Gone

I was able to convince Edward that I was more than capable of getting myself ready and get to work on my own, even with the added complication of a cast. It's not like I hadn't done it thousands of times before. That was of course before I became number one on the most wanted hit list for vampire trackers and required a round the clock body guard. However, since the battle last weekend had remedied my primary risk, I was hoping my restrictions were reduced. Alice was still monitoring Aro and Ciaus' decisions but no concerns were noted.

With all these arguments on my side I litigated that I should have some of my freedom returned. Grudgingly Edward agreed after I pointed out the fact that several members of his family felt he had a tendency to over react. "Only, when it comes to you," he said "Look at what the Smithsonian does for the Hope Diamond. You are my Hope Diamond." His sincere adoration always reminded me of how much I had and most people would never have. "But please do better than just toast this morning and have a descent lunch before you leave. You need to keep your health up if you want to get the cast off on time. Milk wouldn't hurt either." Compromise was becoming a standard with many of our discussions. Even with his consent I was sure that eyes would be upon me in the shadows, if not watching my future.

I made it to work with plenty of time to spare. I parked where I usually did, by the dumpster. I did not see Mike's suburban. I hoped he had decided to go spend the day with his dad. Kevin, a college student that worked every summer at Newton's since he was in high school, had already opened up the store a couple hours before my shift. He was more or less assistant manager during the summer. He stood behind the counter perusing an Outdoor Life magazine when I came in.

I retrieved my vest when Kevin looked up from his reading. "Hey nice cast, you should get people to sign it and jazz it up."

"Yeah probably not," was my response to his suggestion.

He continued "Mr. Newton said it would be easier if you worked on the inventory out here, since there shouldn't be any lifting involved, but if you need help just give me a yell. He's got it all outlined on that clipboard back there."

"Yeah, thanks, I will." Kevin was a good guy and he appreciated the fact that he had a steady place to work when he came home from school during breaks. He went to school in Seattle where Ben and Angela would be going. I wondered if they would become friends having come from the same small town; probably not considering the size of the school and the volume of students. They would have plenty of opportunities to make new friends from other places. Why go away to meet someone from home, but you never know. For me it would be different, I would do my best not to make any friends for fear of wanting to have them for dinner.

From the number of sheets on the clip board I could tell I would have no problem staying busy. I clocked in and went straight to work, straightening shelves and counting merchandise. I was only interrupted a couple of times when I noticed customers in obvious need of assistance. Again I took special care in my tallies and double checked them often. I had full confidence that in my five hour shift I would be able to complete all the sheets I had.

I was about two thirds done when I heard someone say my name. I turned to see Angela smiling and standing right beside me. "Oh, hey, what are you doing here?"

"I came in with my dad. He had ordered some clay pigeon thingies and came to pick them up. So what's new with you?"

"Not much, just work. Need to make money for school." Keeping up the charade was becoming quite redundant.

"Yeah, I thought I would need to get a job when I get up to Seattle but my Dad wants me to wait until I get through my first semester. He said he would give me a spending allowance" Angela deepened her voice to sound like her dad and continued. "It will be a good time for you to learn to budget but you still need to make school your first priority." Then she went back to her normal voice. "You know how it is. Parents need to teach us those life lessons." She said making air quotes with her hands. We both laughed but we knew he was probably right in his thinking. "Are you working all summer, till you leave for school?"

"No actually I work tomorrow, Sunday and Monday is my last day. Mr. Newton asked me to do the store inventory. It keeps me pretty busy and the time goes by pretty fast" I explained.

"Kinda hard with a cast isn't it? Didn't you just have brace? What happened?" she asked.

"Oh I banged it on a shelf yesterday when Mike and I were trying to put a box up on a shelf. You know me. Dr. Cullen thought I would be better off with this." I gave a guilty as charged kind of smile.

She laughed and said "Yeah and I bet Mike was a lot of help with the box if it involved helping you. You know he always liked you?"

"I had my suspicions but in the beginning I knew Jessica liked him and I just couldn't do that to her." This was true and Jessica was a great excuse to keep distance between him and me. He really wasn't what held my interest.

"But I bet she wouldn't have done the same if she were in your shoes." I knew Angela was right.

"I guess that makes me the bigger person, huh." I said smiling.

