Alex responds to Piper's message by showing up on her doorstep. Is Piper strong enough to let Alex know exactly how she feels?

Unsteady: X Ambassadors
Lyrics are in italics


"I got your note."

Piper took a step aside which allowed Alex to enter her apartment. Closing her eyes, she dropped her eyes to the floor overwhelmed by the sudden rush of emotions. This wasn't just any battle but one of fear fighting with what Piper really wanted. She didn't look up; she couldn't face it. Alex's eyes were just a reminder of what they were before – in the time that Alex had told Piper how she felt. Piper bit down on her lip swallowing the cries that wanted to seep out.

Her head still shifted down, she waited for Alex to walk past her into the apartment. Then she felt it, Alex's body brush past Piper, the slight feeling of warmth yet emptiness at the same time. Piper swallowed as she lifted her head, eyes closed, scared to face what was come to her as she turned to Alex.

Piper hadn't prepared for this. As much as she wanted Alex here, she hadn't taken the time to think it through. She didn't know what she wanted to say, which words were right and which words were wrong.

Slowly, she opened her eyes choosing to look in front of her before she looked around to locate Alex. As she did, a sudden rush traveled through Piper, a burst of fear, sickness and queasiness. Alex stood in front of her, her back pressed against the wall. With her hands tucked in her pockets, she had been watching Piper and her reactions.

Their eyes locked in that moment. Green met blue. Piper looked to Alex with eyes full of sorrow that mirrored the sound of her voice, low and tearful. It was a mere representation of the pain her soul felt. "A… Al…"

Alex's eyes snapped back away from the trance. She looked up to the ceiling, all around the room like it was all new. She stood against the wall much as a person who didn't know what to do when they met someone for the first time. Her body was unresponsive to Piper. There was only so much she could take in of the familiarity of a place she had seen several times before.

Piper brushed her hands across her face wiping away the tears which threatened to fall before Alex saw them. A small sob left Piper's mouth as she tried to search for words to speak. Alex extended her arm to reach around Piper to shut the door behind them.

Alex looked to Piper. Her face straight, revealing nothing.

Piper could not resist the pull she had towards Alex. Piper flung her arms around the brunette as she held on tightly, for all she was worth. Piper nuzzled into Alex's shoulder as the tears began to fall.

Hold,
Hold on,
Hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Alex quickly caught hold of Piper instinctively wrapping her arms around the blonde to support her, but reality hit back. Alex removed her arms, standing up straight so that her body now supported the additional weight. Closing her eyes, she looked across to the other wall blankly.

A catch of breath and muffled sob distracted her thoughts, glancing down to a crying Piper who held onto her tighter than she had ever done before. Alex closed her eyes reacting to the silent plea.

Hold,
Hold on,
Hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Alex gave in and placed her arms lightly around Piper's frail body, just enough to let Piper know she was there, but not enough for it to be a hug she knew Piper would want. From Piper's perspective, it appeared to be enough as she nuzzled deeper into Alex's body.

Piper's muffled voice was faint. "Thank you… Thank you Alex."

Alex gulped, her hand just brushing Piper's back only slightly. She closed her eyes, stopping just short of leaning further into Piper's touch. Alex fought to keep this strong and tough demeanor she had started with.

"I'm so happy to see you Al… I've missed you so much."

With every sentence, Alex found herself holding on that little bit tighter. Piper's arms squeeze further around her. Piper lifted her head up to rest her chin on Alex's shoulder. "I've been so alone without you."

Mama, come here
Approach, appear
Daddy, I'm alone
'Cause this house don't feel like home

The catch in Alex's breath signified her break in composure as she pulled Piper in tightly. She rested her head on top of Piper's, her nose nuzzling into her hair. In that moment all that mattered… was Piper.

As it dawned on her what was happening, Alex released her hold and pushed Piper back slightly as they broke the hug. Alex had yet to speak. Piper's eyes scanned Alex's face for any emotion, seeking a reason for the sudden change.

But Alex didn't give. Piper's mouth was suddenly dry as she felt the emotions bubbling within her. She looked down to Alex's hands pressed against the wall. Noting that she was uncomfortable, unsteady on her feet Piper motioned for Alex to follow her to the couch.

Piper stepped aside allowing Alex to take a seat before she did.

As Alex took her normal seat, Piper felt a bit of hope. But now certainly wasn't the time to smile as she took a seat beside Alex. Piper left a respectful distance between their bodies. The silence between them was awkward for the first time. Through the corner of her eye, Piper watched Alex who sat on the edge of the couch. Alex was leaned forward, attention on something in front of her.


Piper could not stand the quietness, the stillness of the room. Her hand reached out for Alex's. Piper brushed a finger against Alex's skin. She moved closer and grasped both of Alex's hands in her own. She caressed Alex's skin, as she raised Alex's hand to her mouth to gently kiss it.

Piper watched Alex the entire time for some type of reaction, any type of reaction. Alex did not pull her hand away, and Piper used this time to simply feel the touch she had missed so much.

