Sheppard's brows knitted. That had gone a lot more smoothly than he'd expected, actually. Ronon had been right about Kavanagh. Maybe he was right about the charm, too. It seemed to be working. Maybe there was a way to get around this without breaking anything. Anyway, like he'd said, what could it hurt? He reached out, a fraction too deliberately, and put a hand on Kavanagh's shoulder.
Kavanagh let out a sigh and looked up, met his eyes squarely. For a second their eyes locked, then Kavanagh's mouth twisted. He looked down, a muscle in his cheek jumping.
"Do you think I'm stupid, Colonel Sheppard?"
"I...no. What would make you say that?"
"I know what you think. Why you think I'm going back. For the record, you're wrong."
"Oh yeah? Not saying I think...what you think...I think..." Sheppard's brows wrinkled.
"Yes you do. Don't try to lie your way out of it. And yeah. You're wrong. You've all been wrong, about a lot of things. I don't know why nobody seems able to see it. You'd think, after that debacle Weir made of that bomb situation, the lights would go on in few heads, at least."
"Don't talk that way about Elizabeth." Sheppard's voice darkened and Kavanagh looked up quickly.
"I'm sorry. She did. I didn't wish any of what's happened since then on her, but she messed that one up. You can say whatever you want, it's not going to change my mind."
Sheppard put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath. This was going nowhere. Focus, he reminded himself. Charm. Persuasiveness. Not breaking things.
"Look, Kavanagh, I've been thinking about what I said. About us being friends. Or, well...not being friends."
"It was the truth. Why shouldn't you say it? I said it first, anyway."
Sheppard's lips pursed. He looked up thoughtfully, shrugged.
"Maybe I'd...rather it wasn't true."
"Don't."
The sudden passion in Kavanagh's voice stopped Sheppard short. His eyes searched for Kavanagh's, unsuccessfully. A slight frown wrinkled his brows.
"What's this?"
Kavanagh pointed one finger at him.
"I'm not kidding. Don't say that if you don't mean it."
"Well...maybe I do." Sheppard extended a cautious hand but Kavanagh brushed him off and wrapped his arms around himself.
"Hey, come on." Sheppard spread both hands, leaning forward automatically, then paused and drew back. He folded his own arms over his chest.
"Ok. Your move. This how you want it?"
Kavanagh's lips made a tight, thin little line. His nostrils flared a little as he breathed, short, jerky breaths. His hands picked at his clothes, nervously.
"I'm not going to push you. This one's up to you."
"You really expect me to believe that you-want-"
Kavanagh met Sheppard's eyes. Something in them cut him off short, he gulped and turned quickly away, biting his lip.
Sheppard didn't move. He just waited, one eyebrow raised slightly. Slowly, Kavanagh turned back to face him.
"Ok, fine." Kavanagh didn't look up.
"Ok, what?"
Kavanagh set his teeth.
"I'm here, all right? You can-you can...here." Kavanagh thrust a hand out.
Sheppard still didn't move.
"You know what? This is ridiculous. Just forget it." Kavanagh turned away abruptly, but Sheppard reached out and caught his arm.
"Hey. Hey. Ok. Come on." He was working his way closer with every word, blocking Kavanagh as he tried to escape. Kavanagh finally stopped trying and just stood there, his arms crossed tightly, his hands clenching and unclenching in his own uniform. Sheppard felt him tremble once, violently, as he put one hand, very slowly and deliberately, on his shoulder. His voice had lost most of its volume and all of its sneer when he spoke.
"Colonel Sheppard, I'm not-I don't know if I can-I-"
"Take it easy. Take it easy." Sheppard's voice was low and soothing. Kavanagh let go of himself with one hand, reached up under Sheppard's arm, very carefully, and pushed his glasses up on his nose. Something slipped under them and Kavanagh caught it neatly, wiping it away with the same thoroughness and focus he gave his experiments, using each of his fingers in succession to remove any evidence it had ever existed. He sniffed and half-turned, but Sheppard was there, his other hand coming up to block Kavanagh's left side. Kavanagh stopped short. Another trickle escaped. He gave up and took his glasses off, pressed his free hand against his eyes.
"Damn him." Something in Sheppard's voice said he was talking about more than the alien that had worn his face and body. Kavanagh swallowed. For a second he just stood, his hand over his eyes, every muscle tensed and quivering, then he laughed, a choked, explosive sound that made Sheppard's chest constrict painfully.
"What do you care? This is all a ploy. You don't want me to make any trouble with the IOA, and this is your ever-so-subtle way of making sure I don't. Why don't you just admit it?"
A surge of anger rippled through Sheppard. He gripped Kavanagh's shoulders.
"Look, you. This isn't about that."
"Oh yeah? Why else would you give a damn? You never did before. None of you did."
"That's not true." Sheppard felt himself on shaky ground, but he stood firm. Kavanagh gave him a look that went straight to his core, reading him. His eyes narrowed.
"Yeah. Whatever." He wrenched away, shaking off Sheppard's hands.
"Kavanagh, wait-"
He paused at the the door. The redness around his eyes gave his face an odd sort of dignity, and Sheppard felt his insides clench again. That was going to hurt later, remembering that look.
