A/N - Back so soon i hear you ask? : D Back with Chapter 7. But i have to thank all of my readers and those that review!!! There are so many people that have put this on their story alerts...thank you so much...it really does push me to post these out quicker!! You all seem to be loving where this story is going and that makes me happy to no end.
Just a warning this is a long ass chapter, but i'm sure most of you wouldn't find that a problem! We get into Edward's twisted head in this one and find out exactly why he was so stand offish with Bella in the last chapter... we some progress too...lots happening.
Virtual family, i love you all to bits mwa!!!
Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight...
EPOV
I slammed the door behind me and walked over to my bed, slumping myself down onto it and lying down on my back. I was tired, confused and pissed all at the same time. Not to mention the fucking throbbing headache I have from all the mother fucking drinking I did last night. I sighed and ran both hands through my hair, tugging it at the ends. What the fuck is happening to me? I feel all over the fucking place. The confusion I'm feeling because of my feelings for Bella is driving me fucking nuts. I really care for her . . . a lot more than I would like to admit. And I'm finding it harder and harder to ignore these feelings for her. They're becoming more intense with each waking moment I spend with her. My heart reacts just to her mere presence. I feel fucking tingles when she touches me. And I can't stop looking at her because I have never seen anyone so fucking flawless in beauty before. Fuck, I'm really sounding like an emotional pussy suddenly. Could my lack of pussy lately be turning me into one?
I shook my head and sat myself up, huffing in frustration. My eyes found the top of drawer of my desk but I fought back the need for it. I was still feeling fucked up from the ridiculous amount of Stoli I consumed last night and so I wasn't about to add to it. In an attempt to steer my emotional stress management into other means, I got up and walked to my door, opening it and heading toward the stairs. I heard the faint sound of the TV in Emmett's room as I past and figured he was probably trying to sleep, that's how he usually fell asleep, watching TV. I descended the stairs into the kitchen where I grabbed myself a bottle of water from the fridge, the light glowing from the fridge lighting up the dark house. I shut the fridge, everything snapping back to darkness and unscrewed the cap off the bottle and took a drink as I made my way outside to the yard, sitting my bottle down on the glass outdoor table. I pulled my pack out of the back of my jeans and pulled out a cigarette, placing it between my lips. I lit it and took a drag, letting the heavenly nicotine do its magic.
My day had been going like shit. From the moment I forced my tired ass out of bed with a throbbing hang over and headed to school, I wasn't in the best mood. My classes were a complete blur. In fact, I don't even remember sitting in class let alone what we learnt or did. So the one thing that I was looking forward to was lunch with Bella where we would be working on our assignment. It had nothing to do with the fucking assignment obviously, but everything to do with Bella. Because I found that I fucking enjoy our times together, I find them relaxing and I act myself which I find I can't do with just anyone. So that was one thing keeping me from skipping the rest of the day. Well that and the fact that if I got caught or Carlisle found out, I'd be done for and after yesterday and my little snap at Carlisle I wasn't planning on pissing him off anytime soon, well not intentionally anyway. Because we all know Edward fucking Cullen is a natural ass and dick head so most of the time I act like a dick without even realizing it.
So, when she came up to me in the cafeteria at the beginning of lunch and told me that because our progress on the assignment was going well, we wouldn't be working on it, I was fucking gutted. I endured a long ass day at school for what? I tried to fight back the anger I felt rising inside of me and seem nonchalant about it because I could've acted like a dick and demand that we do work on it. It was taking a lot in me to fight back my anger because I was already pissed as fuck and this was just the fucking icing on the cake. I almost snapped at her for being irresponsible for not wanting to work on it. But I knew that had nothing to do with it and all to do with the fact that I just missed out on that one on one time with Bella. So we made our way over to our friends who were all already seated and eating lunch. She sat beside the fuck wit while I sat between Jasper and Emmett. And I was fucking shooting daggers at the fuck wit who had his arms around her shoulders like he fucking owned her. And that pissed me off. I didn't even know if they were dating. They fucking acted like it so it was a possibility, a possibility that was only fueling my anger.
I was actually jealous. Jealous. I have never in my entire 17 years been fucking jealous over anyone. But there I sat, jealous that Jacob had his arms around her. I had agreed to be her friend, well agreed with myself but I had just realized that that was not going to work with me. But I had to make it work because I'm not good enough for her. This girl is like no other girl I have ever met. She is gentle… you can see it in her big doe brown eyes. The way she speaks so softly all the time, the blush that flames her cheeks when she gets embarrassed and the way she bites her bottom lip when she gets nervous. I loved every single one of those things about her and I knew that was reaching dangerous territory.
So what did I decide to do? I decided to distance myself from her. Give myself some breathing space hoping this was all just a misunderstanding. I've never felt anything this remotely close to any girl before and it scared the shit out of me.
I walked into biology prepared to act like a prick toward her but then she greeted me with a chirpy "Hi!" sounding really excited to see me. Her voice, the way her face lit up and the way she looked at me. And that hit me clearly; she was starting to like me more than I wanted her to and it was just going to make things harder for me. I didn't want her to like me more than just a friend. I didn't want to break her heart because to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to deal with relationships, I've never been in one. I don't know how to date or how to treat girls the way they should be treated. I was a fucking player and always have been and I don't know anything beyond that. The only fucking way I know how to treat girls is by fucking them, by playing with them, deceiving them to get what I want out of them. And I would rather be murdered ten painful deaths than treat Bella like that. She was so much more than that . . . to me.
