Review replies:
Kiyoumi: Really? ^^ Yay I'd glad! Haha I felt kind of cheesy writing these past few chapters. XD
Kitty tokyo uzumaki: Thank you~! And I hope this was soon enough for you! I tried!
RavenBlackRoses: XD Writing them as little kiddies can get pretty cute! I should have put that in the warnings.
NamiZexi: ^^ I'm glad you like, and don't worry, you learn about it this chapter!
VampieraGrave: Haha omg yes I have seen the video! Unf its so cute but sad. ;-; I actually wrote this chapter while listening to that song! XD Though I had planned this part of the story to happen for awhile. Finding that video was like, icing on my cake. XD
Mary-chan12: Hehe, well I enjoy writing review replies! I like to make all my reviewers feel appreciated! ^^ And I'm happy you enjoyed my last chapter!
Lola Crash: ;-; You'll find out... but thank you! ^^
Magicalgirl100591: O_O Oh wow, thank you! I feel like I'm being way too cheesy sometimes so... heh... ^^;; but I really appreciate that!
A/N: I have to say... I think this chapter is my favorite so far. Thank you reviewers, everyone who has favorited and alerted! *Hugs you all* I am trying oh so hard to work on the next chapter but distractions... *cough* heh... XD I'll hopefully have it done soon... or try to... I've also been thinking about starting another story... I know I shouldn't but its been on my mind forever and I really want to write it... so I might end up starting it. Though I wont abandon this story! Well... ._.
Anyways, enjoy!
~ Chapter 7 ~
-Promise to the Stars-
Shizuo slowly opened his eyes to revile to him still a dark room. Normally he wasn't one to wake out of sleep very easily, but something had woken him up. He wasn't sure exactly what it was, this was the first night he had ever heard it. The sound was soft, but it sounded close. Shizuo turned over onto his side to look at the time, which was barely past midnight. He hadn't even been asleep for that long, but this noise was one that he just couldn't ignore. He sat up and yawned lightly, then looked around his room in case he might be able to spot the source of the sound.
When his eyes fell upon the window seal, he saw Izaya sitting there. His back was leaned against the wall and his knees were brought up to his chest while his head hid in them. Worry instantly struck Shizuo and he slowly got out of bed, making sure to walk around the still sleeping Shinra to reach Izaya. Once he was standing next to him, he just stared at him for the longest moment. He wasn't sure what to do, but he knew the noise was now Izaya, and it sounded like he was crying. What was he supposed to do? Should he try and comfort him? Try being the key word since he was incapable of it, but at least listen to what he had to say. He wanted to know what was making him cry, because seeing him like this hurt Shizuo.
He also was debating with just going back to bed and leaving him be, maybe he just had a nightmare and needed to calm down about it. What if talking to him just upset him more? The last thing he wanted to do was make it worse. Shizuo thought on his options for a few more long seconds then ended up sitting down across from Izaya. He continued to gaze at him and wonder how he should let him know he was there without scaring him.
"Izaya-kun?" Shizuo whispered.
For a moment Shizuo wasn't sure if he had heard him, he was about to say his name again when Izaya looked up. He looked miserable, and Shizuo felt like someone was poking his heart with a pin. Izaya's eyes were red around the rims and his cheeks were tear streaked. What could have happened to cause this? Shizuo wanted to know and make sure that it never happened again. All he wanted to do right now was just hug him, but he didn't dare do something so out of character now.
Izaya gazed silently at Shizuo before wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his dark red pajama shirt. "D-Did I wake you up? I'm s-sorry." he mumbled quietly. Even his voice sounded broken, it really tore Shizuo apart inside.
"Did you… want to talk about it?" he questioned. Shizuo wasn't sure what he could really do for Izaya, but he at least wanted to know what was causing all of this to happen. He hated to see this; all he wanted to do was make Izaya stop crying.
Izaya stayed looking at Shizuo a few moments before turning his attention back to the window; the moon was so bright that it cast shadows of the two of them onto the floor. The faint light of the moon was the only thing allowing them to see each other in the darkness. "I…" Izaya began, but he didn't continue for many moments. "I… I don't want to go home."
His response shocked him. How could he not want to go home? "Why not?" Shizuo asked. For him this was so strange, he couldn't really understand why Izaya wouldn't want to go back home and see his family. Shizuo couldn't imagine not seeing his mom, dad, or brother ever again and he didn't get how Izaya could say something like that. Maybe he didn't even really mean it; maybe he was just saying it because he was upset. Then again, what if that was what made him upset in the first place?
