A N: I don't own Community, you evil Skrælings! (Quote to Lollypop Chainsaw, so, IT'S NOT RACISM!)
A N 2: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, JEFF AND ANNIE! What? Are you telling me that they're not yet together? Yeah, right, and I am Emperor Evron the Eleventh-Fifth… Next time, find a better joke to pull on me, you silly Coolflames. (Quote probably understandable only by Italian readers)
"Greendale is a fortress right now, you will never get inside without our help…"
"Just tell me about the security measures, Murray, then you can begin the preaching…"
Murray grunted, "Fine…"
"… Chang had to replace most of his brats with high paid security guards. Those morons of the School Board believe that their salaries are instead devolved to charity or some other bullshit. Only we know the truth. The Chang-glorious Basterds are now patrolling only the door to the Dean's cell. You need to take them down in some way…"
"Excuse me…" A girl in along trench coat and bunny ears began saying as she approached the guard outside of one of the college's back door, "… but my boss had told me to present here for a private party. Could you please let me in?"
The guard glanced up from his newspaper, smirking at her.
"Of course, sugar cube…" He said, winking at her.
He heard a low growl.
He looked down as he saw an enormous golden dog (And he called it dog only because wolves cannot possibly be found in a city) at her feet, glaring at him, his leash firmly held by the girl.
"Ow, not now Edward…" She said with a condescending tone, kneeling down and patting his head, "… I'm talking with this kind man here…"
The dog looked at her, his expression trying to sum up the word "Seriously?" without the aid of any human features.
The guard gave it a bemused look before turning to the girl.
"I'm sorry girl, but I'm afraid that I cannot let your dog to…"
"Ow, please…" She whined, batting her eyes at him, "… Poor Edward would be all alone out here in the cold! And then…" She continued, her tone suddenly sultry, "… I could reward you… gladly, if you let him in too…"
The guard gave her a predatory smile, "But of course, little bunny, you two can enter if you want…"
She warmly smiled at him.
The dog kept shooting him daggers with his eyes as they went inside.
"… After your last number on that guy's funeral, Chang has also filled the Dean's cell with a time mechanism that make molten silver rain inside it if the door opens but enters someone with a weird heartbeat. This should prevent your lot of freaks to free him by passing by it…-
"Don't push!" Shirley shout-whispered to Troy as both of them were crawling in the air vents.
"Sorry!" Troy whispered from behind her.
"Are you sure that that thing is in here?" Shirley whispered again.
"Yes…" He whispered back, "… I've seen her at your wedding, her den should be…"
Shirley suppressed a tear at the mention of her wedding.
Troy, realizing that, tried to quickly change the topic of the conversation.
"Anyway, you surprisingly fit inside those vents for a woman of…"
She froze.
He crushed against her.
"Troy, if you're about to finish that sentence, I'm going to stab you with a wooden stake…"
He gave her (back) a puzzled look, "But, I'm not a vampire…"
Shirley facepalmed.
"… Three days from now Chang will move the Dean to a new, secret location. This means that you have to act fast, securing the cell's key and rescuing him before that day. Unfortunately, Chang has the only copy of the cell's key, and he never separates from it. Never. You need to take it when he least expects it…"
Abed was humming daybreak from the back of a van, Britta and Pierce by his side, some wires coming out of his left arm and connecting it to a laptop.
"Are we there yet?" Pierce asked Britta.
"No." She answered with an annoyed.
"Are we there yet?" He repeated.
"No." She repeated.
"Are we there yet?" He repeated.
"No." She repeated, her tone slightly more annoyed.
"Are we…
"… One last thing. There are rumors back at the AC repair annex that Chang had meddled with forces to great for any man, maybe even with the Great Wrecker itself…"
"The Great Wrecker?" Troy asked, confused.
"It's a one of the most powerful of the demons. We don't know it for sure. Everything we know is that there are weird hounds outside of study room F, and we don't know why…"
"I believe this supply closet will be perfect…" The guard said, opening the doors of a room, "… Nobody came here anymore anyway…"
She entered it, leaving her dog outside.