If you love me, don't let go
If you love me, don't let go

Lowering Alex's hand, she continued to play with her fingers. With light strokes, she focused her eyes on the movement. "You have every rights to feel the way you do Alex, to react how you have…" She took Alex's hand, holding her fingers within hers, her thumb brushing across her wrist. "I get it. I know that you're upset with me… but…"

Piper gulped. Battling for her words through the ache she was feeling. Her hands still playing with Alex's. Her eyes staring down at the action. Hesitant to continue, she plucked up the courage to look up. At Alex, and then to the side of her. "But… you're here Alex. That tells me something and…."

Piper took in a breath. Composing herself as she steadied her breath, and her shaky voice. Alex sat and watched all of Piper's emotion silently. The only indication Alex was listening was found in her eyes. Her eyes searched Piper's, willing her to go on.

Piper paused. Allowing herself a moment, "…and I hope you're willing to hear me out."

Whoa, if you love me, don't let go

"I haven't been honest… with myself, or… or with you Alex."


Alex withdrew her hands from Piper's, placing them on her knees as she turned her body away. Alex brushed her hand through her hair as they again sat in silence at Piper's admission. Not sure if she should continue, Piper sniffled, her voice barely audible as she interrupted the awkwardness. A small, tearful voice peering up from beside Alex, who just continued to look elsewhere but beside her.

"I've tried Alex… I have tried the whole relationship thing before; it wasn't for me."

Alex's head didn't move, she still sat emotionless. Piper looked towards her noting the lack of response. The pain stretched through her. She was making a bigger hole for herself and now there was no way out of it.

Her voice continuing as she lowered her head to her hands. Gulping.

"All of my life… I've been surrounded by paparazzi."

A mock laugh escaped Alex's mouth; she finally turned to look at Piper, then back in front of her, shaking her head at Piper's words. Agitated at the situation, she raised her voice before Piper could continue. Her response was quick and witty. "You chose that life yourself Piper."

Piper lifted her head, looking at Alex. She frowned. Her pain turning to anger, growing frustrated that Alex had been so quick to judge what she was saying. She stared to Alex. The response escaping her mouth almost immediately. "It wasn't a decision that came easy for me Alex…"

Alex jumped from her seat. Looking around at Piper. "You want me to take fucking pity on you for the decisions you made Piper?! I'm here because you asked me, not because I chose to – remember you're the one that pushed me away."

Alex paced back and forth the room, running her hands through her hair. Breathing deeply, she tried steady herself and calm her anger.

"Al…" Piper took in a deep breath. Her voice low. She looked up and watched as Alex paced the room. Avoiding looking at Alex, Piper searched for her words, stumbling whilst battling with the emotion and fear. " I-I don't want sympathy. I'm trying to explain myself. It's not something that comes easy and I don't know how to tell you without being weak…"

Alex's back was turned from Piper. She crossed her arms, tossed her head back and laughed to herself.

Unbeknownst to Alex, Piper's head dropped as she realized what she had just admitted. She brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. The tears fell as her arms hugged her frame tighter. She ignored Alex's presence and allowed herself to cry out loud at the pain as she finally accepting that she was weak. She bared this side of herself to Alex, showing her what she could never put into words. Piper couldn't talk anymore and simply turned her body into the couch.

Mama, come here
Approach, appear
Daddy, I'm alone
'Cause this house don't feel like home

Alex turned to look at Piper. Not convinced by what she was seeing, she arched her eyebrows.

"You asked me here Piper. You can't go your whole life running away from awkward situations. You owe it to me to face it this time."

Piper bit down on her lip, turning to her back to try and steady herself from flipping off the couch. "You aren't living in this career Alex. You don't understand, you can't relate to the feeling…"

Piper looked to Alex who had turned back away from Alex again, wiping the tears with the back of her hand. She watched Alex, waiting for something. When Alex's turned back around, she moved to pick up her things. Piper watched Alex pull on her jacket.

Disappointment was etched on Alex's face. She turned to Piper, stopping midway.

"No. I take pride in who I am Piper. I'm proud of where I've come in life and no one is going to come along and change that. It takes a lot for me to give. I gave to you; you took advantage. Do you think because you're Piper Chapman, the badass player, you can be like this?"

"What a fucking great headline that would make for you… imagine the money you'd pull in from it uh? Because we both know what this is about." She zipped up her jacket and walked past Piper to the door.

"Alex… please. Stop." Piper jumped from her feet following Alex towards the door. "No. I don't. You don't understand that I don't want that…"

Alex stopped at the door, her hand on the lock.

Piper dropped her voice, took another step forward and struggled to swallow her sobs. "I don't want your life to be dragged into the public eye because of who I am. I'm scared Alex… scared of what this will do to you, to us."

Alex dropped her head. She didn't unlock the door but seemed to be contemplating Piper's words. Piper watched on. The tears falling. But her heart pleading.

