Annnd we're back. Let's get straight into it, guys. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

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10:13 pm.

The weight of the confession pressed down on them, and Jane felt her heart clenching as she realized just what she'd done. If what this doctor said was true it had been two years since she stopped being Detective Jane Rizzoli and just became one of Hoyt's girls. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd spoken to anyone other than Hoyt, but there was something strangely comforting about the doctor. But Jane knew that she didn't deserve comfort, not after everything she'd done – and not after what she'd been planning to do to Maura herself.

"You're sure?" Maura said after a while.

Jane's gaze snapped over to the doctor, who was sitting a few feet away, her legs tucked under her and her hands in her lap. She looked like she was getting ready for a picnic, but the fear in her eyes reminded Jane of just how serious the situation was. She'd kidnapped the Chief Medical Examiner, just snatched her right off the street like Hoyt had done to so many women, and she'd had every intention of killing her. What other choice did she have?

"Yes," Jane said. Her voice was slightly hoarse and she still felt tears pricking behind her eyes, something that made her more ashamed than she cared to admit. She was supposed to be in control, and here she was blubbering like a baby. It was a far cry from the person she used to be, the detective who could take a bullet and hardly even blink. She was falling apart, and it was only a matter of time before there were too many pieces of her to put back together. "He has my mother," she went on. "I've seen the proof."

She was deliberately avoiding meeting Maura's eyes, worried about what she'd see there. Would it be sympathy? Hatred? Fear? Some horrible mix of all three? She didn't want to know.

"We need to tell the others," Maura said, "Frankie, Frost, Korsak."

Each name was a blow to the heart, and by the end of it Jane had squeezed her eyes closed, trying to block out memories of her former colleagues. At first she'd held out hope that they'd find her, but the days slipped by and the only one who ever came to her was Hoyt. The strange thing was, she never really blamed them for it. Hoyt was a psychopath, but he was brilliant; he hid his tracks, he chose his victims carefully, he'd been connected to a handful of murders but they'd never been able to prove a thing. If they hadn't been able to track him down before, how were they supposed to find him simply because he'd taken Jane?

And now, hearing Maura say their names, hearing her say that they'd never stopped looking for her, it hurt in ways she hadn't believed possible. After a while she'd forced herself to stop thinking of them, to focus on the present and not everyone she'd left behind.

"We can't tell them," Jane said sadly. When Hoyt had let her go, her first thought had been to go to the station. But Hoyt was watching her, and he'd know if she didn't go through with it. And if she didn't do what he said, then he'd kill her mother. Korsak and the others may be good at what they did, but Hoyt was, as far as she could tell, unbeatable. In the two years she'd been with him, she'd never seen him make a single mistake. Every piece of evidence they found was a clue deliberately left behind by him, and he wasn't going to be found until he was ready.

"I know you're scared of Hoyt -" Maura started, and something about the phrase struck a nerve.

"I am not scared of him," Jane growled. "And stop saying his name."

"Sorry," Maura said quickly, falling back into the pattern she'd been displaying this entire time – backing off the second she suspected that Jane was about to become violent.

Jane didn't blame her for her reactions. Even Jane herself didn't know how far she was going to take this, and she wasn't entirely sure what would set her off. Talking about Hoyt earlier, admitting what he'd done to her and the other women – that had been hard. But managing her temper was proving to be impossible. She didn't want to talk about Hoyt, and she didn't want to hurt Maura, and she didn't know what she was supposed to do.

"Is he – is he watching us right now?" Maura asked cautiously.

Startled, Jane turned to face her again. She caught a glimpse of fear in Maura's eyes before the other woman hid it behind a reassuring smile, encouraging her to answer. There was something almost likeable about this woman, something surprisingly friendly given the circumstances. Jane found herself thinking that before all of this, Maura might have been the kind of person Jane would consider a friend.

"No, he's not," Jane said. She hesitated, and then, hating herself for opening up, said, "But I have a deadline. If you're not dead by midnight…"

"It's okay," Maura cut in, and Jane was relieved that she didn't have to finish the sentence. She couldn't stand to think about what that bastard was going to do to her mother. She'd seen him kill before, and he took pleasure in prolonging it. There was no short and sweet with him; it was nothing less than torture.

Silence stretched between them. Jane turned the scalpel over in her hands, thinking about what she'd been through with Hoyt, about how he'd taken her and tried to break her. How he'd chosen her specifically because she was so good, the epitome of everything he wasn't. How he'd tried to make her like him, tried to get her to hurt people. How he'd hurt her when she refused. Maura's voice broke through her confused thoughts, and she was startled to realize that her heart rate had risen and her hands were clammy. Classic signs of anxiety, like she'd been about to have a panic attack.

"Jane?" Maura said quietly.

Dragging herself out of her own crowded mind, Jane focused on the doctor. "What?" she asked, trying to inject some venom into her voice, but she was too worn out to care when she merely sounded sad.

"Do you think it would be okay if you gave me the scalpel?"

Her voice was so gentle it was almost painful. Jane wasn't used to quiet voices and kind words; she was used to orders, to threats, to sickening promises. Maura kept catching her off-guard, and Jane wasn't sure how to react. Without thinking her hand tightened around the scalpel. As long as she had it, she could convince herself that she was still doing her job. The moment she relinquished that control, she would have nothing. But she couldn't quite bring herself to say no.

So she held onto the silence, and Maura held her tongue for a minute or two.

