve love! They aren't dirty!" and Beppi went off running after the puppy. Bon Bon sighed. "Beppi you'll never learn."
*Cut to interview chair* Bon Bon: "No one agrees with me that animals are dirty and filthy and don't deserve to be on this planet. I guess I can be a little loving to animals." Bon Bon picked up a turtle. "Aww well aren't you a cute little fella?" Bon Bon smashed the turtle on the ground and stomped on it, blood splattering everywhere.
Cut to Cagney and Specter
"And so I tell her 'he's currently letting one out'. She doesn't catch on so I give her another hint. I say 'he's chocking the chicken.' She still doesn't catch on so I just say 'he's masturbating.' You won't believe the look on her face! She was so disgusted!" Cagney and Specter burst out laughing. "Oh man that is golden!" Djimmi came into the room. "You know back in my college days, I picked up a few dumb blonde chicks. It was worth it though." and Djimmi made a humping motion. "I'm sure you did, Alpha Genie." said Cagney. "I'm serious! I was the top frat boy at my college. I was in bed with chicks every other week."
*Cut to interview chair* Cagney: "Djimmi was here boasting about being a pimp. Little does he know is that I had a hot teacher back in college and was engaged with her."
"Well Djimmi I had a hot teacher back in college and we had some fun time." said Cagney, snickering. "Really now? Well did you get it on?" "Heck yeah I did." "Well then I applaud you, my flower friend. But I can't trust you unless you show her to me." "Djimmi, I graduated college three years ago. I can't get her now." "Well then if that's the case, I can't trust you. Until you prove her to me, I will see you as a flower virgin." "Urgh! I'll prove her to you! You'll see!"
*Cut to interview chair* Cagney: "Damn it! I did have a relationship with my teacher! I'll prove it to that red pickle!"
Cut to Beppi
"Hey there puppy." Beppi petted a blonde haired puppy and felt its soft fur. "I'll show Bon Bon that animals aren't filthy. You deserve to live with us." He petted the chin of the puppy. Bon Bon came in. "Beppi! What are you doing with that filthy animal?!" "Bon Bon! You won't take my puppy away from me!" "You get away from that dog right now!" "No! I love animals!" "Give me that dog!" Bon Bon and Beppi played tug of war with the puppy until it literally ripped apart. "You whore! You killed him!" yelled Beppi. He cried hysterically. "There. The deed is done. There will be no more filthy animals in my house."
Cala Maria came in the room. "What is going on you two? I'm practicing my breathing exercises! Oh what happened to this little fellow?" and she picked up the dead puppy. "Bon Bon killed her! It's all her fault!" Beppi held on to Cala Maria's tentacles. (A/N: My headcanon for Cala Maria is that when she's on land, she has tentacles for legs.) "Aww Beppi. There there." Cala Maria said. She caressed his back. "Bon Bon! Why would you do this to poor Beppi?! You traumatized him!" "Animals are filthy disgusting creatures! I don't want to be near them!" "You can keep that to yourself! You don't have to impose your beliefs on Beppi! I can't believe you!"
Suddenly, a baby octopus came out. It was one of Cala Maria's pets. "Oh hey there, little one." She picked the octopus up and held it up to Bon Bon. "See? There's nothing to be scared of." Bon Bon shrieked. "Ahh! It's so gross and slimy! Get it away!" Cala didn't back down. The slimy tentacles inched closer to Bon Bon's face. Bon Bon winced as the octopus came closer in her vicinity. Eventually the octopus landed on her hands. Bon Bon was breathing heavily the entire time. "See? It isn't so bad." said Cala Maria.
Bon Bon felt the slimy octopus tentacles on her face and hands. Suddenly it wasn't so bad. She felt affection for the baby octopus because of how cute it was. She realized how Beppi felt when he was with puppies. In that moment, Bon Bon realized she loved animals. "Aw. It's actually pretty cute. It isn't so bad." Bon Bon held the baby octopus in the palm of her hand. "I take back everything I said Beppi. I love animals. Look at this baby octopus! It's so cute!"
Beppi wiped the tears from his eyes. "See Bon Bon? I told you that animals are just innocent creatures that don't deserve harm." "You're right Beppi." Bon Bon stood up straight in horror. "Oh no Beppi! I just realized what I did wrong! I've abused animals all my life and of the animal species that I've abused all my life is endangered! They're all going to die!" "Wait what? What animal species?" "The brown striped squirrel. I've tortured them for years to build my castle. Their numbers are dropping and it's all because of me. You have to help me save them." "Don't worry. I'll help you save them we just need to let other people know about our cause. Just two of us won't be enouhg to save the brown striped squirrel from endangered species status. Cala, will you help us to save the brown striped squirrel from becoming extinct?"
"Of course I will Beppi. After all, I love animals. Isn't that right little one?" Cala Maria cooed to the baby octopus. "Great! With the three of us working together we can save the brown striped squirrel from going dead! Whee!" said Beppi. "Now help me make picket signs."
Cut to Cagney
*Cut to interview chair* Cagney: "Finding Ms. Bradshaw proved to be a difficult task, so I had to look everywhere I possibly could."
Cagney went to the park to search for Ms. Bradshaw. "Hello? Ms. Bradshaw? Has anyone seen my teacher?" A woman approached Cagney. "Hello there. Are you lost? Do you need any help?" "Yes I do and I require your child." Cagney took the infant from the woman's hands and said "Do you know where Ms. Bradshaw is? Come on I know you know where she is!" "Hey stop that or I'm reporting you to the police!" said the woman. "Alright fine. Don't help me. But we'll see who come begging for help, Liz!"
Cagney then went to the library. "Hey have you seen Ms. Bradshaw?" "Sir I think you may be in the wrong place." said the female librarian. "Me in the wrong place? You don't know anything about Ms. Bradshaw. You apologize to her!" "Security!" Security officers came in on the scene. "No need to worry. I'll be taking myself out."
Cagney then went to a hospital room with newborn babies. "Ms. Bradshaw? Are you here? Can you please stop hiding?" Cagney inspected all of the containers of the newborn babies. "I got it! Ms. Bradshaw transformed herself into a baby and was waiting this entire time for me to find her. The gig's up Ms. Bradshaw. You can give up now. I found you."
"Oh my God! What are you doing?!" screamed a female nurse. "Listen lady, this isn't your problem. I just found my long lost teacher. Now why don't you go back delivering babies or something?" "Let go right now or I'll taze you!" "You can try all you want but you won't break the bond between me and Ms - " and Cagney was tazed and knocked out.
Inside a grocery store, Cagney was visibly depressed. His head was down and he simply shuffled around. "Oh great. Now I'll never find Ms. Bradshaw. And I'll never prove to Djimmi that I had a hot teacher. This is horrible." Cagney bumped into a woman with a propeller for a hat and a red dress and red shoes. Her hair was jet black. "Hey I'm sorry-" said the woman. "No I'm sorry. I was being clumsy. Here you dropped this." Cagney handed the woman a bottle of lotion. Cagney looked at the woman for a good while before realizing who she was. It was...Hild Berg?!
"Wait. Hilda?" "Cagney? It is you! How are you doing?" "I'm doing great. How about you?" "I could be better but this just made my day. What have you been up to?" "Oh well I'm just living the broke college life, working 9-5." Cagney lied. "Oh that sucks. But trust me it'll get better." "So you wanna come over to my place? We can talk more." said Cagney. Hilda looked at him. "I don't know..."
What will Hilda do? Will she accept Cagney's proposal? Or will she reject him? Or will something else happen entirely? Leave a review and write what you think will happen.