"That's why I like you Bella. You don't mess around with all that back stabbing petty stuff. You are like, no strings attached. Hey since you're not working on Saturday do you want to go to Olympia with us. My mom is driving but I really don't think Ben wants to go. It would be fun to make it a girl's day and then I could let him off the hook. Maybe Alice could come too."

This actually sounded like fun to me. Maybe this was what I needed. "Sure I don't think I have any plans. I can check with Alice later and call you. Is there a chance we could stop at a bookstore?" I really hoped there was.

"Yeah, my mom would love that. She likes to go to Borders every time we go. My dad's looking at us, so I guess he's ready to go. Call me later and let me know."

"Sure, okay." I actually felt good about this. This could be a fun get away. With Angela it would surely be a pretty causal day. It definitely had potential. I didn't have many friends from school but Angela was definitely the best one.

It was about a half hour till my shift ended and I had finished all the sheets of my assignment. I was quite satisfied with myself. As I came back from putting the clipboard away in the storage room I noticed Mrs. Newton come into the store. She looked like she was on a 

mission. She went behind the counter, set down what looked like a small stack of mail and her purse then retrieved the office key from the cash register drawer. Grabbing her purse she retreated back to the office.

Kevin was with a customer so I went and manned the register just in case the need arose. When I walked behind the counter I noticed the mail Mrs. Newton had left lying there. Fallen halfway out of the stack was an elegant off white envelope with beautifully scripted writing on it. I knew instantly what it was. Then it hit me. Today was the day that the Black's would receive theirs too.

My good mood dissolved. I was instantly anxious. I looked at the clock. Only twenty five more minutes and I could leave. I looked at the phone on the counter but knew it would not be the time or the place to make the call. Would Jacob even talk to me anyway? He said he was 'going to be good' and be my friend but how? I could only imagine how hard this was for him. I had to check with him.

I glanced around to see if anyone was looking and moved the invitation to the bottom of the stack of mail. I only had twenty minutes till I could clock out and bolt to the nearest pay phone. I stood froze, my mind racing trying to decide what to do. I should call. No, it was only 15 minutes to Billy's house, but what if Jacob wasn't there. He could be anywhere for that matter. It would be best if I called. I don't want to panic him and make things even worse. I was so good at doing that. There was a chance that he didn't even have the invite yet. Maybe mail is slower in La Push. Yeah right, not with my luck.

The office door opened and I heard Mrs. Newton's platform heals clicking on the tile. Oh, please, don't be looking for your mail. I don't want to talk about it with you. Mike had probably already told her or maybe not. Did boys confide and gossip with their moms? I had no conceptual idea. Then I realized the noise was heading away from me down the hall to the restrooms. The second hand on the clock was marking off each tick, keeping the same perfect pace it always did. It was like a funeral march, slow and steady. My heart was keeping double time.

"Bella, Bella. If you want to ring this up that's fine." Kevin's voice brought me back to reality. He had a customer wanting to purchase a sleeping bag.

"What? I'm sorry. I'm in the way." I said stepping back away from the register and pretended to straighten up under the counter. I checked the supply of bags and decided to go in the back to bring out some more. That used up about 5 minutes.

"You know Bella, were not busy and you get off in just 13 minutes anyway. You're looking like you really need to be somewhere. Just go ahead and go and I will clock you out. It's no big deal." Kevin shot me a smile like he understood. I was sure that whatever it was that he thought was so important to me was probably not even close to scraping the truth.

"Really, that would be great. I will be here, ready to work early tomorrow I promise." I did the fastest job of folding my vest, practically throwing it under the counter. With my left hand I patted my pockets as I sprinted out of the front door of the store. I had no change in my pockets only truck keys. I ran to my truck and checked the floor board. I was in luck. I found change under the seat and among the various coins was two quarters, jackpot. Running, but not too fast, I crossed the gravel lot to the pay phone under the only street light for two blocks.

I dialed Jacob's number and hurriedly deposited the coins. It rang three times and a recognizably gruff voice answered "Hello."

"Billy, is Jacob there? I really need to talk with him." I said trying to hold back any panic in my voice.

There was a pause and a sigh. "No, Bella, he took off last night and hasn't come back yet. He's not here."

"Do you know where he went? Is he down at the beach? Is he with Quill and Embry? I really need to speak with him."

"Are you okay?" Billy was concerned about me, when he really should be for Jacob and what I was doing to him. Maybe they didn't get anything in the mail yet. Maybe I still had time.

