A/N: So yea! I know I am late by a few days but finals have been a bitch and i wasn't sure about the chapter so THIS is the penultimate chapter, not the last one ! I know i said there is just one more left but it was like 18k+ words so i again broke it into two, bid a bit more editing work and am posting it now. There is one more and it will be up either tomorrow or day after tomorrow, given when i am free !
Another thing, I don't have a beta, so whatever I write and post, its all on me. Someone pointed out that i should consider having a beta but the thing is, having a beta means taking up responsibility that i would keep writing and posting withing a time range and I don't have that privilege. I really wanted to thank whoever she was for her critique coz I know I needed that, I just cant get a lot of writing done all the time. I am not a writer, per se, I just enjoy doing it so I am not that good at the stuff! But whoever you are my 'Guest' friend, I would really like to thank you, please don't think I took your words in a wrong way, I really am taking it in a positive way and would try to make my writing better so Thank You, again !
Next is nothing actually, here is your chapter, go read it ! Jellybean1218 has been her impatient self and asked me for an update everyday, so darling here you go ! If it weren't for your messages, this update might have come on a later date so you people should thank her ;)
Now go read the chapter, I am done as of now ^_^
Felicity woke the next morning when she heard her alarm go off. It was so nice in the bed, warm and … solid? Huh? She slowly opened her eyes to see she was snuggled close to Oliver. Probably as close as they could ever get. He had his arms wrapped around her tightly and she was almost trying to merge with him, if that were possible.
For a moment Felicity let herself feel the warmth that was all Oliver. She enjoyed the vice grip he had on her, how he held her like he was afraid she might disappear in the darkness of the night. May be he really was afraid of that. Silly man!
Things had been rough and they needed to talk but there was no way that she was giving up on them. Not until the day he had told her to. And that day wasn't today.
She hummed in contentment and tried to move bit more close to her boyfriend, though it really wasn't physically possible. She let herself enjoy a few more moments of peace before they had to talk.
Felicity was never one to back down from a confrontation. That was not something she was afraid of. She had always faced every single problem in her life head on and had solved them, fixed them. That's what she was good at; fixing, solving. Best even.
But this time she was afraid of what the confrontation might bring forth. A storm always brings calm with it, before and after. The calm before sucked and though she knew that the peace after would be worth the storm, she was still hesitant to walk through it.
She knew the exact moment he woke up. Oliver was vigil, even in his sleep. And since he had started spending the nights with Felicity, he was always careful with his movements, especially since Felicity was a very light sleeper, she would wake with the slightest of movements. Guess that proved how tired she might have been last night that she didn't even stir when he joined her in the bed.
He knew she was awake and she knew he was awake but both were waiting for the other to break the silence first. Lastly it was Oliver who spoke first.
"Good Morning" he said softly, his voice a bit thick with sleep. Felicity always did love it in the morning, she thought to herself.
"Morning" she said softly. "I guess we can be in a bed a little longer today, today being a Saturday and all that. Do you … do you have anywhere to be today?" she asked hesitantly. Though she was relieved when it registered that Oliver had come home last night, she was still not sure about where exactly they stood.
"Nope! Nowhere to be, just you and me today and a tub of Ben n Jerry or a few! Sounds good?" he asked. As nervous as he was, Oliver was one hell of an actor for being able to keep it down.
"yeah … yeah sounds good! I … umm" she tried to move but his hold on her was so tight that it was almost impossible. Oliver caught her movements and immediately loosened his hold on her.
"I just need to go to the bathroom" she said quickly, in a way of explaining. "I'll be right back." Felicity sat on their and bed and looked down at him to find him already looking at her. She immediately looked down. She needed time to compose herself before they had to start talking. She quickly moved to get up from the bed and towards the bathroom.
Once inside, she took a deep breathe to calm her racing heart. After she was calm enough, she quickly took care of her morning rituals and then slowly walked out to where Oliver was still waiting for her, on their bed, but was now sitting with his back to the headboard.
"Hey" he said, once he saw her and held his hand out for her to take. Felicity looked at his hand and then tentatively took it before joining him on the bed.
