Disclaimer: own nothing, if I did Sirius wouldn't have died.
I kind of changed this chapter, a lot. There is a lot more angst, so there is no room for Hogwarts letters and Dumbledore. I will push that aside for later (I don't know what I meant when I wrote about OWL results, I think I was going crazy, in this fic fifth year hasn't even started, so sorry for going insane on you) I am really excited on you reading (and reviewing… hint) this chapter, I got tons of inspiration randomly, and I want you to tell me what you think about the plotline.
The next morning, Sirius awoke with a cramping back and a stiff neck, but he still shot up out of his hunched sleeping position and sent his eyes directly to Harry. Harry was lying on his back with his eyes closed on the couch, and Sirius brushed his hands softly over Harry's face. Harry's eyes opened. They were Lilly's green, except they were emotionless and held a terrifying detachment Sirius must not have seen in the dark the night before. It looked as though he was sleeping with his eyes open. "Harry?" Harry opened his mouth slightly open, and jerked his limbs uncoordinatedly his hands flung themselves to his throat, as though he had something stuck in his throat. Sirius' eyes widened and he called to the other occupants of the house. "Remus! Tonks!" It wasn't loud, but they both rushed in at how urgent it sounded. "Harry?" Sirius tried again, prizing the boy's hands away from his throat. Harry sat up slowly, shaking from head to toe with an unseen effort. Sweat glistened on his forehead. Unexpectedly, Harry's arm came backwards, and then, shot forwards, punching Sirius in the jaw, hard.
Sirius tumbled off the couch in shock, clutching his jaw in confusion; he clambered back up, and saw Harry being restrained by Remus and Tonks. Sirius saw a murderous rage in his eyes looking straight at him. Harry was huffing and his fists clenched and unclenched, white knuckled. Why had Harry punched him? Sirius, still clutching his painful jaw, felt a sudden unbearable coldness settle inside him. It looked, and felt, like Harry hated him. Remus slowly released his hold on Harry when he seemed to go limp in surrender. Harry rocked forward on his knees, head down, still breathing heavily.
Sirius' mind was racing. Why? Why did Harry hate him? Then, Sirius remembered, he came to the only conclusion that made sense. Harry hated him because he didn't protect him from the crucio's, Sirius hadn't taken them like he should have, and Sirius didn't protect him after all. Sirius moved closer to the boy, feeling awful. "Harry… I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to… It's not my fault and I didn't know that the spell wouldn't work."
At the end of Sirius speech, Harry lunged again. The attack was so unexpected, that Sirius didn't even have enough time to defend himself. Harry, with surprising strength for someone who had been tortured the night before, rained punches and kicks onto Sirius, landing on top of him, and the pair toppled off the bed. Remus and Tonks intervened, pulling Harry off as he was still kicking and flailing wildly. Harry swore loudly, a string of colorful swear words, that made eyes of the werewolf and metamorphous, that were holding him back, widen. Sirius was too shocked to process anything Harry said, he was sure that his lip had spilt, and his shoulder was aching sharply, and he still held his jaw where the first punch had landed. Sirius breathed out sharply, the pain of the punches was quickly overcome by the pain of Harry wanting to hurt him. Harry wanting to hurt him made his eyes sting uncomfortably. Sirius also felt angry, under all the hurt, Sirius had done his very best to protect him, he had been willing taking the pain for Harry, he thought he had taken the pain from Harry. Sirius had done everything he could for him and Harry was punching him. Sirius knew he was hopeless for not testing the spell, but he didn't think he deserved the bruise that would appear on his face. Did he deserve that?
Sirius' brain was a muddled mess, he couldn't think straight. He looked at Harry, the person he would love despite everything, he watched him back in his kneeling position again and Sirius had the feeling that Harry was struggling to fight the urge not to punch him again. Later he would figure out he was right. Sirius saw Harry breathing heavily, and watched him grunt and spasm his body forward. Sirius took a step back, expecting Harry to attack him again, but Harry's hands moved up to his own head and grabbed it, pressing fingers into the temples and the forehead and the skull. Sirius watched Harry grunt again and was too far away to catch him when he fell sideways and cracked his head loudly on the floor.
