"Do you know what's weird?" Revan asked.
"The fact that you're wearing your ridiculous get-up underneath that pressure suit?" Malak asked.
"No," Revan said. "That part actually makes perfect sense."
"There was nobody in the room with you when you put that on but me and it's not like I don't already know what you look like," Malak pointed out. "And there won't be anyone in the room with us when we take them off. If nothing else, we can request that people leave. It's not such a strange request and they have no reason not to listen. Especially if you use the Force on them."
"Eh, that always works better with eye contact," Revan said.
Malak took a moment to process that. "Revan, you literally never have eye contact with anyone anymore."
"Now you're just misusing the word literally."
"Not really," Malak said. "But fine, almost literally. And it's still not as bad as you and the fact you seem to think 'accidentally' means 'fully deliberately but now I recognize this was not something I should have done'."
"I didn't say I couldn't do it without eye contact," Revan said. "Just that for the really big things I should probably make eye contact."
"Really big things…like requesting people leave us alone to take our suits off?" Malak asked challengingly.
Revan sighed loudly. "Why should I have taken off what I was wearing? There's no reason not to wear clothes under these suits! And probably several sanitation reasons to wear them. And it's not like you took off anything you're wearing, either."
"Well, no," Malak conceded. "But then again I'm not wearing robes that completely cover my body including my face. How you even see through that is beyond me."
"I'm very talented," Revan said.
"I had heard a rumor to that effect," Malak said dryly.
"So really, this is just about you – once again – criticizing my brilliant fashion choices." It was ridiculous how put-out he sound.
"No it's not," Malak said. "And as for brilliant…Revan, you wear literally the same thing every day. All day."
"I have multiple copies!" Revan protested. "It's not like I just put on literally the same robe and mask! How disgusting would that be?"
"It kind of makes it stranger now that you are wearing different things but they all happen to be copies of the same outfit."
"It's a great outfit."
"So great you'll wear nothing but that every day for the rest of your life?" Malak asked skeptically.
"I wouldn't go that far. But I wear plenty of other things. I've got something on under this now."
"Yet another layer of clothing?"
"Layers are very fashionable and practical and keep you warm," Revan said. "I appreciate your concern but it's starting to get a little creepy."
"Sure, Revan."
"What is your issue with my outfit anyway? Other than you think I should change it up some. But would wearing the same or similar body-concealing outfit in different colors or some different styles really be that much better? I think it might make it a little weird."
"You're a little late if you don't want it to be weird," Malak said.
"You already know why I have to-"
"Choose to."
"Wear it," Revan said. "Don't want to be recognized, after all. I need a break from all this being in charge or whatever sometimes."
"Well it also looks kind of evil."
"Oh, it does not," Revan disagreed.
"I see you in it more than you see yourself in it," Malak pointed out.
"It's maybe a little imposing but it's an outfit. How can an outfit be evil?"
"I'm pretty sure it's radiating Dark Side energy."
"You're just imagining it," Revan said. "And anyway, what about you? You wear the same armor all the time."
"It's not the same thing," Malak said.
"Of course it isn't," Revan said mockingly.
"First of all, it's an armor and armor is for protection and not for fashion."
"It can be both," Revan said. "Besides, what do you call what I wear?"
"It may have some protective abilities but it's not armor," Malak said. "And you only wear it to hide your identity anyway."
"And because it's stylish."
"And I have a few armors I cycle between," Malak said.
"That's because you can't find armor as sweet as mine."
"It's not armo-" Malak cut himself off, shaking his head. "Alright, Revan, I give up."
"I doubt that," Revan muttered.
"What is weird if it's not your weird robe and mask thing? You know people have started speculating on why you do that?"
Revan nodded. "Oh, I know. Some think I have some sort of skin condition, some people think I'm hideously ugly, some people think my true identity is something scandalous and so I'm hiding…the list goes on."
"My favorite is that you're a Falleen or a Zeltron and are thoughtfully covering yourself to protect us from your pheromones. Or that you're possibly asexual and don't want to be bothered by everyone's reaction to your pheromones."
"That does sound more like me," Revan admitted. "The not wanting to be bothered bit, not the asexual bit. Although being asexual might save me a lot of time and energy."
Malak shuddered. "Oh, Force forbid. If you didn't go out and serial date you wouldn't do anything voluntarily that didn't involve droids!"
"And that might get a little weird," Revan agreed. "Fine, I guess it's not like I can just change my sexuality anyway. But to answer your earlier question, about what I thought was strange, we're under so much water pressure that for our convenience they've provided us with pressure suits."
"For our convenience?" Malak repeated. "Revan, we would literally die under here without them."
"Maybe if we let our concentration lapse."
"No, I mean there's no way we wouldn't," Malak said. "You can't just use the Force to not get crushed or drown down here, you know."
"Agree to disagree."
"Well let's not test it at any rate! Honestly!" Malak exclaimed.
"Yeah, that sounds like a lot of work hence why I'm wearing the suit," Revan said. "Even if it would be easier to stay away from the firaxa and to have to use less Force to move at a reasonable speed without them."
"Do you think it's true that if they so much as touch us with any part of them we will instantly die?" Malak asked.
Revan shrugged. "I honestly don't know. But why risk it? And even if they can't, it's not like we can really use our lightsabers and if they get that close they could take a bite out of us."
"Still, it's pretty weird. But not what you were talking about, right?"
Revan shook his head. "No."
"Then what was it?"
"I was just going to say how weird it was we're down here, surrounded by all this water, and yet we're completely dry."
Malak stopped walking and stared at him.
"What?"
"Who are you?" Malak wondered. "How do you even?"
"It's a gift."
Alek was going out of his mind with worry. It had been weeks before they had all been able to pull themselves together enough to head to the final planet. Bastila was gone, Carth didn't trust him, Alek didn't trust himself…strangely no one else seemed to have a problem with who he was.
Jolee apparently already knew about it and had known exactly who Revan was when they had seen him on Tatooine. Zaalbar said he had sworn a life debt to him and getting the name possibly wrong (though apparently Alek was the name he was born with) didn't change anything. Mission had a worryingly indifferent response to finding out he used to be a genocidal maniac. Canderous was just upset he hadn't gotten to meet Revan and wished he'd been the one who had amnesia and was traveling with them instead although he supposed Revan would be too powerful to let something like that happen to him. Alek didn't have the heart to tell him that he highly doubted Revan would be motivated enough to try and save the galaxy, even with amnesia. He still didn't understand where his strange disinterest in everything came from. Juhani remembered him and Revan (but mostly Revan, though Alek had to wonder if that was true or if that was just how everyone tended to remember anything Revan was present for) saving her from being sold into slavery once and compared the time she thought she was evil for five minutes to Malak's reign of terror.
Carth's response was the only response that made sense. He didn't trust Alek and he hated him for destroying Telos and killing his wife and sending his son into the arms of the Sith. Even if they had saved him now, it didn't erase what had happened. It hurt as Carth was a friend but Alek understood. He could barely even look at himself in the mirror these days.
He didn't understand what Bastila thought when she looked at him. Her reactions when they first met made a lot more sense now (as did the fact she had accidentally called him Malak a couple of times) but she had come to him for advice about not falling to the Dark Side. Had being tied to him been dragging her down? Just because he couldn't remember the darkness, couldn't feel the darkness anymore, didn't mean it was no longer there. They had been friends, hadn't they? Or was it all an act? He couldn't blame her if it was. She had to stay close to him and she was so young for such a responsibility as keeping a former Sith in line and in the dark while chasing after his lost memories.
And what was Revan even doing to her? Even if Alek couldn't believe Revan was personally torturing her (but, as a Sith, even an uninspired one, surely Revan had some dark deeds to his name) that didn't mean that she wasn't being tortured and it was all so he would have a chance to escape. All so he wouldn't fall back under Revan's sway and become the person that he used to be.
They had drifted around aimlessly for a while after that revelation. In addition to Carth and Alek needing time to process (How could he just be a Sith? How did that happen to someone?), Revan knew where they were going. He always knew where they were going and last time they had been captured. Even if Manaan was neutral, nothing was stopping the Sith from picking them up entering or leaving the planet. But eventually, they did still have their mission to complete, despite the risks. The war couldn't be won without taking down the Star Forge.
Canderous and Alek were alone when they walked into the Cantina and Alek saw a sight that made his blood boil.
His hand twitched to his lightsaber. "You!"
"Hey now, Alek! I understand the need to kill people, believe me, but that is not a good idea on this terrible waste of a planet," Canderous warned him. "The Selkath have already put us on trial like four times."
"None of that was actually my fault," Alek protested.
Canderous nodded. "As we told the court."
"No, I mean more than…never mind. You don't understand, Canderous. It's him."
"Him?" Canderous repeated, puzzled. He looked over and saw the man that Alek was glaring at and his eyes lit up. "Him? As in…him him?"
"If by 'him him' you mean his estranged best friend Revan then yes, that's me," Revan said. He was sitting casually on a barstool and watching them calmly.
"You have some nerve-" Alek snarled.
"Yeah, in a minute, Alek," Canderous said, practically knocking him over in his haste to get to Revan. "Wow, I can't believe it. I mean, I know that Carth and Alek were telling us about how they met you on the Leviathan and Alek mentioned he ran into you a few times and Jolee was even a friend of yours but…damn."
Revan smiled at him. "I take it you're a fan?"
Canderous nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, yes. A lot of people, I know, are surprised that we Mandalorians are such big Revan fans considering that you are pretty much single-handedly responsible for our defeat-" at this Revan gave Alek a strangely meaningful look "- but we never resent meeting a true warrior. Defeating all of us when you were saddled with such pathetic soldiers just goes to prove how amazing you are. And now you're working to conquer the Republic yourself! I'm so happy for you."
"Trust me, I've met plenty of Mandalorians in my time and I understand why they like me," Revan said. "I understand that better than I understand why other elements do, to be honest."
"And Alek was really your best friend once upon a time?" Canderous asked. "I find it hard to believe, to be honest. He's just not…you know."
"He's a little different," Revan agreed. "But trust me, when he really finds something worth fighting for he's pretty unstoppable. Kind of inconvenient if you don't want to go out and join in his crusade."
"I'm sure you're here to talk to Alek and I don't want to get in your way," Canderous said. "I'm sure we'll see each other later when we actually fight but I just wanted to get the chance to meet you."
Revan nodded. "It's always good to get a chance to meet a Mandalorian. I always liked your people."
"Even though we were conquering the Republic?"
Revan shrugged. "To complain about that at this point would be kind of hypocritical, don't you think?"
Canderous laughed. "Now that is an excellent point. Be seeing you, Revan!" With that, he turned and left Alek to face Revan alone.
Alek's first thought was to leave, just get out of there. Nothing good could happen from spending more time with Revan and he still didn't understand his motives. He claimed he just wanted to spend time with his friend who couldn't remember him. As much as Alek had liked Revan before (and as horrified he had been by that once he knew who he really was and who Revan was), it wasn't enough to stop him from resenting him for being a Sith and for getting him involved with the Sith.
That was what everyone had said had happened, at any rate, even if the flashes that had been coming with increasing regularity had suggested it was more the other way around. Even if he were being charitable towards Revan and trusting the personality he was showing here and in the maybe memories, it made sense that Revan wanted Malak back so he wouldn't have to half-assedly lead the war effort. And Alek wasn't ready to be Malak, to be a Sith, and he didn't think he ever would be. Not again.
"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to join me?" Revan asked eventually.
Almost dazedly, Alek plopped down into the seat beside Revan. "Why are you here?"
"Things got a little…messy when we left off," Revan said delicately. "I wanted to see how you were handling, well, the fact that you now know who you are."
"I should kill you."
"I may not have come if it were any other planet," Revan said. He cocked his head. "Korriban might have been okay. But this is Manaan. You know that you can't."
Alek clenched his hands so hard that it started to hurt. "What happened to Bastila?"
Revan looked awkward. "It's a bit of a funny story."
"What happened to Bastila?"
"She's fine," Revan assured him.
Alek laughed harshly. "Fine? She's your prisoner!"
"What kind of captor do you take me for?" Revan asked. "If the answer you're thinking of isn't 'reluctant and kind of inept' then I have to say that you're wrong."
"There's no great way to hold a captive," Alek said. "It's all pretty awful."
"I'm not torturing her, if that's what you're thinking," Revan said. "I mean, I'm cutting off her ability to use the Force, of course, or she'd probably kill us all but other than that, she's…fine. Not happy to be a captive but that just shows she's still thinking clearly."
"I don't believe you," Alek said flatly. It was ridiculous.
"Then why did you ask?"
"I wanted to see if you'd tell me the truth."
"And…what?" Revan asked. "Would you believe me if you said I had her up on a rack and was hitting her with Force Lightning while preaching about the merits of the Dark Side to her?"
Alek folded his arms. "Maybe. Though I don't trust Sith in general."
"Too bad because that's not what I'm doing. I didn't even want to capture her, you know, but she didn't give me much of an option."
"Now you're getting into victim blaming," Alek accused.
Revan paused. "I can see where you'd get that but you were there and she really did rush at me while you guys left. What was I supposed to do, let her kill me?"
"It would have been very thoughtful of you," Alek said.
"I guess I'm just not that thoughtful then. Listen, Alek, I can't imagine what you must think of me now."
"Can't you?" Alek asked coldly.
"I don't…" Revan trailed off and shook his head. "I don't see the world the way other people do. I never have. If it were me, I don't think I'd be all that upset. A little confused how I could have gone off and ended a war and conquered half the Republic but it wouldn't devastate me, not the way I suspect it's devastating you."
"How can it not devastate you?" Alek demanded. "Regardless of how clean your hands are personally, millions of people have suffered and died because of you. You were one of the leaders! And once I was captured, you're still doing this! Oh, wait, it's all my fault so I'm the monster who shouldn't be able to live with myself."
"I didn't say that," Revan said flatly.
"So what is it?"
"I don't know," Alek said, frustrated. "Something."
"I don't know how to explain it any more than you can explain your position to me. I'm just not the person who gets bothered by things like that."
"Things like what?" Alek challenged. "Genocide? Widespread death and torture?"
"Yes," Revan said simply.
"You're a terrible person."
"I've been getting that a lot lately," Revan said sighing. "If I still had the same beliefs but hadn't done anything objectively evil then would I still be so terrible?"
"No," Alek admitted. "Still not a good person but you have done these things."
Revan closed his eyes and sighed.
"Look, if you don't want to sit here listening to me hate you then don't," Alek said. "Leave. Do me a favor."
"You could leave, too," Revan said, opening his eyes.
"What are you trying to get?" Alek demanded. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"Do you remember?" Revan asked.
"I know who I was," Alek said quietly.
"But do you remember?"
Alek looked away.
"Malak?"
"Don't call me that!" he shouted.
People turned around to stare at him but he ignored them.
"Fine," Revan said.
"Fine?" Alek asked suspiciously. "It's never just 'fine'. You always just ignore me and keep doing that. What, is making a scene the secret to finally getting you to listen to me?"
"You were born Alek. You went by Malak for reasons I still feel are a bit confusing and nonsensical but basically boiled down to some sort of protest against the Jedi Council for not getting involved in the Mandalorian War. I guess you liked it too much to change it back or something. But now that you know who you really are, I don't really care what you call yourself," Revan said. "I might slip up but I will try."
Alek forced down the irrational urge to thank him. It was his own damn name and he shouldn't have to thank anyone for finally agreeing to respect that.
"If they had given you a different name like, I don't know, Joran, or something I'd probably not enable you clinging to your false identity but you are Alek. So while I am suspecting that you're clinging to your false identity, your name at least is real."
"And what would you have me do instead?" Alek demanded. "I'm remembering in bits and pieces, almost every damn time I close my eyes but it's not helping! So many of the people I once knew are gone or look at me like I'm going to snap. I can't. And I'm not going to go back to being your apprentice so if that's what you're looking for then you can just forget it."
"It's not," Revan said quietly. "Alek, you're more than just a Sith. You don't have to be afraid of your own identity."
