Dean's head is pounding horribly. He hears voices from the distance as if it's under water, and tries to open his eyes. He sees only whiteness at first but then he starts seeing spots. Slowly he can open his eyes – at least one of them – and the first thing he sights is Cas' face. He feels that something is wrong. He is in pain everywhere, and barely feels his arm, but this isn't it he knows from, that something is definitely wrong. Castiel's face is always sunny and beautiful, his blue eyes are bright from happiness and energy. That Cas he knows and loves is nowhere now. Instead he sees a face which is twisted in pain and eyes swimming with tears, there's no trace of the familiar light in them. Memories start to flow back now. Alastair! As the events of the afternoon come into his mind, his vision gets cleared in a heartbeat, and he sees the position, Cas lies on the table, sees that Alastair grips Cas' hips firmly and gets ready to push in.
- Nooooo! – Dean screams and comes to in a blink of an eye. He jumps up and his face strains from the pain as he tugs his arm, cuffed to the armrest. He sees so far as Alastair penetrates Cas, then collapses from suffering. But just for a second. When his face gets to the same level as Cas', he watches as he takes a hazy look at him, and mumbling his name 'Dean' and falls on the table limply.
- Cas! – Dean's mind darkens at this point. He looks at Alastair whose dick is still in Cas, but he doesn't move now. He is surprised that Dean perks up at all, but he didn't dare to think that it would be so fast. Dean gazes dimly the cheeky grin which sits out on Alastair's lips, and as if it would be a slow motion he sees as the man releases Cas' hips and pulls out his dick, to grab the knife, Cas threw down on the floor a few minutes ago.
A few minutes ago. Dean feels like it's been days since he opened a door to Alastair. He wishes Cas hadn't come home. Then they would've been through all this, he would have had a shower, bandaged his wounds and found out a story to Cas during dinner about the bruises on his face. Instead of this he is here, barely sees anything with his left eye, the handcuff on his wrist is so tight now, he could scream from the pain. All of it doesn't matter though. It is just him. A little noone who had so much luck that a wonderful man saw something in him and pulled out from the dirt he spent the half of his life. And what does he give in return? He brings here a psycho, who breaks Cas and takes away his trust in life.
Dean twists his wrist more and more desperately in the handcuff which almost carves into his flesh. His blood trickles down on the carpet.
- No! Please, don't do this! – Dean's voice breaks as he begs submissively to Alastair, who raises the knife and with his other hand he squeezes the half-conscious Cas to his chest.
- Too late, Deano! I expected totaly obedience from you! – Alastair isn't smiling now. He pictured this afternoon differently in his mind. It begun well, but everything went wrong somehow. – This was the point of our deal. Obey, and your little friend won't get hurt. You attacked me though, Dean! And it will have consequences.
Dean's lungs ache from screaming when Alastair slowly but firmly draws the knife on Cas'side. Cas is conscious enough to gasp and his face twists in pain, but he is able to nothing else. He lets Alastair drag him with himself backwards, while he keeps slashing his skin with the knife. Dean starts tugging his arm desperately, the handcuff squeezes his wrist so tightly he barely even feels it. Adrenaline flows through his mind and he sees nothing but Cas' limp body as Alastair drags him out while he cuts his side, chest and belly with the knife again and again. Dean tries to pull his hand out of the cuffs but only managed to draw down the skin from his already damaged hand.
He starts tugging the cuff with more and more force while he is pushing the armrest with his free hand, maybe he can move it somehow and the handcuff would slide down from it. But the couch is new like almost everything in the flat, they bought things commonly to make them remember that their new life is fully common. He stops for a second and looks around, maybe he finds something to shatter the armrest but sees nothing. He's kicking the wood with his bare foot while he keeps tugging, tearing and stretching it with his free hand. He feels his wrist is already broken for a while but doesn't even care. Blood is flowing in streams from Cas' wounds and he knows that Alastair is staring at him right now. The son of a bitch's cock is already half-hard again from the sight of Dean's agony.