"I'd really like it if you could give me the scalpel," Maura tried after a while, still in that same quiet voice, like she was soothing a wounded animal. And in her mind that's probably what this was. Jane wasn't the decorated detective she used to be; she was a mess, and she was dangerous, and she'd almost killed this woman just because it was what she was told to do. "I think you'll feel better if you let go of it," Maura urged, but she made no move toward her.

Jane wasn't sure that was true, but holding onto it wasn't giving her much relief either. Holding onto it was like holding onto the memories of who she used to be. She wasn't Detective Jane Rizzoli anymore; she was The Surgeon's apprentice. And the only thing she had going for her was that she was the one with the scalpels.

"Please, Jane," Maura said, and this time she did move, inching closer slowly so as not to alarm Jane. "It's going to be okay. Just let go of the scalpel."

Dimly it occurred to Jane that Maura could have bailed by now. The second Jane stopped holding her down, Maura could have made a run for it. Heck, Jane was so wound up that Maura probably could have even taken her out. But Maura was still here, and her voice was soft with sympathy – another emotion that Jane had long ago forgotten. Hoyt didn't have any sympathy, any compassion, any kindness. He had nothing human in him, and Jane had begun to believe that she was like him.

"I can't," Jane mumbled, but she didn't move away from Maura.

The doctor kept approaching with almost-glacial slowness, her eyes darting between Jane's face and her hand. When she was half a foot away Maura stopped. She was almost close enough to touch, but her expression made it clear that she wasn't about to try to overpower her. She was waiting for Jane to give up control voluntarily. And she couldn't do that.

"I can't," Jane repeated, but even she didn't know what she was talking about anymore – letting go of the scalpel, letting go of the past, or simply letting Maura live.

"Yes you can," Maura countered gently. "It's going to be okay, I promise."

Jane snorted. She'd heard promises like that before. For a week after she was taken, she'd promised herself that Korsak and Frost and Frankie would find her. And for the past two years she'd promised Hoyt that she'd never be like him. It seemed she was wrong on both counts.

"I know you don't believe me, and that's okay." Maura held up her hands again, reassuring, encouraging. And, Jane thought, just a little bit devious – her hands were facing forward, so that Jane could see her palms. The very ones she'd almost stabbed scalpels through not even an hour ago. "But you need to trust me. I can help you."

Jane didn't have the energy to remind her that she didn't trust anyone anymore. She should finish what she started; better to kill Maura without the protocol than to let her walk away. Maybe Hoyt would let her mother go as long as Maura was dead. It was her only choice.

"Please," Maura said. She held out her hand, and Jane tried not to notice the way it was shaking. "Just give me the scalpel."

But something about the gesture hit home for Jane. Maura was terrified, but she wasn't leaving. Jane knew a lot about fear, about how to work through it and even how to express it when the situation called for it, and she knew that it took guts for Maura to do something when she was so deathly afraid. And it reminded Jane of the pre-Hoyt version of herself. Everyone at the station may have thought she was fearless, but there had been days when she could hardly face the world, she was so scared. But the difference between being scared and being a coward was simple: she'd never let her fear hold her back.

And now she realized what she was afraid of – not killing Maura, but of letting her help. She'd long ago given up hope that someone would save her, but maybe she could save herself. And maybe this was the way to start.

Slowly she reached forward, holding out the scalpel. She saw Maura tense when their hands almost met, Jane holding the scalpel just above Maura's hand. A long moment passed, and then Jane met Maura's eyes and dropped the scalpel onto her palm. Maura flinched and withdrew her hand, closing her fist around the handle of the scalpel.

"Thank you," Maura said genuinely.

"You can have the others, too," Jane said, her gaze flicking over to the table where she'd left the other instruments. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, as if she wanted to disappear.

Maura's smile grew, and for a startled second Jane actually expected her to hug her. Then Maura stood up and went over to the other scalpels, quickly packing them up into the bag they'd come from.

"You can use them if you want," Jane said suddenly, and Maura spun around to face her.

"What?" Maura asked in surprise.

Jane lifted up her shoulder in a shrug. "The scalpels," she clarified. "You can use them. I know you want to, and after what I've done to you I don't blame you." Jane took a deep breath and stood up, then spread her arms wide, leaving her body exposed. "Do it," she ordered. "Kill me."

For a moment Maura just stared at her, and then she let out a breath of laughter, shaking her head slightly. "I'm a healer, Jane," she said, a knowing smile playing around her lips. "I'm not a killer." As if sensing what Jane was about to say, she added, "And neither are you."

"Tell that to Hoyt," Jane said grimly.

Maura surveyed her for a moment, her gaze so piercing that she felt like she was back with Hoyt. He'd always read her better than anyone she knew, and that was part of the reason she'd believed him when he told her she was like him. But here was someone who was willing to bet their life to prove that Jane wasn't a killer.

"I think I have an idea," Maura said, but the frown on her face made it clear that it wasn't going to be something Jane wanted to hear.

"What is it?" Jane asked, crossing her arms over her chest. She looked over at the doctor who was standing near the table, and she had the horrible feeling that she was putting her fate in someone else's hands. That wasn't something she'd ever done, and she wasn't sure why she was doing it now.

"You're not going to like it," Maura warned.

Jane shrugged; she didn't like anything about this situation, so that was nothing new. "Tell me."

"I think," Maura said, hesitating for a minute before ploughing on, "you're going to have to kill me."

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Thanks for the reviews last chapter, and don't forget to tell me what you think of this one. See you next time!

(Btdubbs, still looking for a beta for my next Rizzles fic. Hit me up if you're interested.)