Chapter 7
Cpov
After getting rid of that disrespectful model, Ana decides to take over, making this day even worse than before. Gwen has already agreed to photoshop the photos, so Ana is going to take the place of the model. To say I am pissed is putting it mildly. Don't get me wrong, if it was just for my benefit then I would totally be on board, but thinking of other men seeing Ana like this makes me feel ill. I try reasoning with Ana, but no, she is going to be her usual beyond stubborn self and defy me. As soon as Ana walks into the bedroom, wearing the first outfit, if you can even call it that, I feel my self-control leave my body. My cock is standing at attention and it's not going to let up anytime soon. Then I notice everyone looking at her and it makes my blood boil. Ana is directed to the bed and given different poses to do. She's sprawled all over the bed, wearing next to fucking nothing, looking sexy as fuck. She's such a natural, and I'm going insane just standing here watching her. I know I need to leave, but my eyes don't want to miss this, not even if the world was ending. I can't control my inappropriate thoughts when I start to have my own little fantasies about her. It's like there's no one else in the room but her and I, and she's giving me a show, like this is all for my benefit.
After Gwen has taken a few photos of this set-up, Ana leaves the room to change into the next outfit, giving me a moment to compose myself.
I tell Gwen to send me all the photos from today's session to my personal email, giving her the excuse that I need to choose which photos we're using, since we wont use every photograph taken. I know it's wrong, but I want what's mine, even if she's not. After what feels like forever, we move on to my domain. The playroom comes out of the dressing room in her submissive outfit, as she calls it, and I feel like I have to nail myself to the fucking floor. All I want to do is march up to her and fuck her senseless all over the room. My cock is so painfully hard. I don't know how much longer of this shit I can take before I break.
If I thought I was enraged before, because Anastasia decided to be the model, one of Gwen's male crewmembers volunteers to help restrain Anastasia to the St. Andrew's cross. I snap at the guy to leave and I take over. No one is tying Anastasia up but me. Ana allows me to take control, which isn't helping the situation. I need control, crave it, and she's giving it to me willingly. I'm about to restrain one of her wrists before I realize I have to stop this. I don't give a fuck if we have a deadline to make, I can't see her like this, it's my very fantasy come to life. Ana as a submissive, my submissive.
"Ana, I really don't want you doing this." I tell her. "Please, let's just leave it and get out of here."
"Why, Christian? It's just a few photographs, and it's for our line. You fired the model, I'm just getting the job done."
I can't answer her truthfully, as I know she will be disgusted with me, and I know she will never feel for me the way I do her.
"I really need you to stop this now." You're killing me here, Anastasia.
"Why? What's wrong? It's just business."
"Ana... Please." I beg her.
"Why don't you just tell me what's bothering you?"
I'm trying to convince her to stop, but she just keeps asking me why I think she shouldn't, and why I don't want her to do this.
"You don't understand, Ana, seeing you like this is not easy for me."
"I know it's not, and I appreciate you being a good friend and looking out for me, but everything is fine. Trust me."
"For fucks sake, Ana, fuck the friend bullshit!" I snap. "You want to know why I am not okay with all this? It's because it should be for my eyes only. All of this is just making me want to do things I shouldn't even consider doing."
Fuck! Did I just say that?! Elliot was right, my feelings for Anastasia have changed. I want her to be mine and only mine.
"Like what, Christian? What on earth are you going on about?"
Anastasia closes her eyes. I know she's frustrated, because I'm just as frustrated, but it makes her look even sexier, if that's possible.
We're going back and forth, arguing in the BDSM set up, with her wearing the tiniest lingerie. I've finally admitted to myself that I want her. It's all too much. I can't resist her. Just as she's opening her eyes, I launch myself at her and kiss her. It's not just a friendly peck, no, it's like I'm a starved man and she's the nutrition I need to survive. To my surprise she kisses me back with just as much hunger. I am beyond excited and my cock is ready to explode.