When Dean's sole can't take anymore he starts kicking the armrest with his knee and shin by turns. He works with his right all along doesn't change leg, because he knows, if he had to step to his right foot now he would probably collapse. Like a maniac he's kicking and stretching the wood and tugging his handcuffed arms, when it suddenly cracks. Dean silently thanks to themselves to choose the firwood instead of the thick oak. As the wood cracks Alastair's hand with the knife freezes. He stops slashing Cas and stares at Dean in awe, who tugs his arm once again with a hollow scream and he is free.
Alastair knows he has to run. The wild rage flaming in Dean's eyes make him retreat. But torturing Dean becomes his kink and he feels he can't leave without farewell. He raises the knife to Cas' neck and starts pulling it slowly through his throat.
- Noooooooo! – Dean leaps there with one step, grabs Alastair's arm and shoves him away from Cas who powerlessly falls to the ground. Dean jerks the knife out of Alastair's hand and starts punching strikes down again and again with so much force and wrath that the other man has no chance against him. When Alastair is already on the ground, Dean bents down and smashing him on and on. Then he drags him to the corridor by his arm and without thinking he throws him out of the opened window of the stairway. He doesn't care if he has to go to jail, doesn't care anything. Just Cas. Dean probably doesn't know that the window sights to a small alley, and there is a large container under it. Alastair falls unconsciously amongst the garbage.
Dean doesn't wait to hear the thud, he rushes back to Castiel. A thought runs through his mind just for a second, that they might moved into an empty block of flats, because noone even looked out on their doors for the shouts and other noises.
He falls down on his knees next to Cas, he pulls him up in his lap and presses his hand to the bleeding wound on his lovers neck. It seems not to be too deep and doesn't hit the vital organs, but it bleeds cruelly just like Cas' other wounds.
- Dean… - Cas' voice is barely a whisper as he tries to raise his arm to touch the boy's face, but doesn't have enough strength for it.
- Ssshh, don't talk! I'm here – Dean looks around desperately to find something to press it on the gash. Finally he pulls off the remains of Cas' shirt, presses it to his neck and ties as tight as he can. He pulls up Cas' pants with one hand, and stands up still hugging him tightly, and lays him on the couch. He looks up for his own sweatpants, tugs it up and holds up Cas from the couch gently, carefully, and then he starts. His knees tremble with the first step. He hasn't felt so far, not even seen it, that his right leg, downside from his knee is swollen and fully purple. The handcuff still dangles on his doubled puffed up left wrist. He doesn't have time for this now. He has to take Cas to the hospital or else he's gonna bleed out. He sets off, out the door and closes it behind him. He draggles down the stairs and takes the first cab. Dean sits in to the backseat and squeezes Cas to his chest, and doesn't even say a word yet when the driver punches on the gas and the wheels of the car are schreeching as they head to the hospital.
- Cas… oh God… no, don't do this to him, please! – Dean holds his love tightly and feels as Cas' heart beats slower and slower. Dean's lips quiver and tears flood into his eyes. – Cas, please!
- Calm down, buddy, we'll be in the hospital in a minute. I've already called them on the CB, they will be waiting for you!
Dean is really grateful for the driver, but doesn't manage to say a word, just nods, and mumble something sounds like 'Thank you' and keeps Cas snuggled to him. He tries to say to the driver about the bleeded cover and lack of money but the man stops him immediatley and tells him that it's OK, he will solve this. Dean actually can't believe that there are living people like this man in this city.
When they stop in front of the hospital in a few minutes, the driver jumps out and helps Dean getting a swooned Cas out of the car and carry him together in the parvis.
- Doctor! Doctor! – Dean cries almost hysterically. – My friend was attacked. With a knife… his throat…
- I was the one who made a call from a taxi – shouts the driver, and a doctor and a few nurses were there immediatley. They laid Castiel on a stretcher, and as soon as Dean doesn't feel the weight anymore he starts feeling all of the pain everywhere at the same time. His foot, shin, knee, his wrist-broken to pieces, his soring ass, not to mention his head. He hears from the distance as a doctor tells him, that he will be checked out straigthway and not to go anywhere. The driver's form starts being hazy as he watches Dean apprehensively, telling him to hold on. The whole world is spinning around Dean and he doesn't take any longer. He falls to his knees and vomits everything he ate that day. He tumbles to his side and muttering Cas' name throws himself into the darkness.