So I ignored her. I acted like myself which is an arrogant prick. I know how to play that part well. But it was actually hurting me on the inside to act that way toward her. She asked me what my problem was in biology when I continued to ignore her and I acted like I had no fucking idea what the fuck she was going on about. And I watched her face drop and as much as I would hate to admit it, it killed me. But that pain pushed me even more to distance myself from her. I couldn't let my feelings grow any more for her. They've already grown much more than I would have ever wished. I would rather hurt her now before she gets too attached.
What confuses the hell out of me is I don't know what the hell she even sees in me. Girls I've slept with become attracted to me because I put on this persona, the suave, cool and sweet Edward that girls fall on their knees for. But with Bella I have never been anything more than the arrogant prick that I am and I have no idea what she sees in me. She is young and naïve and doesn't really know what she likes. I would never allow her to fall for me as much as I would love for her to at the same time.
I ignored her for the rest of the day hoping I could get her to realize I wasn't worth having a relationship with, even a friendly one. I also wanted to clear my mind from the fucking Bella induced haze that she seems to have permanently locked me into since that first day I noticed her eyes.
I came home and went to straight to bed needing to catch up on lost sleep and needing to somehow get over the throbbing headache I had. I knew she was going to be over with her friends to watch movies at our place and I hated Emmett for doing that, because that was just going to make it harder for me. He was forcing me to be in the same room with her again.
I spent the whole afternoon in my room, in and out of sleep. Partly because I my over worked brain was not switching off long enough to allow me enough sleep. The sound of her truck's roar woke me up when she arrived and the part of me that wanted to be friends with her became excited at the thought that she was here. I stumbled my way out of bed and to my bedroom window, taking a peek outside to just to get a glimpse of her. I watched her get out of the truck, lock it up and walk up to the front door. I couldn't see her clearly because it was too dark but I knew she would look sexy as hell…she always did.
Once she was out of sight, I headed back to my bed but couldn't for the life of me, switch off to go back to sleep, because I was dying to go back downstairs to see her and smell her and just fucking be near her and gawk at her shamelessly. So, I figured the only way to fight down that part of me that was dying to head downstairs was to sleep, so I did. But it was almost useless since I was tossing and turning, Bella occupying my every thought, possessing my brain relentlessly. I woke up a few hours later and gave up on sleeping. I was fucking starving too considering I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. I was also going crazy just sitting in between four fucking walls. So I took a deep breath and went downstairs.
As I walked down the stairs I heard the murmurs of the TV. That was the only sound flowing through the house. I made it into the kitchen and all the lights were off but there was enough light from the TV in the lounge to make my way around the kitchen and grab a glass of water. As I was drinking, my eyes caught Bella and found she was staring at me and my heart did some sort of weird flip or some shit in thrill. I really needed to get a fucking grip over myself. I hesitantly made my way into the lounge, repeatedly telling myself not to lose it and act all nice to her because I could just see she how much she liked me.
I croaked out a "Hey" to everyone and Jasper was the only polite one that responded with a cheerful "Hey, Edward." She ignored me and the part of me that liked her was disappointed and the part that told me I couldn't like her and was fighting these weird feelings in me, were jumping around happily…it may just be working. I internally debated with myself whether I should join them or not but the thought of heading back into the confines of my room was enough to allow me to put aside my shit and just join them. So, I grabbed myself a slice of cold pizza but I was too fucking hungry to care.
I had to sit beside her as much as I didn't want to. There was no way in hell I was going to sit next to Rosalie who was snuggled up into Emmett. That would have been just too weird. So I sat myself beside Bella, making sure to push myself against my side of the couch so we wouldn't touch. I couldn't allow myself to touch her because every time I do I feel this weird unexplainable current pulsing through us. It is has happened every single time I have touched her. It was fucking weird but felt so good and right all at the same time. I had no fucking idea what it meant, I've never felt anything like it and it kind of freaks the shit of me. Is that kind of shit normal?
I knew if I were to let myself touch her and I feet that current again then I would just wouldn't be able to control myself, and team that with her strawberries and vanilla scent that haunts my senses every time I'm with her, it would be testing my fucking restraint too much. So I sat down and pressed myself up against the arm of the couch on my side…I just hope I didn't look weird doing that shit.
To be honest I wasn't focusing on the movie. I was checking her out from my peripheral, I couldn't really see all that much but enough to satisfy that part of me that wanted her. Her strawberries and vanilla scent was killing me and killing the part of me that was trying to dislike her and ignore her. I clutched a damn cushion and placed it over my lap so I could refrain from reaching out and touching her. Yes, I wanted to fucking touch her. I wanted to lay her back down on that couch and kiss the fucking shit out of her. To hear her moan underneath me and tell me how much she wanted me. But that was not how things should go. That was just how I wantedthings to go.
And I hated it . . . big time.
I became fidgety. Brushing through my hair repeatedly, rubbing the back of my neck and scratching my eyebrow, any fucking thing to stop me from reaching out and running my fingers through that long thick strawberry scented hair of hers. Because I wanted nothing more than to do that, to feel the softness and silkiness of her hair that I knew it would be.
The movie finally ended and I couldn't have been happier. I was fucking dying. Emmett switched the lights on and I fucking groaned from the sudden light. Fucking prick, at least start by switching one on and giving our eyes a fucking few minutes to adjust. I stood up and was glad I could just stretch from sitting all tensed up on that couch for almost an hour. I stretched my hands high above my head and I swear I heard Bella gasp. I dropped my hands and turned to look at her questioningly to see what that was about and but she smiled awkwardly and blushed a bright red as she looked down into her lap.