"Nice try, Colonel Sheppard. I'm going home. I'm going home and you can't stop me."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ronon deflected one of Sheppard's more forceful than usual swings and grinned appreciatively.
"You know, you're best at this when you're mad at somebody."
Sheppard scowled but couldn't deny it. Where pressure, emotional or physical, turned others into tension-ridden wrecks, it honed and accentuated his abilities, turned already hard muscles to steel. He could feel it humming in him as he took his stance and attacked again, his normally quick reflexes approaching precognitive levels. Ronon bit his lip as he defended himself, but the smile didn't fade, if anything it got brighter. There really was nothing the Satedan liked better than fighting. Sheppard suspected that same smile would be on his face when he died. He hoped it would, he couldn't see Ronon passing away peacefully in bed. It wasn't in his nature.
Sheppard twirled his sticks butts-up and crossed them, indicating the end of the match, and walked over to the bench, dropping the sticks beside him as he sat. He'd come closer to having the upper hand this session than he ever had before, but it didn't give him the surge of satisfaction it should have. He leaned back and took a long drink from his water bottle.
"So...same as before? Kavanagh giving you knots in the head?"
Sheppard shrugged. Ronon looked at him curiously.
"There something you haven't told us?"
John pursed his lips.
"Yep."
Ronon's eyebrows arched, the grin returning. He made no effort to mask the slight surprise in his eyes.
"Didn't have you figured for the secretive type."
"Yeah, well, I'm full of surprises." John took another drink.
"You told Teyla? Or McKay?" There was no trace of jealousy in his voice. Sheppard looked at him, wondering what it must be like to be able to take the world so matter-of-factly. Sheppard didn't show his emotions to the world like the volatile and vocal scientists tended to, but neither did he have Ronon's faculty of simply letting them occur and then vanish, leaving no trace.
"No," he admitted. Ronon's expression turned serious.
"Really? That bad?"
Sheppard nodded.
Ronon thumped one stick against his palm.
"But you're going to tell me, right?" He shifted his body forward and gave Sheppard a smile that was all teeth and dimples. Sheppard knew suddenly that he could, and that he would, because Ronon would listen without caring whether any of it was right or wrong. He might even laugh, and then it would feel better, because Sheppard wasn't laughing.
"I, uh...when I was in his head...you know how I told you I had a hard time getting in?"
"Yeah. Teyla thought you were all cut up about just being in there. Thought you felt guilty for seeing stuff you weren't meant to see. But that's not all."
Sheppard dropped his face into his hands.
"Nope."
Ronon lifted an eyebrow pointedly when Sheppard didn't elaborate. Sheppard glanced at him and grimaced, looked down at his hands.
"He told me to stop. A couple times. He tried to keep me out, but I...I went in anyway."
"And you think that's why he wants to go back." Ronon's voice held sudden comprehension. Sheppard looked up.
"What do you think?"
Ronon snorted.
"It's Kavanagh. I'd say it's pretty damn likely."
Sheppard put his face back in his hands and groaned. Ronon looked confused.
"You mean, he can make trouble for you over something like that? Even though you're a colonel?"
"Ohhhh, yeah. See, on Earth it's not like it is here in Pegasus. Fighters aren't a commodity. A soldier can get in a damned lot of trouble over the stupidest things. Things a lot less serious than this."
"You were just trying to save his sorry ass. What's the problem? Don't they let you people defend yourselves, or your friends? Cause that's all you were trying to do."
"You and I know that. They don't. And most of them won't care. They'll take it and use it for their own agendas. Like, for example, taking money from the Stargate program and putting it back in their pockets, or into their own pet projects. That's how it works. You don't have to tell me how screwed up it is."
Ronon looked at him, a glint in his eye and a smirk pulling at his lips.
"Sheppard?"
Sheppard looked at him.
"That's screwed up."
He wasn't fast enough to dodge Sheppard's hand completely as it went for the back of his head, but he half-deflected it, laughing aloud. He settled back, sobering a little.
"So we have to keep him from going back to Earth but your good-boy conscience won't let you do anything fast or effective, right?"
That earned him another swat. Sheppard sighed.
"In a nutshell, yeah. That pretty much says it. That, and..." He hesitated, not sure he wanted to explain his other reason for not wanting Kavanagh to leave.
"And?"
He locked eyes with Ronon. The Satedan didn't back off, even slightly. Sheppard's shoulders slumped. He looked down.
"Can't help feeling like I dropped the ball. With this whole thing, but especially with him."
"Ah..." Ronon tilted his head back and looked at him from under the dark lashes.
"But keeping him here fixes both problems, right?"
"It would. For now. If we could."
"Mm." Ronon settled into a contemplative silence. He didn't speak again until they parted ways to go to their own quarters.
"Hey, don't worry. We'll figure something out."
"Thanks, buddy." Sheppard turned and strode into his quarters, dropping his gym bag on the floor as the door closed quietly behind him.
Ronon stood there for a few seconds, looking thoughtful, then sauntered off in the general direction of the docks where the Daedalus was getting ready for her return flight to Earth.
