Chapter 7
"On," Link said. "Heat. Work."
Perplexed, the elf opened the door to the microwave, then closed it again, as if that would make the machine obey him. Again, he ordered it on, but it just stared at him, mockingly. He didn't know much about the machine that was giving him so much trouble, save that one must never put tin foil in it. He bitterly remembered when Kirby had forgotten, and the resulting explosion that claimed a sizable portion of the mansion. What had followed had been a fun couple weeks, as three, sometimes four people, were stuffed into one room and expected to coexist. Come to think of it, there had been a lot of unsanctioned fights those weeks too.
"I have the photos," Snake said. Link gave a yelp of surprise, twisting and turning around to face the much taller and much broader human.
"How do you do that?" Link asked.
"I almost lost the princess when she teleported away, but I had planted her with a tracker. She was walking with Peach, then disappeared. I found her in the middle of the woods with the clone. These are the pictures."
Confused, Link looked down at the offered pictures, extended a hand and took them. He took a few minutes to flip through. When he looked back up, the monochrome sneaking suit so often associated with the infiltration expert was replaced with a light blue top surrounded by healthy peach skin. The sudden change in the apparel prompted him to yelp in surprise again.
"Calm down," Samus said. She handed Link a small bag. "The fur you ordered."
"Uh, thank you," he said.
Samus pressed one of the buttons on the microwave's face, and to Link's delight, it purred to life. "When it beeps, take it out, but its going to be hot, so be careful."
"Thank you," he said again. He looked at the timer, seeing the minutes tick away. 2:35. 2:34. When the timer read 1:30, heavy footsteps sounded behind him. He turned to see Yoshi scurrying into the room.
"I'm just curious," Link said, placing the photos on the table then spreading them apart. "What do you see here?"
"Yoshi!" the dinosaur shouted in his usual chipper tone.
"I know. One would think that Mr. Snake would be able to take a photo in focus. But that definitely is the clone and my princess."
"Yoshi?"
"I don't know. I just get worried sometimes."
"Yoshi."
"That's easy for you to say. Do you even have mates?"
"Yoshi."
"I don't see what that has to do with the conversation," he said, taking off his hat and examining it. "Do you really think it makes me look like a girl?"
"Yoshi!"
"I'm not gay."
"Yoshi?"
"That was just once, when I was drunk. You know how poor my tolerance is. I don't see how that proves anything."
"Yoshi."
"If you are going to act this way, I'm just going to leave."
"Yoshi."
"Well fuck you too!" Link shouted, storming angrily out of the kitchen. Yoshi sniffed at the air, noticing the intoxicating aroma of hot chocolate. The microwave rang, and curiously the dinosaur wandered over, opening it and taking the mug out. "Yoshi!" he cursed, when the hot glass burned his hand.
--
Wolf was lounging comfortably on the couch with his arms folded behind his head and his booted rear paws on the arm rest when Samus stepped in, prompting his ears to perk and him to sit up and look to her. "Darlin," he asked. "What brings you to the bad guy's lounge?"
"I've been looking for you actually. Has Link been acting weird lately?"
"He hasn't hit on me in the past week."
"Link isn't gay," she muttered.
Wolf gave an angry snarl, resting his head back and closing his good eye, though she imagined the robotic one was ever vigilant. "Talk to Marth. He and the elf are pretty good friends. He would know better than I would."
"Marth refuses to speak English and I only have a passing knowledge of Japanese."
Wolf waved his paw in her face, annoyed. She had a sudden urge to break his fingers. In fact, she took his hand, but he was quicker, and took a grip on her and yanked her towards him. He swung an open paw and smacked her cheek before letting her go. Shock and a residual sting settling on her as he said, "Luv, I'm not in the mood." He sighed, returning to his comfortable lounge. "Go talk to the Indian, the cop and the construction worker if you want to know about Link."
"He's not gay," Samus repeated. "And that wasn't even clever."
Wolf sighed, growing more and more annoyed. It was kind of like pulling on a lion's tail when he was trying to sleep, eventually she would get bitten, it was just a matter of how many yanks she got first. "Get Mewtwo to translate when you talk to Marth, he knows like thirty two languages. He can probably download fluency into your mind. Can't you do anything yourself?"
"Yeah, I'm not sure it would be good to talk to the clone. Things are kinda weird between the clone and I."
"Did he come onto you?"
"No, he didn't. Can Mewtwo even come onto me? Does he have the right…smash attacks? Or any attacks at all?"
"Well, he's seeing that Mew chick," Wolf offered. "He must have something to smash her with, cause I know her, she won't stay with just anyone."
"How do you know her?"
"That's not important."
Samus took out a pack of cigarettes and placed one in her mouth. She cocked her head, and Wolf took a lighter out of his pocket and threw it, annoyed, at Samus. It was sailing through the air and would have left a red mark on her forehead had she not caught it in the air. She took a few moments to ignite the cigarette. "Link wanted me to get a sample of Mewtwo's fur. I don't think Mewtwo knows, but it's just kinda weird pulling a job on a fellow smasher."
"A strand of fur? Maybe he wants to clone Mewtwo. That would definitely confirm Mewtwo is a male. Or maybe he suspects that his princess and Mewtwo are having an affair after finding a strand of white fur in Zelda's room, so now he wants to run a scan of the strand he found with the strand you gave him to confirm or nullify his suspicions. That would also explain why I saw him going into Snake's room the other day, he probably hired him to follow the princess around and take grainy photos of her with Mewtwo that can easily be interpreted in a way that is completely different than what was actually happening. Course the whole thing is going to end up being one big misunderstanding, but not before he does something stupid that hurts both Mewtwo and the princess. Then he and the princess will have spend a week pissed at each other, but reconcile with a moonlight melody after she beats the crap out of him."
With a somewhat confused look, Samus stared wide eyed and open mouthed at her company. "Where do you come up with this stuff?" she asked.
Wolf shrugged. "I watch a lot of television."
I liked how I wrote Wolf in this part, and over all this was a very fun chapter to write. Lot of cheesy jokes that i'm not sure how they work, but i wanted playful banter between Samus and Wolf. Wolf seems a lot smarter than anyone gives him credit for in the games, so of course he would see the obvious soap opera like plot devices I've been introducing. Hurray for Wolf.
