The next few days passed without incident. When Lillian reported back to Meredith the morning after meeting Emile, the Knight-Commander hadn't seemed pleased or convinced that Lillian had supposedly killed the man. There were no stories of a fight and no body was recovered as proof, but if she doubted Lillian or planned to find Emile, Meredith made no mention of it and let the whole thing go without a problem.
Lillian spent her days cleaning up the streets of Kirkwall, mostly the packs of renegade templars and escaped mages who decided a rebellion was the only way to fix things between the Circle and the chantry. She and Fenris had made up, as they usually did, the day following the Emile situation. But most importantly Lillian hadn't heard a whisper more about the Ferelden ship that was intended to make port in Kirkwall. It was something that had been haunting her ever since Varric told her about it. She was still in lighter spirits than she had been for many months, but the thought of seeing him again always soured her mood a bit. She was beginning to wonder what weighed out more: her anger for him, or how much she missed him.
She had been busy sharpening her daggers down in the cellar when a dwarf entered her peripheral vision. At first she thought it was Bodahn, but as she turned her head to look she realized it was Varric. She gave him a small smile as she set her the dagger in her hands down on the table beside her. "Varric," she greeted. "What an unexpected surprise. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Her tone was its usual sarcastic one when around Varric. He always seemed to bring that out in her.
Varric wandered around the area for a moment, taking in the sight. It'd been a few years since he'd been in the cellar. Until now that had been the first and only time he'd been there, honestly. It was the time Hawke had ventured along the halls in an attempt to find her grandfather's will. Bethany had been there, so bright-eyed and excited when Hawke read the will out loud to her. It was something he doubted he could ever forget. But now the cellar was a completely different place. Rather than dusty old barrels laying about it had been transformed into a training area, complete with practice dummies, various weapons hanging on the walls (he even spotted a morning star and couldn't help but wonder what she did with that monstrous weapon), and even a few dummies wearing armor that had been ripped in various places. If he had to take a guess, she used those dummies to find chinks in their armor.
"I see you've renovated the place." he grinned.
She returned the gesture whole-heartedly. "The sight of dead slavers, dusty crates and such was just too bleak for my tastes. Besides I need something to do when Kirkwall isn't destroying itself. So I train." Lillian shrugged.
Varric glanced back to the morning star. "And what, pray tell, do you do with these primitive weapons on your walls?"
A chuckle left her. "Well you never know when you're left weaponless. I'm horrible with the thing, but I'm better than I would be if I was forced to wield one out of no where." She gave another slight shrug. "Only a slight advantage over no experience with it, but it could be the difference between life and death."
He quirked a brow but said nothing else on the matter.
"So," Lillian started after a moment of pause. "I doubt you came here to see how much the cellar has changed. What's going on?"
"I received word earlier this afternoon, and I thought you'd like to know." Varric took a seat in one of the many chairs littered across the room. It was Lillian's turn to quirk a brow this time. "The ship from Ferelden arrived earlier today."
It felt like someone punched her right in the stomach. Lillian quickly sat down in a chair, her mind racing a mile a minute as she tried to calm her nerves. She did her best to seem impassive but she had a feeling she was failing miserably. All her self-control had been deteriorating over the last few years. But that worry was quickly replaced by her fear, was it fear? - of seeing him again. She didn't even want to think of his name. Trying not to get ahead of herself, Lillian took a deep breath and composed herself as much as she could manage. "Have they disembarked yet? I haven't heard anything out of the ordinary today. And Bodahn would have informed me if he saw a procession moving down the streets."
Varric sighed and shook his head. "That's the thing, Hawke. The ship made port but even my men haven't been able to figure out who was on board. They've only seen the same uniformed guards get off the ship, nothing out of the ordinary. And they all made their way up to Viscount's Keep, but again there's nothing out of the ordinary. They're being welcomed into the keep like old friends. I'm thinking the seneschal pulled a fast one here. He knows what's going on, and somehow he made it so no one else does."
Lillian wasn't sure how to feel about that. She chewed her lip softly in thought, a nervous habit she had developed at a young age and hadn't been able to shake, much to her mother's dismay. A thought struck her, and she turned to Varric suddenly. "If they're headed to the keep then Aveline probably knows something!"
He seemed to ponder on this for a moment before he gave a small nod. "As captain of the guard she ought to know, but that woman is more duty-bound than anything else. If she knew there's a chance she wouldn't tell you." He frowned a bit before he went on. "And if it is the king she probably wouldn't tell you even if she wasn't ordered to keep it a secret."
"What makes you say that?"