Very timidly and with hope for the answer I was wanting, I asked "Did you get anything like an invitation in the mail yesterday?"

"Yes, we did." He said we so Jacob saw it. 'We' didn't have to mean 'we' read it. It could be 'we' because it was addressed to both of them and maybe Jacob hadn't seen it because he wasn't home yet.

"Did Jacob see it? Please Billy I have to know."

"Yes, Bella." Billy started his reply but I cut him off.

"And he took off upset after he saw it. Do you know where he went?"

"Honestly Bella I don't but he just needs to cool off. I will tell him you are looking for him. He's got us to help him work through this and Bella I know you didn't mean for this to happen. Just give it some time and be sure of your own path." Billy did not sound accusing and I was grateful for that.

"Yeah, thanks anyway Billy." I hung up the phone and leaned against the light pole. I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to think about what I should do next. I needed to talk to Alice but not at her house not around Edward. How would I get her here? I was out of quarters. I walked back to my truck. I found a spiral note pad and a pen Charlie had put in the glove box, with the intent of me keeping track of my mileage every time I gassed up, which never happened. I got in the truck and began writing on the paper. Alice I need to talk with you alone. Alice I need to talk with you alone. Alice I need to talk with you alone.

Every so often I would look up at the road in front of the store to see if she was coming or worse yet Edward. If I knew Edward like I thought; he would see in her mind that I needed to talk with her. I was sure he would grant me this small request. I was just asking to talk with his sister. Maybe he would just see it as a girl thing. But then again, when did I ever fall in to tendencies of regular girl things, practically never. I wrote the sentence about six more times when a couple pulled up on a motorcycle I recognized.

I jumped out of the truck but did not walk to the bike. Why was Jasper here? I know Alice was not supposed to be driving the Porsche around Forks but couldn't she have driven Carlisle car or Esme's Van or if nothing else couldn't she have driven the motorcycle herself. To most people her petite size would have eliminated her as a candidate for handling a bike of this size and power. However, being a vampire with super strength and other abilities negated the fore mentioned.

Alice lilted over beside me and leaned against my truck. "You needed to talk with me? Is it about Saturday? It will be a clear day and you and Angela will have a good time. Don't worry about me. I already have plans." she quickly rattled off and then, at the finish, turned and smiled at Jasper. Everything about her was positive energy. She was always happy these days and I wondered if she ever thought the worst before the best? I figured it was not in her nature.

I looked back to Jasper. He did not seem to have heard Alice's comment. Instead he was inspecting me with his gifted sense. I could tell by his almost squinted eyes and his slightly raised right eyebrow. Edward had asked him to come and survey my emotional well being. Did they see me as teetering on the brink of a great unbalance? In disgust, I tried to cross my arms in front of myself only to find it difficult and awkward with the cast. I gave up, turned my back to him and faced Alice directly.

"Yes, there was that but can I borrow your cell phone?" I held my breath for her reply. I was afraid Edward had given strict orders for her to adhere to.

She looked off into the distance to see what I intended to use the cell phone for. After a couple of seconds she looked at me puzzled and asked "You're going to the beach? But I don't see you making a call there."

"Yeah, I know, I know. I need to talk with Jacob. If you can't see me at least you can call me. Please Alice I need to know." I stopped and looked down before finishing. "I just need to know how he's handling this."

"I don't know Bella" She said with reluctance looking over to Jasper for guidance or advice.

I spun around with desperate pleading on my face and I knew my emotions were portraying the same. "Please, tell her I'm not suicidal and that I just need to know. I will keep in touch and come straight to your house when I'm done I promise."

Jasper being the man of few words that he was only slightly smiled, shrugging his shoulders. Looking to Alice he said "It's your phone."

"Well I guess," she began saying as she pulled the phone from her pocket. "I still see you so I can't see that you are going to find him. Sorry Bella but it's what I see."

"I have to try. I just need to know."

"Don't be gone too long you know he'll be waiting." She handed me the phone.

"Thanks Alice you're the best." I greedily took the phone and headed to my truck. Reaching for the door I stopped and went back to Alice. "Tell him to practice his control and remember that I love him and I will be there later. He needs to trust me. It's like a marriage test."

