Tpov

Despite the fact that it meant he had to bail on our hiking trip, I was glad Alex had come over for family night. He and Nona had talked quite a lot while he was over, and by the time we'd played charades, Alex, Nona, and I against her parents, I'd started to feel a bit like a third wheel between them. Part of me wondered if she might be seeing him in a different light now that she wasn't several inches taller than him.

While I was happy that it seemed that Alex might have a shot with her, it did feel kind of weird. I'd always wanted them to get together, but never thought about how that would effect my relationship with him. Surely if they were going out I'd see him all the time, but how would I feel if they wanted alone time together? Surely if they were a couple they would. Then what would I do? The only two people I spent time with would be unavailable.

I decided not to think about this and go on the hike anyways. It was too nice of a day to be cooped up inside and so I hit the trails on my own, armed with a water bottle, some snacks, and my sketch book.

Sunlight poked through the leaves as I walked and I couldn't help but smile. It was a gorgeous day and before long I'd tied my flannel around my waist, enjoying what was probably the last of the warm weather before the winter.

I was surprised at how easily I remembered the area after all these years. My parents had always let me hike without them as long as Jason was with me when I was younger, and it was one of his favorite things to do. Even when the weather was dismal he loved being out in the woods and usually dragged me along. How many days had I spent slipping over wet rocks and splashing through the mud trying to keep up with him as he ambled through the trees, apparently not bothered by either.

I walked for about two hours before I hit a deer path that interested me. After looking over my shoulder, I stepped off the main trail, stepping around tree roots and trying not to trip over mossy rocks. After about twenty minutes I was glad I did. I hit a small stream that was tumbling down a rocky hillside causing many small waterfalls. I smiled and found a dry patch on which to sit, then shrugged my book bag off my shoulders and took out my sketch book.

I didn't know how long I sat there sketching, but long enough that I'd moved on from the water to other things around me. I doodled the shapes of leaves and flowers near by. The breeze picked up the pages on my sketchbook occasionally, but rather than be annoyed I found it pleasant. It went well with the sound of the moving water. It was relaxing. The sun had moved since I'd been here and I was sitting in a warm patch of light.

I felt my eyelids growing heavy.

I blinked and rubbed my eyes shaking my head. What should I draw next?

I went back through the pages of the sketchbook, intending to work on unfinished pieces. I hesitated about half way through the book, my eyes landing on the wolf. Goose bumps erupted over my arms. Even if it was just an image, I still remembered the night I'd seen it.

I rubbed my eyes again and continued adding detail to the picture trying to ignore the memories that were presenting themselves so persistently to my mind.

I tried to ignore the sharp noise that rattled my window every few seconds, knowing what it meant.

'Just ignore him.' I thought as another rock hit the pane. It was the middle of the night. What the hell did he want?

I put my pillow over my head, pretending not to hear anything other than my fan for the next twenty minutes, but finally, after a loud 'CRACK', I got out of bed knowing that if I ignored him any longer he would find a rock big enough to smash the glass.

"Go away Jason." I said angrily staring down at the boy standing in my yard as I pushed my window open.

Though it was night, the moon was full and I had no problem seeing him.

"Just come down Tani." He said grinning at me in a way that made it seem like I'd already agreed.

"No."

"Why not?" he asked disappointed.

"You know why." I said shaking my head. Did he think I'd forgotten everything he'd done to me? That I would forgive him that easily?

"Yeah I know." He muttered looking down. "Look I just want to talk."

"I don't want to talk to you." I said making to close the window but he looked up and his eyes met mine.

"Please Tan."

I hesitated. He looked upset and I couldn't help but think he looked sincere. I felt a stab of sympathy go through me when I realized how sad he looked, which was almost immediately eclipsed by panic.

How did he always do this to me? One moment I hated him and then he looked at me like this, like he really was sorry, and I wanted to forgive him. It didn't matter that I knew he wasn't, or even if he was that it was ever going to change anything. All I knew was that when he looked at me like this he could always get me to do whatever he wanted. And this time wasn't any different.

"How am I supposed to even get down there?" I asked uncertainty and his smile returned. "My parents sleep right next to the stairs. They'd hear the front door."

"Come out the window."

"I'm on the second floor."

"I'll catch you." He said shrugging.

"From the second floor?" I asked indignantly and he nodded as if this were a natural assumption. "Are you insane? That's not physically possible."

