Remus was stirred from his sleep by featherlight kisses on the back of his neck and fingertips trailing along the side of his body, down along his bare thigh and back up again. He peered bleary-eyed as the dull, grey light of a new morning crawled slowly along the wall of their small bedroom. Groaning with tiredness and a stab of annoyance at how early it was, he buried his face into his warm pillow and grabbed Sirius' hand, wrapping it around his waist. Sirius shuffled closer and kissed his hair.
"Morning, Remy," he whispered, throwing his leg over Remus' thigh and pressing his morning wood into the bottom of his back. Remus grumbled quietly in response and Sirius chuckled, "Is it too early in the morning to use one of your vouchers?"
"Never," he replied sleepily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Just give me five minutes to wake up."
"Why don't you just get in a comfortable position and let me do what I'm good at?" Sirius suggested silkily. "Lie on your front and spread your legs for me."
Remus' cock twitched with interest at the request and suddenly he felt much more awake.
"Mmm, okay…" Sirius disappeared under the covers and out of sight as Remus did as he was told and rolled onto his stomach, resting his forehead in his arms. "What exactly have you got in mind—oh!"
Remus was suddenly rendered mute as Sirius' dexterous fingers spread his cleft open and, without warning, the flat of his tongue swiped across his hole, sending a sharp shot of pleasure along his perineum, cock and balls. Rimming wasn't something that they did very often, but Remus enjoyed it immensely and was happy to receive it whenever the mood took Sirius. He thanked his lucky stars that it had been included as one of the activities in the sex chequebook.
Without further prompting, he shifted his knees forward, giving Sirius' tongue easier access. Sirius groaned happily and descended upon him, lapping, sucking and tongue-fucking the sensitive ring of muscles as it relaxed and clenched against his tongue. Remus let out a low moan of contentment, slowly rutting his hardening cock against the mattress to the same rhythm as Sirius' tongue-fucked him. He pressed his hips back, desperate to feel that delectable tongue deeper inside of him and Sirius happily obliged, tracing the tip of his tongue around the rim before pressing it against Remus' pulsating hole. He met little resistance and the first couple of inches easily slipped inside, causing Remus to let out a low, almost animalistic growl of pleasure as he felt the taut, wet muscle massage his inner walls.
"Fuuuck, Sirius, I'm getting close…" he whimpered. Sirius groaned loudly, sending vibrations through his tongue and into Remus' body. Remus gasped at the sensation and gripped the bedsheets beneath him before he began to lightly buck against Sirius' face. He imagined how he must look in that moment—his legs wide apart and arse cheeks spread, with Sirius' pink, wet tongue inches deep in his hole—the mere thought nearly made him climax, but it wasn't enough. He wanted Sirius to fill him up completely.
"Sirius," he gasped. "I need you to stop teasing me with your tongue and fuck me."
Sirius' tongue slipped from Remus' hole and he nipped his right arsecheek with his teeth, the slight pain and pleasure of the action making Remus shiver with anticipation. He eagerly lifted his arse higher into the air as Sirius crawled up onto his knees and lined his cock at Remus' entrance. Meeting little resistance as he sank into him to the hilt, Sirius threw his head back and groaned loudly.
"Fuck, Remus. You're so tight…"
Remus deliberately clenched around Sirius' cock, smiling to himself as he heard Sirius' breath hitch and his hips were gripped in a steadying grip. He couldn't help the breathless moan that passed his lips when Sirius almost withdrew completely from his body before sliding back in again, Sirius' cock rubbing against his prostate upon reentry.
"K-keep doing that," he managed to stutter out and Sirius gladly obliged. Tightening his grip on Remus' hips he began pistoning back and forth, Remus savouring the growing, pulsing desire that spread inside of him like a smouldering fire with each delicious stroke. Remus had already been close to coming before he had practically begged Sirius to fuck him, so he wasn't expecting to last much longer. Taking a firm grip of his weeping cock, he gave it a few tugs, twisting his hand on the upward stroke over the sensitive head. The combined sensations of pumping his own cock to the same rhythm as Sirius fucked him sent Remus tumbling over the edge into sweet oblivion. He let out a low, guttural moan as his come spilled over his hand and onto the bedsheets.
