Chapter 7
Qui-Gon was slightly nervous when he finally landed back on Coruscant. Not that he showed it. He had been away longer than he had expected to be. On top of that, he hadn't had much opportunity to contact the temple, so he had no idea how Obi-Wan was. He regretted leaving Obi-Wan behind, he should've been there for him, what if something had happened? Besides, he had felt lonely, he never realised before how much he had come to rely on having someone by his side.
He made his way down the ramp to find his Padawan patiently waiting for him. "Obi-Wan, how are you?" Obi-Wan smiled, he had expected that question and knew exactly what Qui-Gon wanted to know. "He declared me completely sane a few weeks ago." Qui-Gon felt a strong feeling of relief that finally cleared his mind from worry. He raised an eyebrow "is that so?" he asked teasingly.
Obi-Wan was glad that Qui-Gon was teasing him again like he used to. It brought a sense of normality that he desperately needed. "Well, as sane as I can be with you as my Master." He retorted. Qui-Gon laughed "I have missed you Obi-Wan." "And I you." Obi-Wan assured.
Obi-Wan picked up Qui-Gon's bag and they started walking towards their apartment. "So, what have you been up to?" Qui-Gon asked, "Oh, there isn't really much to tell. I'd much rather hear about your mission". As they walked Qui-Gon told him about everything that had happened and Obi-Wan listened attentively.
. . .
As the months past, everything seemed to have returned to normal. The incidents after and including Obi-Wan's coma were all but forgotten. There were no panic attacks, no visions, no nightmares, Obi-Wan was completely fine. And Master and Padawan finally allowed themselves to fall back into their old routine. At least that was what Qui-Gon thought.
Obi-Wan didn't get visions anymore, at least not like he was used to, but almost every night brought him nightmares of images that already haunted him. And every time he would find himself back in the training hall, practicing with Ben to while away the rest of the night. He spent as much time as he could training, he had to get better, he had to be able to defeat a fully trained Sith. But he was never good enough. He would duel against Ben simulating Darth Maul's fighting style, but every duel would end with him loosing. When he couldn't fight anymore he would return to the apartment for an hour or two's sleep before being woken by his Master for the day ahead.
. . .
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan sat in the kitchen eating breakfast. "We don't have anything planned for today, I was hoping you would join me for a sparring match." Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows in surprise. Even though Qui-Gon was convinced that everything was fine he was still apprehensive about sparring with him. They had trained together but they had avoided actually sparring. Cleary Qui-Gon had decided it was time to break that habit.
"I was hoping to finish an assignment this morning, but I would be happy to join you this afternoon?" Obi-Wan replied. Qui-Gon noted Obi-Wan relaxed tone and nodded in agreement.
. . .
Qui-Gon started the duel slowly and Obi-Wan adapted to the speed his Master was setting. Confident that Obi-Wan could keep up, Qui-Gon settled into the speed they used to duel at, again Obi-Wan easily adjusted. They were sparring at a comfortable pace, gradually Qui-Gon upped his game, trying to find the point where he challenged his Padawan but didn't overwhelm him. Obi-Wan effortlessly kept up with his Master. Their blades clashed and swirled at an incredible speed. Qui-Gon didn't know when it happened but he found himself on the clear defensive. He felt a trickle of sweat on his forehead. He stepped up bringing himself back on the offensive but Obi-Wan spotted an opening and took Qui-Gon completely by surprise. He switched his stance and brought the duel to a new level. Qui-Gon adjusted but Obi-Wan shifted smoothly and with a swift and precise move brought his lightsaber to Qui-Gon's throat, forcing him to surrender.
Obi-Wan held his lightsaber in position for a moment longer, every muscle in his body seemed to be tense holding him perfectly in position. His eyes were fixed on a point in the distance it was like he was somewhere else for a moment before he deactivated his 'saber and relaxed. Qui-Gon stared at Obi-Wan in disbelief before an impressed smiled started to spread across his face. "That was quite something" he said but Obi-Wan didn't react as he expected. He didn't blush, avert his gaze or smile shyly like he usually would when Qui-Gon praised him, he just shook his head. "You were holding back. My footwork was slow, I left you too many openings, my left swing was weak…" "Obi-Wan stop." Qui-Gon said firmly, freezing his Padawan midsentence. "The ability you just displayed far surpasses that of a senior Padawan, perhaps even a knight."