I realize all too late, that I have fucked everything up between us, and stop the kiss. When I pull away she still has her eyes closed.
Her eyes pop open and she looks at me like she can't believe I just did that. I can't believe I just did that! I just fucked everything up.
"I'm sorry." I apologize, it's all I can say, and quickly leave the room. In the elevator, I run my hand through my hair, thinking. I can't believe that just happened. As exciting as it was to finally kiss her, how could I be so selfish and do that to Ana. I know she only kissed me back because she was in the moment. I'm her friend, she wouldn't push me away, so I know it's not because she wants me. The lift arrives at my apartment, and I step off, heading straight to my office.
"Taylor, I will be in my office." I snap as I pass him. "I do not wish to disturbed. No exceptions, do you hear me."
"Yes, sir."
I am so thankful I keep a bottle of bourbon in my office. I think its needed. As I drink, I keep replaying the entire scene in my head; everything that led up to the kiss, to the kiss itself. How did I loose control so fast? Why did I choose now to fuck it all up? If the kiss wasn't bad enough, I just walked away.
APOV
I can't think. I can't speak. I can't move. He kissed me. Christian kissed me. That kiss was like something out of a naughty movie you can't watch without blushing. And I kissed him back. I can't believe I was brave enough to do it, but I did. When I saw him walk away, there was nothing I could do. I was in shock, so my mouth wouldn't work, my feet wouldn't move, try as I might, and I couldn't leave the shoot to run after him. Not like he would want me to anyway, he ran from me. Everyone in the room is looking at me, just as shocked as I am, at what they witnessed. I feel so embarrassed, but I need to carry on with the shoot until it's finished. What else can I do? As badly as I want answers, this has to get done now. We have a deadline, and Gwen can't reschedule.
CPOV
What will she think of me, kissing her like that, then storming out like she means so little to me? Fuck, she is going to leave me. I feel the sudden loss of one of the most important woman in my life. I haven't even lost her yet and the feeling is unbearable. I can't deal with this now, how am I going to survive without her when she doesn't want to be in my life anymore? I need to talk to someone about this, but I don't want Flynn. I don't need his professional bullshit right now.
"Hey, bro." My brother answers his phone. "How's it hanging?"
My chest tightens, as if I am having a heart attack, and I can barely breathe.
"Elliot." I gasp his name.
"Chris? Are you ok? What's wrong?"
"I.. I need.." I feel like I am going to pass out, fuck, I can't breath. I drop my phone and manage to press the panic button on my desk.
Taylor rushes into my office within a second, seeing me grabbing my chest. This is it, I am going to die. Well, at least I got to kiss Ana before I died.
"Sir, you need to calm down." I hear Taylor say from far away, even though he's standing right in from on me.
"Taylor." I gasp his name.
"Take slow, deep breaths." He instructs, then demonstrates.
"I can't.. breathe."
"Mr. Grey, look at me." I try to focus on him. "Just slow your breathing. Stay calm."
I do as Taylor instructed and soon I feel my breathing become more under control. After I'm calmed a bit, he takes me out on the balcony for some fresh air, where I'm able to breathe a little more easily. I hear a commotion behind me, coming from outside my office, and then my mother and Elliot burst in.
"Christian!" My mother rushes to me. Oh shit, I have caused them to panic.
"Are you okay?" She asks me. "Let me look at you."
As my mother frantically checks me over, Elliot is standing in the corner, quietly looking on. I don't think I've ever heard him so quiet or seen him so pale. Shit, I have really scared my family. I have never really given much thought to how I treated my family in the past, but our relationships are so much better these days.
"Christian, sweetie," My mother calls my attention. "What happened?"
"Nothing, I just felt like I couldn't breathe. I had a pain in my chest too."
"It sounds like you had a panic attack."
"Mum, please be serious. Me, have a panic attack? It was obviously something more serious."
"I am a fully trained doctor, Christian Trevelyan-Grey, who has practiced for 25 years." She scolds me mildly. "I think I know what I am talking about."