Sirius continued to fuck Remus over the crest of his orgasm, his movements taking on a greater sense of urgency—he knew that soon it would be too sensitive for Remus to continue, so he redoubled his efforts, snapping his hips back and forth as incoherent words and curses spilled from his panting lips.
"Oh- oh- fuck yes- oh- Remus, I'm gonna…"
Sirius' breath stuttered and his fingers dug painfully into Remus' hips as he came. His thighs began to tremble and he collapsed forward, wrapping his arms around Remus' waist in a loving embrace. Remus gently lowered them both back onto the soft mattress, Sirius' cock softening and slipping free from his body. They both lay sprawled over one another panting heavily, sated and exhausted by their early morning activities. Remus wiped the sweat from his eyes and let out a long sigh of tiredness and contentment.
"I've not even got out of bed yet and already I'm exhausted," he joked. Sirius huffed out a laugh and gave him a sympathetic pat on the arm.
"You think it's bad now? Imagine what it'll be like when we have kids."
Remus' post-orgasmic glow quickly dissipated at those words. He looked up sharply at Sirius, "What was that?"
"I said imagine what it'd be like if we had kids," Sirius quickly corrected himself. Remus narrowed his eyes.
"No, you said when , not if ."
Sirius withdrew his hand from Remus' arm and didn't speak for a few moments. He looked as though he were trying to figure out what to say when finally he gave a careless shrug, "Well, I'm not saying we should have them right now, but I don't see why it shouldn't at least be a consideration…"
"Have you been talking to Lily?" asked Remus accusingly. Sirius frowned.
"What? No!" he protested. "What's Lily got to do with this?"
"She just so happened to be quizzing me on why we don't have kids yet—a coincidence, I'm sure," he sneered. "Well, I told her what I've already told you a hundred times already; yes, I would love to have kids. No, I'm not going to have any. End of discussion."
"Why not?" Sirius asked hotly.
"Because it's irresponsible."
"Bollocks," he spat.
Remus groaned and covered his face in his hands, "Sirius, we've already talked about this."
"No, there's a difference between talking with me and talking at me," he argued pointedly.
"There's nothing more to discuss," Remus stated firmly, hoping that would be the end of the discussion, but Sirius was having none of it.
"Well, that's funny because I've got plenty to say on the matter," he bit back. "You've talked at length about all the reasons why you don't want to have kids but you've never bothered to ask why I do. It's a pretty big decision you're making for both of us without even taking my feelings into consideration. There are two people in this relationship, Remus, and I think I deserve to share my two Sickles on the matter before you rule it out entirely."
Remus glowered at Sirius. "We just had a great start to the morning, I don't want to ruin the day by talking about this. Can't we discuss this later?"
"You always say that," he pointed out. "If it's something that makes you uncomfortable, there never seems to be a good time to talk about it."
"Fine," Remus snapped. He sat up in bed and leant against the headboard, arms crossed and his expression impassive, although a storm of conflicting emotions was waging war inside of him. "Let's get this over with. Talk."
"Alright." Sirius sat up next to Remus, a look of steely determination on his face. "I'll lay all my cards out on the table. You know that I love you—"
Remus snorted, "You love me, but… "
"Don't do that," Sirius snapped. "Let me finish." He sighed deeply and took Remus' hand into his own, running the tips of his calloused fingers across the white scar tissue on Remus' knuckles. "I love you, Remus. I know that you know that, but I still think it's worth reminding you sometimes. I love you and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. And I love the life we've made for ourselves, too. Sure, we could always use more money..." Remus smiled and rolled his eyes. "But overall, I'm pretty happy with my lot in life: I'm working at a job I enjoy, we've got great friends, and I get to wake up next to my best friend every day. You make my life amazing, and I count my blessings every day that I have you in my life."
There was a long pause.
"But…" Remus pressed on. Sirius grimaced.
