Trust

He knew something was wrong the moment he stepped out of the fireplace. Normally his wife rushed into the room, panting, having run from the garden or a far part of the manor, eagerly ready to greet him and ask about his day.

Draco didn't realize how much it mattered to him to see her the moment he came home, to look into her blue eyes and put his hands through her dirt covered blonde hair.

He didn't realize how much it meant to him until he didn't see her rushing into the foyer waiting in silence by himself for five minutes, anticipating a late arrival. Draco glanced at his gold wristwatch, watching the second hand tick away. He didn't hear her footsteps. If he didn't know any better he would have thought his wife wasn't even there.

With a heavy heart he started his trek to their bedroom. He walked up the marble staircase and down the corridor, slipping his feet out of his shoes as he entered the lightly decorated bedroom.

The original design had been darker. His parents had opted for a mixture of dark green and black. Astoria had argued they needed something light like beige and white. She said he didn't need any more darkness in his life nor would they want it in their marriage.

Astoria wasn't in the bedroom. Draco examined the duvet with a critical eye but there were no wrinkles or any sign of life. He thought about entering the bathroom but figured if his wife was going about some womanly business he wouldn't disturb her. He dropped his shoes by the side of the bed and then loosened his tie.

In one swift motion he walked towards the sliding doors that led to their closet not paying attention as the doors magically opened. Instead, he fiddled with the buttons on his shirt with his both hands, struggling to unbutton them.

As he stepped into the closet he heard a slight sniffle and he dropped his hands, turning his head to locate the source of the noise.

In a dark corner, sitting cross-legged on the floor with bloodshot eyes, wringing a bloody handkerchief in her hands was Astoria. She stared glumly at Draco and sniffled, trying to wipe away her tears quickly.

"Astoria, what's the matter?" he asked with concern.

Draco rushed towards her, forgetting his desire to get out of his work uniform and into something more comfortable. He crouched down next to her and tried to gently massage her shoulders.

"Nothing!" she shouted, pulling away from him.

Draco jumped, startled by the harshness in her tone. They had been married for two months and she had never yelled at him before. He counted to ten in his head before he reached out towards her again.

"Obviously something is troubling you if you're sitting here crying in the dark. Come on," he said, nudging her softly, "tell me what's wrong."

She scoffed and threw down her handkerchief, smacked his hands away and got up from the floor, stomping towards the open doors.

"Just because we're married doesn't mean I have to tell you everything that happens to me or how I'm feeling every bleeding second of the day, Draco.

Her eyes were dark, cold. Draco found himself staring at her with confusion, heart dropping in his chest. He didn't know who this woman was. His wife didn't yell. She didn't curse. She never looked at him like he was the scum of the earth. His hands patted the carpet, unsure of where to go. He reached towards the dresses she had been sitting underneath as if they would tell him what was going on.

"I think that's what marriage is about Astoria," he said quietly. "Don't you trust me?"

She pursed her lips and stared at him coldly. "No," she whispered, turning away from the doorway and rushing out of the closet.

Draco couldn't move. He sat there underneath her hanging dresses and fingered her lace handkerchief, not even questioning the blood.

What was a marriage without trust?

Without honesty?

-x-

On the outside it appeared like Astoria had undergone a total change. She had cleaned up her appearance, no longer hiding behind ridiculous floppy hats or large sunglasses. She was not swimming in clothes that were two sizes too big on her. Her short hair was no longer its unnatural blonde but back to its natural dark brown color.

Even her body seemed healthier, plump. Her cheeks were now tinged with warmth, slightly pink, that made her appear happier. During the day small smiles appeared on her face, mostly thanks to Daphne.

Astoria was sitting next to Draco and was giving Lucien an uneasy smile. It didn't reach her eyes because it wasn't real. In reality she hadn't changed. If outsiders could hear her thoughts, read her mind, they would have realized Astoria had only gotten worse.

Two weeks had passed since her stint in St. Mungo's.

With every fake smile she plastered on her face and the closer she got to Draco, placing her hand on his knee and rubbing it softly in small circles, the black hole that was inside of her stomach widened. Her skin felt like it was on fire with each loving caress. As if she was covered with a terrible rash and she had this constant itch but she couldn't scratch herself because it would become further irritated.

She desperately wanted to reach for her wand. She wanted to shout every curse she knew from the top of her lungs and destroy everything in the room.

The clock in Lucien's office was ticking and it was driving her mad. She was certain it wasn't real. It was her subconscious making a mockery of her biological clock that didn't tick inside of her anymore.