"I wasn't doubting you, mum, I apologize. I didn't mean to be disrespectful."
I just can't believe I had a panic attack.
"It's okay. You're okay now so I'm going to leave, I have to get back to the hospital, but I will leave Elliot here with you. Just take it
easy."
"Thanks, mum." I kiss her cheek. "Sorry, I wasted your time and scared you."
"Nonsense. Never apologize. I am your mother, and you, Elliot and Mia, will always come first."
My mother kisses my cheek then leaves after saying goodbye to Elliot. Elliot is still silently watching me. He is starting to freak me the fuck out.
"El, please, say something. You're creeping me out being so quiet."
Elliot shocks the hell out of me when he hugs me, which he has never really been able to do before because of my fear of being touched.
"Bro, you scared the shit out of me!" He pulls back and hits my shoulder. "Never do that again, do you fucking hear me!"
"Sorry, El. I didn't mean to put all that shit on you. I just needed to talk, I didn't think I was going to lose my shit."
"You're lucky I was with mum." He shakes his head. "So, do you think we should talk about what the fuck brought all that on?"
"It's a long story, El, I don't want to bore you with it. I'm fine now. I'm just happy that you came and had my back."
"I'll always have your back, Christian. But come on, let's go shoot some pool and have a beer so you can tell me what's going on."
I nod in agreement.
We walk to the kitchen, grab a few beers, and head to the balls room, as Elliot calls it. I know he wants to know what's going on, and I did call to talk this through with him, but I'm unsure if I should tell him about the kiss. I need to talk to someone, and he is my brother, but he adores Ana. I know he will think I am a prick for just up and leaving after kissing her.
"Come on, Christian, I aint got all night. Just tell me what's going on."
"Fine, El, but don't get upset and end up punching me in my face." Even though I probably deserve it.
"I wont, just tell me."
"Well, Ana and I were downstairs at the photo shoot." I begin to explain. "The bitch of a model was rude to Ana, so I fired her on the spot before we even began shooting. Gwen is on a deadline, and is only in Seattle until tomorrow. We have a deadline to get this done, so Ana decided to take the model's place."
"Hold up." He stops me from saying anything more. "Can I get a copy of those photos?"
"No, you fucking can't!" I growl at him.
Elliot chuckles, putting his hands up in a playful surrender. I shake my head, glaring at him, and continue.
"Anyway, Ana took the model's place, and the first outfit she came out wearing was smoking hot. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She was rolling around on a bed, being all sexy and seductive. I somehow managed to keep my cool, until she came out in the next outfit. It was for the submissive fantasy part of the shoot. You were right, El, I have feelings for her and I overreacted."
"What the fuck did you do?" Elliot's eyes widen.
"Well, Gwen's assistant offered to help restrain Ana to the cross. I didn't want another man touching her, especially with so little on, so I stepped in. Only I couldn't do it. I couldn't see her like that. I tried to reason with her to stop, but she wouldn't give in. She kept defying me and asking me why I didn't want her to do the shoot. I lost control, El. I lost control and I kissed her. When I realized what I had done, I freaked out and walked away. Now I here am, with you."
Elliot's quiet, looking stunned, probably trying to think of what to say. Usually he is quick with a smart remark or a funny comment, but I think he's finally going to take this shit serious. Probably because I had a panic attack moments earlier, so he knows I'm serious about this.
"You kissed Ana?" He asks calmly. I think he's in shock. I nod.
"About fucking time, dude," He grins at me.
So much for taking this serious.
"But why the fuck did you walk away?" He asks. "Talk about giving her major mixed signals."
"I don't know, I just panicked. I mean, it's Ana, El, and you know how much she means to me. I don't want to lose her."
"Ana isn't going anywhere. Haven't you figured it out yet? She is just as much into you as you're into her."
"You really think so?" I ask hopeful.
"Everyone knows it to be true. So how was the kiss? Was she okay with it?"
"Really, El. What's with the Gossip Girl approach here?"
