Empty

7. Cardinal

Pairings: Zexion/Axel, Demyx/Roxas, and possible Sora/Riku

Rating: M

Warnings: Eating Disorders, depression, self-deprecation, lemons and limes later I think

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or its characters.

Summary:

Author's Note: Hello, hello! Thank you for all of your love! On with the chapter since I don't have much to say now….

Axel.

"You could stay overnight," I said slowly when he sighed in a detached manner while hesitating to get out of the car. The beautiful boy turned his eyes to me and I felt the odd sensation that he could see through me, yes, I did have motives but I also did not want him to walk home in the dead of night. I also knew full well that I was in no shape to drive and he would not allow it anyways. His face stayed blank and I tried my hardest to get inside of his head and figure him out but I could not. He was easily flustered but he was more used to me now that we had spent a great deal of time together.

"I couldn't do that." He replied at long last and my rising hopes fell along with my expression which caused him to look guilty immediately. I laughed slightly and shrugged before I leaned backwards and looked him over.

"Sure you could." I smirked out of habit and he seemed to see right through the act.

"It's rude and I don't have any clothing to wear tonight nor do I have a toothbrush and I really can't impose myself on your family and expect them to-"

"Shush, now listen, my mother has been hearing a lot about you lately so you have to meet her sometime, I know it sucks meeting your boyfriend's family but-"

"You're not my boyfriend." He interjected suddenly with his eyes so wide they looked like Frisbees. I had to laugh at the comical scene before me because he looked like a school girl of sorts with an odd sort of nervousness written all over every movement he made.

"I was making a joke, Zexy." I chuckled and fluffed his bangs which he did not react to in the least. "My mom would love to meet you and my father is away on a business trip still and I think my brother is staying over his girlfriend's house tonight." I said offhandedly in hopes that I could convince him to stay with me. "You can borrow my clothing and we probably have a spare toothbrush lying around."

"My father might wonder where I am." His gaze was blank once more, like he wasn't even looking at me.

"You can call?" I suggested with a perplexed tone because I didn't understand why he was concerned about his parents not accepting it. He was never home so I hadn't thought any adults of his would mind. I just wanted him to stay and I wasn't all that sure why, but it seemed like the right thing to want.

"No, it'd be better if I didn't." He said so distantly that I was getting worried. I felt like there was something wrong that he might not be telling me but then again, who was I to question his personal life? He would let me know if he wanted me to know.

"Come on, you can have the bed." I offered as a bride and he refocused his eyes onto mine with an odd smile.

"No, it's your house, you stay in your bed." He replied calmly before he opened the car door and let me lead him into my house, camera in tow.

"We could always share it," I winked and was rewarded with his normal disconcerted expression mingled with a spark of anticipation. "Oh, you mentioned that you were straight though." I chuckled at him and unlocked the door for us which gusted some warmth over the freezing temperatures of the porch. Zexion was silent as I removed my shoes and mentioned he could as well. He was tense but willing to remove his jacket, converse, hat and gloves. He was so timid while looking around my house I almost wanted to kiss him in the doorway but that was just a ridiculous idea. I locked up the front door once again and led him into the kitchen where I began brewing myself an herbal tea. His eyes ghosted over everything but his expression was eerily blank which I didn't exactly like.

"Drink?" I offered and was rewarded with his attention once more. I liked it when he paid attention to me and I loved the way he looked at me with those big blue eyes.

"Do you have coffee?" He inquired mildly before propping himself up on a stool at the breakfast counter. I only nodded and hummed as I set everything up for his and my drinks as the water simmered for my tea. "You have a really nice house," he said finally whilst I measured out sugar for him. I had never really thought about my house but I supposed I did, but it was not unlike any of my friend's houses.

"Thanks I guess, mom will love to hear that," I smiled and leant over the marble counter top to look him in the face better. "I may have a nice house, but you, my friend, have beautiful eyes." I winked coyly and he blushed profusely. It was a wonderful sight to see.

"Th-thanks, Axel."