"So do you want to have breakfast first or talk?" Oliver asked hesitantly but still to the point. They had to do it, they needed to do it and he wasn't backing down. He would tell her everything and then he would leave the decision up to her on how to move forward from this.
Felicity sighed, it was upon them and she made her resolve that they indeed needed to talk. So she turned to look at him and found him already looking at her.
"Lets talk" she said, a deep breath and then it started.
"I have to say something before you do but" she spoke again before Oliver could.
"Okay?" Oliver asked rather than said but he let her say what she had to.
"I wanted to apologize…" she started but Oliver cut her off in disbelief.
"Are you for even real? What do you have to apologize for? That you trusted me and I broke it? That I hurt you? What possibly could you have to apologize for?" he was angry, not at her of course, but himself. This … This woman … She was apologizing to him when he was the one who was wrong?
"No! Oliver … just hear me out, okay? Let me finish" she said as she squeezed his hand that she was still holding. When he didn't say anything, she continued;
"I am not saying what you did was right and it didn't hurt, it really hurt" Oliver looked like he was going to say something, probably apologize but she held her hand up "Not now, just let me get through this."
"It hurt that you didn't acknowledge our relationship in front of a woman who has had feelings for you for years. You almost forgot that I wasn't just your partner in the team but that I was your girlfriend too. It hurt that it was so easy for you to forget about us, about anything actually. Did you know you didn't even touch me that whole time?
"I know you are not the affectionate type, you have never been and I'm fine with that. But I relished on those small touches and those smiles that you sent my way. After a day at QC and in the foundry, I revel, in the however small that may be, time we get together on own, just us. Its something I look forward to after the whole day of work." she sighed, not exactly sure what to say next or more precisely, how!
"But then I saw you last morning, on the couch, with Sara. She was curled towards you, your arms around her and you two looked so natural, as if you had done this a hundred times, been like this a thousand more and it felt like a punch in the gut. I know you don't love her, I know that you love me, but when I haven't even seen you for longer than a few hours for two days, that too Sara or Dig was always there with us, I wasn't sure where I stood anymore, in the team, in your life."
Oliver began to protest again but she shook her head; "Just let me say my part, I don't know how long I can keep up without breaking and I have to get it off my chest before I loose it."
"Anyways … lets face it, Sara is a beautiful woman, not that I think I am not, but you have always preferred strong women; Laurel, McKenna, hell even Helena. And I am not like them, I don't think I can ever be, not that I want to. I don't want to be an assassin or a huntress or a cop, I am happy with what I do. I may not love being your EA, but what we down in the foundry, I love doing it coz I know I am part of something that is making this city better.
"But I am sorry and do not interrupt me now." She said when she saw he was trying to say something. "I am sorry because when I saw you with her, I didn't come to you. I just closed in on myself. I waited for you to come to me which I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have let this feeling of when my dad left us, fill myself up again and had talked to you earlier so that it didn't hurt so bad."
"Even though I am not the insecure types, I felt this thing … I am not sure if it was insecurity or pure dread that I would lose you to someone like them, the strong types, to Sara. Just like I had lost my father, like I wasn't good enough for anyone to stay with me for long. That I would lose my part in the team when she joins in permanently, which I am sure she will.
"And don't take this in a wrong way because I like Sara, I like her a lot. I can only imagine the horror and pain she has gone through in her life. She is a good person and she really wants to change, wants to help people like you do. She can certainly keep up physically and she isn't lacking technologically either. She could easily take my place if she learns a bit more. I mean she wont be as good as me, coz come on, no one is as good as me, but she would be enough to make you feel that you might not need me anymore."
"Felicity, I will always need you" Oliver said this time, not caring that she had asked him to let her finish her part.
"May be, may be not, you never know until the time comes. And seeing how you were with her, no walls in between because she knows all parts of you, before the island, during the island…"
"But she doesn't know what or who I am now" Oliver said and took both of Felicity's hands in his before continuing. "She wont ever know what I am now until she finds it for herself. She will see that I am less damaged than before, that I am more happier and that its genuine happiness but she wont know what it feels like unless she finds someone who will be the light to her darkness, like you are mine.