I shake my head when he just shrugs his shoulders.
"The kiss was nothing I have ever felt before," I tell him. "And yes, she seemed more than okay with it. She kissed me back with just as much passion."
"So what does that tell you, Chris? You know, for such a smart guy, you are a bit stupid."
"El, she was obviously caught up in the moment. How can a woman like Ana ever want a fucked up monster like me?"
"You need to stop calling yourself that." Elliot's playful demeanor changes to a more serious one. "You're not a monster, a kinky fucker, yes, but a monster, no. Ana knows everything about you, and she still loves you in spite of it all. You need to go find her and sort this shit out now." Elliot is right.
He heads home while I think about what am going to say to Ana.
I'm pacing in the main room, trying to decide what I should do, what I should tell her. I'm about to just go down to the photo shoot myself, and say whatever I come up with, instead of waiting up here like a dumbass. I still don't know what I'm going to say, but as I walk towards the elevator, I'm stopped in my tracks. Ana is standing near the foyer. I didn't even hear the elevator announce it's arrival. She's wearing a long black coat and heels, probably done with the shoot and is coming here to collect her belongings that she left in my apartment, so she can go home.
...
APOV
We've finally finished the photo-shoot. Gwen lets me to have a look over the photos on the monitor and they all look really good. It turned out perfect, everything I expected. I know they will be even more amazing once she's worked her magic. Now that I'm finished being photographed, I decide to be brave and go face Christian, so I don't even bother changing out of the skin tight leather outfit I have on. I just grab a coat and make my way upstairs. I am waiting near the foyer, debating if I should go and see where he is, but my thinking comes to a halt when I see him heading towards me.
"Christian." "Ana." We both say in unison.
CPOV
"Ana." "Christian," We both say in unison.
"Please, Christian," She steps forward. "Let me go first. Let me just get out what I need to say, okay?"
"Sure." This is it. She's probably going to tell me she doesn't want to be in my life anymore. And Flynn thinks my insecurities are all in my head.
"Come on," I try not to sound like I'm upset. "Let's sit down and talk."
We walk towards the sofa and sit together. I have never felt so nervous and exposed in my entire life. Usually I am the master of control, of my emotions, but now, looking into those beautiful blue eyes, I'm a mess.
"Christian, first I think we should discuss what happened downstairs." Ana begins.
"You're right, we should." I agree with her, but I don't elaborate.
"I'm just really confused." She tells me.
"Ana, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to kiss you." I just blurt it out.
Her face falls with disappointment. Fuck, I've hurt her.
"So you never meant to kiss me?" She sounds so sad.
"I didn't mean that, Ana, it came out wrong." I quickly explain. "I obviously meant to kiss you, yes, I just didn't want you to hate me for kissing you. I didn't mean to hurt you, is what I meant."
"I don't hate you, Christian, I could never hate you. What I don't understand is, if you meant it, why run? Why leave me there confused?"
"I panicked." Is my lame excuse.
"Okay, but... What do you want from me, Christian? If you meant to kiss me like that. What do you want?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Not to me."
"I want you, baby." Shit, did I just call her that. I swallow hard waiting for her response. She is much too quiet for my liking. It's making me even more nervous than I already am.
"I want you to, Christian."
I release the breath I didn't know I was holding, and before I have a chance to respond, she lunges forward, her lips crashing onto mine.
Her lips are so full an soft, I doubt I will ever be able to resist them now that I've had a taste. I don't know how it happened, but she is now straddling me, deepening our kiss. I instinctively take control and lay her down on the sofa, laying on top of her. Between kissing her, and hearing her moan, it's going to make me cum in my pants. I move to kiss her neck and slide my hand up to her breasts, I have a feel them, but I end up feeling her tense beneath me instead. I immediately stop what I am doing and pull back to look at her. She looks so embarrassed.
"Ana, what's wrong? Did I do something?" I thought she wanted this?
"No, Christian, you didn't do anything wrong, it's me. I'm sorry, I'm not what you want."