"No problem, sugar lips." He shook his head in return to the pet name and pushed his fingers through his bangs. The strands sifted easily with the motions and he keenly avoided eye contact with me but I didn't mind too much, his face was just priceless. He looked like an abashed schoolgirl who was talking to her crush about feelings. Maybe he was a schoolgirl the reference was there in my mind and he was cute enough. The coffee pot growled absently and his gaze focused on the shined glass of it just as the water in the tea kettle began to wheeze.

"Axel, could I eat something please?" He asked timidly and I laughed lightly at him but felt an odd sense of dread settle over me. I was fine so long as I didn't have to eat anything. I could pass it off as me not being hungry but I wasn't feeling as strong as I always did.

"Of course, what do you eat?"

"Anything," he replied while shifting on the padded stool. I smiled at him and nodded while I finished making his coffee and then getting myself the tea. He thanked me when the steaming cup was placed in front of him. I had put it in a large white goblet-like ceramic cup that looked like something in an ostentatious coffee shop and in turn he held it like he would break it if he grasped too tightly. He half hid his face behind it while he watched me through the steam.

"Do you have anything against eggs?" I asked mildly before gulping the hot liquid to feel it burn all the way down my throat and into my stomach where it soothed the hunger pains.

"No, not at all." He tilted his head to the side and watched as I prepared the food carefully, making sure to butter everything properly and salt it all the best way I knew how to. I set everything onto a pale yellow dish and got a fork and knife for him. He smiled brightly when I set it all in front of him and the sight was cute. "Thanks so much, Axel!" He placed the cup down with an odd look of excitement and scoffed down the food without much thought. I watched… every movement of food into his mouth I inspected. I knew how many calories he had just eaten and it was a relatively small amount but he did it in no time and looked like he could go for seconds yet he did not ask.

"Do you ever eat?" I laughed and crossed my arms in the space of where I had sat down opposite him. "You look like you were half starved." His cheeks colored and he gently dabbed at his lips with a napkin.

"I… well I don't have too much money for food so I don't always get to…" His eyes were diverted but his expression told me how ashamed he was of that fact.

"You pay for your own food?" I couldn't help it when the question came from my lips so suddenly. I had never seen poverty outside of the times when they showed you on the television. All he did was nod and I was confused to point. "Why?" I asked after a moment because wouldn't his parents buy him food? Wouldn't they be providing for him? It made no sense to me…

"I have to." He still wouldn't look at me and I felt very dumb but pressed on despite the way he was acting and despite how I was making myself look.

"Why do you have to?"

"Because no one else will, alright? I pay my bills, I buy my food, I take care of Dad and I do what I have to." He snapped suddenly and caught me off-guard. I stared at him in shock and tried to piece it all together. I felt like the sheltered rich boy who didn't understand how someone could not have everything that he did, oh right, I was that ignorant boy with money.

"I'm sorry." I managed after a while of letting the information sink in while Zexion resorted to sipping his coffee and watching the creamy depths of it.

"It isn't your fault." He numbly replied as the silence dragged on and became suffocating.

"I know, you should come over for dinner. Mom would love it, she misses when I used to bring people home. She's going to love you. You'll always be welcome. She'd probably love to make you lunches too." I word-vomited and he suddenly flushed while shaking his head.

"I don't need pity." His voice was so strong and filled with pride it almost made me laugh if we weren't in such a serious situation. "I can take care of myself."

"I can see that, but having someone help you isn't all bad. It doesn't mean you can't take care of yourself." I said calmly, simply because I was still recovering from the shock of him snapping at me. He didn't reply but only finished the drink.

"Where would you like me to put these?" He asked before standing and I showed him the dish washer before I took him up the stairs to my room. It was a little before twelve-thirty and the room was blacked out still from me showing Demyx all the pictures I had developed of him in the days previous. He had found a stack of photographs of Zexion too. That had been why he made me bring Zexion to the rink, not that I minded. I flicked the light on and listened to the emo walk in behind me. He looked around slowly and I watched as his eyes took in all the colors that danced over my walls. I had painted the room myself, in warm colors that reflected with a shined finished. My desk sat with my laptop projecting my screensaver still. Fuck me, of course I had made it a slideshow for it, which included a few photos of him. I made an 'aha' noise and jumped over the nervously to shut the machine so he could not see it.