There was that fucking smile and blush . . . I was fucking slipping . . .
She looked back up at me and caught me fucking staring at her. For the life of me I couldn't draw my focus away from those sweet chocolate eyes of hers. She just stared back and honestly, I let go, I let myself get lost into those deep eyes and just enjoy it. That was before Emmett interrupted whatever it was we had going on, to go grab some ice cream.
I shook my head to clear it from its Bella induced haze and forced my way to the kitchen.
"Glad you finally came down." Emmett said as I was grabbing the spoons and bowls.
"Yeah," I said not really interested in talking.
We walked back into the lounge and laid everything down on the coffee table.
"Scoop us some Eddie." Emmett fucking ordered me as he walked off to the stereo. Prick. I glared at him, well his back more like it and mumbled "I'm not your fucking slave you big fucking goof of a bear" under my breath. I huffed in fucking annoyance and grabbed the ice cream scooper to begin serving the ice cream.
What was fucking embarrassing was that I couldn't seem to get the ice cream out, it was too hard. Noticing my obvious struggle, Bella spoke.
"Maybe you should get some hot water in a bowl to dip the scooper in."
I looked up into her warm brown eyes, surprised that she had spoken to me considering I had been avoiding her all fucking day. It seemed my effort to piss her off all day wasn't enough to deter her. She could've easily ignored me. She could have just sat back and internally laughed at me and my struggle to scoop something as fucking simple as ice cream out of a tub. But no, this was Bella, and Bella put aside the fact that I had been an ass to her all day and decided to offer me some help.
Why am I stopping myself from liking her again?
"Ok." I replied simply.
I did as she suggested and grabbed a bowl with some hot water in it and carried it back to the coffee table. I dipped in the scooper and then tried dipping it into the ice cream . . . yes . . . it worked, slipping right in.
I looked up at her and gave her a small smile and murmured a "Thank you." Actually if it were up to me, I would have stood up, grabbed her face on either side within my hands and brought my lips to hers, thanking her with a heart stopping and tender kiss. A kiss that she would never in her entire life forget.
But that was not the reality unfortunately . . . only a fucking dream . . . that would forever remain a dream in my little twisted head . . .
As I took focus again, Michael Jackson boomed out from the speakers and I groaned. I knew what was coming from Emmett and let's just say I was embarrassed on his behalf. Such a fucking clown…I have a clown of a brother. I love him to death because only he knows how to make me laugh, but a clown….hey…there you go, a clown makes people laugh so that fits him perfectly . . . ok now I'm just fucking blabbering.
Everyone grabbed a bowl except for Emmett who treated us to his Billy Jean act after he had grabbed his white glove and fedora hat . . . yes . . . Emmett had an obsession with MJ when he was younger, well we both did but mine kind of died off . . . Emmett for that matter . . . not so much.
As he began his routine, Bella let out a laugh, a beautiful soft laugh . . . obsessed much Cullen?
I looked over at her and shook my head, "He is such a fucking dim wit that some times I wonder if I was adopted." I said biting the inside of my cheek to stop the laugh that was threatening to escape. Like I said, Emmett really knows how to make me fucking laugh.
Emmett did his whole routine to the song, entertaining everyone as we all watched and laughed. The person who just couldn't control themselves and was practically on the floor laughing his fucking ass off was my good friend Jasper. Oh Jasper, I thought, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Emmett being Emmett, finished off his routine by throwing his hat at Rosalie and bowed down proudly to everyone. But that was after he did the infamous "OW!" causing everyone to lose complete control and just laugh, including me.
"Now that's how you fucking dance bitches!" he exclaimed.
What a character.
Emmett switched the song to thriller and Alice began encouraging Jasper to get up and do the 'thriller' dance. Emmett saw this as his opening and forced Jasper up, although Jasper didn't even show any sort of resistance.
Emmett came over to me trying to get me to get up but I refused. There was no way in fucking hell I was doing that dance in front of Bella. I hadn't done the dance since I was ten anyways. I'm not really into that shit. I just like to sit back and watch others humiliate themselves.
After a little argument Emmett realized it was a lost cause and called me a fucking pussy, he was going to fucking pay for that later. He went to stand beside Jasper to start their dance while Alice started the song again and they both got right into it.
Half way through it I couldn't take it any more and I got up and grabbed a few beers and placed them on the coffee table for whoever felt like one. I technically was still getting over my hangover but decided beer was light enough. I opened one myself and took a nice long swig, enjoying the cold liquid travelling through my system . . . absolute heaven.
The song finished and the girls applauded as I just sat back and tried not to laugh.
"Fucking shit, Jasper don't let Em rub off on you. We need some sort of normalcy among us." I joked.
"Fuck you!" Emmett snapped ripping his glove off and throwing it at me. I just ignored him, grabbed the glove and chucked it beside me, between Bella and me.
I was dying for a smoke, so I got up and went outside, Em and Jazz following me with a beer in each of their hands.
"That was fucking hilarious." Jasper laughed.
"Eddie and I used to do the routine for our parents when we were younger."
"Fuck you, don't call me that."
"What? Eddie?" Emmett smirked.
"Suck shit." I glared at him, Jasper just laughed at us.