Harry woke up in the morning to a beautiful foggy blur inside his head and a voice. At first, Harry welcomed the voice into his mind, feeling peaceful with the weight on his Godfathers head on his legs, hair tickling his knees. Harry enjoyed the feeling of numbness all over his brain. The weight on his legs lifted and Harry felt fingers over his cheeks. Then the voice spoke and everything changed. Open your eyes The voice he had thought to be harmless become sinister as soon as it spoke in his head. It was an awful voice and he felt his mind slowly become contaminated by the sound of it. Harry was so sickened by the voice that he didn't even realize his body had obeyed the voice, and he had opened his eyes without even thinking to.
Harry became terrified. He felt disgusting, evaded, like someone had broke into him in the worst way possible, he was naked to the controlling, horrible voice of Voldermort inside his head. Voldermort… Voldermort was inside his head… Voldermort was inside his head! Harry struggled to fight through the fog in his mind which was no longer beautiful. Harry tried to scream, he opened his mouth, but before he could choke up a sound, Voldermort spoke in his mind again. Don't scream. And like before, Harry listened, Harry didn't scream, his mouth was left hanging slightly open, uselessly.
Harry was being Imperiused by Voldermort. It was different to when it had happened before, it was more horrible than he remembered, and even harder to throw off. Harry was waiting for the voice to speak again, to fight it, to ignore what it said; Harry felt his body jerking, unsure of whom to follow. He felt the feeling of his hands on his throat as if he was assessing the truth of his voice. Harry, feeling around the edges of the mind tried pushing it, moving it away, but it felt solid, like a weed, growing somewhere inside him. Harry wanted to scream, the idea of Voldermort inside him made him sick, and also made him drop his guard for the briefest second. Punch Sirius. Harry felt his body follow the order, but he didn't see it, all he could see was the fog, which was blackening slowly, as if becoming stronger. Maybe it was ok to just listen to sit back, relax, what was so bad with following what the voice said? He heard Sirius talking to him, he couldn't tell what he said or even what emotion was in his voice, but he let Sirius' voice comfort him. Attack him. Harry obliged, but only stopped when he realized what he was doing. He was hurting the ones he loved, he was letting the voice win. But would that be so bad?
No! No! No! Harry berated himself furiously, charging back into the battle inside his head. He refused to relinquish his hold on his body. He refused to lose to Voldermort. He refused to give up and he refused to hurt his friends. Harry felt his breathing grow heaver and his body grow heavier too, like was slowly regaining it, he felt his body being still. The blackness around his vision drifted to a translucent grey. Harry struggled desperately against the voice, which was breathing in his mind, he could feel it become unstable, and he tried to move it again, pushing all his power into it.
He felt the voice jolt and cry out, and his body jerked and grunted in synchronization. He pushed harder, his hands rose out of nowhere, pressing into his temples, as if to help externally. Press Harder. The voice was probably trying to make him kill himself, but the voice was weak and Harry was stronger. With a final grunt, he pushed with all his might, and the voice toppled, fell through the side of his mind, leaving him. Harry felt the brief sensation of falling from his kneeling position on the couch, a sharp jolt of pain, and a wet blackness covering his eyes.
Tonks rushed to Harry's fallen figure and immediately checked his pulse. It was steady. She pulled him back onto the couch and assessed his head. It wasn't bleeding. Just to avoid looking into Sirius' face for a few seconds longer, Tonks re-checked Harry's pulse and put her ear to his chest to hear his breath. He was fine. "Is he Ok?" Sirius voice was hoarse, like he hadn't used it. Regretfully, Tonks looked at him, at his broken features, his confused, concerned, and hurt eyes, his venerable and slightly drooping hair that was usually charged with electricity. "He's OK." Tonks noticed that her own voice didn't sound quite right either. Sirius took a deep breath and sat next to Harry, he didn't touch him, just looked at him mournfully. Tonks put her hand on his shoulder. Tonks felt like she was sisters with Sirius, they had become so close during the time Harry had been living with him, They had spent so much time playing stupid, fun games together. Remus, Sirius, Harry and her. She felt protective of him.