"Was that a picture of me?"

"No." I replied too quickly and he gave me a funny look but said nothing else. My bedding was black with orange sheets and one bright red pillow. That was where he focused his attention next and I sighed in relief.

Hours passed and once the initial awkwardness passed I showed him into my dark room and then gave him a change of clothing which lead to us both lounging in my room listening to quiet music and talking.

"Oh yeah, I bet she was all over that." He rolled his eyes at my ridiculously over-exaggerated tale of Reno's girlfriend and my 'bonding' day where I took her to a 'concert' fully equipped with a few strippers.

"Of course!" We laughed in unison and he snuggled down into the beanbag a little more before yawning. "What about you, tell me a story." I requested and he tapped his chin thoughtfully but ended up only shrugging.

"I don't have any good ones. I stick mostly to myself and I've moved a lot so I don't get close to anyone normally."

"Oh come on, you have to have at least one!" I stuck my tongue out and chuckled while he chewed his lips and thought more.

"Alright, so back at one of my other schools, there was this guy named Wakka and he was kind of a jock, but not like you or Demyx because he was like, hardcore." He punctuated that sentence with an adorable giggle that made me smile. I was barely listening to the story because I was much more interested in listening to his voice. "He didn't like me at all, but he was paying me to do his homework and papers. He was such an asshole to me, so this one time he needed a review of a book and so I picked this book called 'A Real Nice Prom Mess' and it's about this gay guy and his excursion to a gay bar on his prom night and how he ends up getting into a fight with his boyfriend. So he didn't even bother reading the paper but some girl saw the title and had read the book before so the whole school ended up thinking he was gay and hiding it. It was hilarious." He laughed in a bitter sort of way and looked distracted.

"What did he do when he found out?"

"Beat the shit out of me and told everyone I was the fag who had written it." He shrugged and laughed at that but I felt like he was electing not to cry so he therefore had to laugh it off. "I moved away a good month or so later, it didn't matter what they all said." I looked at him with contemplation for a moment or two before electing to say something very foolish, or at least it was in my mind.

"I'm gay." He only stared at me blankly for a few moments in which my heart hammered in my chest like I had suddenly turned into an antelope with a lion on my trail.

"Alright," he said questioningly at long last and I felt no better because as cute as the raising of an eyebrow was, it gave me no inclination as to what he was thinking.

"Yeah…"

"I had kind of figured that out on my own." He said without expression once again and I felt a small bit relieved. "You only hit on me every other sentence."

"I could make it every sentence if you'd like, cutie." I winked as I felt relief finally and could laugh easily when a smile graced his lips along with a brush of color on his cheeks.

"That's alright," he said as he stood up and wandered over to his phone which was sitting on a pile of his clothing that was folded neatly on my desk chair. He made a disapproving noise at it and clicked away on his keyboard before he let it drop onto the clothing again. "Demyx is annoying, in the most endearing way possible." He mumbled into the air with a bitter tone.

"What did he do?"

"He asked if we 'got it on' or not." He rolled his eyes and used air quotes which forced me into a fit of laughter that almost woke me from the sleepy state in which I was sinking into quickly. It was almost four in the morning…

"And you said…?"

"I said that he should lay off the crack." His tone was frank and irritable which only made me laugh more. I liked how blunt he was, it was un-Zexy-like and it was hilarious.

As time passed sleep ebbed in and stole our conversation. My mom was surprised in the morning when I wandered down the stairs with Zexion behind me, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. He had washed all of the makeup off and put a bobby pin in his hair to hold it away from his eyes. The shirt I had given him to wear was oversized and the pants were rolled up at the end but still hid his toes when he stood still.

"Oh! Good morning!" My mother chimed with a cheery tone that was far too loud for two teenagers who had just woken up.

"Hey mom, this is Zexion, Demyx and I took him and this other kid ice skating and it was late so Zexion just came over." I waved my hand at him as I yawned and wandered to the fridge where I got one of my water bottles and flopped into one of the stools.