When Dean comes to, he is thirsty and very, very woozy. He suspects that he is full with morphine, 'cause he doesn't feel pain at all right now. As he moves he feels that his left arm and right leg stay in place. Yes, he presumed it. His wrist and his leg up to his thigh are in plaster. He moans silently and tries to sit up but only succeed to slip up a few inches on the pillow. He looks around and sees the pipe of the IV as it leads to his hand and the needle disappears under his skin. He touches the nurse-call button between his fingers and pushes it. A pretty nurse around her 40's appears in a few seconds. Shi smiles gently to Dean and maybe she asks something like 'How do you feel?', but Dean doesn't pay attention to her. There is one thing in his mind:
- Cas? He asks, his voice is hoarse and dry, suddenly he feels like to give everything for a glass of water.
- Excuse me? – asks the nurse as she cluches the glass from the nightstand and holds it toward Dean. She holds the glass with one hand while keeps Dean's head with the other as Dean drinks a few sip of water through a strew. – Sorry I didn't understand.
- Cas, Castiel Novak. The man I took in. How's he? He's alive, right?
- Sorry but I can't give you information about that. You have to wait for the doctor, he will be here soon, and tell you everything.
- Please, - Dean looks at the nurse pleadingly, almost with the same face he was begging on the street when he was a teen, except that this despair and pain is real now. – I'm begging you. Just tell me if he's alive. He is…. everything for me…. my love…. please….
The nurse wonders for a second. Dean is used to these kind of glances. They're all wondering how can be such a handsome, good-looking guy gay. As if it would depend on this. Probably the nurse is on the same opinion because she smiles at Dean, and says:
- You don't have to be worry. He's gonna be fine. Just it will take time.
Dean leans back relieved. The knot in his stomach stays there though. He did this to him. This is his fault. Maybe it would be better off for Cas without him. Cas gave him so much good things and he gave nothing in return. Just brings in the trouble. He can't leave him alone though. He can't. He proved now that he had strenght and was able to fight his demons. All he has to do is thinking about Cas and he can do anything. They're gonna solve this Alastair-issue, too. He won't let this maggot ruin their lives. They're gonna work it out. Together.
When the doctor comes in to talk to him, he barely hears what he's saying. That it broke here, and they had to screw the bones there and concussion and he should rest a lot, and he cannot wait the doctor come to the point: what's up with Cas.
- Well, your friend can tell himself lucky. Just a half of an inch and the knife would have cut through his windpipe, so he's lucky to have such a …. khm…. companion who made such sacrefices.
- Thank you – Dean can't say anything else. On the one hand he sees the doctor is embarassed to name their relationship 'We're in 2013 for God's sake!' on the other he knows the first part of the story that this great companion brought the trouble on them.
- You two should be looking for a psychiater. This attack can make effects on your everyday life and emotions. And there is also this …. rape thing.
Dean bows his head. He really doesn't wanna talk about it right now. He nods without a word, doesn't look at the doctor, and feels small. He knows he was examined but doesn't know what considered to be a rape. He let himself be fucked. So what was it?
- Can I see him? Talk to him?
- Of course. He's consciuos. But take it short, please. And if you feel yourself ready, the police would ask some questions.
- Sure.
The doctor's gone and the nurse helps Dean up and sit into a wheelchair before she pushes him in Cas' ward.
When Dean takes the first look at Cas, full of pipes, IV bag and with a thick bandage on his neck and broken face, his tears start falling straigthaway.
- Cas – he whispers and takes the man's hand in his own, carefully as if he was affraid of causing pain with every touch. Cas looks at him, but doesn't smile.
- Dean, are you alright? – his voice is very hoarse and forceless. And so … stern. The knot in Dean's stomach becomes more vehement. That's what he was affraid of, that after all that happened, Cas's gonna lose his faith in life. It was just a few days ago though. It's still very recent and together they're gonna get through this. He's gonna do everything for Cas to recover. Both physically and mentally.
- Sure, I'm fine – he answers and caresses Cas' arm. Cas looks at him and can't hold back a chuckle. One of Dean's eyes almost can't be seen, his face is full of bruises and scratches, his left arm is in plaster, his right leg rests stretced in the wheelchair.