"How can he be that angry? I have never seen him like that before. He looked like he hated me." Sirius' voice broke on the word 'hate.' "Harry doesn't hate you." Yesterday, even trying to reassure him of this was ludicrous. Anyone could see that. Harry loved Sirius just as much as Sirius loved him, and Sirius worshipped the ground Harry stood on, Sirius wouldn't be able to handle it if Harry left him. Today, Tonks suddenly wasn't too sure. The way Harry had punched him and the look in his eyes really had been horrific. It really had looked like Harry hated him; Tonks suddenly wasn't 100 percent sure.
Remus was crying, actually sobbing, and Sirius and Tonks looked up at him. Remus shuffled closer, putting his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Harry doesn't hate you… I think… I think last night, that he couldn't stand it anymore, I think he snapped, I think Harry has gone insane from over-exposure to the curse." Remus crumbled onto the floor next to the couch. Tonks suddenly saw the scene with new eyes, the jerking the twitching, the detached, far-away look in his eyes. Tonks felt horror seep through her veins. No… It couldn't possibly be true… No… Harry just couldn't be insane. She heard Sirius emit a strangled noise, and saw his eyes swell painfully full with tears. Tonks knew that out of Harry hating him and Harry insane, the former was a million times preferred. Harry had been soulless, they had been so sure they had lost him, why did this feeling seem to unfamiliar and no less horrible? Tonks was crying and she gripped Harry's hand, also dropping to her knees. She loved Harry she was sick of the feeling that he was slipping through her fingers.
She imagined what she would have to tell everyone. The Weasleys, who had just leant that he, was OK after the scare of losing his soul. She pictured their faces, shock and disbelief at first, morphing into painful acceptance. The acceptance was the worst, the surrender to any hope you still might have, the confession that there was nothing you could do.
Harry had only fainted, so it only took him two minutes to re-surface, he blinked open his eyes at the sound of someone sobbing beside him, and someone holding his hand. Harry realized the person sobbing was Remus and was almost positive that he was the reason the werewolf was in tears. He felt terrible. Harry faintly remembered the way he had kicked and punched, out of control and he felt his eyes sting. He was so ashamed, and felt so horrified that he couldn't show his face, he blinked his eyes closed again, motionless, and pretended he was still unconscious. "Oh my God Harry…" This was Remus, Harry tried to detect any signs of anger, and found none. He heard a gasping sound, like someone had just come up from spending a while underwater, on the other side of him, and Harry knew that was Sirius. It sounded so pained, that Harry knew he had to face them, and say sorry for hurting them, for not pushing off the curse sooner. Harry opened his eyes again and slowly sat up. He felt the three people beside him stiffen, hold their breaths, and he turned to face them.
Harry saw Remus first, he still had tears down his cheeks, and his face was pale white. Tonks was sitting beside Remus with large scared eyes; she was trembling like a leaf crying as well. Finally, Harry turned to Sirius. Harry saw his eyes were filled up with tears but haven't fallen, his face was rigid and frozen and his eyes were a haunted silver. Harry saw his injuries. He had a red welt on his jaw, a trail of blood led from his lip and smeared off onto his chin, the area around his cheekbone was raised, ready to be bruised and his hair was mussed and wild. Harry felt his body shudder uncontrollably, seeing the marks on his face and knowing he had caused them, made him feel sick and cold. He huddled up, pulling his legs closer to his chest, to ashamed to speak.
Yay! Finished! Did you like? So, Harry had been imperiused by Voldermort (you will soon find out when and how) and Harry thinks that Sirius, Remus and Tonks hate him, but actually, Sirius thinks that Harry hates him, for not taking the pain of the crucio's for him, but then everyone believes Remus when he thinks that Harry has gone insane, which, creates more guilt for Sirius for not taking the curses and creates more DRAMA! And ANGST! (Yay for angst and drama) Sorry if the ending is suspenseful, just when everyone thinks that the other is insane/hating them, but it had to be done, so you could review. Do you see how this works now? If not… here it is again…
Xx PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE FAST! If you make a huge review then I'll promise a chapter up super fast. Xxx REVIEW~!
Next chapter: I really can't tell you. It will give it all away, let me just say that it will be the last angsty chapter before everything goes all normal again, (Hogwarts, Pranks, Quiddich, Umbridge, etc) so, rest assured it will be really really angsty.
Xx please review. You don't know how exciting it is for me. Tell me if you like this chapter.