"Don't you trust me Tan?"

Again I hesitated. I should have said no. Knowing Jason he'd come here just to see if he could get me to jump and watch me fall, but he was still smiling at me in the way that made my chest tight and didn't allow me to think straight. It wasn't fair.

"You're going to catch me?" I asked tentatively.

He nodded.

"You promise?"

His smile grew.

"Of course."

"Alright." I said knowing this was stupid but changing into jeans and a hoodie anyways then sitting on the windowsill.

"If you don't catch me, I'm going to kill you."

"If I don't catch you you're going to the hospital so I really doubt it." he said amused.

"You're not helping." I said sourly and he laughed.

"Take your time."

I took several deep breaths as I looked at the ground. This suddenly felt much higher up than it had a minute ago...

"You will tell me if you plan to move before sunrise, right?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up." I said and again he laughed.

I close my eyes and allowed gravity to pull me off the sill. My heart shot into my throat as I fell through the cold night air and just as I was sure Jason had lied and I was going to hit the ground, a pair of strong arms grabbed me.

"Not so bad was it?" Jason asked amused and I uncurled from the protective ball I'd unknowingly formed.

"You shouldn't have been able to do that." I said looking up at him.

Jason had always been tall and strong for his age, but was still only fifteen and even with the crazy growth spurt he'd been going through recently, he'd made it look easy.

He smirked.

"Then why'd you jump?".

Even through my hoodie, I could feel the heat radiating off of him.

"You're burning up." I said trying to ignore the heat in my cheeks as he set me down.

"That's what my grandfather keep saying but I feel fine." He said shrugging. "C'mon."

"I thought you wanted to talk."

"You can't walk and talk at the same time?" he asked raising an eyebrow and looking down at me.

"Where are we going?" I asked jogging to catch up with him.

He smiled when I said the word 'we'.

"The trails." He said as if this were obvious.

"But it's the middle of the night."

"So?"

"So isn't that dangerous? No one knows where we are. What if we get lost?"

"Please Tan," he said looking far from concerned. "You're with me. Do you really think that's going happen?"

He had a point. No one knew the woods better then Jason. He was probably more comfortable on the trails then he was on the roads on the reservation. I glanced over my shoulder at my shrinking house as we made our way towards the woods to the trail head, Jason with his hands in his pockets looking quite at his ease while I still felt uncertain.

Trying to ignore the several voices in the back of my mind screaming at me that this was a mistake, I followed him into the trees.

For someone who wanted to talk, Jason didn't seem to have much interest in saying anything. We walked for a solid twenty minutes without speaking and after another quarter of an hour I couldn't take it anymore.

"Jason, why did you ask me to come with you?"

"I told you, to talk."

"Then say something."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"You asked me out here. You tell me."

"You excited to start high school?"

I stared at him indignantly for a second but he looked down at me, with apparent, genuine interest. After all this time, this what what he wanted to talk about?

"Is anyone?" I asked scowling and he let out a slight laugh.

"It's not that bad."

"Yeah, well it wouldn't be for you." I said looking up at him a little uncomfortably. He was so tall now. "No one would dare mess with you."

"Well if anyone messes with you let me know, I'll deal with them."

"What if it's you?" I asked and his smile faded.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about." He said not looking at me. "Look I know I haven't been a great person to you for a while now and now that we're going to school together again soon, I wanted..."

But he cut himself off, apparently uncomfortable, as if he wasn't' sure what he should say next.

"You wanted..." I prompted and he took a deep breath before continuing.

"I just, I was hoping that-"

But he cut himself off and I noticed he looked a bit dizzy.

"Hoping what?" I asked uncertainly but he shook his head and put a hand on a near by tree, leaning against it.

"Jason?" I asked feeling alarmed now. "Are you ok?"

"Fine." He muttered, but he didn't look it. His voice was tight, and he sounded like he was in pain.

He bent over, still leaning on the tree and clutched his stomach.

"Jason…?" I asked hesitantly, trying to approach him but he shook his head again and walked several paces away from me.

"I'm fine." He repeated standing up, but his eyes were closed and the hand that was running through his hair was shaking, as was the rest of his body.

"You look like you're about be sick."

"I-" he started but he bent over again and suddenly ran off the path into a clump of bushes and I heard a retching noise.