"Hello Zexion! Please, call me Fay," she offered a hand for him to shake and the boy looked lost but shook her hand. "Would you like anything to eat? I was just going to make some French toast for myself." She smiled and I felt dread rising in my stomach. I could always say I needed a shower and 'eat' later, I could throw it away but Zexion might notice.

"No, I'm fine, eating in the morning makes me nauseous." He smiled at her pleasantly and she laughed lightly.

"Alright, don't you hesitate to ask if you need anything. Would you like a drink?" She offered and I knew what he would say before he even uttered the words.

"May I have some coffee, please?" He stifled a yawn after I yawned loudly and he shot me a small and playful glare. I felt like we were suddenly much more open with one another. He didn't seem nervous anymore, he seemed comfortable and he felt relaxed enough to joke a little. My mother prepared him a coffee after my instructions of how he liked it and Zexion sat next to me while enjoying the caffeinated beverage.

"You're addicted." I smirked while he shook his head delicately.

"That is where you're wrong." He said in an airy voice as if he was very content. He looked like he was and I desperately hoped that he was.

"Oh? How a I wrong, Mr. I-drink-three-cups-a-day?" I asked in a haughty voice and he laughed loudly with bright eyes and a full smile on his lips. He was definitely a morning person.

"I do not drink three cups of coffee a day! I drink one, thank you very much, I just like it." He stuck his nose into the air and closed his eyes as if giving me the cold shoulder.

"Oh, I feel shunned." I commented sarcastically and he laughed again, it was something I was not used to but was completely willing to get used to it. "You have a beautiful laugh." I blurted out with full knowledge of what I was saying but not wanting to chicken out of the compliment. He stopped laughing and only looked at me as if trying to figure out why I was saying that to him.

"You sound like-" he began but stopped abruptly and laughed before he shook his head and drank his coffee.

"Hey, you can't be doing that you stupid little emo!" I whined and he rolled his eyes.

"I can, scene-queen." I made a sour expression at the title but laughed a moment after. I didn't like mornings but he was making them seem much more pleasant. "Can we go for a walk?" He asked after a few moments of me pouting in the most fake manner ever into my water bottle. I glanced out the window and watched what he was staring at. The snow glistened with the rising morning sun and it looked like it was covered in glitter. There was a flame-red cardinal pecking at the bird feeder we had in our backyard. Further on, our birdbath was sprinkled in the white dusting and there was a grey tabby cat prowling with its eyes trained onto the bird. There was a small brush of wind and the bird ruffled its feathers before its mate swooped down to sit by it.

"Sure, Zexy." After a while of getting ready and into warm clothing, we set out of my house and down the street. "So where do you live?" I asked after a few moments of walking.

"Not near here." He said while looking at a pretty picket fence that was coated in snow.

"Last night you said you could walk home," I argued back and he faltered in his walking for a moment with his mouth hanging open for a second as if he was going to say something but then he shut it. It took a few seconds from him to speak.

"I can walk from your house, it would just take a little while." He said evasively.

"How long?" I asked and was ignored, so I repeated myself and placed a hand on his arm so he could not avoid me.

"I can't know for sure." He mumbled while diverting his eyes still and I heard myself growl in frustration. "If I had to give you a time I'd only say an hour and a half or so."

"Zexion!" He flinched and backed away when I threw my hands up into the air. I had barely noticed that I had stopped us walking. "That's too far for you to walk, especially late at night and in this weather." I hadn't yelled at him before, I had barely ever said anything bad to him but I didn't particularly care. He should take better care of himself, I reasoned.

"I know, alright, just shut up Axel. I know it's too far, I knew that last night and I know it now. I just didn't want you to be driving when you were as tired as you were." He snapped back at me and I clenched my teeth together. I hadn't expected a heated response from him but didn't mind that I had gotten one. He looked truly pissed and I noticed distractedly that he was fucking sexy when he was angry.

"Whatever." I replied to him because I refused to admit that I might be wrong. In truth we were both sort of wrong. I was just glad I had convinced him to stay overnight.

! ! !