"I've struggled Al… from the first leap into this life and adapting. I've never adjusted… everything about me is in the public eye…"

Piper's voice softened. She closed her eyes and thought about the words she needed to say. Taking a breath, she opened them to look directly at Alex.

"I finally realized I found something I wanted, that maybe I could have a relationship. But I can't do that to you Alex. Because like you said, this life was my choice, not yours."

Alex's body shifted slightly at the words which encouraged Piper to continue. "I had to stop myself. I had to stop myself for you."

The reality was too much for Piper as she felt her words were not resonating with Alex.

"You did what for me Piper?"

"I put your needs before mine Alex. I have to do what is right for you… and not for me. I don't want you to have to live this life."

Piper had said all that she could in that moment, revealed more than she had wanted for the sake of hope, and hoped that something in her words could pull Alex back to her.

"Pipes..."

"I finally had something worth keeping Alex. Something that was precious, and… and I couldn't be selfish. So I have to be cruel to be kind."

Falling to her knees, Piper allowed the weight of her body to fall back against the wall using it for support. "I have to protect you. I have to." Piper was completely defeated.


Alex walked from the door. Swallowing the lump in her own throat, she carefully approached Piper. She had to be sure she understood what Piper was saying. Through Piper's tears and frantic behavior, Alex had to be absolutely certain.

"Hey." She crouched in front of Piper and reached out to touch her. Alex moved a strand of blonde hair behind Piper's ear. She kept her voice soft, barely above a whisper. "Piper."

"You say you are protecting me, but you didn't stop to ask me if I need to be protected. Or even wanted to be protected." Alex moved her body to sit beside Piper, wrapping her arm around her. She pulled Piper's head to her shoulder. "I have been here for you Piper, here for you to confide in me. All this anguish, you've put yourself through this pain without talking to me."

Piper reacted to the touch. Leaning onto Alex, trying to steadying her breathing as she listened to the condolence from Alex. They stayed like that for a moment. Both women seeking reassurance from each other after so long apart by simple closeness.

Alex turned her head down to Piper and placed her hand on Piper's face guiding her to look up. As she did. Alex looked directly into Piper's wet eyes and brushed away the tears with her thumb.

"I don't need protecting Pipes. The paparazzi, the limelight, the fans… none of that bothers me."

Piper looked at Alex. Holding her gaze, she reached out to place her hand on Alex's face. She searched Alex's eyes for answers. Feeling the guilt as a memory hit back at her, Piper pulled back from the touch. She looked to Alex, for something, anything that told Piper that Alex was feeling the way she had before, feeling those few words that had been spoken.

Piper had to know if Alex still felt that way, that the words before had not been a fluke. "Al. Tell me. Tell me again."

"Piper…"

"Alex please." Piper pleaded. "Tell me again."

She turned to look down to Piper. "Piper. You don't have to be scared anymore. It's not something we need to discuss anymore. Everything will be back to normal in its due time."

Mother, I know
That you're tired of being alone
Dad, I know you're trying
To fight when you feel like flying

But if you love me, don't let go
Whoa, if you love me, don't let go

Alex pulled Piper up and guided her back to the couch. She placed an arm around Piper's shoulders and pulled her close as they both fell back into the couch. Piper spoke again. "Alex, I would never want you to feel forced into saying anything, especially something of this nature."

Alex tightened her arm around Piper's shoulder as the pair lay in silence. Eventually Alex swung her legs up to lay on the couch, pulling Piper to spoon in front of her. She twirled Piper's hair around her fingers as she occasionally kissed Piper on the back of her head.

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady


Piper started as she woke up suddenly. The light in the room was waning. Piper realized that she had fallen asleep with Alex's arms wrapped around her and was delighted to feel Alex's presence. Alex was still here. Maybe she had a chance after all.

Slowly Piper wiggled her way to turn over to face a still sleeping Alex. She traced Alex's facial features with a single finger and lightly kissed her lips. Piper's chest was filled with so much adoration for the dark haired enigma laying on her couch.

Watching Alex sleep was comforting. The fact that Alex showed up after receiving Piper's note spoke volumes. That they had been able to talk through some issues meant even more to Piper. She moved forward again and kissed Alex's cheek.

Piper had so wanted to fall asleep hearing Alex's declarations with fresh ears. However, Alex seemed hesitant and Piper didn't push. Piper couldn't quite reach far enough back to place her mouth next to Alex's ear. Nonetheless she finally whispered, "Alex Vause… I love you, too."

Alex's arms tightened around Piper as her face broke into a huge smile.

But if you love me, don't let go
Whoa, if you love me, don't let go


A/N: Happy post-Thanksgiving to our U.S. readers. We decided to push out some updates this week just in case some of you were off of work or in need of a break from the throngs of people!

We have a couple of fun chapters possibly ahead and are still searching for some songs. You know the kind – with a kick ass beat and incredible lyrics. We will try to keep the story line going as much as possible.