Izaya didn't look at Shizuo as he spoke, almost like if he kept eye contact it would be even harder to say. Just speaking Shizuo could tell he was in obvious pain over the subject. "I guess I should tell you about my family… I've… never really told anyone before… but… I want you to be the only one who knows… who knows what happens… to me." Izaya's voice was soft but incredibly broken and shaken. His words sounded like they were coming from his heart, like they had been silenced and sealed away for so long that he wasn't sure how to say what he felt. Izaya then connected his eyes with Shizuo. "Please promise me… that you won't tell anyone else…. Ok Shizu-chan?"
Shizuo nodded once. He'd never tell another soul if that was what Izaya wanted.
"Alright… I trust you." he said then turned his head to the window to stare up at the sky again. "My family is just my dad, my two sisters, and me. My mom died after my youngest sister was born, I don't really remember her that much because I was a lot younger but it doesn't mean I don't miss her… I'm kind of jealous that you still have your mom… and for some reason she reminds me of mine. I know that if she was alive right now, she'd be just like your mom Shizu-chan." Izaya began explaining. He sounded like he was having a hard time trying to keep his tears down but he continued anyways. "My dad is really strict with me… so that's why I was positive I wouldn't be able to come over… but he said that he didn't care… so I left…"
There were tears streaming down his face by now but he kept speaking. "My dad isn't like this with my sisters… he loves them… but… but I don't understand why he doesn't love me… I don't understand why he hits me and locks me out of the house… I don't understand why he chokes me…" Izaya looked back at Shizuo with that heart breaking expression. "I'm scared." he cried quietly. "I'm scared to go home."
Shizuo felt like every word he could have said dried up in his throat. He was in shock, and his face showed it. Different thoughts then began flashing through his head, different emotions; he didn't know how to feel. He wanted to be angry at his dad and a hatred for him began to grow. He was also upset that Izaya was hurt like that and he couldn't do anything about it. To keep his rage down, he clenched his fist tightly while his face began to break. His heart felt like it was breaking, and he couldn't control anything. "I-Izaya-kun…" he mumbled as he too began to cry. He didn't know what else to do or what to say to make everything better.
He knew deep down that he couldn't do anything. He couldn't protect Izaya from his dad; he couldn't stop him from being hurt. He couldn't stop him from crying, he couldn't do anything. Shizuo felt so weak all of a sudden, he felt so powerless. He knew that he was, but he didn't want to admit it. He wanted to say that he would be able to save Izaya, but he knew he couldn't. There was nothing he could do, he failed. He couldn't protect him no matter what he did.
Izaya stared long at Shizuo before smiling lightly and sitting up on his knees then reaching forward to take Shizuo's hand that wasn't clenched. "How come you're crying Shizu-chan?" he wondered while holding onto his hand with both of his hands.
"Because I can't do anything… I can't protect you!" he whispered, feeling pathetic. He wanted to yell so badly, he just wanted to scream and let out every emotion he felt but he couldn't. He was forced to keep everything locked away inside. To bear this horrible pain of knowing that he was failing to protect someone he cared so much about.
Izaya's smile disappeared for a moment before it returned. It hurt Shizuo even more to see him trying to smile while he cried, while he was so clearly in so much pain. "But Shizu-chan, you don't have to protect me! It's alright Shizu-chan… its ok."
Shizuo again felt shocked. Tears continued to fall as he spoke with a still shocked expression and a low voice. "H-How can you say that? How can you say everything is ok when it's not? He's hurting you, and I can't stop him!" Shizuo clenched his teeth together tightly. "I failed... I want to protect you… but I can't." he felt so pathetic right now he could barely stand it.
Izaya then frowned and held Shizuo's hand tighter. "You really don't have to protect me Shizu-chan, I want to get stronger and I can't when you're always protecting me. I want to become stronger for you."
"But why?" he asked, he'd never heard anyone ever say that to him and he didn't understand.
Izaya's frown disappeared and he was smiling faintly again. "I don't like to see you cry either Shizu-chan, even that one time when you tried to hide it, I knew you were. I know if I become stronger I'll be able to take away your tears. One day I want to be strong enough to hold yours and mine. Then neither of us will ever cry again!" Izaya gazed down at Shizuo's hand. "I already know you're really strong Shizu-chan, and I know that you'll always protect me even if I may not want it…" he trailed off for a moment then smiled a little brighter. "But I want to protect you too."
Shizuo had never heard anyone say that to him before, he wasn't even sure how to react or what to say. How could Izaya say something like that?