"So, what do you guys want to do tomorrow night?" Jasper asked taking a drink of his beer.
"I'm up for anything. What is there to do in this fucking town anyway?" I asked, lighting a cigarette. I offered one to Jazz and he took it and I held the lighter for him to light it.
He took a drag, before he answered, "Depends, I mean Port Angeles is where you can find things to do."
"Call us tomorrow and we'll be there." Emmett replied.
We continued to talk outside as we smoked and drank. I took a glance inside and couldn't find Bella anywhere. Did she leave? Without saying good bye?
I flicked my butt onto the grass as I blew out my smoke and headed inside.
"Where's Bella?" I asked the girls before I could think too much about what I was asking.
"She went home." Alice answered looking at me closely. I tried to relax my face in order to hide my disappointment and set my empty beer bottle down on the table.
"She was late for her curfew and had to rush home." Alice added.
"Hmmm." I said nodding my head. I noticed Rosalie eyeing me closely. I knew she didn't like me very much and if it wasn't for Emmett I wouldn't bother with her.
"She told us to tell you she apologizes and she had to do it other wise her parents would freak."
"Ok." I nodded trying to seem not so interested.
"We should get going too. I'm lucky Jazz is with me otherwise I would have had to be home an hour ago." Rosalie said rolling her eyes.
I sat myself on the couch, awkwardly with the two girls. Rosalie was attractive, I'd give her that much, they both were to be quite honest, pretty faces, great bodies. But there was something different about Bella. She wasn't like your average girl and that's what I liked about her. Her beauty was flawless, natural and not like anything I had ever seen.
The boys finally walked back in and soon after Jasper, Alice and Rosalie left. Emmett and I cleaned up the mess that was left. I left the rinsing of the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher for Emmett to do. There was no way I was doing that shit. I wiped down the coffee table and fixed up the cushions and decided that was enough fucking work for me.
So, this is where it leaves me now, sitting outside in the yard, smoking my confusion and stresses away. I took one last drag of my cigarette and flicked out onto the grass and made my way upstairs. Went straight for the bathroom where I stripped out of my clothes and took a shower. Once I was satisfied I was clean enough I stepped out, wrapped a towel around my waist and walked into my room. I dropped my towel and fished out my black boxers, slipping them on and heading toward my bed. I climbed into bed, rubbing the heels of my palms into my eyes. I was screwed. I liked this girl and I hated it. I've liked girls before but not in this way. I've liked girls physically. I've liked their bodies, their hair, their lips but never their personalities. I've never felt drawn in by anybody except Bella. Her strawberries and vanilla scent haunts my senses. Wakes me up, makes me feels things I have never felt. Is it possible to feel this for someone you have known for just under two weeks?
I forced her out of my head because to be quite honest, I was pitching a fucking tent in my boxers from just the mere thought of her. I tried not to but I couldn't. Whatever I forced myself to think of, her chocolate colored eyes would miraculously pop themselves back into my head.
Before I knew what I was doing, my hand was trailing down my chest and underneath my boxers on its own accord. I was already hard as a fucking rock, I could probably crack a wall with it and the fact since I haven't had me some pussy in what seems like years, it was almost painfully hard. I released myself from the restraints of my boxers and grasped my length firmly and began stroking myself, succumbing to the images of Bella that have been haunting me for the last few days now.
I could smell her strawberries and vanilla as if she was right next to me. I could taste it on the tip of my tongue, so fucking sweet. Her hair cascading in the most beautiful thick mahogany waves down her bare back as she sat on top of me and stared down into my eyes with her warm brown ones. She was a fucking goddess. An angel. I could just feel her soft pink lips against mine, the way they would mould together perfectly.
I groaned out loud as I grasped my length tighter and picked up the speed of my strokes, I rubbed my palm over the tip of the cock where I had some pre-cum beaded there and used it as a lubricant, spreading it over the head and down my length, it wasn't enough but enough to do the job. I could feel her tongue roaming my mouth, her fingers trailing along my chest, tenderly but occasionally using her nails to add to the bit of pleasure. My cock was as hard as a fucking wall as I could feel myself coming close to the release that I was aching for.
I picked up the pace, tightening my grip around my cock and circling my palm over the head and then back down. My strokes became almost violent, my cock throbbing painfully as I pumped the fuck out of it. My breathing became labored, and my eyes were shut tight as I concentrated. I began grunting as I felt my impending release. My hand was getting tired since it's been a while since I've had to do this shit this often and this hard. A few more strokes and I came, hard, milking myself dry, my cum shooting out everywhere as I gasped for air trying to come down from my Bella induced orgasm. I let myself relax into the mattress, trying to regain control of my breathing and calm down. Once my breathing was back to normal, I sat up and groaned, realizing I got fucking cum everywhere, all over my torso and boxers. Luckily nothing was on my sheets.
"Fuck," I muttered. I should have considered this more.
I forced myself up to clean up the mess I had made. After a quick shower and change of clothes I was back in my bed, falling into a peaceful slumber, Bella occupying my every dream.
I woke up to a knock on my door the next morning and grunted at the interruption. It was fucking Saturday morning for fucks sake. I forced an eye open and saw Emmett popping his head inside.
"Fuck off." I groaned as I grabbed the sheets and pulled them over my face.
"Get up, I want to go work out."
"Fuck off." I groaned again. Who the fuck works out on a Saturday morning?
"Come on bro. We'll go grab some breakfast afterwards." He said trying hard to persuade me.