"Jason!" I shouted as I heard a thud and I knew he'd collapsed.

I tried to run after him, but got caught on the branches that grew much closer together now that I was not on the trail. I fought my way through briars and brambles in the direction I'd thought he'd gone, but the farther I went the more uncertain I became. I should have run into him by now, he couldn't have gotten that far…

I looked over my shoulder, wondering if I should go back to the trail and get help from someone on the reservation but a shock of fear went through me as I looked around and realized I wasn't sure where the trail was. It was darker in this unkempt area off the beaten path. Everything looked the same to me.

"Jason?" I called nervously, a sense of unease clawing through me but there was no response.

I started to backtrack, walking in the direction of what I hoped was the trail and listening for any sound that might lead me to him but I heard nothing.

"Jason!" I shouted a little angrily this time. "If this is some sort of joke it isn't funny!"

I heard a twig snap behind me and I felt relief flood through me.

"I thought you'd left me." I said gratefully but froze when my eyes landed on the figure behind me. It wasn't Jason.

He was tall and ghostly pale, his skin glowing in the moonlight. His hair was black and he was unnaturally attractive, but not in the way Jason was. Jason's features were strong and comforting but this man… everything about him was cool and calculated. His eyes were black and glittered as they stared hungrily at me.

"He did." The man said with a wicked smile and I felt my stomach contract with fear. "How unfortunate for you."

I didn't bother to ask what he meant by this. I knew.

I turned and started to run but faster than my eyes could follow he'd moved and was in front of me.

I cried out in pain and shock as he grabbed my wrists and smirked down at me.

"Did you really think I was going to let you get away?" he asked sounding cruelly amused.

I was thrown off my feet and into a boulder. My head smacked against it and I felt dizzy, I collapsed unable to breathe.

I tried to scream as he approached, laughing, but nothing came out. Even if it had, there was no one around to hear it.

"This really wasn't much of a challenge." He said as he knelt next to me. He grabbed my hoodie and set me in a sitting position, my head was swimming. "I thought the boy might have at least made it interesting."

"Jason." I mumbled hardly aware of what was going on.

"Oh sweetie," he said grinning, showing unnaturally white teeth. "He cant help you now."

My vision was going fuzzy and darkness was eating at the corners of my eyes.

"No one can."

A crack of thunder echoed through the trees, my eyes flew open and I sat up breathing quickly. I looked around the dark woods horrified, half convinced I was still in the dream when I heard the sound of the stream and I realized I was alone.

I took several shuddering breaths continuing to search my surroundings for any sign of movement, any suggestion that the man was here. After several minutes had passed however, I was able to calm myself down. I must have fallen asleep.

I glanced up at the and realized several hours had passed and the clouds that covered La Push had returned and as usual, were threatening rain.

I needed to get home. I hadn't planned for bad weather.

I closed my sketch book, packed it in my bag, then got to my feet just as fat drops started falling to the ground.

"Oh come on." I said realizing I had no idea where the deer path I'd followed had gotten to. It started to rain heavier and as I looked up at the clouds I was startled to realize that the light of the sky was rapidly fading. It must have been evening. I was running out of daylight.

Slipping and sliding over the rocks, I finally managed to find the path and stepped under the cover of the densely packed trees that the path wound around. While the journey to the falls hadn't taken me long originally, navigating the terrain was harder in the dark and several times I found I'd stumbled off the path only to realize it when I hit a clump of branches or a thorn bush.

"Ow." I muttered pulling a few of the barbs out of my jeans when I heard something behind me snap and I froze.

Heart beating rapidly, I turned listening for any other noise, trying to ignore the fear that was pouring into my veins.

"Is someone there?" I asked, glancing between the trees not that it did me much good. The forest was so dense here someone easily could have hidden behind them.

Nothing answered.

I looked around again, trying to stall the panic that was threatening to overwhelm me as I quickly started making my way back to the main trail.

'It was probably nothing.' I assured myself, trying to listen through the sound of the rain hitting the leaves. 'It could have just been a branch falling, or some animal walking by. You're freaking out over something that happened years ago… that wouldn't happen again and even if it did, well, you'll be alright.'

A memory drifted towards the surface of my mind. A wolf, bigger than it should have been possible, with intense dark eyes.