- Yeah, of course, you exactly look like fine.
Cas laughs lowly but his face is strained immediately from the pain. Dean doesn't laugh. Not even smile. Grats his teeth though and forces himself not to start cry again.
- Cas, I'm so sorry. – he says and bows his head. – Sorry to bring this all upon you. I didn't know he would find me. I didn't know that the building-site I was working is his. I'm really sorry. But we're gonna work it out. Together we're gonna work it out and everything will be fine.
- You're a little late, don't you think? – Cas is very quiet and his voice is so reproachful that Dean suddenly doesn't understand the whole thing.
- Excuse me?
- You should have thought about it sooner, before you offered himself to him.
- Cas, he threatened you. – Dean still doesn't understand. He thinks Cas is angry because Alastair was there because of him. – I did it to protect you.
- You could have protected me! You are strong Dean! Look what you did for me! What you did to yourself and Alastair! You should have pitched him out as soon as he appeared on our door-step not to come back ever again.
- But your store….
- Fuck the store! – Cas is getting more angrier. – You think it's worth to me that much, seeing you like this? To think about that all the time I get in there, that this is the place, Dean was tortured for? You think that kind of man I am?
- You did the same! – Dean starts getting into a rage, too. – I'm not totally stupid Cas! Maybe I didn't go to college, barely to high-school, but I have the core of my brain. You had a knife Cas! And a cell-phone! You should have run outta door and call the police. You threw yourself to him instead!
- He pressed a broken glass to your neck! Your life was in danger!
- As yours too!
- No! – Cas looks at Dean for the first time and Dean barely recognizes him. HIs blue eyes flashes with anger, and Dean knows he's angry with him. – No, I wasn't in danger. You just thought that because you think that I can't defend myself! Or did you miss a stranger's dick so much that it was easier to offer yourself than chose the harder way?
- You're such a selfish dick, you know that? – Dean should jump up if his leg wasn't in plaster up to his thigh. He should rush out with the wheelchair but he can't push on himself with his plastered arm. So he has no other choice than staying there. – Sure, it's always the easiest solution for me. Always get fucked and raped.
- No – Cas calms down a little. He regrets what he said in the second it came out of his mouth. – Of course not, I didn't mean it. It wasn't a situation though you ought to decide this way. He threatened us. All right. But we could have worked it out together. We supposed tp figure something out to neither of us get hurt. But now I have to deal with the thought what Alastair has done to you and you've done it all for me. And I have to worry all the time I'm leaving you alone, what the next problem will be, you want to solve this way. And I don't want to, so… leave.
- Ok, I let you rest now, and when we get out of here we'll find a psychologist together. The doc suggested it anyway to talk….
No! – Cas interrupts him. He pulls away his hand from Dean's plastered one and resumes quietly. – I want you to go away. From the flat. Or it would be better if I went away. I help you to find a new job, then we'll go separate ways.
- Cas, don't do this. – Dean looks at him pleadingly, his voice is shaking. He can't beleive what he hears. – I know I made a mistake, but I won't do it anymore. I know now what I'm capable of and I'm not scared. I'm strong and you showed me how to be it. I can do anything for you!
- That's exactly the point! Be strong but not for me! I don't want… I can't take the responsibilty for sacrificing yourself for me. Because that's clear that you don't do anything for yourself. I want you to do things not for me but yourself. And it's possible only if I get out of the picture.
- Cas, please…
- No, Dean. You have to do it for yourself. Stay in the flat, and when I'll be released from here I'll go for my stuff. And then I never wanna meet you again.
- You know, I love you, don't you? – Dean says this word for the first time in his life, and he imagined though to say it in different circumstances. All his life lays in ruins at Cas's bed-post. Somewhere he knows that Cas is right and he has to learn how to respect himself. But he can't picture a morning without Cas' bright blue eyes being the first sight he sees. And can't picture a night where he spends his time with gazing Cas reading, while Dean pretends he's watching TV. He doesn't wanna live without Cas.
- I know, Dean. But you have to learn to love yourself. At least as much as I love you.
Well… life is not easy and not always fair. But this is not the end of the story.
Thanks for reading, keep this good habit of yours. )))
