A/N: Hi! I'm back. It's agreed, college is a lot harder, and I'm trying to make school priority. So I'm sorry if I'm letting you all down. I'm still continuing the story, I am just not going to be updating as quick as you wish I would be. So reviews of 'update soon' won't make me go any quicker. It's also hard to get into writing when it's the sad stuff.
Chapter 7
Maybe I shouldn't have said that I could do it alone. Maybe I should have brought at least one other person with me, that could have possibly helped with the tidal waves of emotions I was experiencing right now.
I took a deep breath and pulled the keys out of the ignition. I took one more calming breath before getting out of the car. My eyes swept over the empty house as I walked over to the front door. As I unlocked the front door, my eyes were pulled to the welcome mat with a grinning St. Bernard. We never owned one, but Jasmine had always wanted one. I hesitantly stepped into the house. It was very strange for it to be so… quiet.
I drifted from room to room, letting my feet take me where they wanted. They took me to the kitchen first, where somebody's cup was still sitting on the countertop. As I walked around I took it to the sink, and then continued on into the family room, and then the girls' room. One half was messy, Emily's side, and the other was put together well. The scent of Jasmine's strong bath and bodyworks fragrance mist was still lingering in the air.
Quickly exiting the girls' room I walked upstairs. My hand hesitated as it reached for the doorknob to my parents' room. I attempted to swallow back the lump that was forming in my throat. I pushed open the door, not yet stepping into the room. My eyes scanned across the empty room. I didn't want to let my eyes settle on anything, because then I'd remember a moment when my parents were alive-
A shudder went through me and the horrible moment came back. Just the feeling of fear and panic was enough to break me down, but with everything else – the unsuppressed memories of that night, the deep feeling of loss – I crumpled to the ground and just sobbed my eyes out. Tears were pouring out of my eyes and I tried to wipe them away so I could see. I wanted to see them again. Bringing myself up to my knees I made my way over to my mother's bureau which was right next to the door. I used both of my hands to peek above the edge, because I was on my knees. Reaching forward, I blindly grabbed a frame and brought it down with me as I again, dropped to the ground.
Using my free hand I wiped away my tears to get at least one good look of the picture. Tears began to rise back up again as I took in the two smiling faces in the picture.
The picture was of my Mother and Father when they had gone on an over-night trip for their anniversary two years ago. I had been a senior in high school and we all had convinced them to go for the weekend. They had come back happy and they said they had they had a great time. I had remembered the look Dad had given Mom and all three of us siblings had 'ewwed' and had all ran out of the room.
"Why?" I said. I stared down at the picture, wishing to hear my father's rough voice again or to have one of Mom's comforting yet strong hugs. I missed everything about them and didn't know what to do.
"Anything…," I whispered, "I'd do anything just to have you back." I'd sell my soul if I could find someone to give it to. I just wanted them back.
To have them taken away from me so quickly – just like that – they were all gone, my whole family. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, but it didn't help. I just felt so alone…
I shouldn't be alone. I should not have come alone. But who else could I have asked? I thought. I knew if I asked my Uncle or Aunt they would be experiencing the same emotion of sadness with me, but perhaps on a less intense scale than me. I wouldn't want anyone crying along with me, I should have brought someone with me who could pull me up off the ground and onto my feet and get me away, then attempt a lame joke to get me to laugh or to at least get my mind off of my dead family for at least a second. With that last thought my mind retrieved the memory of the time I had spent with Hunter, Paul and Embry. I could feel the muscles in my face pulling back to form a smile as I relived the memory.
I wiped helplessly at the tears still flowing from my eyes. I tried to get up but I couldn't. Truly, I didn't want to because I feared I would end up hurting myself due to my lack of sight.
Reaching my hands out over the soft, green carpet, my hands eventually made contact with the foot of the post to my parents' bed. I reached a hand skyward and gripped the top of the footboard, using it as leverage I pulled myself to lay on my stomach on the bed. With my feet planted under me now, I stood up; using the post I had touched earlier to steady me.
I turned and sat down on the bed, one hand still holding onto the post. Using my left hand I wiped at my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself down. My hand flexed its grip on the post. I wanted to get up and out of the house, but it wasn't really possible because I could end up on the floor again whenever I recalled a memory by looking at something (which was everything) in the house.
Embry POV
I was running patrol when I felt a wrenching pull in my imprint bond. I faltered in my pace as the pull I felt toward Ashley get stronger. Not only did I begin to worry about what was happening I also felt sad.
What's wrong? Quil asked, sensing a change in my thoughts.
The bond pulled again and I stopped running. What was going on? I thought. I felt strangely sad and had a dying urge to run and find Ashley. Thoughts of her being hurt or in trouble ran through my mind so I turned and followed my instincts, letting it lead me to Ashley.
Ashley POV
I was in such a haze that it took a moment for my fogged mind to realize someone was hurrying up the steps.
