***DISCLAIMER!! All characters belong to J.K Rowling.***
Tonks some how managed to escape the living by saying she need to use the loo. She closed the door, and went to the sink to splash some water on her face. She was so stupid, she kissed him! He probably though she was joking, or, she thought, he just didn't see her that way and that's why he pulled away. She needed to sort through all her emotions and it will have to wait. **
** As Tonks excused herself to go the restroom, Remus was left with confusion. He was still shocked on what had happened. It was only because of the mistletoe, he told himself, not because she felt anything for him. He knew that he shouldn't be feeling what he was feeling for her.
"Now that was interesting," Sirius voice said. He had been sleeping on the couch but now was wide awake. And smiling like an idiot.
"What was?" Remus asked trying to play dumb.
" Oh come on Moony I saw that, and don't tell it didn't mean anything," Sirius said as he sat were Tonks had been seating.
" It was just the Christmas festivity," Remus said as an excuse.
" Right, sure tell your self that. Or you can ask her," Sirius nodded to the hall. They watched as she came out. ***
Tonks went out and saw that most of the presents had already been opened. She went and sat with everyone on the floor, trying to avoid Remus eyes.
" Mum can we go play outside in the snow?" Ginny asked her mother.
" I don't know. Some of the water became ice out there, it might be dangerous," Molly gave a quick glance at Tonks.
" Don't worry, Molly we'll be careful," Said Tonks as she got up.
"Alright, but be careful," Molly said.
Fred and George whooped with delight and raced each other out side. Tonks followed though she nearly tripped on some of the wrapping paper that was left on the floor. Outside it looked like a winter wonderland. The shed and everything else was covered in snow, making it look like a soft white blanket covered the ground. Soon a snowball fight started, Harry, Ron, Bill, Fred and Sirius on one team and Hermione, Ginny, Tonks, Charlie and George on the other. Tonks threw a snowball at Sirius hitting the side of his face with a splat.
"I'll get you for that Nymphadora," Sirius said as he gathered snow into his hands.
"Its Tonks!" She yelled as she threw another this time hitting Bill on the back. As she dodged a snowball she slipped and landed with a thud on the icy part. She felt a sharp pain and knew that she had sprained her ankle.
"Are you Okay Ton-" Ginny began to ask but Ron's snowball hit her on the back of the head.
"I'm alright just going to go inside," Tonks replied laughing, not wanting to concern anyone. She managed to limp inside the kitchen and prop her self on a chair.
*** Remus Lupin who had been watching from the kitchen window quickly came to her side.
" Where does it hurt?" He asked as he knelt down.
" My ankle," Tonks said wincing as he carefully took off her boot. He took his wand and muttered under his breath a spell. Instantly her ankle stopped hurting, and she smiled at him.
" Thanks Remus . Why aren't you out there?" Tonks asked as she sat forward, leaning slightly towards him.
"I'm a little too old for that," He said as he leaned against the table.
"Nah, I don't believe it. Sirius is out there and he's throwing snow like a ten year old," She said laughing. She was covered in snow and he couldn't help but notice how lovely she looked, with snow stuck to her long eyelashes. Her cheeks were pink from the cold and he longed to touch her skin. Without warning Tonks threw bits of snow at him.
" Remus weren't you listening?" Tonks said laughing at his shocked face. He smiled and said, " Sorry I was thinking about something. What was it you were saying?"
"I was saying that you should lighten up and come and join my team. It'll turn the tables on Sirius." He gave a thought and he knew he couldn't resist those eyes so he nodded.***
After another hour or so of throwing snow, Molly Weasley decided it was time that they should come in. Everyone was tired as they shuffle into the kitchen soaked in snow, they each went up to change clothes for lunch. Tonks changed into a Christmas red dress that closely resemble Ms. Santa Clause but with a rocker edge. She wore black and green tights, with red leather boots. She changed her hair to a cotton candy pink. As she went down the stairs she noticed Charlie waiting for her down the stairs. " Wow Ms. Santa you look great."