Tick tock, tick tock.

Lucien smiled kindly at her. His lips were thin and dry and his teeth were slightly yellow and too large for his mouth. The smile looked award and Astoria wondered if he had on a façade as well. She wouldn't have been surprised because who actually wanted to sit back and listen to other people drone on about their problems all day.

Draco's finger twitched and he gently gripped her hand. Bile rose in her throat and she swallowed it back down, keeping her eyes locked on Lucien.

When she walked in she wondered if they would know it was all a game. The fake smile on her face was just a cover up and she had the capability to kill them both if she wanted too. How she wanted too. She wanted to obliviate their minds or use an unforgivable on both men just so they could feel a faint sliver of her pain. She could crucio them for days and still, it would not come close to how she was feeling.

"Today I want to talk about trust. It's a key factor in all relationships. What do you have if you don't have trust?" he asked, pointing a finger at Astoria.

Trust? What was trust in a relationship? Trust was nonexistent. Trusting someone meant giving them every piece of you, every last ounce of whatever you had. She could not trust Draco with the truth and she could not trust him with the pain.

The pain in her heart could not be removed. It would break completely into pieces if Draco knew. The blow would only make things harder and she would slip into a crazier state of mind if he got up and left her.

They had taken vows. They were bound together but that didn't mean he couldn't stray from her.

She had to count to three to stop herself from screaming.

"Nothing. You just have two people living, coexisting side by side but they're not really together," she said finally.

Draco squeezed her hand reassuringly and whispered that he was 'proud' she was finally opening up. There was a twinge of hope in his voice that made Astoria want to snap at him and snarl like an animal.

She eyed Lucien's salt-and-pepper hair and the faint frown lines on the side of his mouth. He probably didn't laugh much with a job like this.

"Sometimes we deal with situations that are beyond our control and you have to ask yourself, do you trust your spouse?" He coughed slightly, excusing himself as he summoned a glass and mumbled, augamenti, taking a sip of water.

"Do you trust your husband, Astoria? Draco, do you trust your wife?"

She still couldn't look at Draco but his hold on her hand tightened. The pain from his grip felt good. She almost felt numb to it. It was what she had been looking for the entire day.

Astoria was tried of feeling.

"Yes," she answered brightly. "I trust Draco with all of my heart."

To prove her statement true she brought their gripped hands towards her chest, momentarily letting their hands fall on her heart. She wondered idly if Draco could feel the nervous irregular thump in her chest.

Men were dogs. They were idiots. They trusted so easily. They fell for women's wiles because they did not think that women could truly cause any harm or destruction.

"Draco?" Lucien questioned lightly. "Do you trust your wife?"

His hand shook slightly underneath Astoria's and he pulled it away nervously.

"I…yes…" He said rather unconvincingly.

Astoria turned her head, eyeing her husband for the first time since she had entered the room. His eyes were dark, there were bags underneath them and his normally slicked back hair was slightly disheveled. He didn't look sick but he definitely looked tired.

"Trust and honesty go hand in hand. This is a place where we don't judge. We just listen. Is there something you would like Astoria to listen to?"

His grey eyes locked with her blue ones and he said confidently, "Yes."

She quickly averted her eyes and busied herself by pretending to examine her nails. They were clean. There was no more dirt in the cracks of them. She had spent an hour trying to force herself to remove the dirt. Her sister had said once she bathed properly she would feel like a new person.

Astoria felt like the same person just in a different skin. One that sparkled but didn't fit right. One that was able to conceal her real emotions.

"I trust you," he said truthfully. "I really do but I trust the old you. The person I see today and not the person I have seen since we started fighting. I don't understand why we're having trouble. I don't know what I did or what…you did."

Astoria bit her tongue, forcing herself to not scoff. Of course he would think it was something that she did.

Really it was something she couldn't do. She couldn't give him what he desperately wanted. The image of his excited face when Blaise said he was having a child, the way he smiled broadly but it didn't quite reach his eyes, kept haunting her. She had felt like she could hear his heart breaking inside of his chest. He always went on about wanting a little girl or a little boy.

"You have made it so hard Astoria. So hard. You have managed to break my heart time and time again. I need you to stay with me. I need you here with me. I need my wife back for good. You are my family, we are family and one day when we've figured everything out we're going to bring another human being into our lives but we can't do that until we're on the same page."

His voice broke towards the end and she found herself looking at him again, staring at his sad eyes and the pained expression on his face. If her heart wasn't already broken, shattered into pieces and stowed away in a metal box she would have comforted him.

