I received a review for the last chapter that said this: "I kinda feel bad for Stan. He's always made out to be a pussy."
And I thought to myself, "Holy crap! I didn't make Stan seem like a total pussy, did I!?"

To be honest, I don't think Stan is a pussy; I just think he's a bit more sensitive than most boys. However, everyone in the story sort of views him as one.

A lot like my little brother. He's more like Stan than I'd care to admit, even to the fact that I used to beat up on him all the time until he started crying and all his friends got mad at me. (Like the time I beat him in the head with a rock. -cringe-) However, now he's twice my size and totally kicks my ass when I try anything. (These days it's more rough-housing play on our part, since I'm more of a guy like that. Ha ha.) But yeah, like Stan, my brother has a big heart and cares a lot about living creatures, to the point where he gets really sad when he hears anything about animal abuse and shit.
Sadly, one of the other reasons I'm making this fic is mainly due to the fact that people grow older and get over themselves as children. I've made amends with my brother, and I thought it'd be charming for there to be a Stan and Shelley amending fic out there. Thus, this popped out. (The main reason why it popped out was because I wanted to write a fic about Shelley actually scoring a boyfriend who doesn't treat her like a total shitbag.)

So yeah, to anyone who thought I made him out to be a total pussy, I'm terribly sorry for that, because I actually think he's more manly than that. It's just that he asked Wendy a question and decided to play the part so that she wouldn't get pissed off at him.

Hopefully this chapter will make up for it. (Although I do see Kyle as being too much like his mother to let anyone be more aggressive than him, if you know what I mean.)

The song for this chapter title is "Crush", by Jimmy Eat World. I think the mood's more fitting than the actual lyrics, even though those are fairly telling, too.

Oh yes, and in this, I bring up a lot of touchy subjects involving the term "faggot" and shit. I personally think that gay people can call themselves that all they want. Like Stan in this story, I think there's a big difference between calling someone a faggot playfully and someone calling someone that to be condescending. My best friend's a flaming dyke, so I call her a dyke all the time and we joke about it a lot. I guess it depends on who you talk to, really. Or where you live. I know where I live, people aren't as anal about shit like that. We're all laid-back here. -takes a blast from a reefer- Yep. We're all cool... (Ha ha. I hate the smell of pot.)
Oh yeah, and as for that asexual shit: It's totally true. Some people really don't have any interest in shit like that, either for personal preferences, or for actual hormonal imbalances that cause them to not get sexually aroused. -shrugs- I actually find the subject interesting. And then there are the asexuals that are simply late bloomers (like me) and therefore just don't really go out and make an effort to figure out what their sexual preference really is. (Actually, I consider myself straight, I simply just don't see myself, or really care to be, for that matter, in a relationship with anyone.)
There's a wikipedia article on it, if you're interested.

With that said, enjoy this chapter.


"Crush"
Chapter Seven

The next day, Stan was in a major tizzy. He forced himself to stare out the window, rather than speak to any of his friends on the way to school, riding with Shelley. Not only that, but Kyle was acting weird, too. He was yelling at Cartman more often, and on more than one occasion he told Kenny to shut the hell up. It was like his best friend had become his sister.

In class he couldn't concentrate, and so, finally, he nearly exploded during lunch. He was sitting by himself, like usual, and Kyle walked up and sat down by him, getting there later than he did.

"Hey, dude…"

Stan turned his head and gave him a sort of half-pout. Kyle took one look at him and rolled his eyes. However, he couldn't ignore the fact that Stan seemed to become too involved with his food when Wendy walked by. Usually he stared at her, drooling, until she passed by. That wasn't the case today, apparently.

He leaned over towards Stan, put a hand on his shoulder so that he could keep it between just the two of them. "Dude, did something happen between you and Wendy?"

Stan jerked back and slapped the Jew's hand away. "Dude, don't touch me!"

Kyle frowned, eyed him strangely. "Stan…are you okay? You're not acting normal. There's definitely something bothering you…"

Stan groaned and turned back to the mashed potatoes, poked at them with his fork a little. "Dude…" He simply trailed off, letting that simple word express how bad he felt.