"I know people call you a monster Shizu-chan, and I know you think of yourself as one… but to me, you'll always just be Shizu-chan!" Izaya looked up to show Shizuo his bright smile. "I know you ran away last time, but I hope you won't this time…" Shizuo could see that Izaya had begun blushing even though the moon was their only light. "I really l-like you Shizu-chan."
"I-I really like… you too." he managed to say while quickly looking away from Izaya and blushing. He couldn't even stop himself from saying it, he just did. Now the embarrassment could begin to sink in. Though with Izaya being so silent after that, he couldn't resist looking up to see how he had reacted.
Izaya was still smiling. His expression didn't seem to change all that much. "That makes me really happy!"
"Yeah well…" he mumbled, still feeling embarrassed.
"Oh!" Izaya suddenly let go of Shizuo's hand and leaned over to his bag that was sitting on the ground next to him. "I want to give you something." he said as he unzipped his bag and began digging through it.
Shizuo watched him curiously, wondering what he could possibly want to give him. Eventually Izaya pulled out two star shaped objects with a brown cord that was tied to the top most pieces. One was red and the other was blue, they appeared to be made of stained glass. The outside colors were a darker color and moving into the middle they got more transparent until it was white. Holding all the glass together looked like silver frames, but he'd never seen anything like that before. "What are those?"
Izaya held them out in his hands, the red one in the right and blue in the left. "Wayfinders! I made them a few years ago but I didn't have anyone to give the other one to… but now I do! Yours is the blue one!" he said while holding out his left hand closer to Shizuo.
He gazed at it a moment before taking it and looking it over curiously. He definitely was sure he'd never seen anything like this before, why would Izaya want to give him this?
"They're like good luck charms." Izaya held his up so that the moon made it glim. "They represent an unbreakable connection, as long as you have it with you, we'll never be driven apart!" he looked at Shizuo past the Wayfinder. "So if anything ever happens to one of us and we can't see each other for a while, as long as you keep that then we'll meet again!"
Shizuo continued to gaze at it; if it really meant all that then he knew he would keep it safe forever. "But why are you giving me one?"
"Because I like you Shizu-chan, and I never want to lose you." Izaya admitted while lowering the red Wayfinder. "I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but as long as I know I'll always be with you, I'm not as afraid."
Shizuo looked up at Izaya. "I won't lose it, I promise!" he said while smiling.
Izaya smiled back then suddenly moved off of the window seal. "Come on!" he grabbed Shizuo's hand and quickly ran out of the room careful to be quite and not step on Shinra.
Shizuo had no choice but to follow Izaya as he led him down the stairs quickly, then he unlocked the front door and they both ran outside into the cold nighttime air. "Where are you taking me?" Shizuo finally asked.
Izaya didn't answer, instead he turned his head for a second to smile and laugh while running through the grass and around the house and garden.
Shizuo stayed silent after that, his mind reeling from the smile and laugh Izaya had just shared with him. He looked so happy, that he couldn't stop himself from holding onto his hand tighter. He couldn't believe he was outside at a time like this, if his parents knew he'd be in so much trouble and surely so would Izaya, but he didn't really care right now. He just wanted to do whatever would make Izaya happy. If running outside in the middle of the night in pajamas was what he wanted to do, he would do it.
His backyard was blocked off by small wire fences, they didn't exactly live that close to anyone else so they had a pretty big backyard, and it was almost like a field. Near the front of the house were the larger fences. Izaya eventually stopped, let go of Shizuo's hand, and collapsed onto his back on the grass.
"Why'd you drag me all the way out here?" he asked, looking down at Izaya who had his eyes closed and a huge smile on his face. He didn't get why he'd wanted to come outside and at a time like this.
Izaya opened one eye to look up at Shizuo. "Remember?"
Shizuo gazed long at him, he was drawing a blank.
Izaya laughed. "You said you'd sit with me to stare at the moon and the stars!"
Shizuo thought back to earlier and blushed lightly. "Well yeah… but I thought you meant in my room and not in the middle of the night! I mean, aren't you tired?" If he recalled correctly, Izaya had seemed pretty tired a few hours ago. Then again that was before what he'd woken up to.
"Kinda, but we may never get a chance like this… and I didn't want to waste it." he admitted before opening his other eye then lifting up his hand that held the Wayfinder.