She knew what he wanted was for her to cry and reach out towards him. Draco wanted her to wrap her arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. That she was here and she would be there for him forever.

All she could do was stare. She didn't move closer to him. She didn't try to grip his hand and give him false hope. She stared at him silently, examining each aspect of his face, the curve of his lips, the slope of his nose and the flare of his nostrils.

The clock ticked in the background reminding her of her anger, pain and struggle.

"I'm sorry," she said hollowly. It was so faint that if Lucien and Draco hadn't been waiting for a response from her they would not have heard it.

It was the first honest thing she had said and felt in their therapy sessions.

-x-

Draco thought the assignment they were given was simple enough. It felt almost like a game to him. After a handful of therapy sessions Astoria had suddenly undergone this amazing transformation. She was starting to feel like his again and was resembling the person she used to be.

I'm sorry.

Sorry meant progress. Sorry gave him hope.

He found himself staring at her with wonder. He wanted to memorize every glance she gave him and every movement or change she underwent when they were together. If someone asked Draco to paint a portrait of his wife he would have been able to capture the tiniest features, right down to the faint twitch of her eye that you wouldn't have noticed unless you stared at her for some time.

Draco struggled to push the settee Astoria was sitting on. He didn't bother to take his wand out and make the process go quicker. According to Lucien, making an obstacle course of 'trust' was supposed to be simple. Draco found himself wiping away beads of sweat from his brow as he carried dining chair after dining chair, moving them around their sitting room.

Astoria sat quietly with a black scarf wrapped around her eyes. He kept stopping as he created his course and would wave his hands in front of her eyes, giddy with excitement because he knew she couldn't see.

She didn't respond to any of his waves but her nose kept wrinkling as she held onto the settee for dear life as Draco pushed it again.

"Hurry up already," she said tiredly. She sounded slightly put off.

Draco hurriedly pulled out his wand and flicked it at a small table and chair, moving them around each other.

"Calm down," he said with a grin. Even though she couldn't see him his voice was clearly filled with excitement. He kept stopping to give her a soft kiss on the forehead. "I'm going as fast as I can."

"Please tell me your not embracing Muggle life now and doing everything without a wand," she said with a huff.

"Just be patient." His mouth was close to her ear and he chuckled as she visibly shivered by his breath on her.

"You have two minutes."

He stared at the obstacle course around him. It wouldn't be hard to guide her though with his direction. He had spaced out the chairs and tables enough so she wouldn't hit them unless she decided to take enormous steps. Plus, he set up the furniture in a zigzag formation. He hoped that she would catch on and gingerly side step everything, walking right into his arms.

"Fine. Let's begin. Can you see me?" he asked, waving his hand in front of her covered eyes for the tenth time in the last three minutes.

"No," she groaned but it was filled with laughter instead of annoyance. "Thank Merlin. If all I had to do was blindfold myself I would have done this a long time ago."

He rolled his eyes and gripped both of her hands, pulling her up. They stayed gripping each others hand for two minutes before Astoria pulled away.

"Oh, really," he said with a smirk.

Astoria huffed and folded her arms against her chest. "Get your mind out of the gutter. I don't have to do this you know."

"You said it, not me. Let's just start slowly. You're going to listen to my voice and my directions. We're going to be very, very careful. I promise you won't get hurt. Shuffle to your left. No, don't turn, shuffle."

Astoria cursed and Draco watched in amusement as she shook a tentative hop towards the left before hopping back to where she had originally been standing, toes gripping the sky blue carpet underneath her.

"What the bloody hell do you mean by shuffle?"

"You know," he said, waving his hands in the air nonchalantly even though she couldn't see him. "To the side."

She cursed and took a small step to her left.

"Good. Now take a few steps forward."

There was a chair right in front of her but with the baby steps she was taking she wouldn't hit it, Draco was sure of it. He watched as she raised her left foot. It hovered in the air and paused, waiting for more instruction.

"How many steps?"

He apologized, a blush creeping up on his cheeks. "Uh," he mumbled, trying to calculate how many steps she needed to take before she walked right into the wooden dining chair, "three."

She took three nervous steps forward, landing on the tips of her toes.

"You're seriously going to have to do better than that Astoria," he said drily. "You have to trust me to guide you. This is what it's all about."

"You could be leading me to my death. Why did I have to go first?"

"Because," he said, hopping around the furniture and leaning around the chair, giving her cheek a quick peck, "you offered. This means a lot to me. We're nearly done. Who knew my wife would be willing to take direction from me? I wonder what else I could get you to do."