"Demyx photographs well." He commented as we sifted through my photo albums which I had brought out upon his request. There were pictures from the first roll of film I had used when I got a nice camera and began getting serious about photography. I nodded at his words and watched as he flipped through all of the pages. Most that were of people were of Demyx, Sora and Roxas because they were the most keen to get their pictures taken out of our group of friends. I of course had random girls scattered throughout but there were never reoccurring stages of life with them. They had been girlfriends who had come and gone and actually a few were of Kairi and Namine. The blonde girl had asked for those specifically for her drawing, she after all, could not draw them together without pictures because she could not be a model and an artist in the same moment.

"Whoa," he said nervously as he turned onto a page with rather provocative pictures of Demyx on them. The blonde was half naked in them and posed in positions that could only remind someone of a soft core porn magazine. Zexion's face turned scarlet and he flipped the page quickly only to be greeted with silly ones that Demyx had taken himself when he stole my camera. There was a close up of one of his eyes and it was horribly out of focus, another was of a silly face that was too close to the camera and some he took of me.

He emo's fingers prickled at the edge of the page but his eyes were focused on the photos of me. He stayed like that for a while and then moved on. He looked through all of my albums in a few hours and I listened to music while taking his gentle criticism. I had him laughing by the end just in time for him to reach my current project. He flipped by the pictures of nature slowly but stopped completely when he reached a picture of him. It was the first I had taken. He had been sitting at his usual table in the bookstore with his legs crossed and he had been reading while holding his coffee mug delicately in his free hand. The next picture was him looking up and to his side to check where the sound from the camera had come from and the following photo came from the walk where I had asked permission to photograph him.

"When did you take these?" He asked with suspicion in his tone which made me nervous. I laughed though and ruffled his hair.

"That first day we spoke, you looked so gorgeous, I couldn't resist." I smirked at him and winked for effect but he only ignored it. His eyes were unfocused and it was obvious his mind was taking control of his consciousness. I poked him in the forehead and he snapped back to reality. "Wake up, emo." I prodded with a smile and he only raised an eyebrow before going back to the book. He flipped past all the pictures of himself and focused on the developed ones of Demyx that I had in there. Once he finished I felt jealous of the way he stared at the blonde in the book. I knew that was irrational but I could barely help it. I wanted Zexion's attention, I didn't want Demyx to have it.

"I should get going," he said after a few moments of tracing patters with his fingernails on the cover of the album.

"No you shouldn't." I smiled and received a withering look.

"Axel, it's close to dinner time." He argued and stood up, wrapped in my sweatshirt and pants still. I wanted him to keep wearing my clothing. I wanted him to keep looking at me and paying attention to me. I wanted to get praised by him more or even teased when he so chose to.

"Stay for dinner, please." I'd eat tonight, for him to stay longer, I'd do what he wanted to keep him there, with me for just a little bit more. I liked being with him much too much. He considered for a while before he sighed in turn and sat down beside me again on the couch. "Thank you, Zexy. I can make it worth your while." I smirked and winked at him with a chuckle. His eyes went slightly wide and he rewarded me with the gorgeous flustered expression he wore so well.

"I'm all set." He said affirmed not even a full second after I spoke.

"Aw, come on, you'll have fun." I crooned sweetly against his ear and nipped at it gently. He sucked in a breath and his shoulders twitched a little bit. "Mom won't be home from the store for another hour and Reno texted me saying he was staying with Paine for dinner. We're all alone Zexy." I whispered and right before he spoke I darted my tongue out and licked just under his ear, along his neck. He took in a sharp gasp of air and one of his hands clenched on my chest.

"A-axel, I-I think um, I think that you're um…" He stumbled over his words when I nudged his head to the side and attached my mouth to a part of his neck that was hidden by his hair normally. He never finished speaking but his breathing did all the talking for me. It wasn't ragged or truly uneven but it was faster than normal. I liked the taste of his skin, I loved the way he smelt of dust and coffee. I nipped at the hickey I was leaving and trailed my free hand through his hair as the other held me half over him on the couch. His fingers twitched a little as I grazed my teeth over his ear again and kissed the lobe delicately. His hand trailed to one of my hips and I smirked as he raised his other to rest on my back.