After a moment, Kyle sighed and placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder again, cautiously; Stan didn't jerk back again, so he figured Stan was a little bit better now. His tone also expressed he knew how the dark-haired boy felt. "Dude."

Stan looked over at him, turned slightly pink. Kyle was so close–within kissing range, even. They were so damn close, and if he fucked up their friendship, he wouldn't be able to mend it again. He was a complete wreck, and it was bad enough he hadn't been able to sleep the night before…

After a moment, the two remaining middle-school Goth kids wafted past, snickering at how close Stan and his friend were. Kyle just glared and flipped them off, then turned back to Stan. "Stan…" Stan looked up at him, puzzled, waiting for him to continue. Kyle did, giving him a look. "Can we skip the last two periods of the day…? I…need someone to talk to…"

Stan's cheeks turned red, but he still tried not to show anything other than indifference. What the hell could Kyle want to talk about? It must've been serious if he wanted to skip classes. His mother would kill him if she ever found out… He smiled lightly, taking a few quick deep breaths and grabbing his water bottle, taking a big gulp. "Sure; no problem, dude."

–––––––––––––––

"Hey, Sparky! I'm home, you little faggot!"

Kyle glanced over at his friend and raised a brow, ignoring the sound of the dog barking as it came bounding down the steps. "Stan, I've been meaning to ask…why do you call Sparky a faggot? Isn't that a bit rude?"

Stan laughed as Sparky went straight for his friend's legs, eager to get a little bit of action this afternoon. "Well, it's true, right? He is a faggot. 'Sides, it's mainly just a term of endearment on my part. Not sure about Shelley, though."

Kyle nudged at the dog that was trying to hump his leg. He gave a strained smile. "Yeah, well…how would you feel if someone called you a faggot?"

Stan glanced at his friend for a bit, pondering the notion, and Kyle turned back to nudge Sparky away from him, pushing him away with his foot. Stan reached down and pinched Sparky's ear. "Sparky, no! Go bug the neighbor's dog or something! You know he's been watching you through the fence!"

Sparky, knowing that was a sign to stop, decided to follow that idea and ran to the kitchen, dashing out the doggie door. A fairly short time afterwards the neighbor's dog began yelping.

Kyle burst out laughing and Stan waved his hand. "Nah, dude. I wouldn't care if someone called me a faggot. A-After all, I know I'm not, so it's not that big of a deal."

Kyle looked back over and held his finger up. "Yes, but what if you were? Wouldn't you feel bad?"

Stan grinned, but inside he felt his stomach churning. Shit, did Kyle know already? He hadn't even done anything; he hadn't even acted remotely gay! Had he?? Maybe he did and didn't realize it. "Nope. Not if it was a term of endearment. That gives it a whole new meaning, doesn't it?"

Kyle eyed him strangely, running his hand through his curly mop of flaming red hair. "Well, what if me or Kenny were gay? You're saying you'd call either of us faggots? You wouldn't feel bad about it?"

Stan shook his head and walked into the kitchen. He burst out laughing and dropped his backpack onto the floor. He was nervous, and hoped it didn't show in his laugh. "You or Kenny, gay!? Kenny, the guy that stares at boobs long enough to make a living out of it?? You, who I've known for forever? You liked that home-school girl in elementary school! I don't really know how to answer your question, 'cause I can't see either of you guys being gay."

Kyle smiled and dropped his bag by the couch, walking into the kitchen. "You should've used 'whom'…"

"What? 'Whom'?Where?"

Kyle laughed. "You said, 'You, who I've known for forever,' dude. That should be, 'whom I've known for forever,' right?"

Stan wrinkled his nose. "Whatever, dude. I don't give a shit about stuff like that. Only you would really care. Besides, I thought 'whom' was only used when 'who' came at the end of a sentence…"

Kyle turned red and looked around the room, thinking. After a moment, he cursed. "Shit. You know I'm better with numbers than grammar, dude… Whatever…" He looked off to the side, upset that he'd been wrong.

To calm himself down, Stan bent down and began to rummage through the fridge for nothing in particular. After a few moments, a shadow passed over him and Kyle leaned onto his back.

"What are you looking for, dude?"