"Fuck off."
"Your vocabulary seems to have diminished over night…"
"Fuck off." I said again, anger lacing my voice suddenly. That didn't deter the - fucking chirpy, gym junkie, early on a Saturday morning bear- that was sitting beside me in my bed now.
"Just get the fuck up." He said grabbing the sheets and trying to pull them off my face.
"Why don't you just shut the fuck up and get fuck out of my room!" I snapped, sitting up in bed and shoving him hard against the chest.
"You fucking bitch." He lunged at me, putting me into a head lock. I cursed at him as I tried to push him off by kicking him but my legs were caught within my sheets. I was still half asleep so I didn't have much strength in me.
"Edward. Emmett." Carlisle's voice rang out from behind us.
Emmett huffed and climbed off of me as I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. There was nothing I hated more than being woken up on a Saturday. I sat myself up in bed, trying to untangle myself from the sheets.
"What is going on?" Carlisle asked looking at me.
"Why the fuck are you looking at me?" I asked in disbelief, my voiced laced with anger. Always fucking putting the blame on me.
"Edward, watch your language."
"Whatever, can you both just get the fuck out of my room, it's Saturday morning!" I groaned throwing myself back onto the mattress.
Emmett snickered while Carlisle huffed in annoyance, realizing I wasn't going to listen to him.
"Meet you down stairs bitch. Ten mintues." Emmett yelled over his shoulder as he exited the room.
About fucking time . . . a shame I had another problem standing a few feet away, looking unimpressed at me. What's new?
"What?" I asked glaring at him, challenging him to start up something with me after being woken up like this.
"What are your plans for today?" He asked calmly. His face didn't match the tone of his voice.
"What's it to you?" I asked sitting myself up in bed.
"Edward," Carlisle sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Can't I just wake up to some fucking peace and quiet without having my brother lunge at me and my fucking father lecture me in the morning?"
He continued to stare at me, completely unimpressed but what was he going to do? Like seriously? He huffed and walked out of my room without another word.
Suck shit Doc.
I sighed annoyingly and forced my angry and tired ass out of bed.
I walked out of my room and into the bathroom where I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I slipped on my jeans, a white Mossimo t-shirt and my black Nikes. I brushed my fingers through my hair a few times and headed downstairs. Emmett was sitting on the breakfast bar in his track pants and t-shirt.
"Why aren't you dressed for the gym?" He asked in irritation.
"Simple because I'm not going." I said as I walked over to the fridge to grab the jug of OJ.
"Yes you are."
"Says who?" I asked.
"Says me. Get your little fucking ass upstairs and into your track pants."
"Why are you so strung on me going to the gym with you?" I asked as I poured myself a glass of orange juice.
"Because I hate going on my own."
"Ask someone else."
He glared at me, realizing I wasn't going to let up. He shook his head and poured some milk into his cereal bowl.
Carlisle walked into the kitchen and I internally cringed. I grabbed my glass and walked out to sit in the backyard in an attempt to avoid him. I lit up a cigarette and was joined by Emmett a minute later with his bowl of cereal within his hands. He took the seat beside me and began eating.
"You really should quit that shit." He said as he shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
"You smoke too fuck wit."
"Yeah but not as much as you and not as soon as I fucking wake up, that is just gross." He said wrinkling his nose in disgust.
"Yeah, so shoot me."
"What's your fucking problem today?" He asked dropping his spoon into his bowl and turning to glare at me.
I turned and glared at him, blowing smoke straight into face. He aggressively punched me in the arm.
"Fucking shit! That fucking hurt you douche." I said rubbing my arm.
"Don't fucking blow smoke in my face."
"Then stop being an annoying prick. You're my fucking problem. I got woken up by my big bear of a brother who whined for me to go to the gym with him, on a Saturday fucking morning. Then he lunges at me to tackle me, before my fucking father walks in and immediately puts the blame on me. So excuse me for having a head ache and not being in the mood for anyone's shit." I rambled, taking in a long fucking drag, hoping it would relax my tense body.
"Whatever." Emmett mumbled before shoving his last spoon of cereal into his mouth.
He got up and went inside walking back out five minutes with four toasts stacked on top of each other on a plate, each one smothered in peanut butter. He resumed his seat and began eating his toasts like he hadn't eaten in days.
"You still going to the gym?" I asked eyeing out his breakfast. He usually never ate that much before the gym.
"Nah, might just see what Rosalie is up to, or Paul, whoever is free."
Fifteen minutes later we headed back inside and I called Jasper to see what he was up to. I ended up meeting him later on at his place. I waited by my car outside after I had called him on his cell to let him know I had arrived.
He walked out a while later with Rosalie in tow.
"Hey." I greeted pushing myself off of my car.
"Hey," He gave me a half man hug. Yeah, guys really did that shit.
"Hi," I nodded my head toward Rosalie.
"I've been trying to call Emmett but it's not connecting. Do you know where he is?" She asked. It didn't pass me she didn't say hi. And her tone was dry. Lucky for her Jasper was right next to her otherwise I wouldn't have let that shit pass.
"He is at home but the dick never seems to recharge his phone. If you want you can just drop by I'm sure he won't mind. He said he wanted to see what you were up to anyway." I answered trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.
"Ok. I'll just try later." She said before she walked back into the house.
"Where to?" Jazz asked as he circled my car, running his hands over the bonnet. "Looking for a new car."
"Yeah? Any kind in particular?"
