Warning: Okay, ridiculously, horribly, intentionally out of character. Like, so out of character it goes beyond parody. But I still would have paid good money to see this happen.

This one is entitled:


4.09: Because if Gwen Wasn't Such an Obedient Little Thing, This Could Have Been One Heck of a Showdown.

Gwen sniffled and wiped the tears out of her eyes as Arthur headed towards the door of her throne room. She felt horrible, of course; after all, she'd just been banished, never to return on pain of death, but not quite as ashamed as she thought she should feel. After all, she literally had not been able to control herself, and was drawn to Lancelot… without ever being drawn to him.

Now, maybe she'd spent to much time with Uther, but that just reeked of sorcery to her. Of course Arthur wasn't going to listen though; he was too high up on his moral high horse of "Oh, I shall spare your life and simply banish you to barren places where you know no one," to even hear a word she would say on that matter.

At that, strangely, made her a bit angry.

"Really," Gwen found herself saying drily. "I need to leave by first light, then, otherwise what?"

Arthur forgot to look betrayed for a moment because of his surprise. "Um… you die? I banished you… on pain of death."

She raised an eyebrow. "Who's going to kill me?" she said. "You?"

He gritted his teeth. "No one, because you're going to leave."

"If I didn't. Who would kill me?"

"… An executioner?" Arthur guessed weakly.

"Oh, so you are going to drag me down there personally then? So why don't we just try this. I will stand here until morning comes, and then we'll see what you do about it, okay?" She wiped the last of her tears away, crossed her arms, and glared at him.

Arthur looked nervous for a split second before sighing. He knew that expression. That "as if you would really do it" look. He got it every time he threatened to murder Merlin creatively. Growling, he spun and reached for the door.

Fine, he thought. I will get some guards, or the knights, and we will make her leave the city!

"And before you go, please remember that I darn all the guards' socks. And that I grew up with Leon and have cooked a warm meal for almost all the knights."

He turned to glare at her.

"Good," she said, "Now if you're done being king for the moment, you can come back here and we'll discuss our relationship problems like a normal couple who don't throw each other in jail."

There really wasn't much Arthur could say to that, so at last he just pouted and petulantly replied, "No." Then he turned and opened the door, intending to stomp out.

There was a clatter and a chorus of yelps as Merlin, Leon, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, and Agravaine tumbled onto the floor, losing their balance… Since they'd all been leaning on the door with their ears pressed on it.

Arthur rubbed his head. Was this what his father had had to deal with? No wonder he went a bit crazy at the end there.