Stan jumped, tossing Kyle off of him in the process. He placed a hand over his heart and took big, gasping breaths as he spun around and glared at his friend. "Dude! Don't…Don't sneak up on me like that! I…" He trailed off, thinking up an excuse. Kyle simply stared at him, knowing something was wrong but not what. "It's just…Shelley hasn't attacked me lately, so I've become a little paranoid…"

Score! That was a great lie, right there!

Kyle smirked. "That's okay, dude. Just relax. Shelley's nowhere around, so you've got nothing to worry about. It's just me and you, dude. I'm not going to attack you."

Stan laughed and nodded his head. "Yeah, I know." Of course, he wasn't concerned with Kyle attacking him; he was concerned about Kyle being attacked by him. And, like Kyle said, it was just him and Kyle: all alone; in a big house; with the neighbors gone at work or whatever…

Kyle walked out of the kitchen, waving his hand a little. "Whatever, dude. I'm going to be in your room looking up shit on the internet."

Shit. The picture! Now that list he'd made was in it! What if Kyle picked it up and looked at it to have a laugh again?? He'd find the list, and then he'd know he was in mental anguish over who he was more in love with–his girlfriend or his best friend!

Stan walked out as well, right behind him. "W-Wait… The internet? D-Didn't you say you needed someone to talk to?"

Kyle glanced back at him, eyes smoldering with some sort of emotion he couldn't quite place. Stan blinked, took a small step down a step. Kyle grabbed his hand and pulled him up the steps, determined. "Yeah, but I feel safer in your room, dude…"

Stan gulped, trying to keep his hand from getting all sweaty. That would definitely make things awkward.

When they got to his room, Kyle sat down on the bed, staring at his thumbs which were folded neatly, elbows resting on his knees. Stan walked over hesitantly and sat down next to him. Kyle was silent for a good two minutes before he said anything, the time in between being so tense Stan swore he could have cut the tension with a knife.

Kyle's words were quiet and mumbled.

"Dude, I don't think I like girls."

For a moment, Stan just sat there, feeling the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Finally he jumped up, taking a few steps back from the bed. "Dude! Don't you fucking dare say what I think you're going to say!!"

Kyle's eyes darted over to his face, saw his expression. His jaw dropped as the implications of his words suddenly smacked him in the face. He also stood up, held his hands up in surrender. "D-Dude! No, no, no! That's not it at all! Dude, let me finish! I was trying to say I think I'm asexual or something!"

Stan stopped and stared at him for a while. He gasped. "Oh my God! All this time–!?" He looked down at Kyle's crotch, jaws dropped. "You're a…"

Kyle groaned and crossed his arms over his chest. "No, dude! Asexual, not hermaphrodite! An asexual is someone who doesn't find anything attractive! I'm saying that I don't find girls attractive, but I don't find guys attractive, either!"

Stan stopped and gave him an incredulous look. "How could…How could you not be attracted to either!? That's like, the opposite of bi, dude! What the fuck?? …A-Are you sure?"

Kyle rubbed his arm and twisted his mouth in a weird pucker shape, showing that he was clearly unsure. He shook his head and turned bright red. "N-No… Because…I just…haven't ever…you know, hooked up, with anyone before. I mean, you've had Wendy, so you know you're attracted to girls, but I only had that home-school girl, and that changed when she became a total slut… Plus, I was only eight at the time…"

Stan stood there for a moment, feeling his heart pound in his chest. If he…If he was really selfish right now–and he knew he totally was right now–, he could try it out with that hot piece of ass without Kyle ever having to know he had feelings for him… He just had to know how to approach it. But how? With a te–

That was it! With a test!

He walked over to the bed and sat down. "Well, how about we test it out?"

Kyle sat down and stared at him, puzzled. "What the hell? Where are we going to find anyone, male or female, willing to kiss me? And don't say Kenny, or Butters dressed as a girl, because that's just fucking sick, dude."

Stan pointed at himself with his thumb, frowning lightly and trying to keep his composure steady. "That's easy, dude. Just close your eyes, and I'll kiss you twice. On the first try, imagine I'm a boy, and on the second just imagine I'm a girl. All I'll have to do would be to imagine you as Wendy, and it wouldn't bother me at all…"

Kyle stared at him for a moment, then his jaw dropped. "Dude!"

