Author's note: I don't own any of the X-Men characters so don't sue me, I don't have any money… Also, I know it's a long story

Responsibility & Introspection

The next time Rogue and Logan saw each other was passing in the halls, she dropped her gaze with embarrassment and he watched her walk all the way to lunch. After dinner he asked to talk to her. They went for a walk around the grounds, not speaking for the first while. "For someone who wanted to talk you're awfully quiet." Rogue said eventually.

"I think we need to get away from this place for a bit."

"You mean run away?"

"I mean go somewhere to think." Logan clarified.

"Storm won't like it."

"She doesn't have to." He was smirking. "Wanna take a ride?"

"I have a better idea." She said with a smile. Fifteen minutes later they were under the mansion.

"This is your idea of being rebellious?" Logan said skeptically. Rogue had been doing her pre-flight walk-around for ten minutes now.

"I've got no problem with rebellious, but if anything happened to this jet, Storm would kill me." They entered the jet and Rogue started her pre-flight sequences. Ten minutes later the radio crackled to life and Storm's voice could be herd demanding to know just where the Hell they thought they were going. Rogue turned off the radio.

They flew north along the coast for a while, sitting in comfortable silence, watching the coastline get fuzzier as the sun went down. Eventually Rogue found a place to land, they were nowhere near any towns. Logan left the jet while Rogue shut it all down, by the time she was done, Logan had a fire started.

"Hungry?" She asked him.

"You know it." They rummaged around the survival gear, Logan grabbed a tent and a couple of sleeping bags and went to set it up. Rogue made them a snack while he set up the tent. They ate without talking, enjoying the quiet that didn't usually occur at the mansion.

They stared at the fire while it burned into embers, finally Rogue got up, "G'night Logan." She purposely avoided walking too close to him, afraid that if she did she'd reach out to touch his skin, to take what she needed from him.

"G'night kid."

The floor of the tent was made of a double layer of canvas with foam built inside to make it more comfortable. She zipped the door closed and took off her socks, pants and bra, leaving her in her t-shirt and panties. They hadn't planned this excursion so she hadn't brought a change of clothes.

She curled up on her side and plumped her pillow before trying to fall asleep. She was still awake almost an hour later when she heard Logan unzip the tent and come in. He didn't bother getting into his sleeping bag, he just lay on top of it after removing his footwear and overshirt.

He lay on his back and fell asleep sober for the first time in a long time. Rogue finally fell asleep. Logan was woken by her thrashing, he sat up and put a hand on her shoulder to wake her. "Rogue." She woke with a start and launched herself at him. He caught her in an awkward embrace given that she was still mostly in her sleeping bag. "Whoa, are you ok?"

She was trembling in his arms. "No. No I'm not ok. It's these dreams."

"They're just dreams, it's ok, you're safe with me." Logan told her, stroking her hair and holding her tighter.

"They're not mine." She whispered but he heard her clearly.

"What do you mean?"

"The dreams, they're not mine Logan."

"What do you mean? Whose are they?" He asked.

"Anyone I've ever touched since I was cursed. I have their thoughts and emotions, their memories, and they won't leave me alone. Their powers wear off but they're living inside my head." Rogue was almost crying. "Sometimes they're mine, but they're mostly yours. They're your dreams, your nightmares."

Logan was taken aback, he never thought that when she'd taken from him that it had gone that deep. The first time was when she'd woken him from his nightmares and he'd rewarded her with three claws through her body. She had taken his healing ability to save her life and he hadn't blamed her for even a second. The second time was after she was rescued from Magneto's machine.

She'd been almost dead when he got to her, he'd thought he'd failed to protect her and let her die. He'd pressed his hands to her skin, begging her to take from him, to heal herself. Finally her mutation kicked in and she pulled until she was conscious enough to push him. He'd tried to kill himself numerous times, and he'd been mortally wounded dozens, maybe scores of times, but he'd always healed. But that day he'd truly almost crossed over, and he was immensely grateful that he had saved her, and that she'd given him a taste of true death. He'd not liked what he experienced.

"I'm sorry kid, really, if I could take them back from you I would-" Rogue interrupted him.

"You don't get it do you?" Rogue was now at arms' length, looking into his dark eyes in the dim light. "It's not that I have them, it's that they're not dreams, they're memories. Your memories."

"I don't understand." Logan told her.