"Now, Edward, Stay here and don't move…" She said, patting his head again.
The dog grunted.
They entered the supply closet, narrowing the door.
"Now, let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes…" The guard said, approaching her.
She gave a scandalized gasp, "… But, sir, I cannot do that! I have a boyfriend!"
He smirked at her as he embraced her, "Yeah? And where is he now?"
"Right behind you…" A low, threatening voice said from behind his back.
He turned, freeing her.
And a punch violently landed on his jaw.
The guard fell senseless to the ground.
Jeff stood there, painting, the collar still attached to his neck.
He gave her a bewildered look.
"Edward, Annie? I mean, seriously… Edward?!"
"Alright guys, we need a lash for this plan, does someone own it?" Abed asked in his usual detached tone.
Everyone stared at Britta.
"Why are you all looking at me?!" She asked, startled by all those gazes.
"Ehm…" Annie attracted everyone attention, her cheeks redder than ever, "… We have one…"
Everyone stared for a moment at her, dumbfounded.
Then they began talking all at once.
"Go girl! I knew you had more than just sunshines and lollypops inside you…"
"… Abed's journal, day Theta-Prime, "It appear that J and A had developed new kinks according to their new conditions. This, summed with the previous assumption about the moon cycle on A, brings me to wonder…""
"Why haven't you told me you two got a secret dog like Pierce?! That's not fair, guys…"
"I knew it, Jeffrey, you've corrupted our poor, little Annie! I knew I should have castrated you before this, I knew it…!"
"If you two wanted a leash, you could have asked me to lend you one! They've not been used so much, after all, and only by the servants anyway…"
Jeff and Annie sighed, they're gazes down in shame as the storm of comments hit them.
A loud squeak was heard.
"Annie's Boobs!" Troy yelled, forcing his way through Shirley.
The monkey stared bemusedly at him.
"Ehm, Troy…" Shirley began, her ear pressed against the metal.
"Come here, Annie's Boobs, Come' on!" Troy whined in frustration as Annie's Boobs turned a corner, outside from their sight.
Loud barking was heard from around them.
"Those must be those Hell Hounds…" Shirley stated as Troy whimpered in fear.
"Why we need that stupid monkey anyway?" Jeff asked to Abed, the creator of the plan.
Troy and Abed gave an Annie-like gasp, "Jeff, don't you have any respect for Annie's Boobs?!" Troy asked, outraged.
He looked down at his girlfriend.
She preventively swatted his arm, still blushing from before.
He gave her a mock-gasp "What was that for? I haven't said anything!"
She grunted, "You thought it…"
"… There yet?"
"Yes." Abed quickly said before Britta could do anything impulsive.
"Finally!" Pierce said, exiting from the van thought the still closed metal doors.
"Come' on, Abed, let's move." Britta said as she started to pack things up.
Abed closed his lap-top.
"Cool."
"Seriously, Abed, You're like God!" Troy asked with an amazed tone after Abed explanation of the plan, "… there is anything your body can't do?"
"It cannot do miracles for sure…" Shirley muttered under her breath.
"I'm working on it…" Abed said absentmindedly.
Shirley glared at him.
Annie and Jeff glanced at the army of Pre-Schoolers from behind the corner.
Jeff phone beeped.
"It's the signal…" Annie said resolutely, ready to go.
He grabbed her arm, stopping her.
"Annie, are you sure about it?" He asked, his face worried.
"I'll be fine, Jeff, I just need to not lose my self-control…" She said with a firm tone.
He gave her a deep kiss.
His mouth quickly departed from hers, "Be careful, Annie…"
She rolled her eyes, "Of course, Dad…"
Jeff winced, as someone had just poked him with an hot poker.
"Sorry…" She said with a guilty tone.
Jeff sighed, "Just… Just don't do anything stupid, Okay?"
She smirked at him, "Who do you think I am, one of your usual conquest?"
He smirked back, "You're way more than just that."
She gave him a quick peck on the lips before turning away, ready to begin her part of the mission.
"Good luck." He whispered to her as she turned the corner.