Stan rolled his eyes, tried to keep his voice steady, still. "Dude…do you want to know or not?"

"W-Well, yeah! But…but you'd really be willing to kiss me?"

Stan frowned, kept his voice steady. "No, dude! I'm going to imagine that I'm kissing Wendy! That way, it won't be so awkward for me and you'll still get your answers!" Perfect! This way, he could also figure out whether he was more attracted to Kyle or Wendy at the same time! It would be killing two birds with one stone!

After a moment, Kyle turned red, cleared his throat. "O-Okay, dude. But if any of this leaks out to fatass, you're fucking dead."

Stan rolled his eyes. "Like I'd want him to know I was willing to do this for you… I'd get just as much shit as you, if not more, for offering to do it in the first place. Just think of this as thanks for sticking up for me with Shelley the other day, okay?"

Kyle nodded and closed his eyes. "Okay, just as long as you promise this won't leave the room…"

Stan reiterated that he wouldn't, then swallowed the lump in his throat. He glanced at Kyle, stared at how the Jew looked almost peaceful for once with his eyes closed, stared at how his mouth was slightly parted in waiting for a pair of lips to meet them. He swallowed again, closed his eyes, and thought of Wendy.

He didn't kiss Wendy that often, actually. He usually just gave her a quick peck on the lips; he was always too shy to try anything else. He leaned in, gave Kyle-Wendy a quick peck on the lips.

He pulled back just as quickly and opened his eyes. Kyle was staring at him like he was a total pussy. Stan raised his eyebrow. "So, you were thinking of a guy, right?" Kyle nodded, and Stan continued. "Well, d-did you feel anything…?"

Kyle just shook his head, and a little part of Stan cheered while the rest of him felt slightly disappointed. So he didn't like guys? Well, that sucked… But…maybe he really liked girls, so it wouldn't matter that he had these temporary feelings for Kyle…

Kyle closed his eyes. "Okay, a girl this time…"

Stan nodded and stared at Kyle again, noting that Kyle was blushing slightly. Whoever he was imagining must've been really cute… But enough about who Kyle was imagining; now Stan had to kiss him like normal, to see if he was attracted to Kyle at least even a small amount.

He swallowed the lump in his throat again and leaned in, pressed his lips against his best friend's. In an instant, it was like an electric current went zipping through his body, giving him chills. He deepened the kiss, grabbing onto Kyle's shoulders firmly.

His kisses became more passionate, and soon he'd knocked Kyle flat onto the bed. Kyle pushed on his shoulders slightly, but that didn't stop him at all. When the redhead's lips parted to try and tell him to get off, Stan slipped his tongue in. Kyle didn't resist much after that, and the next few moments they spent indulging in the other's taste.

Finally, Stan pulled back, gasping for air. Kyle coughed and sat up, pushing Stan away. His face was bright red, and Stan was sure it matched his own. Kyle made a face and shook his head. "Dude! If a girl got that aggressive with me, I'd kick her in the fucking cooch! Damn, Stan! I didn't think you and Wendy had that type of relationship!"

Stan turned bright red and laughed a little. "Well, you know… W-We don't…but since I was just imagining it, I kinda…found the courage to try it out… And…also, she wasn't here to tell me to stop being a pervert…" He laughed weakly and Kyle took a few more moments to catch his breath.

Stan glanced at him, hesitant. "Well…? Do you think you like girls…?"

Kyle shook his head. "Like I said, if she got that aggressive with me, I'd kick her ass. Aggressive girls remind me too much of my mom, dude." After a while– "…L-Let's never do this again; okay, Stan?"

Stan nodded, and Kyle stood up, stumbling out the door. "Dude, I better get home, now that I talked about it with someone… Besides…if my mom finds out I was skipping, she'd kill me…"

Stan watched him go, but didn't feel any better. He sighed and looked down at the crotch of his pants, which was now tighter on him than it was before. "God damn it!" He glared and glanced over at the picture on his bedside dresser.

After a moment, he grabbed it and got the list, unfolded the paper. He grabbed the pen and made sure to add "good kisser" under the last reason. He glared and closed it back up, not even caring how good of a job he did.


Shelley assumes her role as main character in the next chapter. O: