Naoki sat in the middle of the waiting room, feet crossed, arms crossed, impatiently waiting to see the doctor before he had to make rounds. Kotoko was sleeping soundly beside him, her hand resting softly on her stomach, head on his shoulder. She barely stirred, getting some much needed rest. They decided to switch her to third shift at work and cut her hours back because the morning sickness wasn't as bad towards the end of her shift. It usually started between five or six in the morning, so they felt it was easier to just make her work the end of that shift. By extension, though, she also didn't see her husband much, which aggravated him. All this time they had the same schedules, and now they were thrown into a different routine and he didn't like it. He heard the door open and turned to his wife when he heard his name. "Kotoko, honey, it's our turn."
Kotoko groggily stirred, not particularly wanting to wake from her slumber. She allowed him to help her up, and to hold her elbow gently, leading her into the office. He had grown incredibly concerned since the last bout they'd had. It wasn't exactly a trip down memory lane. Upon entering, she hopped onto the table and looked to her husband. Irie-Kun looked somber, which made her feel even worse about all of this. Despite him saying he wanted to try again, she never really was sure what he wanted. She heard the doctor ask a question and looked back to the woman. "This is just a checkup, Doctor."
"Alright, let's ask some questions here. How is your nausea? I heard they moved you to a different shift, is that keeping you up at all? Actually, better yet, how are you feeling in general?" The elder woman smiled softly and moved the clipboard flat against her chest. After the last time, she'd learned to ask all the questions before assuming everything was okay. "Does daddy have any questions or concerns?"
Kotoko wasn't speaking, at least, not for some time. Her voice didn't want to come to her as she flashed back to all the horrible memories of the first time. She suddenly felt very sick, but tried to keep it all under wraps. "My nausea-" And then she turned to throw up in the trash can.
"-It's worse this time." Naoki finished, pushing himself off the wall. He was done looking pitiful. He was going to support his wife, even though he still felt she was making a dreadfully terrible mistake. He rubbed her back gently while she heaved, trying to think of a way to speak for her. Instead, he dug out the notebook she'd written in, the one buried at the bottom of her purse, and started to page through for the answers to the questions. "Her nausea is worse, but her sleeping is much better. We rarely see each other now, but I don't mind if she's healthy. She's obviously still very concerned about the last trip into pregnancy, and I don't blame her. I am as well."
"Now that we're well aware of her history of Preclampsia, Doctor Irie, we will be monitoring her progress as often as two weeks. Since she is also aware, we'll ask her to submit any details if anything in her condition changes. I cannot stress to you how important this is, Kotoko. You have to start telling us if you're feeling ill. There's no need to be stubborn. This is a tough transition period, you're allowed to be weak and depend on help." Doctor Miller began, looking to the woman with a bit of a glare. She knew how concerned Irie was for his wife while he wasn't around. "We're keeping a strict eye on her at the moment. Her lab work came back normal, no elevated iron levels, no blood pressure problems outside her normal spectrum. So far she's showing no signs nor symptoms for preclampsia. However, that doesn't mean that you're out of the dark, missy."
The man frowned and moved his arm over Kotoko's shoulders, bringing her close to him and kissing her hair. "You have me so worried all the time I can barely sleep. Please tell me you're taking care of yourself. Are you eating well? Sleeping okay? Have you been tired a lot at work?" He looked at the doctor and smiled a little. "Have you felt her move yet?"
"Stop worrying about me, Irie-kun, I'm fine. You heard her. I eat, I sleep, I work and do my job. Of course I'm tired. I'm tired and sore all the time. There's a person growing inside of me. If that's not an excuse to be tired, sore, and angry, then I don't know what is. She only moved the one time, is that normal?" Kotoko inquired, catching the expression of shock on Irie's features. She turned to the doctor the same time he did. "Is it?"
"Absolutely. Some children aren't as tempered as the others. You'll have some that don't even move until the last week because they're so soft. But that's usually with chubbier women. We'll do an ultrasound here in a little bit, but I am concerned about your weight. I know you said you lost quite a bit due to the depression from your last miscarriage, but I want to make sure you're eating properly. Your weight is still fairly low, we need to bring that up or you'll be at higher risk for miscarriage. If your baby does survive through term, then you're at greater risk for delivering early. I'm sure the surgeon here knows what happens if you deliver early." She sat on her chair and put the clipboard on the table, her frown was evident. "I don't want to sell you a fairy-tale. While her health looks perfectly fine right now, her condition should be monitored daily. Try not to stress her out, and try to keep her from instances that may stress her out. You may need to leave work, Kotoko."