"He is trying Bella, and he is coping, for now. Go and hurry." She said smiling but I saw the tension and uneasiness. Was she contemplating the amount of trouble she was in? Maybe she thought he was on the brink of a great unbalance. An unbalance all brought on by me. If it weren't for me, if I were not in the picture at all how much simpler would life be for those I know. Jacob would just be a sixteen year old werewolf boy not in love with a girl in love with a vampire. The Cullens would have no issues with infringement on the treaties. Even Charlie would go on every day, going to work and eating who knows what out of his poorly stocked refrigerator. I reached to pull the truck door shut and could not help but see Jasper scowling and shaking his head in the negative.

I got in the truck, left the parking lot and headed down the road to First Beach. As I passed Jasper and Alice I noticed they were leaning against the bike talking. Was he checking to see if Alice saw me doing something stupid like cliff diving, again? The intentions I stated out loud were the truth. I suspected they were probably contemplating how long they could stall before returning home to face the music.

I accelerated, pushing the limits on my speedometer, trying to shave time off the trip. The engine whined, but my anxiety would not let me give my truck a reprieve. When I pulled into the makeshift parking area I decided right then to call Edward and try to relieve Alice and Jasper of any blame.

The phone barely rang and his velvety tone was in the receiver "Yes, Bella?"

"I'm fine, don't worry. Don't be mad at them. I just need to be sure Jacob is okay. Billy said he got the, well you know and he took off. He didn't come home last night. I thought maybe if I talked with him. I just need to try and make it better. I know I've tried before but at some point I have to get it right. I'm not making any sense am I?" I stopped talking and waited for his reply. I was sure I sounded like a rambling idiot.

"Bella, I know. I know you. I understand." Just when I thought I might know how he would react he goes and does something like this. In so few words his trust spoke volumes. "Would you like me to try and find him for you?"

"Edward you can't. You can't come here. Alice says he's probably not even here. I'm just going to look around. Please, I'm fine, really." I pleaded.

"If you don't find him, come here and we will figure something out. Bella I trust you and I love you."

"I love you too." I replied and closed the phone.

Tucking the cell into my jacket pocket, I got out and leaned against the front of my truck scanning up and down the shoreline for my tall raven haired sun, nothing. I ventured down to the shore and walked a distance up to the tidal pools. The urchins flourished their brightly colored feelers pulsing back and forth collecting their meal from the currents. I lost myself in them and imagined them waving goodbye. Was this a farewell for me, for my life as a human, for my love for Jacob? Had I released the blade that cut the bond between me and him? Had I murdered his heart, his soul? I had no doubts he was hurting. I could feel his hurt. I had experienced the hurt that ripped you from reality and left you a shell of a person. I would not and could not let this happen to him. I had to be there for him, to walk him through this and let him know I would not desert him as a friend.

I stood up as tall as I could and searched up and down the beach again. In frustration I threw my head back clenching my fists at my sides and screamed his name. Several echoes repeated his name as they reflected off the cliffs. Hanging my head in defeat, I gingerly hobbled my way across the uneven rocks, back up the shore. Ever present was the downed tree that often served as a seat we shared on a few occasions. I ran my hand across the weathered surface. It was smooth and cold. I would have imagined that in its life it had a rough bark with a distinct character for its species. Vibrant leaves of green and sometimes red or gold would hide the branches that would have reached up and out into the world declaring its existence. Now it lay barren, colorless and dead, never changing appearance, a stoic depressed existence. I couldn't let 

Jacob get to this point, where I had once been. I had him to save me and I would not let that be his fate.

I considered, as I sat on the tree, what options I might have. With no idea where Jacob was or how to contact him I deduced I had none. Edward offered to help me and essentially he would be helping him too. I knew that Edward understood the depths of depression I had once visited. Jacob had viciously exposed him to select memories of my past when Edward had abandoned me for my own safety. The times Edward is reminded of these images an intense pain and regret surfaces in his eyes. I know he carries guilt close to his heart and, being who he is, he will never grant himself forgiveness for it.

For several more minutes I stayed there, watching the waves surge up onto the beach only to rhythmically retreat and repeat. Gulls circled above calling in their piercing tones, searching for opportunities to retrieve bounty from the waters below. I was startled when my pocket began to vibrate and a melodious tune of chimes escaped. "Hello?" I queried into the phone.

"Bella did you find Jacob? Are you okay?"

Confused and sad I replied "No I'm fine. Alice was right he's not here. Why? What's wrong?" I could feel panic building within me and knew the assumptions of bad circumstances would start flooding my head.