"Nuh." He came back over to the passenger side and climbed in.
I got in behind the steering wheel, started the car and pulled out.
BPOV
I spent Saturday at home, all day. I slept in which wasn't something I did often but I did it and it felt good. I had some breakfast and then decided to get working on my homework. I did the homework I had been given for the weekend. I worked a little on my English essay which was almost done and then even did a little on our biology assignment.
By the time I was finished it was about two. I headed over to Jake's place just for something to do. I hung out in his garage, watching him work on his beloved rabbit, he was right, it was coming out nicely. I made him promise to let me be the first one for a ride. It was funny how quickly he agreed to that.
We ended up going out for lunch or more like an early dinner at the local diner. It didn't pass me that he never mentioned Edward. I was glad he hadn't. I really was sick of his negative opinions about him and I wasn't sure for how much longer I would be able to hide my true emotions for him each time I defended him.
I got home that night just after 5. Phil and Renee were snuggled on the couch. I internally groaned. I was looking forward to spending the night by myself, they usually went out Saturday nights.
"Hey, baby." Renee smiled at me when I walked through the door.
"Hey mum, Phil."
"How was your day?" Renee asked patting the seat beside her for me to sit down.
I went and sat down beside her, "It was good. I was just out with Jake." I explained.
"Phil and I are just going to get some pizza in a little bit and watch a movie. Why don't you join us?"
"I might crash early tonight actually, if you don't mind." I wasn't tired but I wasn't interested in spending the night among Phil.
"That's fine baby. At least come down and have some pizza before bed."
"I'll see."
I got up and grabbed some water from the kitchen before heading up to my room. I wasn't tired since I had slept in pretty late. I had no homework to do and so I was bored. I looked around my room, trying to find something that would entertain me for the next couple of hours.
I decided to call Alice.
"Bella!"
"Hey, Alice. What are you up to?" I asked hopeful.
"Not sure, just finished having dinner. You want to go out?"
"Yeah, I'm just really bored."
"Why don't you come past? I'll call Rosalie and see what she is up to. My mum has gone out so I'm just home alone. I have no idea where Jazz is. I'm assuming he is with Edward though."
"Ok, I'll be there soon. Thanks"
"No probs. Bye."
I hung up and changed my clothes, slipping on my black skinny jeans and brown sweater. I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and headed back down stairs.
"I'm just going to head over to Alice's." I explained standing by the wall in the living room.
"Not sleeping early anymore?" Phil asked me. I shook my head no.
"Ok, well go have fun. Curfew." Renee added raising her eyebrows at me as if in warning.
"Sure." I waved goodbye and headed for my truck.
By the time I got to Alice's place, Rosalie was already there. They were both in the lounge flipping through fashion magazines. I flopped myself down on one of the couches and relaxed into it.
"I spent earlier today with Emmett." Rosalie grinned.
"Yeah? What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, we went to Port Angeles where we took a stroll through the stores and I even helped him pick out some new shoes. We had lunch and then he dropped me off home. It wasn't anything major but I had a really good time."
"You guys are really cute together." Alice pitched in.
"I know." Rosalie smiled like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
We hung out the rest of the night, flicking through TV channels and looking through magazines. Well Alice and Rosalie flipped through magazines, I just avoided them. That was not something I was really into, I found it depressing. Alice laid out some snacks for us and we just gossiped. Not about anyone really, just good old fashioned girl on girl time. I had a blast.
I got home at 10.30 and found Renee and Phil still watching a movie on the couch. Empty beer bottles and a pizza box on the table.
I waved at them as I walked past since they seemed too enthralled in the movie. I went upstairs, had a shower and went to bed.
The next day was just as relaxing. I woke up late, not really a habit I would like myself to get into but it felt good from time to time. I had a light breakfast, cleaned up my room and decided to bake a black forest cake just for something to do.
Phil and Renee were out for the day with some friends so I took my time in the kitchen, listening to my iPod as I worked and flitted around the kitchen at my own comfort.
Jake dropped by just as I was pulling the cake out of the oven and I swear sometimes I think the guy had a sixth sense. Or he must just have a nose like a dog. He always showed up when I was baking something.
He had half the cake, I didn't care, there was nothing more I enjoyed than watching someone enjoy the food I made for them.
We hung out in front of the TV before he left just before one to meet up with Paul and Seth. I grabbed my purse and decided to go and do some grocery shopping since the fridge was running dry.
I was back home by two and packed everything away. Rosalie dropped past unexpectedly complaining Jasper was playing his music really loud in the house it was driving her nuts.
After lounging around the house for a bit we agreed to go out for lunch. We got to Port Angeles in her Porsche and went to one of our favorite places for lunch, the café garden. We found a seat and ordered some coke.
Her phone rang just as our drinks arrived.
"It's Emmett." She smiled just before she pressed send.
"Hey," she answered, "Hmm… Port Angeles with Bella… yep… ok… about ten minutes ago… we'll be here… at the cafe garden… ok bye." She hung up and I raised an eyebrow at her. It sounded like Emmett was headed over to here to join us.
"Emmett's coming?" I asked.
"Yeah, he and Edward were just getting in the car wondering where to go. He called to see if we could meet up tonight but when I told him we were here he decided they would join us."
Edward's coming . . . Edward's coming . . .
I wasn't sure whether to feel nervous, happy or scared. There was nothing more I wanted than to see Edward again but to be honest his mood swings were driving me crazy. Was he going to act nice today or ignore me like he had done on Friday?