"But I love my job...it takes my mind off the...previous attempt." She frowned and looked down, brown eyes full of guilt. She knew the same thoughts crossed his mind, even if he wouldn't say it out loud. "I've been trying to eat healthy, I promise. Mama does a great job of that."
"Mariko?" Miller asked, her face to the drawer where she was gathering supplies for an ultrasound. "I haven't heard her eat healthy in a long time. Must have started that kick after having you boys." She took out the gel and squeezed a little onto Kotoko's stomach. "This is going to be cold."
As if she didn't already know! The wand pressed to her abdomen and she began to hear the soft sounds of the internal organs. This must have been what always fascinated Irie in school. Something so small could harness so much life and power, it was unbelievable to him. His hand squeezed hers tighter when the doctor remarked on not being able to find a heartbeat, dragging Kotoko from her reverie. "No, that's impossible." She braced herself, wanting to sit up in shock, but his firm arm kept her in place. The thoughts ran through her mind, crippling her, nearly bringing her to tears. "She can't die, I won't let her! I'm doing everything right this time!"
The words broke her heart as she turned to them and continued moving the wand around. "Listen, Kotoko...sometimes people just aren't meant to be parents. We always have other options; adoption, fostering, invetro..." Her words trailed off as she noticed Irie starting to tear up. He was so tough and composed, she never saw as much as an emotion from him. In fact, he didn't even cry during his birth. "We'll send you to a specialist."
"No!" Kotoko screamed, shaking her head fiercely. She even shocked Irie with the outburst as he'd let go of her hand. "I want my own child. Not someone else's! It has to be mine and Irie-Kun's. There's no other way. If it can't be that way, then we just...won't have children. Ever."
"Kotoko-" This time it was Irie's deep, quiet voice. "Please, calm down. I'm sure we can find a way around this. She did say she knew a specialist we could talk to..."
"Try again." Kotoko demanded, folding her arms over her chest. "Look again! I know she's not dead!"
As requested, the woman began to run the wand around again, hoping for a different result. This time, in the background, there was a faint - yet rhythmic - beating. It was sped up, likely due to Kotoko's outburst but also because babies hears beat faster than an adult. "There she is. Hiding."
The tears Kotoko cried were meant to never show themselves, but she couldn't help it. "Oh, thank God."
After the appointment, Kotoko wandered around the hospital gift shop while Irie stayed behind to talk to her doctor. Though he knew the horrible implications of what could happen if she didn't monitor her health, he didn't want to consider that thought. It plagued him at home, in his free time, around his wife...he wanted it to go away. He wanted some reassurance that she would pull through this time. "Doctor Miller," He inquired, tapping gently on the door to come back into her office. "I...have to know...is Kotoko really okay? No scares or surprises this time? I...can't lose her."
"If her condition continues like this, then she won't have any problems. Her weight is my only concern at the moment. If it degrades in the next few months, we'll put her on bedrest. At the moment, you've nothing to be concerned of except her perpetual clumsiness." A soft smile crossed her features as she watched Irie. "I know, you don't trust me. But...doctor to doctor, she'll be okay."
"She does know what not to do this time..." He frowned and leaned against her counter, arms crossed at his chest. "She wants this so badly, I just didn't know how to say no. Plus it's kind of my job to keep people alive, not aid in murdering them."
"Abortion isn't murder, Doctor Irie, and if it's detrimental to her health, there's no reason for you to feel guilty for suggesting the idea." She commented, looking over charts. "I'm glad you didn't suggest that option while you were here."
"Doctor Miller, all due respect to your practice and career, but I do believe that a heartbeat makes a person living, not a brain. So please reconsider your sentiments towards me on the matter."
"You want this as bad as she does, don't you? You're just scared of what could happen if she slips. And, your suggestion will be taken into account, but as I do offer such services here, I will continue to practice my philosophy. This is why surgeons don't marry gynecologists." She folded the paper and angrily tapped it on the table. "Are we done here? Have I addressed all your remarks and concerns?"
"Yes. Good talk. Glad we had this conversation."
"Same, Naoki."
Just a really short update before I have to go to work. Apologies. Five reviews and I'll continue. =)