"Is someone else there with you? Alice can't see you." I immediately stood up and my heads spun around looking for the Wolf. It only took one second to spot her. She was peering at me from a cliff above and up the shore a small distance but she was not in wolf form.

I instantly knew I needed to defuse this situation, to reassure Edward that I was still fine. "Um, oh yeah, Leah is here up above on the cliffs. No big deal she doesn't even see me."

"Bella, I trust you but I don't trust her. Please leave there now." His voice was restrained but urgent.

"Yes, I'm heading to my truck now. I'll be there shortly don't worry." I had begun walking back to my truck and stumbled trying to talk and walk up hill at the same time. I purposely stuck the phone in my pocket, leaving it open and still connected to Edward on the other end. I admit I didn't trust Leah either, but I really wanted to know if she or the pack knew where Jacob was. I was almost sure her temper would over ride her control and she would not let me leave without an exchange.

I cautiously glanced in her direction and was correct in my assumption. She was advancing towards my truck. Her recently acquired stealth suited her. In no time, she was standing with arrogant confidence at the front of my truck on the opposite side, watching me close the distance. Her eyes drilled into me with contempt. The wind was blowing her bobbed ebony locks up into the air waving it around like the snakes writhing on Medusa's head.

I kept my current pace trying to appear calm. I reached my truck and opened the door, pretending to get in and leave. My truck expressed its age as the door hinge groaned mournfully. I knew Edward would be able to here this and know or at least think I had intentions of leaving. I had every intention of keeping the door open between myself and Leah, as a barrier for the confrontation I was expecting.

She opened her mouth as if to say something and then stopped. She shook her head and put her hands on her hips as in reprimand or disgust.

"What? Just say it Leah."

"You won't find him. He took off." She stated with disdain.

"Yeah, I get that. Would you tell me where he went?" I asked not fully expecting her cooperation.

She pressed her lips together and I could see a mental conflict brewing behind her eyes. "If I knew I don't know that I would tell you, but I really don't know. We're not allowed to phase. Sam thinks he needs time to work things out. It's probably for the best." She spat sharply.

With this said there was no reason for me to stay there. I started to get into my truck. "Wait, I need to know. I mean can I ask you? How can you?" She struggled to express herself.

I thought I knew what she was asking. "I didn't mean to hurt him. From the very beginning I told him, for me, it could only be a friendship. I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't want this for him."

"No, that's not what I want to know. I know all that. We get this in Jacob's thoughts." I knew the pack was dialed in but I also knew that Jacob had tried to conceal facts from the pack before with some success. This was probably too big and too volatile for him to keep in check. "How can you love him like that after how bad he hurt you? It took a long time before you came back from that. You forgave him like nothing ever happened and set Jake aside."

I expected her face to be tensed and eyes piercing me with rage, but I was seeing more confusion there. She crossed her arms in front and just barely tipped her head to the side waiting for my reply.

"I love him. I love him with every part of my soul. Lots of people in relationships have problems. Ours was just a big mess up, a miscommunication but it's in the past. We understand each other better. I just can't be without him. Do you understand? I would have thought you of all people might."

Her stance swayed backwards just a bit. Her face held a moment of shock like I had taken a punch at her. Her eyes danced around looking at my face and then found their way down to look at the ground before her. I was not sorry I said the last part. I knew she had been hurt by Sam when he imprinted on Emily and could no longer be the man he once was to her. For this I knew she empathized with Jacob. But now that she was part of the pack and had the ability to feel and know what everyone in the pack felt and knew. She had to understand Sam's guilt and regret. I was to Jacob what Sam was to her.

"This isn't about me. I know this is hard for him. If there was something within my power that I could do to help him I would. I just don't want him doing something stupid." My last remark made Leah snort and roll her eyes with understanding. I was sure she was reminded of some of Jacob's more impulsive and juvenile choices. "Please, Leah, if you find him or learn where he is, please"

Her response to my plea was neither affirmative nor negative. She simply shrugged her shoulders, closed her eyes for a moment and sighed deeply. She turned to walk back up to the cliff, where I first saw her and I knew this was my queue to leave. I wondered if I was appealing to the wrong person. Knowing the pack structure, I probably should have been speaking directly to Sam. None the less, the message would get back to him. More importantly I hoped it would get to Jacob.