"What was that about not being gay, Zexion?" I chuckled darkly and pulled back to see the disarray his hair and facial expression were in. He looked fucking hot.

"I hate you." He declared without passion and only began to fix his hair sourly, his hand trailed to the big red-purple mark I left. "Ow, what did you do?" He asked after poking the tender spot a few times.

"I gave you a hickey, and hickies are bruises essentially, so leave it alone." I chuckled and reclined in the couch so he was left alone on the end cushion opposite mine.

"You… you gave me a hickey?" He asked as if mortified which only made me laugh more.

"Yes, I did, you're hair covers it though." I smirked and he seemed to calm down more. "Anyways, you always wear those scarves, so chill." He half glared at me and stroked his hair down to cover the mark.

"I'm not gay." He replied stubbornly.

"So the tent in your pants is just… what? A book you wanted to keep safe?" I asked with a smirk and he immediately fidgeted and shifted so the hardening organ was hidden.

"There is no tent anywhere." He blushed brightly still as he said it and gulped a little. I leaned close to him once more and kissed his cheek gently.

"I think you're cute. You should spend more time with me alone." He fidgeted but stared at me while I spoke and his eyes ghosted down to my lips before they jumped back up to my eyes.

"I don't think I should."

"Why not?" I asked with a timid smirk.

"I don't know." He replied softly in an almost whispering tone. I had never realized what a kiss could really be but suddenly there were so many possibilities. I wanted to kiss him so badly then but at the same time, I wanted it to be something special. Yes, molesting him was probably going to put a damper on the situation but while he struggled to think of a reason not to be with me I decided that I wanted him to be mine. I had of course played with the idea before but only in the sense that he was extremely good looking and could hold an interesting conversation. A night of late story telling, a cute walk in the morning once we finished fighting and a steamy scene on my living room couch all culminated to show me how perfect we were. He was more than a pretty face with a nice mind to boot, he was Zexion. He was imperfect and therefore he was what I wanted.

We had nothing in common and that made us all the better of friends. I smiled to myself and he looked confused but it didn't matter because I knew what I was going to do. Rejection was still possible, it was still terrifying and technically he was rejecting me then but I ignored that so that I could sweep him off of his feet. Demyx wanted me to chase him, that was the point of ice skating but I had been a chicken. My best friend would be pleased to hear about my decision.

"Want to work on our English homework with me? We can use my book." I smiled pleasantly with a complete activity change. Confused was a cute way for him to look, like every other way he looked all the time, but confused was something that did not seem common for him. I liked it more than the normal 'I like Zexion all the time' notion.

I felt like a cliché chick flick. I wished I was as attractive as he was, or even half so, it would make everything so much easier. Who would ever want someone like me? I guess there was someone for everyone though. I simply hoped he was not too far out of my range…

Author's Note: I'm considering putting a Demyx or Roxas scene in after chapter 10, what do you guys think? I was just toying with the idea but I'm really unsure. Sorry this chapter is all over the place. After I wrote it I was like "eh… that sucked" but I also finished writing it at three in the morning haha, so I just edited it and I actually like it. Not half bad I think, which is weird for me to say. I probably just had myself convinced it was so so so terrible that rereading it and seeing it wasn't as bad as I thought is like… a pleasant surprise. Have you ever looked at the way surprise is spelt? It's weird.

A Really Nice Prom Mess is a good book with lots of great quotes and hilarious things in it. It's by Brian Sloan and it is like… one of my favorite books.

Preview:

I tried to defend myself but I felt like he knew. He had seen too much of my apprehension about my home. He had heard too much with his stupid curiosity and need to know why I paid for everything myself. He could put it all together and I was well aware of that. So, in conclusion, I decided that he knew and I would get ambushed about it later. Luckily the assignment distracted him for the rest of the period.

Pain was something easy to focus on. Physical pain anyways, it was a lot easier to deal with than emotional but lucky me I had both. By concentrating on the physical I could ignore and cope with the emotional but that would only last for so long. I would then have to rely on my books because I was not into cutting or self-injuring. Well, sometimes I'd pull my hair or bite my fist but that was normal. People did that to control themselves all of the time…