Obi-Wan decided the best strategy would be to accept the praise rather than argue that he still wasn't good enough, so he put on a smile and bowed to his Master "Thank you, Master." But Qui-Gon didn't seem convinced he instead looked concerned. "Obi-Wan, how did you improve this much in such short time?" Obi-wan considered his replay for a while but before he could think of anything to say Qui-Gon spoke again.
"Oh, Obi-Wan" Qui-Gon suddenly saw his Padawan in a different light. There was a fatigue he was trying to hide and something told him it wasn't from their sparring match. It went much deeper than that. Obi-Wan's face was impassive but his eyes always gave him away and Qui-Gon saw they held a deep pain. How had he not noticed this before? He found himself scanning every inch of the man before him, looking for more signs of what was going on.
"Padawan, show me your hand." He finally said, Obi-Wan obeyed. He didn't even think of refusing, it would've made the situation worse. Qui-Gon took the outstretched hand into his. He carefully turned it to reveal sore and blistered skin, caused by the harsh metal of a lightsaber hilt. "This is my fault" Qui-Gon say quietly. Obi-wan blinked in surprise "Excuse me?" Qui-Gon looked up from the hand he was still holding to the stormy eyes of his Padawan. "Listen to me. You have nothing to prove. I'm sorry if I made you think you did." Obi-Wan tilted his head slightly, "I've been training more than usual, that's all. I'm not trying to prove anything." "You can't keep pushing yourself like this" Qui-Gon said firmly. "Master, I'm just trying to improve my lightsaber skill…" "Can't you see that you're hurting yourself? It's surprising that you can even keep up with the exhaustion you must be feeling. When do you even find time to train this much?"
Obi-Wan's gaze dropped to the floor and Qui-Gon realised that he had asked the right question. "It's what I spend my free time on" Obi-Wan finally replied, looking back at Qui-Gon confidently. "What about your friends?" Qui-Gon asked wondering how he could possibly find time for both, but Obi-Wan's reaction answered his question: he didn't.
Obi-Wan looked away again, he couldn't look at Qui-Gon. He had managed to keep everything a secret for so long, why was it starting to fall apart now? He knew it wouldn't be much longer until the council sends them to Naboo and everything he had been preparing for would start. He had been working so hard it hurt, he had even given up what little time he had with his friends. Right now, all he wanted to do was scream, but he released his feelings into the force and kept calm. The only consolation he had was that it would be over soon. And he hoped he would then finally get some peace.
Qui-Gon cupped Obi-Wan's chin and tilted it upwards, forcing Obi-Wan to look at him. It was something he hadn't done in years. "I want you to go back to the apartment and get some rest. We will talk about this later" Qui-Gon said, "but…" Obi-Wan tried to object but Qui-Gon stared at him sternly "No buts, do as I tell you Padawan." Obi-Wan knew better than to argue so turned and left without another word.
. . .
They never got to talk. When Qui-Gon returned hoping to get answers Obi-Wan was fast asleep and he couldn't bring himself to wake him up. So, Qui-Gon settled on waiting for tomorrow.
Qui-Gon found himself unable to sleep. He couldn't believe that he hadn't noticed Obi-Wan's strange behaviour. Why would he see the need to train so much? It didn't make sense, unless he was preparing for something? Qui-Gon thought back to the council meeting they had almost a year ago, Obi-Wan had spoken about a darkness that was coming. Was he preparing for that?
Qui-Gon was torn from his thoughts when he heard the front door open and then close.
. . .
"Qui-Gon knows something is wrong" Obi-Wan said to Ben once he reached the training halls. "What do you think he's going to do?" Ben wondered. "I don't know…" Obi-Wan removed his cloak and unhooked his lightsaber "… I just hope he doesn't do anything rash".
