Ch 7 A Turtle's View on Mating

The four turtles arrived at an inn late at night in a heavy downpour. Tired and wet, they walked inside and ordered drinks all around. As they sat and enjoyed the company of the tavern's barmaids, Mikey watched in amusement as Raph, who had his arms around a human and salamander barmaid, entertained them with a story.

"So I said, 'Marquaise,' as I told you at the Sausage Festival," Raph was saying in between laughter, "A queen is no different from a barmaid in the dark, though less practiced in the arts of massage." Raph looked from the mutant salamander female on his knee to Mikey and Donnie. "Right?" He asked as they all laughed at his tale. He leaned over to Mikey with an intent glare. "Michelangelo," He began. "If you're going to be a proper musketeer, you shall have to be schooled in the proper way to get a mate." He advised then looked to the ladies on either side of him. "Right ladies?" He asked them as they continued to giggle and snuggle against him.

Mikey watched as one particular female turtle walked over to their table and placed a tray of bread in front of them while giving the young turtle an enticing glare. Mikey smiled back with a gleam in his eyes. Noting the two staring at each other, Raph quickly took the opportunity to begin his 'teachings'.

"Ohh." He muttered and raised an eye ridge at the younger turtle. "First subject. Very good, very good indeed." He said looking from one to the other. "Let the schooling begin. The secret to mating is in the first kiss." He advised him. "For in that first kiss, a lasting impression is made." He looked between the two barmaids next to him. "Right, ladies?" He asked as he adjusted the female salamander on his lap and looked over to Mikey. "If it is weak, she'll think you're weak. If it's comical, she'll think you a clown." He watched Mikey's face as he spoke. "With me?"

Mikey nodded. "Weak, weak. Comical, clown." Mikey repeated, eager to see what Raph was going to do.

"And a musketeer is never weak and only rarely a clown." Raph assured him as he gazed longingly into the salamander's face. "You're first kiss must be all the things you are, like this." Raph placed one hand on the salamander's shoulder and the other behind her head; he then brought his lips up to meet hers in a forceful yet passionate kiss.

Mikey and Donnie watched as the barmaid moaned into Raph's mouth before the two suddenly fell onto the bench with the salamander giggling as the kiss lingered for several long seconds. Mikey laughed at their antics as Donnie looked at them intrigued with a raised eye ridge. Finally, out of breath, Raph and the young salamander sat up and looked to Mikey with wide smiles. "See?" Raph said with a smug grin. "You may, um, speak first if you like….your name her name and endearment or two," He continued, "But trust me, words are a complete waste of time at this sensitive point."

"Only the wrong words are a complete waste of time." Donnie interjected. "The right words can make a more lasting impression than a thousand of Raph's kisses."

"Not likely." The salamander muttered as she snuggled against Raph's shoulder.

Raph looked at Donnie arrogantly. "Ah, see?"

Donnie stood up and made his way over to the salamander. "Shall I demonstrate?" He asked her. He gazed at her with a tender look as he stepped in front of her. Kneeling before her, he stared into her eyes as she looked back at him intently. "As morning hues of sun-swept fire caress your passionate face," Donnie spoke with a soft voice, "Alone with thee a pure desire to worship untold grace." Raph rolled his eyes and looked over at Mikey as Donnie continued. "My soul would cry in silent prayer toward hours swept apart. Your essence warms the evening air as I dance into your heart." The young maiden slowly began to swoon as Donnie raised her hand to his lips. She lets out a small moan and closed her eyes as she felt his lips kiss her hand.

"Shakespeare?" Mikey asked.

"Donatello." Donnie replied.

"Cheating." Raph snarled as the girl removed herself from his lap.

"That was beautiful." She said as she leaned toward Donnie.

"Thank you." Donnie started but was quickly interrupted as the barmaid pressed their lips together in a long and deep passionate kiss. After several moments, Donnie finally pried her off him and gently lowered her back to the chair next to Raph. He smiled and bowed to her as he made his way back to his seat.

Raph looked over to Mikey. "Very well Michelangelo," He said expectantly. "Your turn."

Gathering his courage, Mikey took a quick sip of his ale and stood up. He walked confidently over to the young turtle maiden he had his eyes on and took her hand. Kneeling, he looked up into her eyes with a passionate glare. He took a moment to glance over to the other two with a smug grin before finally clearing his throat. "As morning hues of sun-swept…." Mikey stopped as he tried to remember the words and looked over to Donnie for help.

"Fire." Donnie whispered to him.

"Fire caresses your poisoned face…."Mikey stopped and winced as he realized his blunder. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Donnie cringe slightly. Feeling flustered, Mikey let out a huff and stood up. He took the female into his arms and pressed their lips together in a heated kiss. The two musketeers and women all clapped and cheered him on.

"Bravo!" Raph yelled. "The boys a natural." He said as Mikey and the female turtle continued to kiss and embrace fervently.

Musicians behind them begin to play their instruments and Raph grinned widely. "Ohh! A lively tune." He said, smiling at Don. "I'm inspired to dance." He got up and began to dance around the room.

Mikey sat back down next to Donnie and they watched as the barmaids begin to dance with Raph while the musicians played and walked around them. As Mikey watched with an amused smile, he glanced over to the other side of the tavern and noticed Leo was sitting by himself, quiet and somber as he slowly drank from a bottle of ale.

