The Swollen Eyeball Forums
Let no mystery go without investigation

Dib looked at the logo of the Swollen Eyeball Network once sort of knew that everyone knew that the "Agent Mothman" was the world-renowned scientist's son, and that was probably the only reason why Dib stayed after so many false alarms, but he didn't care. Zim was spotted without his disguise on the Moon's surface, and the forums would know this.

He clicked on the forum "Sightings", subtitled "Ghosts, monsters, aliens, this kind of thing".

The thread list looked like this.

(Sticky) (Locked) Rules of Good Judgment (AgentDarkBootie)
Agent Mothman: The One and Only Thread (AgentDarkBootie) (Attachment) (Poll)
(Locked) Why "Zim is an alien" is scientific stupidity (AgentSkepKitty) (Attachment)
(Locked) Agent Mothman MIGHT have a point (AgentBusinessMagnet) (Attachment)
(Locked) I don't really get this "Agent Mothman" thing? (AgentLogicEditor)
(Locked) The "Zim" Is A LIEEEEEEEE! (AgentLoveableFreak) (Attachment)

And ended with:

I think theres an alien in my class? (AgentMothMan)

There was the little chart, which meant that the thread was a poll.

He glanced at the poll's results.

Is this Agent Mothman's "Zim" stuff true or a hoax?

Definitely true - 89 (38.36%)
A hoax, other reasons - 72 (31.03%)
I don't get it? - 55 (23.71%)
A hoax, but honestly I'm sick of Agent Mothman's trolling - 16 (6.90%)

Total: 232

Dib wanted to see this in a pie chart. He literally copied this to an Excel spreadsheet and then saw the results visually.

Which meant NOTHING.

He then looked at the latest posts.


AgentFlyingSaucer0:
agent moss man is clearly a free k and a communist and that ends it

AgentBusinessMagnet:
I'm from a Soviet republic; does that make me on the same tier as Mothman, or even lower?

AgentPhotoshoppedHoax:
You serious? You do realize 99% of the Internet is banned in the Soviet Union and that you can get caught?

AgentFlyingSaucer0:
no need to take my comment on commies serious lee common


That's where it ended.

He wasn't a freak. He wasn't a communist. And he was going to make them believe and accept that Zim was an alien.

He started posting and joined the frozen-in-time conversation as well.


AgentMothMan:
Since when did communists get into play here? Huh? Huh?

AgentHilariousOuttake:
Your "huh"s are stupid.

AgentBusinessMagnet:
FYI, there is actually no law on proxy server usage in the USSR. It's free game.

AgentFlyingSaucer0:
then its sort of a steel ball that gets more and more water until it kaboom s

AgentPhotoshoppedHoax:
*needs to read the USSR Constitution in its entirety as soon as possible*

AgentDarkBootie:
You're getting off-topic.

AgentMothMan:
Back on topic, see? Would a human cosplayer dress like this with the bug eyes? Huh? Huh?

AgentHilariousOuttake:
You need to stop "huh"-ing all the time.

AgentBusinessMagnet:
(quote of the previous comment) Seconded.

AgentSkepKitty:
(quote of the previous comment) Thirded.

AgentMothMan:
Then suggest me a less inane letter combination to use?

AgentFlyingSaucer0:
now wh4t hasnt fallen into the annoying category yet

AgentLogicEditor:
Wait what? The Homestuck fandom ≠ the Swollen Eyeball Network.

AgentFlyingSaucer0:
doesn't stop us from being all home stuck fans

AgentLoveableFreak:
Which, in turn, stops us from being all paranormal investigators.

AgentMothMan:
YOU LIEEEEEEE. I'm still the best paranormal investigator there is and Zim's definitely an alien.

AgentPhotoshoppedHoax:
You actually named your finding with an alien name?

AgentHilariousOuttake:
Looool.

"IM AGENT MOTH MAN! AN I FOUND THIS ALIEN AND ILL CALL HIM ZIM"

No offense, but that was precisely like it.

AgentFlyingSaucer0:
my commie comment (get it) still holds

AgentBusinessMagnet:
And hence, the circle of stupidity goes around the world and stops at Moscow again.

AgentDarkBootie:
Be on topic or I'll probably have to change the rules.

AgentMothMan:
NOW WH4T? Will you still believe I'm the master of Photoshop?

AgentHilariousOuttake:
NOW WH4T 1LL L3G1SL4C3R3R34T3 YOU! Σ\:)

That = a quirk of a definite alien. Zim = someone made at the hands of a real master of Photoshop. Possibly someone who isn't really eleven.

AgentFlyingSaucer0:
om g you using characters straight from character map i probably will have to take some too


"This was pointless," said Dib loudly, not realizing that he's talking to himself again.

"This wasn't an alien sighting. This wasn't something to be investigated. This was a huge thread by other pseudo-paranormal investigators that also reference webcomics and I shouldn't have been part of it."

"Your voice is stupid," yelled Gaz from another room, playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2.


Author's notes: Yup, Team Skepkitty now works for the Swollen Eyeball Network. What's next?