"They're memories, of what happened to you at Alkalai Lake Logan. I can't tell myself they're not real because they are real. Those things happened to you, and I have to live with that. Honestly I don't know how you live with it." He reached out to take her hand but she pulled away and looked to the side. "It's not fair and I'm tired of it."

"No it's not fair." Logan said, sighing. "I don't know what to do about it Marie. I'm sorry." She looked back at him, she couldn't remember the last time she'd heard him use her real name. She let him take her hand and pull her towards him. He laid back down on his sleeping bag and pulled her over so they were side by side.

He had his right arm around her and his left was holding her hand on top of his chest. She sighed and laid her head in the crook of his arm. He was very warm and his closeness was comforting, maybe she could sleep without chemical or mutant intervention with him there

Logan listened as her breathing and heart rate slowed and she fell asleep. She felt good in his arms. He squeezed her hand once before drifting off. Their sleep was short-lived however when Rogue's nightmares intruded. Her scream pierced his ears and his abrupt lurch to a sitting position woke her. "Logan?" She put her hand on his shoulder and his claws disappeared with a slightly muffled metallic sound. He turned towards her.

She sighed heavily, "I'm sorry. If you want I can go sleep on the jet." He put his head in his hands. He'd not realized. He'd been happy to let her use her mutation to help him forget killing Jean, to let him sleep without his nightmares of Alkalai Lake. He hadn't questioned her reasons, he'd just taken what she'd been offering, not stopping to question why she needed the oblivion.

She turned to get her clothes so she could go to the jet but he stopped her with a question that seemed out of context. "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

"What?" She asked, suddenly still.

"I've never smelled fear on you when it comes to me. Why not?" When they'd first met she reeked of fear, but it wasn't of him, even after his claws came out in that bar. She was startled to be sure, shocked certainly, but not afraid. He was used to people fearing him, the only other person who had never been afraid was the Professor. Most people who knew what was good for them were afraid of him, of the Wolverine.

Even Jean, who'd been tempted by him, even cared for him in a slightly inappropriate-for-a-taken-woman way had feared him sometimes. Scott had been afraid, Ororo still was. Dr. McCoy was wary of him, knowing first hand the beast that lurked beneath. Piotr respected him but he was also afraid. The popsicle, Bobby, had been especially afraid of him. Even the students he had protected from Stryker's men were scared to death of him; grateful certainly but still scared.

"Because you weren't afraid of me." That threw him. "Once my mutation surfaced everyone around me avoided me. Even my parents, they wouldn't come near me. Then when I came to Xavier's and everyone knew what I was, they would avoid me too. The teachers, the students. Even my friends would look me over every time I came into the room, to make sure I was safely covered up."

"What about Bobby?"

"Bobby didn't want to be afraid of me but he was." She smiled wistfully, "It was just too much for him when my mutation returned, even though I could control it then. I can't really blame him, a girlfriend with poison skin is hard to take."

"I can blame him." Logan muttered and Rogue smiled. She continued.

"But you weren't afraid of me. That first time I had to take your powers, you could have stopped me, you could have pushed me away before I pulled back but you didn't. You let me take what I needed."

"You would have died. It was my fault." He told her.

"Other people would have let me go." She insisted, "Self preservation is only natural Logan, you know that. Then on Liberty Island, I almost killed you-"

"Also my fault you needed healing."

"Logan, not everything is your fault. Magneto wanted me for his machine. It wasn't your fault." She grabbed his hands and squeezed them when he started to protest. "It wasn't. You might as well blame the Professor for not knowing Magneto's plans, or Jean, or Scott, or Storm for not getting to me faster."

"Jean told me what happened Logan, she told me that you might have died." She had been so afraid that he wouldn't wake up. She wondered how he felt knowing she was the only one who could really kill him. She supposed that the Phoenix could have, but Jean had wrested control long enough to ensure the Phoenix's demise. Rogue felt herself on the edge of tears, remembering how impossibly hard it was for Logan to kill the woman he loved.

"Even after all that, you never flinched away, you never cringed or checked to make sure I was covered. You swore to take care of me Logan. Even now, you trust me to take from you, and you're not afraid."

"But when we met I didn't know about your skin." Logan said and Rogue smiled.

"I guess I just knew you were a good guy at heart." He snorted and she laughed, but she sobered pretty quickly. "I can go to the jet. Or I can make sure you sleep through anything." She gestured and he understood she meant using her powers.