"Ashley?" Someone quietly asked. "Are you OK?"
I pushed off of the bed and stood. I wiped at my eyes with both of my hands.
"No, no I'm not," I said.
I could see the empathy in Embry's face as he looked over me.
"Do you want to go?" Embry asked, still speaking softly as if saying it any louder would hurt me more.
I shook my head slowly. "No, I need to do this. I just- I can't- It's just so much…"
Embry took a few steps forward moving further into the room.
"This is gonna sound – strange, but can I get a hug? I just feel so… so freaking alone right now," I said, looking into Embry's eyes seeing if he was weirded out or not. "I know that you barely know me…"
Embry walked toward me and I lifted my arms up pre-emptively for the hug. Because he was actually tall, I didn't have to bend over. I lifted my head to rest my chin on his left shoulder.
"I just miss them so much," I whispered.
He ran a comforting hand up and down my back and I sighed, a tear escaping from my eyes.
"Whatever you need…" He whispered back, leaving the statement open to me.
"Just this for now." I took a deep breath and let out a sigh as he started to rub my back again.
I had felt so alone lying on the floor, balling my eyes out that this hug felt like bliss. Because it felt so nice, I wanted to stay like this forever. I wanted to not be cold and all alone but to be with someone and to feel the warmth of their presence. And Embry's embrace was very warm. It felt like I was hugging a human incarnation of the Sun.
"Thank you," I said.
"No problem," Embry said. He lifted his head and unwrapped one of his arms from around me.
I was surprised by how upset I was that the hug was over. I took a step away and looked around the room.
"If you don't mind me asking, what were you doing here?" Embry asked.
"I have to go through the house and sort everything, deciding if I want to keep it, sell it or throw it away," I explained. "I'm going to keep the house, but I may see if anyone wants to rent it out. I'm at school most of the year."
"You have to go through everything? That's tough," Embry said.
I nodded. "I only managed to walk through the house I didn't touch anything before I broke down."
"I'm so sorry Ashley," Embry said.
I could only nod as I felt the tears come on again. I stomped my foot, frustrated. "You'd think I wouldn't have any tears left!"
Embry hugged me until I stopped crying.
"Would you help me?" I asked.
"Are you sure? Do you think it would be better to do it some other time?" Embry asked, questioning my thoughts – for good reason.
"No, I can't drag this out and I'm not getting rid of everything… just most of it," I said.
"I'm not saying not do it, but maybe you should give yourself a break and come back tomorrow more prepared," Embry said.
"You have a point…"
"You also may want to think about bringing someone with you next time."
I sighed and looked down at the ground. "Yes, I do need to." I raised my head to look at Embry. "Would you come?"
Embry hesitated in response.
"I mean are you free? Feel free to say no if you can't. You'll still have a soul after saying no to a girl who just lost her whole family," I said, attempting a smile to lighten the joke.
"I actually am free, bad joke aside," Embry said.
"Ha, your reference was funnier," I said with a full smile.
Embry shrugged a smirk on his face.
"Alright, let's go," I said.
Embry followed me out the front door. I pulled my car keys out from my pocket.
"Wait, how did you know I was here?" I asked Embry.
Embry looked surprised then irritated.
"You know what? Never mind, I'll just attribute that to you being a part of the league of superheroes with Sam," I said. "Do you need a ride anywhere?"
"Um, could you drop me off at Brad's?" Embry asked.
"The Bar?" I asked, surprised.
"I have a friend that works there and I want to talk with them," Embry explained.
"Sure thing, hop on in," I said, unlocking the car and climbing in.
I started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. I was partially happy about getting away from the house.
"OK, please don't take this badly Ashley -I'm just saying this to be a good friend- you don't look so good face-wise," Embry said.
I glanced over at Embry to see that he was nervous.
"Wait… are you trying to tell me nicely that I look like shit?" I asked.
"Yeah. Know that I'm only saying this so you don't go out and have everyone you meet ask you if you're OK and then be reminded of –you know," Embry said.
"Huh… well that's very –considerate- of you, Embry."
I pulled into a parking spot in front of Brad's Bar and Restaurant.
"So want to meet up tomorrow at, say, around ten at my house?" I asked.
Embry nodded. "I'll be there and don't get started without me."
"Thanks, Embry," I said with a smile.
Embry smiled back and then he got out of the car. I watched him as he walked into Brad's and through the windows I could see him walk over to the pick-up counter. He motioned someone else to come up to the counter and a woman came over. I pulled out of the spot, before he noticed me watching. Turning the car onto the main road, I headed for My Uncle's house. My appearance wasn't a matter to me because in a few hours I will be saying my final and public goodbye to my family.
VVVMVMVWWVMVMVVV
My Father, Mother and my sister's may not be living with me any longer, but they will forever be in my presence and love me still as spirits until the day will come that I will join them too.
A/N: & a happy new year to all! Hope you all had a happy Holiday!
