A/N Set after "Taxi Driver" *UPDATED* I fixed the weird formatting problem. I have no idea why it did that. Please review, I would love to know what is working or not working, besides my computer. Thanks for reading!

Dean flipped aimlessly through TV channels as Sam slept fitfully in the cheap motel room. The toll the trials were taking on Sam was like a crushing weight to Dean. The whole night had been hard on everyone but Benny and Sam had borne the brunt of it. A gentle breeze brushed his arm. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the pale version of Jo.

"You had to do it. You had to get Sam back from Hell. There is no way you would have, you could have left him stranded," she said softly.

"At the expense of my friend? What kind of monster am I?" Dean said gruffly.

"You are not a monster; you're a good brother and a good friend. Benny was willing-more than willing. He wanted to go back. It was too hard for him to be back. Really, you helped him and Sam," Jo insisted.

"I am not much help to Sam; look at him. Listen to him," Dean rumpled. As if on cue, Sam let out a rasping breath.

"Dean," she said softly as she reached for his hand. Dean stood abruptly, turning on Jo vehemently. "No. You can't make me feel better about what I have done to Sam."

Jo stood, tilting her face to see his eyes. "You did not do anything to Sam! The trials are doing it. It was his choice to perform the trails. You couldn't have stopped him, he isn't four anymore, Dean! You may feel like you still have to watch over him, but he can make his own decisions," she glared fiercely at him. Covering his face with his hands, he sank back to the bed.

"It should have been me! Sam is all I have left," he said meekly. Jo gently stroked his hair, wishing she could really feel him.

"Don't you think he feels the same way?" she whispered.

"I can't lose one more person, Jo. Bobby, Benny, Dad, Mom, you." Dean looked up at her. "I never really let you go though, did I? I couldn't handle losing you again so I have imagined you ever since you were forced to try to kill me. I need you so badly I let myself hallucinate you. I want to hear your voice, to see you but all it does is make me miss you more. I was so stupid and never let you really know before…" he left off abruptly, reaching to cover her transparent hand. "I am stuck in my own nightmare. I am so afraid of losing more I cling to Sam tighter; I won't try to stop imagining you. I dragged your memory to purgatory because I can't let you go. Make me wake up, Jo! I want to be where you are alive, where Sam is healthy and I have the power to keep you both safe."

The tear running down his cheek mirrored the ghost tear on her face. She lifted her other hand and cupped his cheek.

"I will try, Dean. I will try."