"Hello there, Little Piggies…" Annie half growled to get the med-schoolers attention.
She closed her eyes as she undid her coat, revealing her naked form.
Joshua, the leader of them, whistled in appreciation.
"It seems that our enlightened leader has granted my wish for a…" Words died in his throat.
Loud, twisting sounds were heard as Annie arms and legs elongated themselves. Her already big chest widened as fur began growing on her body. Her knees sunk to the ground as claws started growing on her hands and feet, her fingers now bigger of several inches, her ears long and canine, a long, vaporous tail as a spread out from her back, almost like a continuation of her spine, now more visible on her back.
She opened her mouth as her jaws began to extend in a wolf muzzle, each of her teeth turned in sharp fangs.
She opened her eyes, still blue and more suitable for a doe than a wolf.
She howled loud enough for anyone in the building to hear her.
The Chang-Glorious Basterds whimpered in fear.
"Oh! Come here, little piggies…" Annie growled at them, "… Those teeth are not as big as they describe them…"
They started running to the opposite side, most of them crying and calling their mother.
Annie grinned, "They will never believe you, little piggies, you've cried wolf to many times!"
She started chasing them, her will still powerful enough to control the Wolf.
Her friends stared at her.
"What?" She asked, startled.
They began laughing madly.
"Told you it wasn't a good idea tell them…" Jeff side whispered to her.
She gasped, "Guys, It's not funny!"
"Are you kidding me…?" Britta began between laughs, "… you've just admitted to be the Big Bad Wolf!"
She pouted, "I'm not!"
"Yes you are!" Britta continued in the general hilarity, "… You can talk, blow strong winds, disguise yourself as anyone and, to top it all, when you turn you instinctively quote famous fables and fairy tales. You're the Big Bad Wolf!"
"You know, at the beginning, when you mentioned the un-aging and the possibility to turn at will, I was afraid that you would have been like one of those Twilight Werewolf…" Abed said between uncharacteristically loud laughs, "… Never could I have expected that…"
Annie kept pouting.
Jeff opened his mouth to say something to her.
"Shut up, Edward…" She bitterly remarked him.
He gave her an offended look.
"RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN…" Troy kept repeating, Shirley besides him, Annie's Boobs on his head, as they ran away from the three Hell Hounds chasing them.
Shirley's phone buzzed.
She answered the call.
"ABED, WE'VE GOT THE HELL HOUNDS, WHAT NOW?"
"Eat the red pill!" Abed yelled her from the other end of the phone.
She ended the call, opening her purse.
She took a red pill from it, and swallowed it.
She froze.
Troy kept running away.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" He yelled from over his shoulder, without even stopping his rash.
She turned to face the hounds, her right hand raised.
"Psalm 23:4…" She began chanting, her eyes glowing.
Troy launched himself behind a vending machine, "Shirley, that's not the time to pray, come here!"
The hound where near here.
"... Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil…." She advanced towards them, "… FOR I AM FEAR INCARNATE!"
Golden light erupted from her hands, inundating the alley.
The three hell hounds were annihilated in an instant.
The light disappeared, the room seemly unaffected by it.
Troy and Annie's Boobs stared at her in awe.
"AWESOME!"
Britta and Abed reached Chang's party.
"It's the study group!" He yelled to the guards, "GET THEM!"
The guards raised their handguns.
Abed smiled.
"And Abed said: "Let there be dark!""
The lights in the room died, leaving the place in total darkness.
"Cool. Cool, cool, cool…" He said as the Cyber-mites were spread in the room from under his cloths.
Britta pulled a Kalashnikov from under her robe.
She shot a bust on the ceiling.
"Alright, Greendale, this is an hostage situation…" She yelled as she reached Chang, her body intangible, "… Give us back our school or the fascist pig here dies!"
People started screaming soon after.
NEXT TIME, ON INTENSIVE COURSE IN EERIE STUFF
"Let me in, Little piggies..."
"Annie has lost control!"
"It seems that the Study Group has fallen in our little trap..."
"FEAR THE POWER OF THE ALMIGHTY!"
"Please don't kill me..."
"TROY, NO!"