"Why's Leo sitting by himself?" He asked Donnie.

"He takes his drinking very seriously." Donnie said as he looked over at the lone turtle. "Not to worry," He assured Mikey. "He'll be his usual charming self by morning."

Mikey nodded and attempted to continue to enjoy watching Raph and the girls dance around in a circle but his eyes continued to look over to where Leo sat. Somewhat sadden at seeing Leo by himself; Mikey decided to go over to his table and encourage him to come to join them at their table. "Leo, why don't you come join us?" He asked as he walked over.

Leo put his drink on the table with a bang and hung his head. He stared at the bottle in his hands before looking up at Mikey. "You fight like a man," He muttered to him. "Let's see if you can drink like one."

"I'll drink anything you put in front of me." Mikey stated with an arrogant attitude as he took the seat across from him.

"Famous last words," Leo muttered as he poured Mikey a drink. "What should we drink to?"

"Let's drink to love." Mikey suggested as he looked around the tavern.

Leo let out a snort. "To love," He sneered and shook his head. "Let me tell you a story about love Mikey." Intrigued, Mikey leaned forward as Leo began his tale. "I knew a young man once, a Count, who feared he would never fall in love." Leo began. "One day he met a woman. This woman was more than beautiful, she was intoxicating, mysterious, everything he'd ever dreamed of. He felt his heart would burst if he couldn't have her."

"What happened?" Mikey asked anxiously.

Leo gave a light laugh. "Poor idiot married her." He said with a sneer as he took another swig from his bottle.

"Isn't that what people do when they fall in love?" Mikey asked him, somewhat confused.

"Shut up and listen to me." Leo demanded and continued with his story. "They were riding through the forest one day; she was thrown from her horse and knocked unconscious. When he rushed to her side, he noticed a mark on her body, something he'd never seen before, something she'd managed to keep hidden all this time." Leo's eyes had a haunting look about them as he continued his tale.

"What was it?" Mikey asked anxiously.

"The brand of the fleur-de-lis." Leo tells him. "The mark given to those who are to be executed for murder. The Count was crushed. The woman he loved, his bride, had betrayed him. She'd lied to him." Leo took a deep breath. "When she came to, she swore that she'd been falsely accused of these crimes, but he didn't believe her; he rejected her for her lies and for her past." Mikey looked at him in wonder. "Then he banished her from his province. When the guards came to take her away to be executed, she was…." Leo stopped and swallowed hard. "She was still professing her undying love." Mikey looked from Leo to the table, feeling a sense of sadness overcome him. Leo looked away and continued. "Soon after, the Count realized how much she had meant to him, but it was too late. His betrayal was far greater than hers could ever have been. He gave up his title, his land, everything he believed in, never to be seen or heard from again." He let out a huff. "All because of love."

The two turtles stared at each other for a moment before Leo downed the rest of his drink. As Mikey was just about to question him further, a sudden noise to the right of them made them turn their heads to see Raph suddenly thrown over to where they sat and fall hard against their table breaking it to pieces as he landed hard. Everyone crowded around and laughed as the turtle, laughing himself, attempted to get himself off the floor. Raph looked up at Leo and smiled. "Whoo," He said with his eye ridges wiggling at the older turtle. "May I have this dance?"

Leo regarded him for a moment before slamming his fist into the turtle's face. He looked back at Mikey and chuckled gleefully as Raph fell unconscious.

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The next day, the turtles continue on their way to Calais, Mikey, feeling rather sick from the previous night's festivities fights hard to ignore the throbbing headache and keep up with the other three. "How's your head Mikey?" Raph asked him.

"I'm beginning to wish the Cardinal had chopped it off." Mikey confessed, wincing in pain as a loud whistle reached his ears. "Would you stop whistling please?" He requested, looking over to Raph.

"I am not whistling." Raph insisted.

"Well somebody's whistling." Mikey retorted back.

Raph started to laugh. "The barmaid's kiss left him dizzy." He suggested to Donnie.

"No wait, I hear it too." Donnie said, looking around in concern. "Sounds like a..."

"CANNONBALL!" Leo exclaimed as it exploded in front of them.

Their horses reared up in fear as dirt and rocks fly up around them. "Oh I hate cannonballs!" Raph declared angrily as he attempted to get his horse under control. As the horses finally calm down, the four turtles look behind them and see a large castle where mutants and men are loading cannons.

"The Cardinal has a long reach!" Donnie yelled as another exploded nearby.

"Let's get outta here!" Leo called to them as he kicked his horse to take off further away from the castle. The four turtles pushed their horses to run as fast as possible out of the clearing and toward a clump of trees as the cannons soared and explode all around them. They passed through the trees but stop short upon seeing a large band of riders coming toward them.

"There they are!" One rider yelled out. "Kill the musketeers!" Another screamed.

"We'll split up." Leo told them. "Mikey rides with me."

"We'll see you in Calais." Raph said.

"Or hell." Leo called back. They turn to go back through the clump of bushes and split up with Mikey and Leo turning to the left of the trail and Donnie and Raph going to the right. But the horsemen take note of this and quickly follow.

"Split up." They hear a rider call to the others. "We need their heads for the reward!" The riders split up and chase after the four turtles, determined to bring them to the Cardinal dead or alive.