"No." His voice was sharp and hard. "I can't let you do that anymore, it's not fair to you, and it's not helping me any. Maybe I can sleep, but the reasons I can't are still there in the morning. I think Storm's right, maybe it's time for us to deal with our problems, not bury them."

"How?"

"I'm not sure exactly kid but-"

"Stop calling me kid Logan." She said, "I haven't been a kid for a while now." He blinked at her.

"True." He said slowly. She nodded then looked around for her pillow, finding it, she curled up on her side facing him. He lay down and propped his head in his hand.

"So how are we going to get any sleep tonight?"

"You sleep, I'll make sure your dreams don't bother you."

"But-"

"I can sleep tomorrow, when you're flying us home, so I'll be good and rested for when Storm tries to kill me." Rogue laughed at this. She started to move around and for a moment he thought she was going to leave anyway, but she turned over and scooted up next to him. He found himself spooning her from behind, his arm around her and he had a sudden rush of emotion.

He kissed her head and she made a noise and snuggled in closer. She was relaxing and he was wide awake. Sudden thoughts began invading his mind. He'd been calling her kid out of habit, not because he hadn't noticed her distinctly un-kid-like mind and body. And now, with her lying in his arms, trusting him completely, he was wondering if there wasn't something more going on.

Get a grip. He told himself. She may not have been a kid anymore but he was still old. Not to mention damaged goods. She had enough problems without him complicating things. She started to squirm and Logan pulled her in tight, whispering in her ear. "Shhh Marie, it's okay, you're safe darlin', I've got you, hush now." It seemed to work because she calmed and relaxed again. Logan kissed her hair.

He had to hush her a few mores times before morning, he used the time to evaluate his feelings, something he usually avoided with alcohol and more recently with the oblivion Rogue gave him. He started with Jean, he had loved her, had tried to steal her from Scott but he had been unsuccessful. Then he had killed her, true it had been what she wanted, and it had been the right thing to do, the Phoenix would have destroyed the world eventually. But rationalization didn't ease his pain any.

He had been grieving for Jean and the Professor, Hell, maybe even for Scott for a few years now, maybe it was time to move on. Logan knew he would never get over Jean's death, but maybe he could get past it. He would have to start by allowing himself to feel his pain, not numb it with alcohol or mutation-induced oblivion.

He already knew that his healing ability and time itself was responsible for the easing of the degree of pain he felt. He missed Jean and he thought the world was a much worse place without her in it. The Professor had been one of those rare individuals who actually wanted to help people, for Rogue more than himself he had mourned his passing. It seemed though that Rogue had done well enough on her own, at least where her power was concerned.

Logan was troubled by her behavior now that he was thinking on it. She had been a sweet girl once upon a time, even despite her isolation from her mutation. She had worn her heart on her sleeve and was always quick to smile. Now she would smile just as quickly, but that smile would fade just as fast as it had appeared. It was replaced by a mask that he wished he had seen months ago.

He wondered when she had slid into her melancholy, and why he hadn't seen it. Her recent behavioral changes, well, modifications really, he figured were his fault. When she drained him she took on parts of his essence, maybe even his soul, and he had to admit that the behavior he found abhorrent in her was pretty normal for him.

Some of the memories he held were pretty awful, the nightmares they gave him were pretty intense and it hurt to think how Rogue had been suffering them in silence for years now. It suddenly occurred to him that Rogue had been the one to initiate the first contact that had sent them into their co-dependant downward spiral. Logan humphed and shifted his weight, forcing himself to admit that he had been far lower than this. He had held numerous women in his arms, but none so carefully as his Marie.

His Marie? When did he start thinking of her that way? He shook his head to try and clear his thoughts. He wasn't used to caring about people, Hell, even staying at the mansion for as long as he did was way out of character. It had all started with Rogue, he had almost left her behind on that road by Laughlin City, but he didn't.

Then there had been Jean. She had been everything he'd wanted, smart, gorgeous, talented…but taken. Logan had tried to get her to love him, and it hadn't worked. He thought nothing could hurt more than that, but then she had died. The pain from that was one of regret and lost chances as well as loss. Then Jean had come back from the dead, but it hadn't really been her, she had been inside somewhere, but it was the Phoenix that had resurrected her.