"Oliver…"
"No! You said your part and now I need to say mine. I know I have been a jerk, actually worse than that, I don't even know which term to use. An asshole or an idiot, probably all of the above. But there was never a moment when I wasn't in love with you.
"I was just plain stupid if that is possible. I thought that you would be okay that I was spending more time in the foundry with Sara than I was with you. I thought it was okay to let you do your stuff while I did mine and that it was okay to leave you on your own at QC with Isabel and the others.
"I wasn't thinking, because I was only focusing on the League and what might happen to Laurel or Dinah or even Sara. The Lance's I owe them after what I did all those years ago, it's a burden I have carried since the day the gambit went down and I don't think I can ever be out of that debt." He sighed and closed his eyes. He had never said this to anyone ever, but he knew Felicity would know what he was trying to say, she would understand him.
"It wasn't your fault Oliver" Felicity said, she tried to understand where he was coming from and her heart broke for him. He had kept this guilt for so long that its almost a part of him now. But he couldn't keep doing that to himself anymore. He had to let go of that guilt, if not now then with time. But he had to.
"I wasn't trying to ignore you" he said breaking her out of her thoughts, but Felicity quickly cut him.
"I never said you were doing it intentionally Oliver. You were so focused on finding Dinah that you just didn't notice. It felt like indifference and it hurt all the same. I get where you are coming from but it felt like I wasn't important enough for you to remember that I was there, right next to you for you to look at me once."
Felicity's eyes were brimming with tears and she didn't know how much more humiliating it could get. She felt tired even though they had just woken up an hour ago.
"I am so sorry baby; I never meant to hurt you. I was so stupid, I should have paid more attention. Should have noticed how you were closing in on you, especially after you told me about your father but I was so wrapped up in my own turmoil that I didn't even think of what I might be doing to you or how hard it might have been for you to come tell me this and to keep it from Thea."
"But you have to tell Thea, Oliver. She will hate you if she got to know that you knew and didn't tell her. Just like you felt towards your mother when you got to know about Malcom from me. So tell her, tell Thea before its late. If she got to know it from you, at-least she will have you to rely on, she'll have me, Roy. She will have us. But if we don't tell her, she will go down and take a lot of us with her in that downward spiral.
"I know … I just, I don't know how to tell her. I need some time" Oliver said, the anguish in his voice was so noticeable.
"But before that, I need to tell you something. I don't know how you will react to this but know that I love you, only you."
"You're scaring me Oliver. What is it?" Felicity said, dread filling her all over again.
"When I went to the foundry last night, after Sara called?" Oliver hesitated.
"Yes? What …" Felicity trailed off though she had a pretty good idea of what he was about to say and she didn't know if she was hurt, angry or just plain devastated. She still needed him to spell the words though. "What happened Oliver?" she asked in a hollow voice and Oliver knew that she knew.
"Sara kissed me" he said softly and she gasped. Even though felicity was almost sure of what Oliver was going to tell her, she couldn't stop the sob that escaped her. She quickly snatched her hands that were tangled with his and hid her face behind them.
"Baby, please listen to me. Nothing happened." Oliver tried to say more but she was up and out of the bed the very next moment.
"I …" she gulped, "I need some time. Just … just don't come out for sometime. When I am …I am sure that I can hear you say more I will come find you, but just let me be by myself for sometimes till then."
And before he could say anything, agree or disagree, she was out of that door, from their bedroom.
A/N: I know! I know! Another cliffie! I am a bitch like that ;) Wait for a day ... or two ! You will get your last chapter ! I am done writing it, just need to edit it and then we come to an end of this journey called Because I Love You. The sequel will be up on June, coz I am taking a break for a week and going out with my friends for a trip once my finals are over.
Leave me your reviews, you know how I Dig them (pun intended ;D) ! And thank you for the favorites and follows :D
Till then ... :)
~ Swag
