Hey guys sorry its been so long since i updated. had some personel issues but im gonna try to update more often thanx 2 sum friendly advice. as promised heres chapter 7 from Edwards POV.
Chapter 7 - Not Prepared
Edward POV
I sat on my filthy hotel bed staring at the ceiling. That's how I spent my days now. Doing nothing. That's all I could do. I could barely function anymore, its like everything in me shut down. Every since we left, I've been a mess and my family notices and does there best to hide that they know. But in case they forgot I can see everything in there heads. I left about a week after we moved. I couldn't stand it there. We were all in our own personal hell. Esme didn't smile much anymore. Before you could never get a smile to leave her face, now that smile was unfamiliar to us all. We all missed it. It was even more proof that she was a good person….and mother. Alice didn't annoy me as much which would be a good thing if it wasn't under such circumstances. She didn't even go shopping anymore and that's saying something.
Emmett didn't like to joke around anymore. He was more serious and took a lot more things offensively. He tried to hide it but sometimes I heard him saying that that was his and her thing. He just didn't feel right doing it without her. Jasper thought everything was his fault. I used to hear him arguing with himself about weather or not he should leave. If I was normal I would have convinced him to stay but im not. A little after I left Jasper and Alice took off to spend some time with our cousins. The Denali clan. Carlisle spent more time at work than he did at home. That also hurt Esme. He would take late shifts at the hospital and sometimes even go on business trips which he never used to do. He would be gone for days sometimes.
Even Rosalie wasn't herself. She was actually caring. When she thought I wasn't around she would think about her. She would think about the family. Me mostly. It was one of the first times I was in her head that she wasn't actually thinking about herself. She actually missed her. Even Jasper could tell when he was around her. That's when I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave. Id dealt with the depression, the guilt, the sadness. All of it. But then it got to be too much for me. I left Alaska….my family. I came to South America, not wanting to be that far from them. Then I got the news that about 3 weeks after I left Rosalie and Carlisle got into a huge argument and her and Emmett left for Paris. Now Carlisle and Esme were all alone and it was all my fault.
I should have let them stay with her. It would have made everyone happier. But would it have been safe for her? No, it would not have been. I've put her through enough danger, I wont do it anymore. The moment I left her in those woods I made a vow to myself…I will never be the cause of her pain again. I will never let her get hurt again. If it meant that I had to die mentally then so be it. She will be able to have a normal life. With the things I cant give her. She will go to college, get a great job, meet a nice guy, get married and eventually become a mother. She never really wanted to but once she finds a man that can convince her that its not so bad she will be all for it.
I slowly got off the bed and went to my dresser. I picked up the suitcases and packed my stuff. Alice had called a few days ago and practically demanded me to get home. She said everyone's coming back for a few days. I couldn't say no to her. She has a very successful way of getting what she wants. So here I am. Getting ready to go to the place I've been running away from for almost four months now and I am not prepared. I dread going back there. I hope they learned how to control there thoughts because if I hear one more thought about her I swear im gonna die. I have my own thoughts about her I don't need there's too.
I was currently in Venezuela. I could run to Alaska with no problems. I loved to run anyway. I loved to feel the wind on my face. Loved the exhilaration of not being in control or being careful. I guess I just loved to run away. I guess that was my thing. As I ran from Venezuela to Alaska I let my mind prepare for the charade I had to put up. I had to store my love away in a chest and put her in the back of my mind. I locked away all thoughts of her. I locked away the way she smiled. They were her beautiful muddy brown eyes would light up every time she saw me. Locked away the way she was so selfless. Always caring for others safety more than her own.
"EDWARD" Alice and Esme screamed at the same time as they saw me walk up the driveway. I couldn't help but smile. The way Alice jumped up and down and ran to me almost knocking me over was just hilarious. She always could make me laugh. Even when I didn't want to. I guess that was a brother sister thing. Me and Rosalie seem to be missing that particular part of being siblings. Were more the kind that annoy each other till it gets boring. "Oh my gosh I missed you so much." Alice said into my chest. She would not let me go for anything. "Its only been four months Alice." I said trying to sooth her because her body was shaking from the tearless sobs.