Logan had tried to save her, he was willing to give his life to do that, but in the end she had given hers. He had fulfilled her final wish, it had been the plan all along, but he didn't know if he really would have gone through with it had Jean not seized control and asked him to. Even then it had been one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do.

Rogue made a noise in her sleep then rolled over to face him. His hand pushed her hair out of her face and he continued to stroke it thoughtfully. She had been there for him through all of it. It had started with her and he wondered if it would end with her, she was his constant, his touchstone, the only one who could make him obey with a simple shift of her eyes. He wondered if she knew?

He would do anything she asked of him and more. He promised to take care of her, but he was doing a piss-poor job of it lately. She had been the one taking care of him, even when he hadn't asked, she had known he desired oblivion she had given it to him, even though it had cost her some of her own sanity. He didn't know how to help her with the nightmares just yet, but he would do everything he could to give her a night's peace, even if it was just this night.

Logan fell into a doze but he woke whenever Rogue stirred, he whispered to her when he needed to and he molded his body to hers to remind her of his physical presence. Dawn broke and her movements were natural waking ones so he let himself drift off to real sleep.

Rogue woke when the sun hit her face. She didn't open her eyes right away but instead breathed in the natural air and enjoyed the feeling of restfulness she was unused to. Logan had kept the nightmares away, she shifted and felt his body wrapped protectively around hers. She listened to his regular breathing and figured he must have only recently fallen asleep. He was on his back so she rested her head in the crook of his arm.

His arm came up to pull her closer and she wrapped her arm around his waist. She dozed, feeling safe and happy. As she lay there, not really thinking about anything in particular, her hand started to idly stroke his side. His free hand suddenly grabbed hers, startling her, "That tickles." He said without opening his eyes.

How could she have not known he was ticklish? Seized by a sudden recklessness Rogue started tickling him in earnest. He responded by easily rolling her over and grabbing her hands. He was straddling her and had both her hands above he head in his left hand while he used his right to tickle her. "I'm sorry Logan!" she laughed, "Stop!" she begged.

Logan had no mercy, he watched with amusement as she squirmed and promised him things there was no way she could deliver on. He would pretend to stop before finding a new place to tease with his fingers. He finally stopped but didn't let her go. His eyes looked her over and he smirked suggestively.

Her hair was disheveled and her cheeks were flushed from laughing. Her t-shirt was tight across her bra-less chest and riding high on her stomach so her ribs were visible. The sleeping bag had slipped down to reveal the curve of her hips. Her well-muscled stomach was fluttering with her stuttering breath and Logan had a highly inappropriate thought, ok, thoughts.

He let her go with a smile and she tried to scowl at him but only half managed. "Jerk." She said without conviction.

"I wasn't the one who started it darlin'." Logan replied, letting her go and getting off of her. She gave him the evil eye as she righted her clothing and smoothed her hair. He just smiled. He put his shirt, jacket, socks and shoes on and left the tent so she could get changed. Moments later she emerged from the tent into the late summer sun.

Logan was sitting on a log and smoking his cigar. "Way to ruin the nature Logan." Rogue told him sitting next to him. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he patted her knee.

"Sleep okay?"

"Yeah I did. Thank you." Her voice was soft, "Maybe you'll stay with me tonight?"

"Yeah, sure, I can do that." Logan said, putting his arm around her and kissing her on the head.

"I suppose we should head back, let Storm yell at us." Rogue said with a smile, Logan chuckled.

"Maybe we should eat first."

"Excellent plan, I'll cook, you pack up the tent." Logan's smile faltered but he did roll everything up into a big ball and stowed it in the jet. After eating Rogue did her pre-flight checkups and they got back into the air. Logan lay down on one of the benches in the back and went to sleep. Rogue flew slowly, more to give him time to sleep than to delay Storm's chastisement.

Eventually the mansion was back on her radar and she radioed Storm to say they were landing, she got a terse reply. Fifteen minutes later the pair were standing in front of Storm who was demanding an explanation. Logan was prepared to take the brunt of the blame but Rogue beat him to it.

"I decided to take the jet. You were right, we needed to start acknowledging our problems and I thought a night away would clear our heads. I'm sorry we didn't ask."

"And did you clear your heads?" Storm asked.

"So far." Rogue looked to Logan who nodded. Storm looked like she was debating what to say next but eventually she nodded sharply and dismissed them. They took off before she was able to notice the balled up camping equipment.