"Who's afraid?"
"I don't…I don't know what I expected when I came here," Revan said. "I did anticipate I would need the fact that Manaan is strictly neutral. Maybe it would be easier for you to process this if you didn't have to see me. But I just didn't want you to decide that Malak is dead and you're actually Alek whoever who did whatever before becoming a Jedi. Because that's not true. You don't have to be a Sith but your whole life isn't just evilness that needs to be wiped away if you're to be 'redeemed' or whatever."
Alek laughed harshly. "That's not what anyone else thinks."
"Anyone else doesn't know a damn thing about the Sith," Revan said bluntly. "Trust me-"
"I did," Alek said quietly. "And look where we are."
A briefly pained expression crossed Revan's face. "You remember and you're going to remember more. Don't write off everything and be their puppet. Don't listen to me if you don't want to, be whatever you want to be. Go back and be a loyal Jedi fi you want. But don't pretend that their shoddy little cover identity is the real you. Don't let them take away your very identity, Alek! I'm so angry I could kill someone and you don't even seem to care."
"Of course I care. How could I not care? The whole point of this conversation is how much I care!"
But Revan shook his head. "You're not caring about the important part."
Alek's temper flared. "Who are you to tell me what's important about this?"
"You're upset because you found out that you used to be a Sith and all of the terrible things that you've done and had done," Revan said. "It's understandable. You were just minding your own business, convinced you were never part of the Dark Side, and then you had it just dropped on you one day."
"By you," Alek said pointedly.
Looking tired, Revan nodded. "By me. But because you're so horrified and guilty, you don't even seem to care about the fact that the Jedi destroyed your very identity and just rewrote your life! I mean, I know you briefly brought it up with Bastila and she was full of the Council's excuses as usual but nothing that you did will ever make what they did okay."
"I thought about it," Alek said. "And, excuse or not, it just seemed…how can I complain what they did to me when I killed millions of people? At some point, when you reach a certain level of evil, you really lose the right to complain."
"No you don't," Revan said sharply. "If we just let anything happen to people because, oh, they're 'bad guys' then what will society devolve into?"
Alek laughed. "It's rich of you to ask that!"
"Whether or not people were better off dying themselves or just having their identity destroyed is a philosophical question and there's no need to compare atrocities. It's not a contest. But what you did doesn't justify what they did, not at all," Revan said hotly.
"Look at it this way," Alek said, "all the evil I did and I'm free to walk around? They made me a Jedi again! I highly doubt when this is all over they'll arrest me for my crimes. I'm still alive and I'm not being really held accountable for what happened."
"It was hardly out of the goodness of their heart," Revan snapped. "They needed you. They could never find the Star Forge or even know about it without you. And even now they need you to try and remember what happens next once you follow those coordinates."
"So what if they had ulterior motives? So what if I spent a couple months not having to live with myself? They saved me from the Dark Side, however sideways their methods were, and they saved my life. And now I'm even starting to remember. I got off really well."
"They never intended for you to remember. I know them. They're afraid that just remembering will send you running off to conquer the Republic again," Revan said.
Alek nodded. "I'll just have to prove them wrong then." He sighed. "Revan, you don't get it. I don't entirely remember what I was before but I know that, now, I don't want to be the kind of person who would bring about the death and destruction that I know I did. Is that part of the brainwashing or does it make sense that I'm thankful that that's not me anymore."
Revan frowned. "It makes sense. You really didn't want to be evil, you know."
"What happened? How did I fall?"
"Oh, so now you're willing to believe me?" Revan asked.
"Maybe," Alek said. "I haven't heard the story yet. And no one else can tell me." Truthfully, he was worried what would happen when those memories returned. They had turned him evil once. Would they be able to do that again? Maybe if he knew he'd be better prepared to deal with them.