"I know but…we've never been away from each other that long. I missed you so much. I wanted to call or come check up on you but no one could find you." she said in a rush as the sobs came again. We stood there in the driveway just holding on to each other until Esme came over and decided it was her turn to harass me. I could see the joy in her face as she hugged me and for a split second the smile that we all loved was there. But just as it came it was gone in a matter of seconds. My mother grabbed me by the hand and led me into the house.
When I walked through the door I was surprised to see that the house hadn't changed since the last time I was here. It still had the impossibly beautiful mix of colors covering the walls that Esme picked out. It still had all the family portraits for the past hundred years all over the walls. I was glad to see that our graduation caps still hung in the family room. Esme looked up at me and smiled. I forced a smile back hoping she wouldn't see how much effort it was taking to be put there. If she did notice she didn't say anything. She just turned her head.
"Your fathers waiting for you. He's in the study. He wants to talk to you before Emmett and Rose arrive." I nodded my head and made my way to the stairs only to be stopped by Esme. "Um..Edward, the study's just down the hall." when I looked in her eyes I saw pain. I cant believe I just did that. How could I forget. Ugh im such an idiot. "Ur…right mom. I remember now." I said trying to ease the tension. Then I made my way down the hall until I got to the study. Carlisle was sitting behind his desk reading a book. Without looking up from his book he motioned for me to sit down.
I walked at a human pace not wanting to hear what he had to say. When I finally got to the chair I sat in it and looked up at my father. He had already put down his book and was looking at me. "Son I know its been hard for you, its been hard for us to. Bella was part of the family and it hurt us to leave." I felt my un-beating heart drop and fought the urge to run out of the house screaming. I couldn't even think her name let alone hear it aloud. "We all miss her Edward. We've all been affected by her absence but son im begging you, please let it go this week. Its hurting everyone. You mostly. This week will be about us. The family. Bella is part of our family but she's not here right now. I get that its hard for you but its hard for us to. This family has been damaged greatly and this week is all about repairing that wound. Please Edward, promise me that you will at least try and put effort into healing. If not for us, for you. We all hate seeing you this way. I mean look at you. You look as if you haven't hunted in months. Please Edward. Im begging you. Try."
It was like I was in a trance. I wasn't in control of myself. I couldn't feel my body. It was as if I was outside of myself watching someone else portray me. I watched him nod his head to my father. I watched him get up at vampire speed and leave the house. I watched him run, run, run till the moon replaced the sun. I watched him run away from his family. I stood there and watched him stop in the middle of nowhere, drop to his knees and scream to the sky. I listened as he cursed the heavens for making him this way. I cringed as he destroyed everything in sight. I wondered who this monster was. Who had replaced me? This man standing before me sobbing as if he were dieing and wishing he could, was a stranger to me.
Is this the man that my family had to live with? Is this who they saw on a daily basis? I couldn't believe my eyes. How could I be so selfish. What have I done to my family? I killed them. Maybe not physically but mentally they were gone. I would bring them back. I would revive them. If it took me ten thousand years I would bring them back. I would not show them that I was dieing inside. I would not tell them what I was planning to do the moment…..Bella….died. I would put on a brave face and smile when necessary, laugh when appropriate and joke when able. I would not hurt them again.
I got off the ground and decided to cool off before I headed home. So I ran some more. Not to run away this time. Just to feel the wind in my face. I checked the watch Carlisle had given me for my birthday. It was almost midnight. I decided if I was going back it should be now rather than later. I headed in the direction of my home. I didn't know what I was going to say to Esme or Carlisle. Im sure they would be hurt and disappointed by my reaction to that little conversation.
As I got closer to the house I was able to hear there thoughts. They were all about me. Even Rosalie's. They were all worried about me. If they keep thinking like this I think ill have to find an excuse to leave early. As I began walking closer to the house everyone became still. They could hear me coming. Then unaware that I already heard there thoughts, they all began thinking of random things. As I walked in to the house. I felt the tension build. No one was looking at me which made it obvious that they were trying to hard. I didn't really feel like talking so I just walked past them like I didn't notice anything and went to my room.