Astoria blushed and Draco whistled with triumph. His grey eyes stared longingly at her body. It had been a long time since he had been able to touch her, let alone play with her without Astoria having a fit or insulting him to his very core. She was good at making him feel less like a man day by day.

"Left or right?" she questioned coolly.

Draco blinked, he had been staring at the way her lips moved and reached forward to plant his on hers but he knew it would be too premature. She could easily turn back to the woman with the bad attitude and lash out at him.

"Shuffle to the right twice."

He watched her shuffle, her pink summer dress swishing slightly. It fell on her legs, mid-thigh, which jiggled slightly as she tapped her foot on her spot, waiting impatiently for more instruction.

He wanted to caress her thighs and bunch her dress up in his free hand.

"What next?" she asked, bringing him back to reality. If she could have seen him she would have noticed the lustful expression in his eyes that continuously trailed.

There were only four more chairs left and three more tables. A small leather black ottoman from his study had been placed awkwardly between a chair and a table. It was the only real obstacle she would have to leap over soon.

"Step forward slowly and then take a few steps to the left."

She listened to his instructions, stepping idly forward and then confidently to the left.

"We should go on holiday," he mused. "Wherever you want. France, we haven't been to France in awhile or Italy. You love Italy. How about we go out to dinner?" he asked, reaching across a round mahogany table and gripping her two hands. They felt clammy to his touch.

Draco wanted to desperately show off his wife so people could see they were in love and happy once again.

"You know you can open up to me any time you want," he said tightly.

His shoulders slumped because he was close to giving up as he could see the steam beginning to roll off of Astoria. He knew she wanted to open up to him, that the love was still there.

"What's next?" she asked tightly, slipping her hands out of his.

"You can tell me what was going on Astoria. I won't get angry or upset."

His face fell and he tapped the table underneath him, anger filling his body. She kept rejecting his advances. She kept ignoring his ideas. Didn't she realize he just wanted to be with her? Didn't she realize that she was what kept him going? She was his life. It dramatic but it was the truth. His actions and thoughts were one of a younger teenager who thought they were in love with the first person they dated after a few stolen kisses after curfew.

"Forward, right."

He didn't bother to say how many steps and ignored the way she shakily stepped forward. Instead, Draco turned around from her and leaned on the table behind him. The sitting room had no portraits. The walls were painted a cool grey. Astoria had banished most of his family portraits to dark corridors, sections of the manor that Draco never ventured because they brought back painful memories.

He found himself begging to hear his annoying grandfather Abraxas shout at him for acting like a nervous wreck instead of the head of the house.

Draco whipped back around, the table wobbling from the force.

"Dinner?" he questioned. He watched as Astoria's faint smile turned into a frown. "We can talk just like old times. Remember when we used to run off without telling anyone? We'd leave for days at a time and Daphne would cover for you. She never slipped up. Remember how we used to talk about our future together? The kids we would have—"

Quickly, Astoria cut him off. "What's next?" she questioned hotly.

Draco didn't respond. The harshness was back in her voice, though it wavered as if fighting to stay contained inside of her. He moved from the table and pulled out his wand, pointing it to the table that was closest to Astoria and placing it right in front of her, in her way. He continued to move his wand, his eyes glued to the frown on her face, each table he had was now placed next to the other, creating a small circle around her.

She couldn't move forward or backwards. She was trapped and she didn't even know it. It was just a game to her. She was playing with him and he was foolish to not realize it when they were in their therapy session.

"Do you not want kids with me?" he asked with a growl.

Draco advanced towards the circle, waiting for Astoria to say something. She fumbled around with her hands, balling up her dress in her fist and then dropping it quickly, only to shove her hands in her pocket and then repeat the process over again like a nervous tick.

"Is the idea of having a child with me that repulsive? Do I sicken you that much?"

He was leaning over one table, his arm on the cool surface as he spat out his words. His spit fell on the side of her cheek, making Astoria pause momentarily to wipe it away and cringe.

Draco laughed to himself, remembering the way he had hesitated at Lucien's question. Do you trust your wife? No. He should have said no. He should have pushed her away from him and wiped back the tears.

She had given him no reason to trust her.

"What's next?" she whispered shrilly, balling up her hands into fists again.

She couldn't even answer his questions. She couldn't even explain herself. No, she wouldn't.

"Are you just trying to end our marriage? Do you not want to be married to me anymore? Tell me!" he demanded, banging the table underneath him with his fist. She flinched, hanging her head down.