Varric seemed a little uncertain. "We all know your history with him, Hawke. You're a tough woman, and most who meet you think you're indestructible. But Aveline, and Isabela and the rest of us who are close to you, we know you're not." Lillian seemed to puff up at this but he waved at her to stop. "Don't try and pretend that you are, Hawke. We've been around you long enough to know you're just as flawed as the rest of us, maybe in different ways. And if you want to keep pretending that nothing can hurt you let me put it this way: you've been through a lot. Way more than any person should be. Aveline wouldn't tell you because she doesn't want to put more on your plate."
"I'm not a delicate flower that needs protecting." Lillian frowned. "I can look out for myself."
"But that's where you're wrong. You're our Lily, and ours to protect. Not because you may or may not be fragile, but because you're our friend and that's what friends do." Varric saw a hurricane of emotions flit across her face at this, never staying long enough for him to decipher.
Finally it rested on defiant which if he was being honest, he hadn't really expected. "Who said I didn't want to see him? Maybe I've missed him."
Varric couldn't help but smile. "Then march up to Viscount's Keep and see if he's there now. I'll be right beside you, Hawke."
Lillian studied him for a moment before she broke the defiant stance and sighed in defeat. "I can't." she grumbled.
"And that's why Aveline probably wouldn't tell you." he said kindly.
They talked for awhile after that, mostly about Ferelden and taking guesses at where in the country Aveline had hailed from. She had never told anyone, the only clue being when she had told Bethany all that time ago that she wasn't from Lothering. After quite a bit of guessing Varric excused himself and headed back to the Hanged Man. It wasn't long after that when Bodahn announced dinner was ready. Lillian was only halfway through her meal when there was a knock at the door. Bodahn immediately excused himself from the table to answer it, leaving her at the table with Sandal, Bodahn's adoptive son.
She cast him a friendly smile. "So Sandal, what have you been up to lately? Other than swinging from the chandelier."
The boy finished chewing the food in his mouth before he gave her a brilliant smile. "Enchantment!" he exclaimed.
Her smile only grew at that. He might have been a simple boy, but his endless joy was contagious. And when it came to enchantments he was a pure genius. "Your father told me he's worried about you being cooped up inside all day. You're more than welcome to take walks with Farkas when he's not with me or Aveline."
Sandal only seemed even more delighted by this. "I like the doggy!"
As if on cue a loud bark resounded through the entire house followed by the patter of four paws running through the estate. Within seconds Farkas had his paws on Lillian's lap and smothered her face with kisses before he jumped down to do the same to Sandal. Bodahn and Aveline came in behind Farkas, the dwarf standing at attention and Aveline seeming distracted by something else. Trying to ignore the conversation she'd had with Varric earlier, Lillian gave her old friend a smile. "Aveline, good to see you outside the keep for once." Normally that would have earned her a chuckle, but now she was met with only half of the guard's attention.
"Things have been busy, lately," Aveline explained. "Bran's got us working twice as hard these last few days, even Farkas got an extensive workout today."
Farkas gave another excited bark, hopping off of Sandal to sit down at Lillian's side. She tossed him a piece of turkey before looking back to Aveline. "You do look exhausted. Would you like to have dinner with us? There's more than enough food."
Aveline looked at the table longingly for a moment before she shook her head. "I'd like to, but I can't. If I don't return to the keep soon who knows what'll happen."
Lillian frowned slightly but nodded her head regardless. She motioned for Bodahn to take a seat before she stood and walked Aveline to the door. "What has you working so hard anyway?" she asked once they left the dining area.
"Our visitors from Ferelden. I'm sure Varric's found out about them by now and told you." Aveline said, a hint of annoyance in her voice that didn't seem directed at Lillian. "The seneschal has us working our asses off to try and make Kirkwall 'less populated with violence and more appealing to our new allies', as he said. Pompous ass. All my guards are worn down to the bone chasing after street thugs, crazed templars and out of control mages. The only break we've had is you helping out, even if it was unknowingly."
So she was willing to admit the Fereldens were in town. She had to know who the visitor was. "Who exactly is our 'visitor'?" Lillian dove right in, watching Aveline's expression change into one she couldn't decipher.
The guard captain opened the front door but paused there for a moment, as if trying to figure out what to say. "It's not my place to say, Hawke. You know I'd tell you if I could."
The rest of the evening Lillian couldn't shake the feeling of dread that began eating away at her. Everything was pointing in one direction, but she desperately wanted things to be pointing the other way. It looked like Alistair was in Kirkwall, and if he was it seemed inevitable he would want to speak with her. But did she want to see him? A big part of her was too hurt and angry to want to see him. But a very small part of her missed him and wondered just how much he had changed.
As she settled in for sleep that night, Lillian decided it was better not to worry about something that hadn't happened yet. She would face the problem when it confronted her, and if it didn't then it was no loss to her. Or so she told herself.
