Your heart's a mess

You won't admit to it

It makes no sense

But I'm desperate to connect

And you can't live like this

Rachel had never before seen Santana look as tiny and fragile as she did right now. She'd found her crying in the girls' bathroom, and she'd taken her to the auditorium, which was empty because she'd asked Mr. Schuester if she could have it to herself to rehearse for their current assignment. It had been an hour since that, and she was still crying so hard she couldn't utter a single word. Every time she tried to explain, the only thing she could manage to say was Quinn's name, and Rachel was having a hard time fighting the urge to go find the cheerio and punch her pretty little nose until it bled. But she couldn't leave Santana alone, and she was starting to feel like she wouldn't let her leave either. Her head was buried in her neck, and her arms were holding her so tightly she had to struggle to breathe, but that didn't matter when there was a heart breaking so loudly in front of her.

After a while, Santana's chest was still heaving but she let go of Rachel, and though there were still tears making tracks over her cheeks, she looked as if she was finally done crying. Rachel didn't know what to do, since she couldn't think of a polite way of asking what had happened without causing her to start crying again, so she simply waited until Santana spoke.

"Quinn's pregnant."

Rachel's eyes went wide open, and she took Santana's hand, cluthing it. Now punching her was definitely not an option, yet the only thing she wanted to do for the rest of her life.

"Wha- How?"

Santana let out a bitter laugh, taking out a handkerchief from her jacket's pocket and wiping her tears.

"It wasn't me, I can tell you that much."

Her voice sounded broken and Rachel looked down, wanting to kick herself for asking such a stupid question. So Quinn had cheated on her, with a guy. A part of her was hopeful that that would mean they were done for good and she would get a shot with the girl of her dreams, but it was a really tiny part. Most of her was really worried about Santana and how desperately heartbroken she looked.

"I can't believe she would do that. That's terrible of her, you deserve better, she should've never-"

"You don't know nothing about her."

Santana cut her off immediately, letting her hand go and crossing her arms over her chest. She intended to look mad, but she couldn't be anything but sad. Her arms fell to her sides, and she bit her lip to fight back the tears that were threatening to start falling once again.

"What do you think would happen to you if you came out as a lesbian? Sure, you'd be bullied at school, just like we were. But what your parents do?"

For a moment, Rachel gave it some thought, though she wasn't sure of where she was heading with the question.

"My parents are gay, so I guess they'd be okay with it. They'd probably be glad, actually, because it would mean I can't get pregnant."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Rachel covered it with her hands, realizing of what she'd just said and how she was probably twisting the knife deeper in Santana's wound, but she didn't seem to notice. She was too lost in her thoughts to hear it, luckily for her.

"We'd been dating for months already, but we were sneaking around, no one knew about us. I came out to my family first, it was a bit dramatic, but eventually everyone got used to it and they even complimented me for being so bold. They kept telling me how proud they were of me, and I was so happy that Quinn decided she should do the same too, so we would be able to go out in public and we'd be as happy as we could be. We were very much prepared for the school to turn on us, but we were so popular that we didn't think it would last long. I mean, we pretty much were the biggest bullies around at the time, so no one would mess with us."

Rachel simply nodded as Santana kept on telling her their story, still unsure of why she was talking about it if every word she spoke seemed to break her a bit more.

"Her dad went crazy. Her mother wouldn't even react, she seemed to be numb and all she did was keep on drinking, but her dad... the things he said to her, I had never heard anyone say things so hurtful. To his own daughter, can you imagine? He called her every imaginable name, he told her she would burn in hell for choosing to live in sin, and that he was glad about it because she was scum, an abomination, she deserved nothing but disgrace. It was horrible, I didn't know what to do, and she was crying, and it never seemed to stop. When it did, he told her he wanted her out of the house before the sun came out. Without even speaking, she went up to her room to gather her stuff, and I went out to get us a cab so that we could get away from there as fast as we could. When I got back, I heard her screaming from upstairs. Her mother had passed out on the couch, and her dad was nowhere to be found. I ran as fast as I could."

Santana's entire body was shaking, and her eyes were closed, as if she was seeing the scene in her head, just like a movie. Rachel couldn't bring herself to move, and there tears running down her own cheeks now.

"He couldn't understand why his own baby girl would do something so terrible, so he wanted to help her change her mind. How could she possibly know she was into girls if she'd never been with a man?"

Her voice cracked by the end of the sentence, and Santana looked at Rachel with an agonizing look in her eyes.

"If I hadn't been there... he would've done it. He was already on top of her by the time I got to her room, he was drunk so I managed to kick him away from her. I grabbed her and we left, never looking back. Quinn never said a word about that night, but it changed her. She was never again as sweet and caring as she'd been when I'd first met her. She was... like she is now. Tougher, a fighter, but also very, very hurt and lonely. That very same day, we had sex for the first time, and it was nothing like I'd ever imagined it would be. It was violent. I didn't understand, I didn't know how to handle it because I just couldn't see what was making her that way, until I got it. She's mad, so mad, at the world, at her family, and I was all she had. For better or for worse. I'd brought it upon her, everything that had happened. It was all my fault, I deserved it every time she took it out on me."

Once again, Santana was sobbing and all Rachel could do was hold her, still under the shock of everything she'd heard. She had more mixed feelings than she'd ever had, but the only thing she was sure of was that she needed to help Santana out of the hell she'd been living it.

"It wasn't your fault. I know you think it is, but I'm sure not even Quinn thinks it's your fault. You did nothing wrong, Santana, and you were always, always there for her. You don't deserve anything bad, please don't say that."

Rachel kept on whispering against her ear, and though Santana shook her head at everything she said, she also held her tighter.

"I mean it. You're amazing, and you've been through enough. Maybe the both of you have, and it's time for you two to start over and leave the wounds to heal. You deserve the world, Santana, and you'll get it if you stop punishing yourself for something you didn't do."

Santana's heart was pounding against her chest as if it wanted to escape. The pain was almost unbearable, reliving their story of how things had gone horribly wrong had only made it worse, and she knew there was still a lot to go through. There was a rough path ahead of her, but when she looked up and Rachel wiped away her tears, she felt something inside her she hadn't felt in a long, long time. It was a warm kind of feeling, a tiny one but that seemed to be starting to grow. The look in her face, the way she seemed to be trying to find a way to help her carry her burden, to heal her and make her feel better no matter what it took, it was all reminding her of what it had felt like to be loved. Starting over would be tough, but she was slowly beginning to believe it would be easier if she let Rachel help her along the way.