My stuff was already unpacked and hanging in the closet. There was a fresh set of towels and washcloths on my dresser so I decided to take a shower. Im ashamed to say that when I looked in the mirror it was clear that I needed one. And that's really saying something when you're a vampire and you never need baths. Well I needed one. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants out my dresser and picked a towel and washcloth then headed down the hall for the bathroom. Once inside I quickly turned the water on. I put it as hot as it would go.
As I undressed and got in I tried to stop myself from reading my family's mind but I was unsuccessful. They were all thinking of random things again. Carlisle was reciting the book he was reading earlier. Esme was going through the steps of making a blue print for a new house. Alice was translating Romeo and Juliet into Greek. Emmett was trying to think of new pranks to pull. He didn't put much effort into it though. Rosalie was translating To Kill A Mockingbird into sign language. Jasper was the only one that was acting normal. Well normal as to be expected. He was concentrating on everyone's moods. Trying to calm us all.
I felt grateful to him for trying to help out. The water felt oddly good against my skin. It was warm. I wondered what would happen if I were to stay here throughout the trip. When I felt like I had been in the shower too long I got out and put the sweatpants on and headed strait to my room. Before I got there I was pulled into Rose's room. I stood there dumbfounded as Rose paced the floor looking as if she wanted to say something. Before I got the chance to read her mind she blurted out "Edward im sorry im such a heartless bitch. I didn't really mean to be that mean to Bella. I really liked her Edward. She was good for you. For all of us Edward. Please can we go back. I cant believe im saying this but I actually miss her Edward. I miss Bella and I know you do too or else we wouldn't be in this situation. So please Edward lets go back." she said whining like a four year old would when she didn't get her way.
I stood there dumbfounded. I couldn't process what Rose just said. I cant believe Rose of all people is trying to make me change my mind about going back. I almost jumped for joy, grabbed Rose and ran all the way back to…Bella. But I didn't. I couldn't. I could never put her in danger. Besides its been four months, she's probably already moved on. "We cant Rose. Im sorry but we just cant. I promised to stay away from her and make as though I never existed. Im going to keep good on that promise until something happens that makes me HAVE to change my mind. I hurt her enough. It will only hurt worse if we go back. Im sorry Rose but I cant do it. And I cant let you do it either."
I was surprised because when I finished I looked Rose in the eyes and I could tell that if it were possible she would be crying right now. That's when I got confused. Rose hated Bella. Why would she miss her? Why would she cry for her? Why would she want to go back? If it were also possible I would have a headache by now. Rosalie huffed in defeat and sat at the end of her bed. Stupid vampire. She thought. "Hey, I heard that." I said grinning. That's when Rosalie did something I would never think she would do at a time like this. She laughed. She laughed so hard it was hilarious. I had to join in. She was rolling around in the bed clutching her sides. I knew they didn't hurt but the more we acted human the more human habits we picked up. I couldn't help but laugh at her. It was too funny. We were laughing at nothing really. Then we laughed even more because we didn't know what we were laughing at.
By the time Rose settled down her hair was a mess. It was in messy tangles surrounding her face. It was like golden ringlets. I have to admit, it was kinda cute. Then I had to laugh more because it was funny the way she looked like that. I guess we weren't missing this part of being siblings after all. When we finally settled down I went and put a shirt on and went to the family room. Then we all just sat there and watched one of our favorite movies. It was hilarious because it was a mystery and Emmett being the child he was kept yelling at the TV every time the character did something he didn't approve of. We watched this movie a thousand times and Emmett still had no idea what it was about. We never told him because of our own selfish reasons. It was just too funny when Emmett would curse the tv with words you wouldn't think he knew. It was too funny.
When the movie was over we all decided to go hunt. Since I needed it the most I didn't hesitate. Rose decided to stay behind claiming that she had went right before they arrived. I sensed there was something wrong because she was blocking me. I didn't really think much of it seeing as how I was very thirsty. We all said goodbye to Rose then made our way into the woods for our dinner. We decided to hunt outside of the city because the woods were very small and there was a high school camping trip going on. We decided not to risk it so we made or way out of the city.
We found a nice woods with a great supply of mountain lion. I hadn't hunted in so long I think I forgot how good this taste. I let my animal instincts take over and took down the nearest overgrown cat I saw. I couldn't believe how thirsty I was. I felt like I haven't ate in years. I felt my body get stronger as the warm liquid made its way down my throat. I could sense my eyes changing from pitch black to a rich caramel. Everyone was done before me so I told them to just go back home and I would be there a little later. They all took off gracefully. As I watched them disappear into the trees I couldn't help but feel that something bad was about to happen.