Shizuo sighed to himself and sat down next to Izaya. He rested his hands behind him and looked up at the sky along with Izaya. He couldn't deny that the stars and even the moon looked brighter than they ever have before. Everything looked so clear, it felt all so peaceful. The cold air, despite giving him goose bumps, felt really good. There was a slight breeze that would blow through their hair and make the blades of grass around them sway. All of the stars seemed to twinkle at them, and with the pale glow from the moon it made it so that they weren't completely sitting in the dark.
He'd never done this before, gone out so late at night just to look up at the sky. He'd done it in his room, but never actually gone outside. He felt so relaxed, like his worries and the discomfort of what had happened earlier were slipping away. Shizuo closed his eyes; it was amazing how in a week his life could be changed so drastically and by only one person. He really hoped that these Wayfinders worked and they would never lose track of each other.
"Hey Shizu-chan?" Izaya suddenly asked as he lowered his hand.
"Yeah?" he answered without opening his eyes.
"Can you promise me something?"
"What?"
"Promise me you won't ever change. That you won't try and change anything about yourself."
Shizuo was a little surprised by such a request. "How come you want me to promise that?"
"I like you the way you are, and I don't want you to change anything about who you are."
Shizuo laughed in a non-humorous way. "I don't get it… why do you like me so much?"
"Because you're Shizu-chan! That's why I like you!"
He opened his eyes then lay down and glanced to the side to look at Izaya. "I still don't get it."
Izaya also turned his head to look at Shizuo also and laughed at him. "Maybe when we get older we'll understand what it means, because I don't really get it either!" he said then smiled cheekily.
"Alright, then I promise, but you gotta promise too!" he said. He didn't want Izaya changing either. He liked him how he was also.
"I won't change! You don't have to worry about that Shizu-chan!" Izaya stated happily.
"Still, you have to promise!" Shizuo said again. He just wanted to make sure.
"Ok! I promise I won't change!" Izaya said. He then reached out his hand to take Shizuo's again. "You know what I really want right now?" he asked while turning his head to look back up at the lit up sky.
"What?" Shizuo asked while blushing lightly at having his hand taken again. Even though Izaya had looked away, he still looked at him and wondered what he was going to say.
"I really want you and me to run away." he stated honestly, then gave the sky a smile. "I want to live with Shizu-chan in the sky! We could live on the stars!"
Shizuo laughed. "Really? Well how would we get up there? It's pretty far away."
Izaya thought about it for a moment before replying. "They aren't that far away." he reached up his hand that wasn't holding Shizuo's. "See, if I reach up I can almost grab the stars! If it's that easy, then I'm sure if we try hard enough we can get there!" Izaya then laughed happily. "But you've gotta try just as hard as me Shizu-chan! It won't work if it's just me!"
Shizuo couldn't believe how much he really thought that would work, he was sure it wasn't possible, but Izaya was acting like he really could. Shizuo turned his head to the sky, maybe it was possible, maybe if he wished hard enough and held Izaya's hand tight enough, they could really live on the stars together. "If it's what you really want."
"It is! I'll wish for it every night until it comes true! You gotta wish too, ok?" Izaya said brightly.
"Ok." Shizuo would wish every night that Izaya and him could live on the stars together, if Izaya wanted that, then so did he. "But we couldn't see our families ever again."
"Exactly." Izaya's voice changed, making him sound slightly upset again. "I don't want to ever see my dad again. I don't want to go back there… I know I don't have a choice, but when you and I live on the stars I won't have to see him ever again!"
Shizuo had to admit, that if it got Izaya away from his dad, he really would wish for this. "What would we do all the way up there? Wouldn't it be boring?" he asked to slightly change the subject.
"As long as we're together, it wouldn't be boring! I'm never bored when I'm with you!" Izaya explained.
Shizuo smiled, he really didn't understand how Izaya could like him so much but he didn't mind it. It made him feel wanted, like he maybe really wasn't that monster that he believed himself to be. He neither could understand how just one person was able to make him smile and feel so happy. He hadn't even known Izaya very long but he felt like they had known each other all their lives. Now he felt like Izaya was an old friend that he hadn't seen in a long time, and they were just catching up.
He held the Wayfinder in his hand tightly; he'd keep it safe forever. No matter what, if something happens to either one of them as long as he kept the Wayfinder, he knew that they would see each other again. He believed that the lucky charm had that effect. He couldn't believe how happy he was to have it and feel like this, he had never been this happy in his life. He never wanted to lose Izaya, he'd come to care about him so much and he knew that they'd be friends for a long time.
Even if fate was a cruel thing and destiny tried to have other plans, he'd see Izaya again.