Ben ignited a double-bladed red lightsaber and assumed Darth Maul's opening stance. "We are talking about Qui-Gon Jinn?" Obi-Wan ignited his own blue 'saber holding it in a defensive position. "Yeah, I know". Ben charged at Obi-Wan, who sidestepped, avoiding the 'saber. Maul's weakness was his arrogance, all Obi-Wan had to do was be patient and wait for him to make a mistake. "I'll worry about it later" "I know you will" Ben sighed.
It felt like he was fighting Maul for the 10'000th time, but he was still no closer to being able to defeat him. His fighting style was aggressive yet precise he was fast and well trained. Even though Obi-Wan had been training until he could barely stand for months it still felt like he was no match for the Sith. If he couldn't even defeat this simulation how could be possibly defeat the real thing?
He felt sweat trickle down his temples as he leapt out the way to avoid losing an arm. The fight continued but Obi-Wan was finding it hard to keep up with his relentless opponent. With one last swipe Obi-Wan would've been decapitated had his opponent been real.
In frustration Obi-Wan threw his lightsaber across the hall. "Calm down, we can try again" Ben reassured but Obi-Wan just sank to the floor "what's the point?" Ben frowned "the point? Ehm, saving the galaxy?". Obi-Wan held his face in his hands "I can't do it, I'm not strong enough. You were right. I'm no closer to beating him and now I'm running out of time." Then Obi-Wan just let the calm façade he put on for Qui-Gon and the council fall. "I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted, everything hurts, I can't even sleep anymore without those nightmares haunting me. I wish the Force had never shown me that vision." Ben knelt to look Obi-Wan in the eye "You can't just give up." "Why not?! Why can't I just leave and let the galaxy fix its self? Why is it my responsibility?" He demanded as he stared into Ben's eyes, as if they would give him the answers he needed. "I'm nothing special, I could just die and no one would care" Ben slapped Obi-Wan across the face, it didn't hurt but it had the desired effect of shutting him up. "Stop talking like a crazy person". Obi-Wan laughed pathetically at the irony of that statement. "I am a crazy person". Ben grinned "Yep, but right now the galaxy needs you to pull yourself together, and I need you to stop having these meltdowns. Besides, I would care if you died" Obi-Wan scoffed "Would you now?" "Well yes, if you die, I die and that would truly be a tragedy". Obi-Wan could barely suppress the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
Ben stood up "honestly, people might start thinking I'm the sensible one". Obi-Wan stood up as well. "Do you think Qui-Gon will ever forgive me for lying to him?" "Yes. Although he will find it more difficult if you get yourself killed. I know I won't forgive you if you mess this up" Obi-Wan sighed "I know". Ben smiled with satisfaction "in that case…ready to try again?"
Obi-Wan nodded before stretching out his hand, bringing his lightsaber back to him.
. . .
Qui-Gon hid in the shadows watching the scene play out. Obi-Wan looked like he was duelling someone, but he was alone. He wasn't just practicing moves, it was like he was reacting to an opponent and a skilled one at that. So, this is where he found time to train so much. 'How long has this been going on?' Qui-Gon wondered. How could he have been so blind to all of this? Did he sneak away every night?
He flinched as Obi-Wan threw his lightsaber across the room and then sank to the floor. he seemed to be talking to someone but it was like Qui-Gon was only hearing half a conversation. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He could hear such pain in Obi-Wan's voice. But who was he talking to?
"I'm nothing special, I could just die and no one would care". Qui-Gon's heart dropped, was that truly what Obi-Wan thought? He wished he could hear whatever the other person was saying because out of nowhere Obi-Wan smiled. Obi-Wan stood up, seemingly calmed down. "Do you think Qui-Gon will ever forgive me for lying to him?"
With dread, Qui-Gon realised that whatever was going on was far bigger than he thought. His Padawan was acting like he had completely lost his mind. 'Maybe he has' Qui-Gon thought with dread. Isn't this what Mace had warned him of?
Not knowing what else to do, Qui-Gon decided he needed to get advice. He had to talk to the council.
. . .
Qui-Gon entered the apartment and saw Obi-Wan sitting on the sofa reading. He looked so normal. How could he have hidden something so big from him for so long? Since when was he so good at hiding his problems? Didn't he trust him enough?