" Thanks, who are you waiting for?" She asked suspiciously wondering if he was about to get revenge on her when she dropped snow inside his jacket.
"You obviously," He said, and as she reached the landing he grabbed her face and gave her a smooch. "Charlie!" Tonks yelled as she wiped her mouth, outraged. He had taken off running out of the room, leaving her standing at the foot of the stairs fuming noticing for the first time that Remus had seen the whole thing. And the look in his eyes before he turned away cut deep into her like she knew could.
Lunch was interesting. Everyone was happily talking about their presents and talking about New Years resolutions, everyone but Tonks, Charlie and Remus. There seemed to be tension in the air around them and it didn't help that they were all at the same end of the table. Tonks tried starting a conversation with Remus but he would only respond with polite nods and grunts. She felt a familiar feeling in her heart, guilt. She had become acquainted with it during her third year at Hogwarts when she had lied to her mother about staying for the holidays and went to watch a concert. Of course she had felt too guilty and had confessed to her mother and father afterwards. But what concerned Tonks right now was why did she feel guilty? She pushed the feeling away that she was beginning to understand, deciding to deal with afterwords.
New Years was approaching fast and Tonks was having trouble starting up a conversation with Remus. He seemed to avoid her like the plague, and it surprised her how much it hurt. She knew that it had more to do with the fact that she held deeper feelings than friendship for him but knew if she faced it they wouldn't be able to go back to their old reliable way. And there was the major problem that he might not feel the same way. He probably thought of her as naïve woman or worst a naive girl. But she couldn't continue with this awkwardness between them so the day of the New Years celebration she arrived early. She was to ambush Remus in a corner and with luck, she would explain everything. Tonks arrived only to find Sirius lounge on the couch and Remus nowhere in sight. She gave a heavy sigh and walked over to interrogate her cousin on Remus Lupin whereabouts.
"So Dora, what are you doing here this early? Hoping to run into someone in particular?" Sirius said as he took a sip of pumpkin juice.
Tonks blushed but said, " Good day to you too Sirius, glad to see your still your charming self. I was just seeing if Remus was here."
" What going to confess already?"
" How did- oh!" She slapped his arm. " You bloody tricked me."
" Well it's true, right?"
" Yeah, but I'm having second thought." She bit her lip.
"Why?"
Tonks pushed his legs so she could seat beside him. " It's just that he might not feel that way about me. And I'll look like a complete idiot."
" Well lets just say that he might fancy you too." Sirius said smiling.
" How do you know?" Tonks demanded.
" Well, I am his childhood friend, for starters. And you must be blind to not notice how he stares at you."
Tonks sat back, smiling to herself. Maybe she did have a chance after all. They heard the door open and Remus walked in and nodded towards them as he headed to the kitchen. Sirius leaned over and whispered into her ear, "Go on. It's not like you'll live forever."
Tonks hurried into the kitchen, tripping on a rug and nearly crashed into Remus. He steadied her has she got her balance. " Remus I have a confession to make."
" And what is that?" He asked uneasily.
" I like you." She said quickly. When he looked a little confused she continued, " I like you and not in the just friends kind of way but in the way that a woman likes a man."
It seemed to have hit him finally since the look on his face was priceless, or Sirius would say.
"Please say something." She whispered after a while.
" Why?" He asked.
" Why? Because I feel comfortable with you. You make me laugh and smile and I want to be with you."
" But I'm old… and poor and I'm a werewolf." He said firmly.
"I know of your condition but it doesn't matter to me," She exclaimed. " I like you."
" Well I don't, not that way anyway." Remus said as he looked her in the eye. "I'm sorry."
Tonks felt something like dread come over her. She took a step back. " That's okay. I mean it's not like I asked you to marry me. Um, I got to go, uh, I forgot something at my flat." She tried to smile. " I'll see you later." And she hurried out.
