Hermione sat motionless on the floor. Despite the knocking on her door she couldn't bring herself to stand. Standing was for people and she felt lower than a bug in the dirt. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she breathed deeply. It was all she could do to not cry out. What had she gotten herself into? They were all in trouble and it was all her fault, just because of some stupid walk she felt like taking one night. What the bloody hell was wrong with her?
The banging on the door continued, and the voice outside became two and three, all shouting for her to open. "Hermione open up!"
"What if she isn't in there?" One asked frantic.
"Enough of this," she heard and the door burst open to reveal a worried Remus and Harry, and a terribly angry looking Moody.
"Hermione!" Harry shouted, running over to his best friends side, and Hermione remain motionless where Snape had left her.
"Bring her to the kitchen!" Moody snapped storming out of the room. Harry and Lupin helped her up.
"I don't need help," she whimpered, moving on her own. She didn't want their help, they were just going to hate her anyways. As she entered the kitchen everything went silent. The entire order was there including the informant who stood in the farthest corner.
Hermione sat down at the table and gazed down refusing to meet anyones eyes. Harry was the first to speak. "Hermione... where were you tonight?"
She knew there was no point in lying to them, and she didn't want to lie either, but she wasn't going to give up this easy. She would play it cool, so she looked up into Harry's eyes. "Why do you ask?"
Harry looked around uneasily at everybody but this time it was Remus who spoke. "Dierdrew reported seeing you at the Malfoy mansion. The Death Eaters head quarters. He said it was dark but he was sure it was you. Was it you?"
"Yes," she nodded. "But I wasn't there by choice." Her eyes flickered to Lupin's, and the look he returned her with stabbed at her heart.
"Why were you there Hermione?"
Hermione sighed and looked down again. She could face anybody but Remus. To see that much worry and dissapointment in his eyes just hurt her more. "It's long, and complicated."
"I think we have time."
Hermione paused and thought carefully. If she told everyone it was Snape who saved her... it would make this worse, especially after what he did to Dumbledor. "I got kidnapped one night when I was walking by death eaters, they would have killed me if someone had not stopped them. He promised to keep me safe on the condition that I help him. I never agreed to, but he forced me to the mansion and threw me in front of Voldamort. He read my mind and now Voldamort knows everything! Were all in a lot of danger," she told her story... or most of it at least. The response was shocked silence.
"And who was this man?" Remus asked, anger in his voice.
"I don't know," she lied. "But I thought he was there to protect me, and now..."
"You thought a death eater was going to protect you? Are you crazy?" Mad Eye roared.
"He saved my life once! That doesnt go unnoticed. I wouldn't be here right now if it wasnt for him! I would have been raped and murdered!" Hermione shouted back.
"You stupid girl! Your going to get us all killed!"
"Hey! Leave her alone!" Molly shouted back putting an arm around Hermiones shoulders. Once again tears formed in Hermione's eyes as everybody around her started to argue. This was all her fault and she knew it.
"We could use this to our advantage," Mr. Weasley stated.
"And just how do we do that?" Mad Eye questioned.
"We could give Hermione false information to feed You-Know-Who, and when they think they're ambushing us we'll be ready."
"That could put Hermione in serious danger Arthur. We all know it and..."
"I'll do it," Hermione interrupted. "If it makes up for the damage I have already done, then i'll do it."
"Hermione, it's too dangerous," Harry pleaded.
"Look i'm dead if I do, and i'm dead if I don't. If I don't give them anything, Voldamort will kill me, and if I let him continue reading my mind he'll kill all of you." Silence ensued and she continued. "So I might as well just go through with this. Im already in more trouble than I can imagine so what could be worse? Now if you dont mind me... I need to be alone." And with that, Hermione got up and left.
She shut her room door and leaned back against it, closing her eyes. "What is wrong with me?" she asked herself. Now that the chance was here she cried. Tears poured down her cheeks as she lay motionless on her bed.
Your never this stupid hermione...
Why would you do this...
All for a man who doesnt care about you?
What about the one that does?
No.. your right he doesnt care about you..
Especially not after what you've done...
A voice in her head was talking, like her concience but meaner. And she knew it was true. It was all true. She screwed up big time, and there was nothing she could do to fix it.
Still laying on her bed, she faced the wall and didn't bother to turn when the door opened.
"Hermione are you okay?" A voice asked as he sat on the edge of her bed.
"Yes Harry i'm fine."
"I'm worried about you Hermione... I don't want you doing this."
"Harry, if I refuse to, then we all will die."
"I know that, but we could hide you. Some place no one will find."
"What's the use in that? He WILL find me. Voldamort isn't stupid... he will find me and kill me anyways."
"Please don't do this."
"It's too late..."
"I won't let it..." And with that said Harry got up and walked out. She knew there was nothing he could do... and she was pretty sure he knew it too.
She turned and faced the wall again. She didn't feel like living, because she knew how this would end. And knowing that she may have lost Remus forever killed her more. After several minuted she heard the door open again.
"Harry please... I'm not in the mood for..." And as she turned she stopped as she saw a tall man standing in her doorway. He closed her door and moved towards the bed. "Remus..." she whispered.
He sat on the bed and stared at her... confusion and sadness all rolled together.
"Remus, i'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for all this to happen..." He placed a finger on her lips.
"Just don't talk for now," he replied replaced his finger with his mouth.
Hermione was shocked. She had wanted this for a long time but something told her it was wrong. She pulled back, "but what about Tonks." And he merely shook his head and continued to kiss her. She melted into his mouth and they became one. One hand wrapped into her hair and the other ran down her front. He was gentle, almost hesitant. As if he worried that he would break her. He unbuttoned her top and started to kiss her body hungrily. From her neck to her breasts he moved still gentle, still elegant. She was in bliss as if all her dreams came true, and for the night she wouldn't have to think about everything else but her, and Remus, and love.
When the night was over they lay there, covered in only a sheet, her head on his chest and him cradling her in his arms. She looked up at him sleepily and asked, "Does this mean you forgive me?"
And he smiled.