"Not 'but', just…" he looked imploringly at Remus. "I just want to share what we have with another person, with a child of our own. I think having a kid would enrich our lives even more. We've got so much to offer, Remus, imagine all the sleepless nights we'd have and worrying about them constantly, teaching them to how to tie their shoelaces and how to fly, and tell them stories about us about how we met and all the adventures we had at Hogwarts. Don't you think that sounds amazing? I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but I think we'd do a bloody good job at it. And I...I want to raise a family that I always wanted to be a part of but never got the chance to. I want them to be brought up in a home where their parents love them because, honestly, I never knew what that was like. I guess it's a selfish reason to want kids but it's one of the reasons why I want them, and I want to be honest with you about my intentions. Does that make any kind of sense?"
Remus sat and listened carefully to Sirius' heartfelt plea, love and guilt and fear rising and falling in him like the swell of the tide. He squeezed Sirius' hand, forcing himself to look into the eyes of the man he loved more than anything else in the world, knowing that the next few words he was about to say would hurt him deeply.
"It makes perfect sense," he acknowledged. "Because all these things that you want...I want them, too. You know that I'd love to raise a family with you, there's nothing that I'd want more."
"But?" Sirius pressed on. Remus shook his head sadly.
"You know that it can't happen. Not with my condition."
Sirius snarled in frustration and squeezed Remus' hand tightly, "Why deny yourself something that we both want?" he asked desperately. "It's not fair on either of us."
"Because it wouldn't be fair on the child," Remus argued. "It wouldn't be safe."
"But with the Wolfsbane Potion, you are safe!" Sirius argued.
"What if I miss my dose?" Remus argued. "Or the batch I get isn't strong enough? Or if it stops working?"
"What if lightning struck me down tomorrow?" Sirius countered passionately. "You can't avoid the risks that come with living life, we'd never get anything done otherwise!"
"The risk is still too high," Remus retorted, his voice rising. "I feel guilty enough putting you at risk every month, let alone a child who has no choice in the matter. Potions and chains don't hide what I really am, Sirius, they only keep it at bay. I have this... thing inside of me, and I'm constantly afraid that the moment I let my guard down it's going to burst out of me and hurt those closest to me. I'm no good for a child to be around."
"Don't you think I worry about the same things?" Sirius replied angrily. "That I don't look into my own heart and see darkness there, too? You talk about the madness within, Remus, insanity literally runs in my family. I think about what my own parents were like and I can't help but wonder if I might end up just like them."
"You're nothing like them," Remus assured him gently. "You're a good man."
"Well, I'm trying to be a good person—and so are you," Sirius continued. "And I think that makes all the difference in the world. We've all got both light and dark inside us, Remus. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are. You had this bad thing forced upon you, but despite everything you've never lost the good in you. You have an inner strength that leaves me in awe of you—that alone more than qualifies you for the task of being a parent. I mean, the fact that we're even considering all of these things...doesn't that mean that we're ready to be parents? At least we've got a good idea of what not to do!"
Remus bit his lip, almost swayed by the passion and conviction of Sirius' argument. He wanted so desperately to say yes, but his courage failed him.
"Sirius...I'm not as strong as you think I am," he said weakly. Sirius' shoulders sagged, his face pinched with hurt and disappointment.
At the same moment, Sirius' alarm went off, reminding him that he still needed to go to work. He bashed the snooze button with his fist and clambered out of bed, pulling his clothes on as quickly as possible while avoiding looking in Remus' direction.
"I need to work late tonight," he said stiffly. "Don't wait up for me."
He stormed out of the bedroom without another word. Remus stared after him, desperate to call him back to bed so that they could talk about this, but the words seemed to be lodged in his throat.
As the front door to the cottage slammed shut, the alarm went off again and Remus picked it up and tossed it across the bedroom in frustration. The alarm clock squealed in pain as it bounced off of the wall and crashed to the ground.
"Alright! I'll keep my mouth shut!" it cried out, muttering under its breath in indignation as it lay face down on the bedroom floor.
Remus buried his face into his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks as he wondered to himself how his morning which had started out so perfectly had gotten so fucked up so quickly.