I continued to feed, blaming that feeling on the thirst. I finished about thirty minutes later. I pushed the dead mountain lion off of me and began my run home. It felt so good to run by myself. This was the only time I was allowed to let my feelings out. As I ran I allowed myself to think of Bella. Saying her name was getting a little easier. Well at least in my head it was. As I ran I knew if it were possible I would be crying right now. I still couldn't shake the feeling that something very bad was happening. As I got closer to the house I heard hushed voices.
Carlisle seemed very upset. He was talking with someone. I couldn't tell what was going on because everyone was blocking me again. That feeling in my stomach that was telling me to run for it was growing stronger but I ignored it. As I got closer I could hear what Carlisle was saying. "How could you do that Rosalie Hale. You know he's going to kill you. This week was supposed to be about the family. I am very disappointed in you young lady." "Carlisle I had to, and she is part of our family. How do you expect us to get back to our lives when were all a episode of the living dead. I mean come on Carlisle were all practically zombies."
"But that's not up to you. Its too dangerous for her to be around us. Its none of your business. Its up to your brother." Carlisle said. "Oh screw my brother. Obviously he's not in his right mind or we wouldn't be in this situation." "Rose--" "No Carlisle. Im tired of not having a say. I know I hated Bella but look whats its doing to my family. My love for you all out beats the hate by millions and I will do whatever I have to." Rose said. "That doesn't mean you had to call her." "YOU CALLED HER?" I screamed as I bust through the door.
I couldn't believe she would do something so stupid. Right now I felt like detaching her golden locks from her head. I swear if I could I would have ripped her head off years ago. I swear she's the only vampire I know who's actually bipolar. One second you cant remember why she's a pain in the ass then she does something and you remember. "I cant believe you would do something so stupid. We just had this conversation Rose. Whats your problem? I cant believe you did that. Ugh why do you have to be so stupid Rose. I swear I don't know how Emmett puts up with you all the time." I could tell that one hurt her. As soon as I said it I wished I could take it back.
I watched as her face became distorted with pain and she looked away from me. I couldn't take it back though. The damage had been done. I heard Emmett let out a low growl as he came and took her by the hand. I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands. I felt like ripping that girls head off and if the family wasn't here to witness I probably would have.
"I just called to check on her Edward. Make sure she was safe. Its not like I begged and pleaded for her to take us back. I just wanted to make sure she was ok. She sounded happy. She was laughing and everything. You got what you wanted now can you at least try to be happy." Rose said with a hint of attitude in her voice. I could tell my comment hit her hard. But I was still so angry at her. "I don't care why you did it Rose. The fact is that you went against everything I told you and did it anyway. So she was happy then. But what if your little phone call messed her up. Gosh I cant believe you Rose." I said standing on my feet and walking away.
As I walked away I muttered to my self "I don't know how im gonna make it through the week." "Don't worry. You wont have to. Just before you got here me and Emmett decided it would be best if we headed back to Paris." that stopped me. I whiled around just in time to see Emmett's confused look. I tried to read there minds but both of them were blocking me. "What do you mean your leaving?" I asked giving up on there thoughts. "We think it would be better if we left. We already booked a flight and packed our stuff." I had to admit I did think it would be better if she left now. At least to give me enough time to cool off. But I still had this feeling that she was hiding something from me. I wanted to know what it was but I was too angry to even look at her right now.
I stood there and watched as my brother and sister said there goodbyes. Esme and Alice were a mess. They would have been crying again. I couldn't help but feel that this would be one of the last times I saw my brother and sister but my pride wouldn't let me stop them. As they got into Emmett's jeep and sped away I felt that there was something even more horrible coming.
So there it is. i dont realli think i did gud on that one. plz let me no wat u thought of it and how i could improve the next chapter. its goin 2 b from Bella POV. you will get 2 hear Bella and Roses conversation 2. i promise i will TRY to make updates sooner but i cant promise that they actually will but i will do my best. thanx guys.
-Tink