We delayed ordering our food till Emmett and Edward joined us. Ten minutes later, I saw Emmett and Edward strolling into the café. Edward was wearing some black jeans, a grey t-shirt and black jacket. But what he had on his head made me almost squeal in delight . . . weird I know but he was wearing a black beanie on his head. The beanie looked so good on him and it accentuated his emerald bedroom eyes even more.
Since when did they become bedroom eyes?
Since I began noticing these things . . .
Mmm . . . Bedroom eyes
I had to snap myself out of my ogling as they reached our table. Edward had both hands in the pockets of his jacket. Emmett leaned in and gave Rosalie a kiss on the lips before enveloping me in a hug. Edward inclined his head toward Rosalie with a quiet "Hey," before turning to me and giving me a little smile. I was beaming on the inside . . . it was more than I expected.
Emmett sat beside Rosalie leaving the seat beside me for Edward. He sat down and cleared his throat as he made himself comfortable.
"I am fucking starving. Where can I get some fucking food in this place?" Emmett said scanning over the menu.
"Watch your language." Rosalie nudged Emmett.
"Sorry, just hungry."
"God forbid he doesn't get fed every two hours, or all hell will break loose." Edward joked but with seriousness. He seemed a little tense.
"Fuck you." Emmett whispered keeping his eyes on the menu.
We all ordered our food and chatted quietly while we waited. Well, Emmett was speaking most of the time. I just threw in my two cents worth when necessary. Most of my attention was on the hot guy sitting beside me, his scent of cologne breezing through my nose each time he moved a little. I kept taking glances at him, just loving the beanie on his head. It took the focus off his hair for once and onto his eyes, not that his eyes didn't stand out before, it's just that, now they stood out even more and I was finding it hard to breathe.
Yep, just on the border of becoming an obsession.
Just before our food came, Edward headed outside for a smoke while the three of us talked. I realized Edward smoked quite a bit for someone his age. I knew he had issues and realized it was all a way of helping him cope. Not the best way but probably the easiest.
He came back in just as our food arrived. Emmett pretty much swallowed his food down finishing way before everyone else. I was last, but that was nothing new.
"You always eat this slow?" Edward leaned in and spoke softly into my ear.
I felt a shiver run through me as my breath got caught in my throat at his closeness. That is the closet he has ever gotten to me. I felt his hot breath on my neck, the huskiness of his voice when he whispered. I froze for a second trying to regain my composure. He pulled back and looked at me oddly like I had gone mad. I shook my head slightly and turned to him, trying to remember to breathe.
"Yeah I do." It came out a whisper, something I hadn't intended but I guess I hadn't totally regained control of myself just yet.
He nodded and turned back to Emmett. That was the only thing he said directly to me the rest of the time we were there.
Once it was time to leave, Emmett and Rosalie decided to make out by his car. So, I walked over to a shop window to give them some privacy, even though there were people everywhere among us. Edward appeared beside and I jumped.
"Didn't mean to scare you." He said staring into the shop window as well. It was a book store.
"That's ok, I seem to scare easily."
Without saying another word he disappeared inside the store. I stood there for a second before I decided to follow him in. I found him by the new release section, scanning over the books.
"Anything you like?" I asked as I walked up to him.
He didn't jump or even startle at my words. It was as if he knew I was approaching, even though I thought I was being really quiet.
"Not really. I like the classics. But every now and then a good book comes out."
"So you just buy books but you don't read them all. Why do you buy them?" I asked curiously thinking back to 'The Age of Innocence' he had in his collection the other day.
"I like to buy books even though I won't necessarily read them. I think to myself that one day I might want to…or come across someone else who might want to." He said as he walked further into the store. I followed him.
"This seems more like my type of section." He said seriously but there seemed to be a little pain and sadness lacing his voice. I stared over at the little sign hanging over the shelves, 'Self help'.
"I think we can all admit to being in dire need of this section at one point or another." I said shrugging. He turned his head to look at me, as if mulling over my words. "What?" I asked as he kept staring at me.
"Nothing." He shook his head before he continued roaming the store slowly.
"Are you looking for anything in particular?" I asked following him again.
"Nope." He said popping the 'p' as he continued walking around.
I veered away from him and back to the new releases. I scanned over them, wanting to find something new to read.
"Don't waste your money, you could always just borrow mine." He said startling me again. I hadn't heard him approach. "You're very jumpy today." He said with a little amusement in his voice.
"You're just too quiet. I'm considering putting a bell on you." I joked as I kept my focus on the titles in front of me.
"Like I said, you're free to borrow any of mine anytime."
I turned to look at him and he had his crooked smile intact. I stared back at him, unable to draw my gaze away from his face, he looked so incredibly beautiful. I never thought it would ever be possible for someone to be so perfect looking. He cleared his throat as I continued to stare at him, snapping me out of my stupor. I blushed furiously.
"Thank you." I replied but it came out a little strained.
I heard him chuckle quietly beside me, "Let's get going. I'm sure they're unlocked by now." He teased referring to Emmett and Rosalie.
"You might be able to give them some tips yourself." I blurted out before I could stop it. He stopped his steps and turned to face me, his crooked smile back in place.
"You making fun of me?" He asked in amusement, cocking an eyebrow at me.
"No, I didn't mean for it to come out… it's just that… um…" I stammered, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for my outburst.
"I'm sure you have tips of your own to give them." He said still smirking at me.
