A/N. If something feels considerably off with this chapter… oh well. It's not often you get 32C outside and are forced to get out, against the doctors' recommendations, particularly so soon after the incident I spoke about.
I hope you enjoy.
Previously…
"Your precious ship might have taken my promise of spending forever with you seriously." Almost too seriously, as it comes.
The Doctor was once again left staring at her, incredulous.
"That's what I thought," she offered him a tiny sad smile. "But it's too late to do something about it." Whether we want it or not, we are bound to stay together for a very, very long time.
Persistence
Chapter Seven
The Time Lord was afraid to consider the possibilities. Afraid to hope. He went for asking her bluntly, even if he believed to have known what this meant. "What do you mean?"
Rose felt unwelcome tension rising inside of her, but chose to ignore it.
The Doctor clarified his question. "What do you mean, 'whether we want it or not'?"
She bit off a sigh, frustrated. "So, now you're asking. I have things to do, Doctor. Sorry. Meet you later?"
"After you've had your morning cuppa?" He was hopeful. She half-smiled, still unable to be angry at him. Not in the way she believed she should have been. "Perhaps."
"Mind if I join you? For a cuppa? Just like all the times before? We could-" The Doctor was trying everything he could to make the suddenly heavy atmosphere between them lighter.
"Fine," she spat sharply. Because why not? If the rebuilding of their relationship – a strong overstatement, perhaps – had to begin somewhere, this seemed a safe enough place.
This sounded anything but fine. Something was wrong, but she would not say. The Doctor was afraid he knew just what that was… He grinned at her instead, pretending not to have heard the dismissive tone of her voice. "Allons-y!" He chirped excitedly.
She bit her lip. Some pain might have helped, but none came. "Have you not been listening to me at all, Doctor?" Rose stopped him. "I don't know about you, but this situation terrifies me."
"What? Having tea together? I swear, the tea the TARDIS provides us with is just as delightful as always. The way you like it!"
Rose giggled at him bitterly, shrugging. "You know that's not it."
Talk to me, his voice reached for her mind expectantly. Please, Rose.
The girl wrapped her arms around herself instead. I know nothing about this. Nothing! You talk to me, Time Lord. And leave nothing behind this time! Rose has had way too many things left unsaid by the Doctor. "It's much too late to hear whatever you can tell me of the unexpected emotion this fills me with, but I'd rather face it now than later. As this clearly plays some crucial part in my life. One you have comfortably forgotten to inform me about, she hissed.
The Gallifreyan paled. "Rose- trust me, I know as little of this as you do!"
That was the problem. She trusted him with her life, even when it was clear he was keeping something important from her.
Rose shrugged at him. She realised it was likely she knew more of this than he did. It was dread-inducing. "Yeah?"
The TARDIS enveloped her in trust and assurance. It has been her doing, in a way. Only now, there was no way back for either of them…
The Doctor smiled at his companion softly, feeling some of the emotions aimed at Rose himself.
"Yes."
"The thing is," Rose spoke quietly and calmly, as if afraid the pleasant sensation of belonging were to be gone any second, "you have not shared a thing with me yet, Doctor."
Haven't I? The Doctor looked sincerely puzzled. He would have sworn differently. "Oh," he realised what she meant. "I'm afraid it would be too much for you to take, Rose. My mind, my memories, my-" feelings.
She smiled sadly at him. "I understand."
He shook his head, No, Rose. You don't.
The four words bore such intensity in them it took great strength from Rose to keep herself on her feet. The girl eyed him searchingly, unable to back away a gasp. What was that, her wide eyes seemed to be asking. She had to admit to herself there was a lot she still had to learn about the Doctor.
This is what sharing myself with you would feel like. Only it would be much, much stronger. Devastating for ordinary humans, even. But she was capable of dealing with telepathic communication. With the most difficult kinds of it. This can't have meant she wouldn't be able to deal with this. The things he'd seen in her brilliant mind implied something entirely different.
Something incredible.
Rose's eyes sparkled in excitement and disbelief at his revelation. She has barely remembered to breathe. This felt like something unreal. Would you, Doctor? Would you do this for me? Share this with me? She knew, knew he would.
He nodded.
"That was what the analysis has been for," the Doctor explained, catching the glimpse in her admiring brown eyes. "It has not been successful, as you must know," he smirked at her. "You would need to allow me enter your mind again someday," the Time Lord muttered almost apologetically.
Why? Why would I do that? Rose has almost choked at the unexpected certainty in his words, sending him a – not at all heartfelt - grimace.
"Because we would need to do this."
Do what? The young woman chose to look ignorant. Maybe then, the Doctor would open himself to her more.
Rose… The Doctor glued his eyes to hers, never losing patience. My dearest, sweetest human being…
It took Rose all the strength she had not to wrap her arms around him in relief. His words were soft and tender and felt honest. She smiled at the Time Lord uncertainly. "You do realise it's the human part I am no longer certain about?"
Rose- It was clear he was fighting himself in order to either tell her something or not to.
Rose sighed. "Whatever it is, I can take it. If you feel it's not worth my consideration, let me go."
He stared at her, startled. "To my room," she clarified, a wry smirk on her lips. Rose's look was suddenly relieved.
Don't go? The Doctor asked. "I have been meaning to ask you if- if-"
If she has forgiven him? If she needed any kind of favour from him? If the open love in her mind were not an illusion? Her mind was filled with possibilities, one more dreadful than another.
The Time Lord kept his worried eyes on her. Only when the unpleasant emotions seemed unlikely to leave her thoughtful expression for a while much too long for someone as joyful as Rose Tyler did he put an end to it. "Stop it, Rose," he whispered at her kindly. "It's going to be all right. We are going to be all right."
All right is not good enough, Doctor, she smiled at him sadly. You know it as well as I do.
The Time Lord sent her a foolish smirk. You are right, my Rose. Everything is better than that whenever you're here, he admitted.
The Londoner gave him her most sincere smile since that dreadful almost-goodbye on the last day, finding no reason to delay it further. "What was the question you'd been meaning to give me?"
Are you sure you would be able to handle this? Living with me? Every day? Every moment?
"I don't know," Rose admitted in a small voice. But I'm willing to try.
