Chapter 7
My mind goes blank. People start talking, I can see Leia saying something to Loish's hologram, I think Holdo's saying something to me, but nothing registers. Dameron walks towards me, followed by Jess and for a second Holdo doesn't let them; then Dameron says something to her and she moves aside. He stands right in front of me. I can see his mouth move but I can't make sense of what he says.
He grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me.
"He never gave me anything", I hear myself say. He waits, his hands still on me. My throat feels very dry.
"I'm not a traitor". My voice is small; but he hears me. He pats my shoulders, then steps back, his eyes soft.
"I know. But you have to think. What did he give you that might have a tracker in it?" He speaks low and fast. I realize the General's right beside him. I turn to her.
"I never even met him before we took off. I was sick and when I woke up everyone was running around and Roshana came up to give me food and my toolbox and then I just –" I'm stumbling over the words, when it comes to me. It's almost like knock on the head.
"The toolbox," I say. There's silence.
"He must have put it in my toolbox". My voice is louder now, and a lot more panicked.
The General nods. "Go get it".
I run out of Command as fast as I can.
M'thar, the General and Holdo stand around staring at the tiny, watch-like device in M'thar's hand. It's blue in colour with a pulsating face and I had found it right at the bottom of my toolbox, inside the case of magnetic screws. There was great confusion in Command, right after Loish's incriminating announcement, but the General soothed the panic with practiced ease. We've made the jump, now that the tracker has been identified and disabled by our genius Head Mechanic. Everyone else left after Holdo announcement to the Base - that the threat had been disable - and the only ones remaining are Dameron and his team and me. And I don't have a good feeling about what's to come.
Leia is strangely excited about the tracker. Holdo doesn't seem too impressed.
"But it's just a binary signal, that's hardly new technology," she tells M'thar.
M'thar stuffs it into his pocket. "Yes, the signaling pattern is simple enough. What I've disabled is merely the outgoing signal", he says, moving away from them. "But, the cloaking mechanism and the transmission is through quarks".
The General nods. Everyone else stares in uncomprehending silence.
"It's quantum transmission! This stuff is expensive. I can't believe the First Order just dropped one into our lap!" He grins around at everyone. Then his face turns sober.
"General, what would you like me to do with this?"
General Organa gives her famous half-smile. "For now, study it. We'll find a good use for it."
M'thar salutes her and leaves, radiating a new sense of purpose.
"General", says Holdo and leaves as well.
It's just us now. Waiting like schoolchildren for the Principal's punishment. Leia takes her time settling into a chair. Dameron is in front of us all, as usual. Then, she looks up at us and sighs.
"Well, good job getting Loish home. And good work Dameron, your instincts saved all of our lives. There was chaos, but then that's unavoidable. However," she pauses, surveying us, the look on her face hardening, "Next time you think you've got a tracker planted on you, don't come back till you find it." With that she turns around and puts on a large pair of headphones. We shuffle out of Command in silence. I'm surprised we got off so easy. I'm surprised I got off so easy.
Apparently not.
Just as we're reaching the dorms, Dameron turns on me.
"Do you realize what you could've cost us?" His voice is low and angrier than I'd ever care to see. The others quietly move past us. We stop just outside mine and Jess' quarters. Jess shoots me a sympathetic glance before she enters. The door shuts. It's just Dameron and me, standing in the corridor. I say nothing.
"You didn't even think to check the toolbox? You do know standard protocol on rescue missions, right?"
I did know standard protocol, I'd heard Jess complain about it too many times; no one re-enters the Base after contact with outsiders without a thorough scan of their ships. And the equipment inside it.
"You realize that kind of carelessness gets people killed".
He's looking right at me but I can feel tears prick my eyes and I focus on a spot on the floor. It's ridiculous. The only thing that could make this worse is me bursting into tears like a child.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize –"
"Damn right you didn't". He cuts me off. He runs his hand through his hair, sighing. He doesn't look so angry anymore. He looks guilty, if anything. Because at the end of the day, he is responsible. I feel like sinking into the floor and never showing my face to him again, but that's impossible. So I do what I can.
"I'm sorry, Commander Dameron," I say. "It won't happen again". I look straight at him. He stares back for a moment then relents.
"Alright, go on, you're dismissed," he says. "Don't fuck it up next time".
It hurts to hear him say that, especially because I did fuck it up. If the First Order had in fact showed up, it would've been my fault. I had one, small job and I didn't do it properly and it could've cost the Resistance big time.
I open the door to my room; Jess is already fast asleep. Just as I'm about to enter, Dameron says, "And cadet –" waiting for me to turn around before continuing, "I told you not to call me Commander."
It's a peace offering. His voice is kinder than it was earlier. I offer a salute in return and he smirks, before sauntering off towards the officer's quarters. This is how it is. You fuck up, you get told off. It's not personal. Kala knows this isn't the first time I'm being told off. But it's the first time I end up crying after.