*** Remus watched her go with a pained expression. He tried to tell himself it was for the best, that it was just a crush that she was feeling nothing real.
" Could have had let her down more gently couldn't you?" Sirius voice asked behind him.
"What?" Remus asked a bit rudely.
"Nothing just wondering why you threw that opportunity away like that," Sirius asked.
" She doesn't know what she's talking about," Remus replied as he sat down on a chair, suddenly feeling ten years older. He ran a hand over his hair, trying not to think of the Tonks expression. The hurt he had seen in her eyes and the pain he was feeling inside.
"Well, tonight's party won't be awkward," Sirius said as he left the room greeting the Weasleys as they entered. ***
Tonks entered her flat and ran to her bed, collapsing on it. She let a few tears escape as she laid faced down on the bed. " I knew it, I knew what would happen," She whispered to herself. She wallowed in self pity for a minute and then dragged herself to the end of the bed to look under it. She rummaged through a pile of clothes and found what she had been looking for. It was a small charmed porcelain clown doll. It had been a present from her parents when she was in Hogwarts. It had been enchanted to cheer a person up when they weren't their best. She had used it during exams and again when she had been training to be an Auror but had thrown it under her bed after it kept annoying her.
" So, what's the matter pumpkin?" The small doll asked looking up at her with it's glassy eyes. It's voice a high chirp that was one of the reasons that Tonks had thrown it under after hearing it none stop.
" Got turned down by the person I fancy," She muttered thinking she must be crazy to be telling her feelings to a doll.
"And why are you telling me? I thought you said, and I quote 'keep you blasted pointy glass noses out of my business', or something like that," It said mimicking her voice perfectly. "But since you're so down I'll give an ear."
She didn't bother to say he had not been made with ears but said, " Liked this guy that I sort of work with. I told him I like him, and he rejected me flat out."
" Well that doesn't seem to bad, just avoid him for awhile and het your bearings."
" I can't, I'm going to see him latter today and my cousin know that I like this guy and It'll just be one huge mess."
" Nymphadora Tonks, you're a young women. And like any other you're bound to face some heartbreaks, it's part of life. You have to look at the future not linger in the past."
" But it feels like he was the first real crush that I felt so strongly before," Tonks objected.
" Honey that why they call it a crush. You let your hopes up and them bam! Your feelings are crushed by reality. You must it dwell on it, be strong. Be the independent enthusiastic girl I know," The doll said waving it's hands in the air.
"Your right. I'll get over it, it's just a crush," Tonks said as she opened her closet to find something to wear and found the perfect thing, a slinky purple and black metallic dress, which fell just above her knees. She grabbed her barely used high heel dragon leather shoes which had metallic engraving. She then concentrated on neon colored purple curls that framed her faced.
" Go show him what he's missing!" The doll yelled on the bed.
When Tonks arrived at Grimmaulds Place the party had started, she saw Kingsley and Mad eye. She got compliments from both as she passed them. The usual dreary place was once again, filled decorations of the coming year. She actually felt excited, forgetting about what had happened earlier and just went along with the atmosphere. She greeted everyone as she walked around and smiled polity at Remus when she caught his attention. He smiled back but her attention was shift to the music that Charlie had started. Her favorite band in the whole universe, The Weird Sisters was playing and she went to the room in which the younger residents were having a party some were even dancing. Tonks joined them, laughing as Fred took her hand to dance. She was having some much fun that the time went by so fast that it was time for this year to end. They all counted back as the last minute ticked by.
"5,4,3,2,1! Happy New Year!" and the whole house erupted in cheers.
Tonks grabbed Bill's face and gave him a kiss on his cheek, winking at Ginny afterwords. Ginny smiled laughing, and even Molly smiled, probably thinking that she had succeeded in wining Bill's heart.
***Sorry it took sometime; my computer has waged war against me :( I'll try to get the next chapter up