"Stop it. What's next?"

His eyes were cold as he pulled the table in front of him out of the way and stood in place of it.

"Turn to the left," he whispered, "and walk forward."

He wondered if she could feel his presence, if she knew she was going to walk right into him. She turned slowly and shook slightly as she walked right towards him, screaming as she bumped into his body. Her hands flew up to the scarf wrapped around her eyes and she fumbled to remove it, her screams breaking into loud sobs.

"You were lying," he accused, staring into her watery eyes. His voice was sharp. "You don't trust me. You don't even care about me. Why do you hate me so much!" he yelled angrily, grabbing her as she tried to side step him and squeeze in between the small space he had left open.

She fought against his hold and then kicked him in the shin with as much force as she could muster, her face contorting into rage. She stood boldly in front of him as he hissed in pain.

"Let go of me!"

"No, not until you tell me what the hell is going on. Don't raise your voice to me. Tell me what's going on right now. Tell me," he pleaded with the softest voice he could muster.

"Leave me the hell alone," she commanded.

"No,"

"Contrary to what you believe I don't need you. I don't need your money. I don't need your pity and I damn well don't need to please you. I'd rather be poor. I don't care if my parents disown me. I don't need you," she repeated with a smirk on her lips. "I have never needed you. It's you who needs me. Without me you're nothing. You're still the stupid little boy they talk about whenever the anniversary of the war comes up. The little Death Eater that was a coward. Even your parents are disappointed in you. I know you see the looks they give you. Never could be as successful as Harry Potter."

She doesn't say anything else, her eyes flash as she focuses on him and he's forced to drop his gaze because it is too much to handle.

All he could do was gape at her, unable to form sentences. The war has been and will always be a tough subject for Draco. The first time he explained everything to Astoria, after she had said she loved him in the water, he had cried in front of her. He told her how much he regretted in his life.

She was about to be one of those regrets.

"You ask me why I hate you?" she said with false cheeriness, eyes shining brightly. "Let's see…you threaten me so I can go to therapy with you. You're always whining on and on about how unhappy you are because of me. You're the reason you're unhappy," she said, seething. "You're the reason your life is crap."

Draco didn't move from where he was standing, still blocking her way out of the circle of tables. He glared and angrily pointed a finger at her heart. He was sure if he pressed his hand against her chest there would be nothing thumping against his hand.

"Keep it up Astoria," he whispered in warning. "Think before you continue or else we'll have bigger problems. You're spoiled. That's what you are and too bloody confidant. That dress you're wearing? I bought it for you. The food you eat. The shoes you wear. Everything you own, everything you need to stay alive, I give to you. What would you be without me? Dead," he taunted.

She swallowed and then stepped boldly towards him. Their noses were touching. He could smell her vanilla scented soap. The familiarity of it, the memory of it was intoxicating to him. It momentarily made him forget that he was supposed to be angry with her. This was just another one of her games to try and break him but what she didn't realize was he was already broken. Now, he was going to break her and then piece her back together into the person she used to be. No matter how much he had to push her. No matter how much it hurt him inside.

He would get his wife back regardless of what he had to do.

"I hate you," she responded. Her voice dripped with venom as she gingerly removed her wand, not taking her eyes off of him.

"And I'm starting to hate you too," he muttered icily. A chill filled his body as Astoria whirled around and yelled at the top of her lungs, 'expulso.' The tables exploded one by one, pieces of wood flying in the air.

Draco howled, placing his arm around his eyes for protection from the debris. A thought crossed his mind as he heard Astoria stomp away loudly.

He was sick of waiting around for her. He was sick of therapy and listening to Lucien drone on as he struggled to get Astoria to be truthful. He was sick of her and doesn't know what the hell he is going to do.

He glared at the wreckage around him and wiped at the sweat on his brow with the back of his shaking hand.

What if his marriage was really over? What if he couldn't fix it?

The thought almost made him sink to his knees.

Author's Note: It has been awhile. Sorry for the long wait. I guess I can give you a quick life update—I graduated from college (woo!). I'm getting ready for grad school (though I really want/need a job), looking for a job and I was sick for four months while I worked seven days a week so writing, editing and reading kind of went on the back burner. This was a doozy of a chapter. I don't like the ending. Mainly because I got rid of a lot of things so I don't think it flows as well.

And for everyone that was confused with the prologue, see! Astoria's hair is actually brown, hence why her hair looked unnatural to Draco (because it was) with her brown roots peeking out and eyebrows.