My Life, My Pain, My Struggles
Okay. So this is a story about Jasper (Obviously). This is basically about what I think would happen if Jasper never met the Cullens, and never met Alice. This takes place around the time New Moon takes place.
Dislcaimer: I do not own Twilight; Stephenie Meyer does. This was created 'cause I felt like entertaining myself and other readers.
Happy Reading! :)
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I groaned once I got to school. It was Monday. Damn. I'm too tired of avoiding Elise, so I'll just be friendly now. It's driving me nuts. So when I saw her, I walked up to her. She looked freakin' shocked.
"Hey. How are you?" I asked, smiling and trying not to show my teeth. I laughed softly after I saw that lovely blush on her face. I quickly averted my gaze. "Don't be embarrassed. And don't blush, please."
"I'm not," Elise said quickly. "Let's get to homeroom." There were two buildings at the high school, and right now, we were in the main building. Our homeroom was in the other building.
I laughed as we continued to walk. "How was your weekend?" I asked, trying to be social.
"It was... fine. How was your's?"
"It was good," I replied distantly. Then I caught sight of her arms, and, as gently as I could, I pulled her under the shadows of the trees so we would be less noticeable.
Her arms were covered with cuts, bruises, and marks all of the sort. She looked surprised and scared as hell, but I didn't give a shit. She was starting to worry me all the time, and God only knew why, but I'm going to make damn sure that she's not hurting herself or if she's being abused by someone. God and Jesus only knew why I wanted to protect Elise.
"What the hell happened to you, Elise?!" I demanded. "Tell me! Right now!"
She didn't say a word at first. When she spoke, it had to be at least a minute after I asked the question. "I don't know."
"Yes you do. Now tell me! I'll find out sooner or later, I swear I will," I growled.
"All right, Jasper! I fell, okay?!" she yelled. Luckily, there happened to be no one passing by us. I knew what she said wasn't true, and I could sense waves of fear and sadness (once again) radiating off of her.
I looked into her eyes, seeing the fright that they held. I suddenly realized how fragile Elise was, and I was afraid that I would... break her... somehow. I didn't want that. I didn't want that at all.
I loosened my grip and my eyes softened. "Okay. I'm sorry, Elise. I'll leave you alone now. I'm truly sorry for the bother. Good-bye," I said softly.
I started to walk away to, but I felt her dainty hand grasp my arm. I was shocked. Her touch sent warmth throughout my cold body, and I could sense her own astonishment. But her touch was so comforting.... I didn't know why, either. Her warmth was making me ecstatic.
I turned to her and smiled gently. "What is it?"
"I-I didn't fall," she admitted reluctantly. Yeah, I knew that she didn't fall right after she said that she did. "Y-You wouldn't understand, though... it's complicated."
"You can tell me anything," I said softly. She blushed that lovely blush of hers, but just then, the freaking stupid warning bell rang. She said nothing, but just walked with me to homeroom.
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Time flew by. Before I knew it, I was in the cafeteria. I sat down at a small table that had two seats and was against the wall. I took a look at Elise, who was sitting alone at a table. I walked over to her after setting the lunch I bought on my table.
"Hey, what are you doing all alone at this table?" I asked gently, letting my southern accent become more pronounced, as she looked up. She didn't say a word. "How 'bout you come and sit with me?"
Elise looked shocked, but blushed and nodded in agreement. People were staring at us, but I didn't give a shit. But I think Elise did. We sat down at my table and she took out her homemade lunch.
"So," I began. "Wasn't Mr. Smittie slow today? God, that guy has to move his ass. He gets so angry when the first period bell rings before he can do roll call."
"Yeah, I know," she laughed. I couldn't believe it. The sound sounded so musical and beautiful. I looked at her eyes from under my eyelashes and smiled.
Her blue eyes were now a beautiful lapiz lazuli color, maybe with a hint of silver. Then my eyes traveled down to her neck. I could be biting that neck right now, in front of all these teenagers, if I wanted to. I heard her heartbeat. Thud thud thud. The sound was lovely. I quickly averted my gaze. I would not think like that ever again.
"You know you can tell me anything," I reminded her gently. She blushed again.
"I don't want to talk about what happened this morning," she murmured. "I'm sorry, Jasper. It's really hard to talk about."
I sighed. "It's all right, I'm just concerned."
"Why do you always dote on me? I'm just some outcasted goth. I'm nothing special. Why don't you dote on a Justin and Brittney wannabe? They're much more prettier."
"I dote because I want to. You're more than just a goth. And I hate the Justin and Brittney wannabes. They're not pretty. I don't care about beauty. It's the last thing that I pay attention to. What attracts me is flaws. Those Justin and Brittney wannabes seem dull, they don't have colorful personalities like you do. What makes them pretty is a bunch of cosmetics. And, I hate expressing the way I feel about things, but just between you and me, you don't wear makeup and you're still much better looking. And nobody I've met has eyes like yours."
"Stop it," she mumbled, blushing an even darker red. "Stop saying stuff like that..."
"Hey, I don't lie. I hate liars," I said said. "So stop putting yourself down. You shouldn't hurt yourself. You should love yourself. If anyone detests that, I want you to just flip them off, say screw you, and never put up with that shit again."
"Whatever..."
"Hey, listen to me," I whispered. "If anyone tries to hurt you, don't let them. Go to someone, like maybe your father, a teacher, a police officer, or maybe even... me, if it actually helps. But I don't recommend it."
Elise scowled once I mentioned her father. Okay, now this was officially getting strange.
"What's wrong? Did I offend you?" I asked gently.
"No. You did nothing wrong," she replied quietly. "My head just kind of hurts."
"Maybe you should go to the nurse?..."
"No, I'm fine. Thank you for the concern."
Neither of us said a word after that. I hated it; It made me curious. And even though she denied it, I definitely said something that offended her like hell. I felt awful just because of that. Why had she suddenly become my personal seductress?
I sighed, running my fingers through my blond hair. Elise looked at me curiously, and I just rested my head on the table.
"Jasper?" she asked softly. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," I replied gruffly. "Just... I don't know. You should probably stay away from me for a little bit."
"Why?"
"Just because, Elise, you don't know me. You don't know what I'm capable of, and you certainly don't know how dangerous I am," I murmured.
"What the hell do you mean?"
"What did I say about the sailor's mouth? It's very unpleasant hearing it from a lady."
"I'm not a lady," she said sharply. "What do you mean?"
"You don't know me, and we shouldn't become any closer than we are now. Please heed my warning. You don't know what I'm capable of," I warned, my voice softer than I wanted it to be.
She laughed. How I loved that beautiful sound... "What, are you a murderer or something? Come on, Jasper, stop joking around!"
'I have killed people before. I'm much worse, and very much more dangerous than a murderer. If only Elise could know the truth... And I don't want to kill her. She's detesting my policy to not feed off of humans... I don't want her hurt,' I thought to myself.
"No," I said. "But this is... my own personal hell."