My face flushed ten shades of red at his statement, if only he knew my lips were freaking virgins also. Let's see just how much he would laugh then. I walked out of the store ignoring his comment in hopes I wouldn't have to answer him and he wouldn't notice my awkwardness.
I found Emmett and Rosalie still by Edward's car. He had his arms around her waist, looking down at her and smiling as he listened to her talk. Her arms were around his neck as she spoke to him. They really did make a cute couple.
Edward walked right past me and up to them so I forced my feet to keep moving and follow him.
"Ready to go?" Edward asked as he stood beside Emmett, seeming impatient to leave suddenly.
"Yeah, ah… I was just thinking of taking Rosalie out." Emmett mentioned carefully as he looked over at Edward. "Would you mind taking Bella home?"
Rosalie looked over at me and gave me an apologetic look. I waved her off because deep down I wanted nothing more than to be in the car with Edward, in a small and confined space, just the two of us. I found myself smiling at the thought. I quickly took composure of my face and relaxed looking back over at Emmett and Edward.
"Thanks bro." Emmett said patting Edward on the back as he headed over to Rosalie's car.
"Thanks Bella, I owe you." She said hugging me.
"Don't worry about it, go have fun." I said.
"Love you, bye." She hurried off to her car and climbed in the passenger seat as Emmett got in behind the wheel.
I stood awkwardly looking over at Edward who seemed just as awkward as me.
"Want to get going?" He asked circling his car to the driver's side.
I nodded and walked over to his BM and climbed in. It smelt nice. It smelt new still with a slight hint of cigarettes. It was clean and tidy just like his bedroom was.
"You're going to have to tell me where you live." He said as he put the key in the ignition and turned the key.
"Ok,"
He pulled out and headed back to Forks. It was silence in the car for a while. I wouldn't call it awkward but I wouldn't call it comfortable either. After my little comment in the bookstore we seemed to have taken a step back.
"Who was your first kiss?" He asked hesitantly, keeping his eyes on the road. My head snapped to his direction as he had totally caught me off guard. Was it because of what I said in the bookstore? Was it his way of finding out whether I have been kissed before? He glanced in my direction briefly when I didn't answer. I forced myself to speak, to say something… anything.
I turned my head back to the road, hoping not looking at him would make it easier to answer "I… ah… I haven't been-"
"You don't have to say it, I understand." He cut me off.
I felt my face blush and cursed myself for tying up my hair today, it would have made a useful shield to hide behind right about now. I turned my face and looked out the window, too ashamed to say anything more.
"I find it hard to believe." He said after a few moments. I took in a deep breath, not knowing what to say to that. What does he mean he finds it hard to believe? "Can I ask why?" He asked when I didn't say anything.
Fuck, he really knew how to make me feel like shit didn't he? I bit the inside of my cheek in frustration, what did he want me to say?
"You really think I know why?" I asked, my voice coming out harsher than I had intended.
He went silent for a few moments as I saw his grip on the steering wheel tighten, the skin covering his knuckles turning white with the pressure he was applying.
"I didn't mean for it to come out that way . . . again. I keep fucking up. I don't mean for you to feel like-"
"Can we just drop it?" I asked turning back to the look out the window. I felt like shit. I felt pathetic. A seventeen year old girl who has never been kissed or touched or anything . . . I guess I am too repulsive for anyone to even consider it.
I mentally kicked myself for letting those thoughts get to me again. I have learnt over the years to block them out, to deal with them, it wasn't easy but I did it. I didn't want to fall back into that again. I couldn't allow myself to think like that again. That was a part of my life that I feel ashamed of and a part that is too painful to remember. I shook my head and tried to focus on something else.
Before I knew what he was doing, he pulled off the road, just before the entry to the highway leading back to Forks. He turned the car off and just sat there. His hands gripping the steering wheel still and his eyes focused ahead.
"I'm a fucking idiot and I know it." He said with so much hate in his voice that I felt myself cringe.
"You're not an-"
"Yes I am. I have no fucking idea how to talk to people without making them feel like complete shit. I guess that's one thing I can find that I'm good at."
Before I could reply, he opened his door and got out. Reaching in his jacket pocket, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes, pulled one out, placed it between his lips and lit it with a lighter that was in his pocket also. He took a long drag, the sides of his face sucking in with the pressure at which he was inhaling. He pulled the cigarette out holding the smoke in for a while before blowing the smoke out of his nose. He leaned against the front side of his car, staring off ahead of him.
I wasn't sure what to do. He seemed to have so much self hatred in him. I climbed out before I thought too much of it and stood a few feet away from him, staring out off into the distance like he was.
"I know you didn't mean for it to come out the way it did." I said keeping my eyes ahead.
He stood in silence, taking in another drag of his cigarette, his free hand in his jacket pockets. I waited for him to say something, anything but he didn't. He was acting like I wasn't even there. I didn't want us to go back to being out of depth with each other again. Every time I feel like we took a step forward we seem to take two steps back. I didn't want things to be like that between us.
It came to me all of a sudden, a place where we could go where it would just be the two of us. A place where you can relax and be with your thoughts. A place I used to venture to when I was at my lowest point, allowing me to take a step back from everything and think clearly.
"Do you have any plans for the rest of the afternoon?" I asked turning to face him for the first time since I exited the car.
Where is Bella taking him? Any questions? Let me know your thoughts, i love hearing all your opinions, some of you make me laugh!
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