"We met the Sith Emperor," Revan explained. "I don't know how much you've heard or remembered so I'll briefly recap. We heard something had goaded the Mandalorians into attacking and went looking for this hidden threat. The Council was convinced it was out there and, no matter what they thought of us, we weren't content to just tackle the obvious threat and ignore the insidious one. We found the exiled Sith Empire from who even knows how long ago. We found the Sith Emperor. He was stronger than anyone we'd ever encountered. He's building up his forces to eventually attack the Republic and sent us after the Star Forge. He…corrupted us. It's hard to explain. It was like having darkness shoved into your very soul and it doesn't come on all at once. We went, we found the Star Forge, and you weren't so far gone as to think that giving it to people who wanted to destroy the Republic was a good plan. You wanted to try and save the Republic but we were at a loss for how to do so. The Republic hadn't even been able to stand against the Republic."
"So, what?" Alek asked. "We decided to conquer the Republic to make it stronger?"
"It would be okay if we lost, too," Revan said. "It might be easier for us if we lost. Of course we knew there would be consequences and we couldn't really go back unless we decided to 'redeem' ourselves but it was a sacrifice we had to make. If we lost, it just meant the Republic was ready."
"So if I was turned evil, why weren't you?" Alek asked.
Revan leaned back, visibly surprised. "You don't think I was turned evil? I was led to believe that you thought I was quite evil. You did call me terrible just a few minutes ago."
"Well you are," Alek said. "But somehow I can't look at you and see 'evil.'"
"I'll take that as a compliment, I suppose," Revan said. "And I was turned evil. Just…not as much as you."
Alek tilted his head. "What do you mean?"
"Evil takes energy," Revan explained. "Back before this started you were driven to save people and uphold the Jedi ideal. I…have morals, I'm not saying I don't, but I kind of really wasn't. So when the Sith Emperor poured that darkness into me I was kind of lackadaisical about that, too. I didn't want to go out and kill people. I didn't want to do much of anything. Your values still shown through, I think. If the Emperor hadn't influenced you maybe you'd have tried to save the Republic another, less drastic way but he did. My values shown through in that I felt a little evil for a while but then it mostly wore off. Does that make me worse than if I actually wanted to conquer the Republic? I did believe that what we were doing was our best chance."
"Why didn't we just tell everybody what had happened?" Alek demanded.
"It just seems kind of unlikely," Revan explained. "We didn't think they'd believe us. We didn't want to waste time trying to convince people. A little evil? Perhaps. But as things stand now, the Republic has had no choice but to get battle-ready and the Jedi, too. And there's all our resources, of course."
"Don't say 'our'," Alek said. "I'm not on your side."
"My mistake," Revan said, sounding a little strained. "It's not some sort of moral failing that this happened, you know. Plenty of perfectly good people fall to the Dark Side and you were one of them. And your impetus was stronger than most. Do you know how many people fall because they want power or are sick of the Jedi's rules or they fall in love and it doesn't work out? At least we literally had the darkness forced into us. And while that may not change the ending, it's still something and I hope that makes it easier to live with."
"I still did it."
"Yeah, you did. And so did I."
"Why did you come here?" Alek asked again.
"I guess I just wanted to see you again," Revan said. "We didn't get a chance to really talk when I told you the truth, even if you had been less in shock, what with Bastila and her sacrifice and that Carth guy. I wanted to clear things up, as much as I was able to."
"You're going to be there, though, when we come for the Star Forge," Alek said. It wasn't a question. He knew Revan would be. Just as he knew that the smart thing for Revan to do would be to kill him right then but that he wasn't going to do it. Maybe it really was the memory of friendship. Truthfully, as angry as he still was, Alek didn't think he wanted to kill Revan, either. But wasn't that what being a Jedi was all about? Wasn't that what he had done before? Sacrifice? This war couldn't continue, no matter what Malak and Revan had once set out to do.
Revan nodded. "Yes. And you're going to try and stop me. But I don't know that there will be a lot of time then. We'll have bigger priorities. And we always knew that it could end badly, probably would end badly, and no matter what people seem to think I wasn't the one to drag you into anything but…not even that. I did make my own choices, don't think you forced me. But I just wanted to…I don't know. I am glad that I came."
Alek couldn't say the same, not just then. "This meeting could certainly have gone worse."
Revan managed a smile at that before hopping off his barstool and heading out of the Cantina.
Alek took a few moments to steady himself before turning his efforts back to stopping the man he could almost call a friend.
