**WARNING**
For your own peace of mind, if you are currently pregnant or have a newborn please do not read this story.
This story is not fluffy; at times it will be downright depressing. There are no rainbows or unicorns. This might touch you, it might shock you in a few places, and I will caution you to keep a box of Kleenex near to hand if you are of a delicate disposition…
This is the story of my oldest daughter, my angels, and my babies. I've tried on the advice of therapists and friends to write it out in full detail many times. I always fail, or sugarcoat. I've never finished it, but maybe one day I'll be able to. When I started writing this, my kids were really 3 and 7 months… now they're 12 and 9 and I've never been able to bring myself to finish the part I actually needed to tell. It's been 13 years since my oldest daughter died, and I don't know if I ever will be ale to.
The timeline of "present day" in the story actually occurred in October of 2009, just so it all makes sense.
If you're upset or offended by the following topics, you should skip this one:
Stillbirth
Miscarriage
Abuse of Alcohol
Abuse of Prescription Drugs
Suicidal Ideology
Overdose
Cursing
Blasphemy
Faith
If you haven't clicked out of this story yet, thank you in advance for reading and participating in my attempt at therapy through writing.
Playlist
Held by Natalie Grant
Who You'd Be by Kenny Chesney
Cradle of Wings by Pamela Armstrong
Godspeed by The Dixie Chicks
A Child of Mine (To All the Parents)
by Edgar Guest
I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from Earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Not think the labor vain.
Nor hate Me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.
I could have ten more children, but there will always be one missing.
~ Unknown
