I'm sorry I didn't update last week. I just didn't have the time. The same goes for this week, but since I promised to update today I had to do it. So this chapter isn't as long as usual and I also think it sucks, so one day I'm rewriting it.
Take a look around, don't you see it?
See that you are the only real face in the room
No one here has a clue what you're feeling
Don't feel bad, keep your sadness alive
Good Charlotte - Misery
"Kurapika…" His voice sounded broken. The fragile sound shattered his heart, but the pieces were kept together by the chain surrounding it. It hurt. It hurt so much to see the boy in front of him in so much pain. If he could only break through the walls around his heart, so he could rescue him from himself…
"Why would you need me?"
Kurapika shook his head. "I don't know, Kill. I just don't know. I thought it was because I need someone to share my pain with, but…"
Killua looked at him. His sincere, sparkling turquoise eyes were determined, yet also indecisive about something. They were shining, he thought. They seemed to light up as they stared back at him. Or was that his imagination? In any case, just looking at them, he felt that the raging storm inside his head was slowly subsiding. His mind was becoming peaceful again. He still didn't know why it felt so right to be so close next to him, but that could wait. Right now the important thing was that Kurapika needed him.
"Kurapika?" he asked, looking at the ceiling.
"Hm?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"You just did."
"That's not what I meant…"
Kurapika laughed. "Then what is it?"
"I've been thinking about this… why're your hands so warm?"
He suddenly became aware of his hands still laying on top of Killua's. He quickly removed them, feeling a slight blush creeping up his face. At least it was too dark for Killua to perceive it, he thanked silently.
"It's okay, I don't mind," Killua grinned. "You noticed, right? Mine are just cold. Like ice." He grimaced. "Typically."
Kurapika laughed. He knew everything was alright now. It didn't seem like Killua would want to kill him anymore. The only problem he would still need to deal with, were the strange feelings inside his chest. He had never really fallen in love before, but his feelings for Killua far surpassed his feelings for Gon and Leorio. He felt like he cared more about him, like he would die if he'd ever lose him…
"Kurapika?"
"Eh?" He got pulled back into reality.
"Something the matter with you? You were lost in thoughts again," Killua asked. "Not to mention your face is still a bit red from before."
His eyes widened and he backed off. "Eh? You noticed?" he replied, shocked.
Killua rolled his eyes. "Well, duh. Being an assassin and stuff I can see very well at night. So," he continued, "why's that?"
"It doesn't mean a thing," Kurapika muttered. "It's just kinda warm around here."
"Really?" Killua seemed to think about it. "Hm… while it's freezing outside?" he snickered.
"How about I'm still kinda intimidated by your attempt of murdering me?" he retorted. "That wasn't very nice of you, you know."
Killua became silent. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.
Kurapika smiled at him. "It's alright, Kill. It's alright. I shouldn't have brought that back up–"
Two strong arms suddenly pulled him into his bare chest. "Kurapika," he muttered, "don't ever leave me… I don't want to be all alone. I never want to return to that pit of darkness again."
Kurapika was too shocked to speak. His mind was wandering somewhere between heaven and earth because of this sudden event. But as soon as he regained his full consciousness, he rest his head against his shoulder.
"I won't leave you, Killua. You're my friend, my comrade. I…" Love you. He wanted to say it, he really wanted to… but the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. He knew he couldn't deny it anymore. These feelings, these desires… It was love. But he couldn't let Killua know it.
"I care about you," he finished his sentence.
Killua let go of him, wiping something out of his eye. He chuckled shyly, something Kurapika had never seen him do before. "Sorry."
"Don't mention it."
Silence filled the room. Killua felt awkward. He didn't know what to do. He had just acted without thinking and even though Kurapika didn't seem to mind what had just happened, he didn't know what to say next.
"Will you stay here until I fall asleep?"
His soft, serene voice reached his ears. Killua looked at him.
"Did you dream of the Spiders again?"
"No, I just want you to be near me."
He nodded. "Sure."
Kurapika smiled at him before he placed his head back on his pillow. "Thank you."
"No problem."
As the man closed his eyes he blankly stared at him. Behind his dark irises he was unsure of the feeling that had been slumbering inside of him. Sometimes it would make it's way to the surface, but recently it felt like it was showing more and more. But what could it be? He liked Gon too, even Leorio, but around them he never craved for their attention, their touch, their warmth.
His finger silently removed a strand of golden hair out of his face. His beautiful face.
"What the hell are you thinking?"
It was one of the first times he actually agreed with his demon side. Confused by his own thoughts he stared at the man in front of him. He already seemed to be asleep.
"Are you really thinking you might be in love with him?" the dark Killua sneered.
"You stay out of this."
His hand trailed of to his and gently caressed it. However, the warmth didn't sooth his rebellious mind.
"I'm not in love with him."
"You really think so?"
"Killua, are you here?" A sleepy voice interrupted his dispute.
He froze, becoming aware of Gon's vague silhouette in the doorway.
"Is that you, Killua?" The person entered the room, approaching him. "Killua?"
"Seems like you've been discovered," the voice in his head said, clearly enjoying himself.
He panicked. What should he do? It seemed like Gon already perceived him and the only way out was the door to the hallway.
"How're you gonna explain this?" the killer chuckled. "Come on, think of a good excuse for sneaking to your friend's bedroom. An ex-assassin couldn't possibly mean anything by it, right? It's not like you wanted to kill them or something like that…"
Distracted by his own mind he didn't notice Gon walking up to him. A hand on his shoulder brought him back to the damned situation he was in.
"Killua, what're you doing here?"
Don't put your life in someone's hands
They're bound to steal it away
Don't hide your mistakes
'Cause they'll find you, burn you
Three Days Grace - Get out alive
Yeah, I know, it was very bad, but I warned you didn't I? Next chapter will take a couple of weeks to write. Damn school.