She pushes me so she's able to stand. Is she leaving? Oh no you don't, baby, we going to talk about this.
"Ana, please don't go." I grab her wrist, stopping her.
"Christian... I just... I can't."
She's not getting off that easy. I gently pull her down so she's sitting next to me again.
"Talk to me."
"I am not the kind of girl that you'd be interested in."
"Baby, do you not see how into you I am?" I gesture towards my dick, showing her how aroused I am right now. She looks at the bulge in my pants and blushes.
"When I tell you why, you wont be interested in me. I have seen all your girls, Christian, and I know what you did with them. I'm nothing like them, I'm not one of them, and I can't be what you need."
"Baby, nothing pleases me more than being with you. I know you are nothing like them. Please, tell me what the issue is."
She looks down to the floor and looks like she is going to cry. My heart can't take this.
"Ana-" I begin, but she interrupts me.
"I am a virgin, Christian." I can see the tears fall down her face.
I pull her towards me so she's in my arms.
"You have made me so happy hearing you say that."
"You're not mad at me?" She asks astounded.
Why on earth would I be mad about that?!
"Of course not, baby." She's just made me beyond happy and even more aroused. No man has ever touched her, how could I be mad at that, I'll be the only one to have her. She will be completely mine. I know we will have to take things slow, and I wont be able to fuck her hard, my usual MO, but she will be worth it.
"How about I run you a nice hot bath?" I ask her. It will calm her down a bit. "You get cleaned up, then we will have some dinner and talk more, okay?"
She nods and wipes her eyes.
I take her hand, stand, and lead her to my bathroom.
Apov
I usually use a guest bathroom when I'm here, but he takes me into his ensuite to use his. He begins to fill the tub, then he lights a bunch of candles. Why does he have candles in his bathroom? Christian is more romantic than I thought he was.
"Wow, Christian," I take in the beautiful sight around me. "This looks amazing."
"I want to treat you right, baby." I'm literally swooning.
Lost in the moment, I totally forget what I have on under my coat when Christian helps me remove it. I see sheer lust in his eyes.
"Baby..." He croaks. God, I love hearing him use that term of endearment. "What the fuck are you wearing?"
"It's a leather outfit." I tell him, explaining, "It was for the dominatrix part of the shoot. You would have seen it, if you hadn't of ran off." I can't help but tease him.
"I regret running away even more now, but I am glad I wasn't there for this scene. I would have lost my mind, and most likely got into a fight with every man in the room. I'm sure I would be in prison for murder."
I giggle at his words, hoping he's joking, but something tells me he's not. I'm comfortable with my body, but no one has ever seen me naked before. I want to be brave and ask him if he would help me out of the outfit, but am I ready for him to see me naked? Maybe that might help make me comfortable if we're ever intimate with each other.
"Christian," I take a deep breath before I ask, "Will you please help me out of this?"
"Baby, there is nothing I would enjoy more," His voice is a little husky. "But I don't want to rush you or make you feel uncomfortable."
"It's fine. I want you to help me. I am not ready for the sex thing yet, but I think seeing each other naked might help me."
"Turn around."
I do as he asks and let him unzip my leather outfit. Christian slowly undresses me, taking his time with my thigh high boots, like he's worshiping every second. I no longer feel shy or worried about my body with the way he's looking at me. It's like my fear has melted away.
"Fuck me, baby," He groans. "You have an amazing body."
I blush at the complement as he helps me into the tub.
I lay back and look up at him. He's just standing there, watching me.
"Would you like to get in the bath with me?" Oh god, I can't believe I asked that. I'm such a fool.
"I would like that." He agrees without a second thought.
I watch him as he takes all his clothes off. I try not to look surprised at how well hung he is, and his muscles are to die for. He is like the Greek God Adonis. I actually think I am drooling. After he's naked, I move forward for him to get in behind me. He pulls me back and kisses my hair when I lay my head on his chest. We still need to talk, but I feel so complete now. Like everything is right in the world.