Obi-Wan looked up "Master, how was your meeting with the council?" Qui-Gon forced himself into the unreadable, calm façade he had perfected over the years. "Oh, the usual, we talked, we disagreed" Obi-Wan smiled "do you want to talk about it?" "Actually, I think I need a cup of tea before I can get into this conversation" Obi-Wan chuckled "that bad, huh?" 'you have no idea' Qui-Gon's eyes betrayed him for a moment at the thought, as they showed the sadness he felt inside.
He turned to the kitchen so Obi-Wan wouldn't see. "I'll make you a cup as well, you look like you could use it" He called from the kitchen as he took two cups from the cupboard. He heard a laugh come from the living room followed by "Thank you Master".
Staring at the two steaming cups of tea Qui-Gon's chest tightened, his hand closing around the phial in his pocket. How had it come to this? He looked at the small phial in his hand, watching the clear liquid inside as he turned it a few times. 'Forgive me Obi-Wan'.
Obi-Wan was still sitting on the sofa when Qui-Gon came back into the living room with the two cups of tea. Ben was sitting next to Obi-Wan "he's up to something". Obi-Wan glanced up at Qui-Gon, ignoring Ben's comment. He gratefully accepted the cup Qui-Gon was handing him and took a sip as Qui-Gon sat down where Ben had been sitting.
Qui-Gon waited for Obi-Wan to drain half the cup before speaking. "The council meeting was about you Obi-Wan." Obi-Wan choked on the sip of tea he was taking "excuse me?" he asked confused, a spark of panic flashed through his mind, was that what Ben meant? It was only now that he noticed the hint of sadness in Qui-Gon's eyes. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice that something's different about you?" Obi-Wan just stared at him, panic slowly rising. 'Does he know?'
"That's why you went to the council?" He asked in disbelief, not knowing what else to say. Qui-Gon took a deep breath "we think you should see a mind healer" Obi-Wan blinked "but I already have…Master if this is about the extra training I've been doing, I'm fine". As calmly as he could he brought his cup back up to take another sip, but stopped mid-movement when Qui-Gon finally let his façade fall. "No Obi-Wan, you're not. You need help" There was such sadness and regret on Qui-Gon's face and a hint of what Obi-Wan was sure was shame. "I told you so" Ben's voice echoed through his mind. It was then that Obi-Wan noticed a strange numbness spreading through him. He looked at the cup he was still holding to his lips and then it hit him. He let the cup fall from his hand "what have you done?" he whispered with wide eyes.
Qui-Gon didn't even bother to catch the cup as it fell, he was focused on his Padawan. "We knew you wouldn't come willingly. You're in denial Obi-Wan, you don't understand how serious…" Obi-Wan jumped to his feet and took a few steps away from Qui-Gon. The look of betrayal on his face almost broke Qui-Gon's heart. "You drugged me?"
Obi-Wan felt drowsy and his limbs went numb as the drug started to take effect. "Obi-Wan please understand. I'm trying to help you" He stood up and took a step towards Obi-Wan who quickly backed away. "You're sick Obi-Wan, please let me help you" He pleaded, daring another step towards Obi-Wan as he started to sway slightly. "I don't need help, I need…" The room was spinning, making him feel dizzy. He was fighting the drug with all his strength but it was no use. He felt a surge of panic as he realised that his plan was falling apart. His mind was foggy, he couldn't think. "You have no idea what you've done, you've ruined everything, I can't stop it, I… I don't… I don't know how… I… Ben…" he stuttered. He could barely control himself, the panic and confusion took over and tears started rolling down his face. He had to get out while he still could.
Qui-Gon however had anticipated his move. Obi-Wan had barely taken two steps towards the door before his legs gave in and he fell forwards. Qui-Gon was there in a heartbeat and caught him before he hit the ground. Qui-Gon held him close, trying to calm him down. Obi-Wan's whole body shook as he desperately tried to fight the drug and stay conscious. "Please let me go… I can't… lose you… please don't… I trusted you". "Sleep Padawan" Qui-Gon whispered.
Obi-Wan relaxed as he finally drifted off into unconsciousness. A tear escaped Qui-Gon's eye and rolled down his cheek.