Another snapping sound, this was definitely closer and louder, whatever had broken had not been done by an animal, and was not a twig.

I walked faster, heart pounding in my ears.

'You're fine.' I thought. 'Nothing's going to happen. Everything's going to be alright.'

Another crack, even closer. I started to run. In my panic I'd stopped paying attention to where I was going. I'd stepped off the deer path again and was now totally lost.

I looked around frantically, I was alone, lost and scared. No one knew where I was, I had no idea where I was supposed to be heading the last time this had happened to me…

I tripped over a tree root and let out a shout as I plummeted to the ground. I threw my arms out to brace myself for fall, but it didn't come. Something big and strong caught me and my panic went into overdrive. It had found me. It came back.

I screamed and tried desperately to free myself from a grip that was strong as iron, but was surprisingly gentle at the same time.

"Tani, calm down! It's me." someone shouted and I froze. I knew that voice.

"Jason?" I asked in utter shock looking up, but even in the dim light I knew it had to be him. Only he was that tall.

"I heard you shout," he said sounding worried. "Are you alright?"

As usual when he wasn't in school, he was shirtless wearing a pair of cut off sweatpants.

"Yeah." I said quickly stepping out of his grip and looking away.

"You look terrified." he said and I could still hear the intense concern in his voice. As if he really was worried about me.

"I thought I heard someone." I muttered feeling embarrassed. I was sixteen, I shouldn't be getting spooked in the woods.

"You heard me." He said gesturing to his left where I saw about twenty feet away he's started a fire and a sleeping bag was set up as well as a pile of broken branches he must have been breaking for firewood. He didn't have a tent, but I knew Jason didn't like sleeping in one if he could avoid it. Instead he'd propped a tarp over a make shift lean too he'd built with branches and fallen logs that protected his fire and is gear from the rain that had made it through the leaves. "What are you doing out here on your own?"

"Alex and I were going hiking but he had to work. What are you doing?"

"I spend most of my time in the woods these days." He said shrugging, his eyes had been on me up until this point, but as he said this he looked away. While his expression was casual, but there was a certain dejection behind his tone. It didn't make sense. Jason had always loved camping. Even as kids he'd always talked about how he couldn't wait until he was old enough to go on his own. I figured he'd be happy here in his element.

"What about your friends?" I asked uncertainly.

"They come sometimes." He said with another shrug. "But for the most part they don't like it unless the girls come."

"Their girlfriends?"

"Yeah." He said shortly and I could tell he wasn't a fan of this.

"You don't like them?"

"No they're fine." He said shaking his head and sounding even more depressed. "It's just being around them and my friends at times can be a little much."

"I guess it isn't much fun being the third wheel."

"Yeah." He said tersely.

"Well, why don't you invite a girl to come with you?" I asked I knew if he asked any girl in school they'd agree to go with him. Well, except maybe me or Nona.

He didn't answer.

I hesitated. Though it was rare in the woods, I recognized the refusal to make eye contact, the short responses or refusal to do so. Even by his body language I could tell that right now Jason was moody. He went back to breaking branches that looked to thick to be snapping as easily as he was.

"I'm a little surprised to see you this far off the main trail." He said eventually. "If you're just out for a day hike."

"Yeah about that." I muttered a little awkwardly. "Where is it?"

He paused, about to snap another log and turned to look at me as if he wasn't sure he'd heard correctly.

"Don't tell me you're lost Tani." He said in disbelief.

I didn't answer but I didn't have to.

"Of course you are." He said shaking his head looking as if he couldn't decide if he was amused or annoyed. He gave me a shrewd look. "You have no idea where you are, do you?"

I shook my head.

"Come on." He said with a sigh, tossing his log back on the pile. "I'll take you back."

"You don't have to." I insisted. "Just point me in the right direction and-"

"I'm not leaving you on your own." he said shaking his head. "The last thing I need is for you to get lost wandering around the woods again, and with your track record you will. I'm coming with you."

"Thanks." I said embarrassed.

He didn't answer, just dosed the fire with a bucket of water next to it and gestured for me to follow him.

"What about your stuff?" I asked uncertainly.

"I know where it is." He said comfortably apparently not concerned about having to find it again and I looked at him.

How much time did he spend here?

I shivered as a cool breeze ran through the leaves, showering his makeshift campsite with droplets of water. He noticed.

"Here," he said bending down and grabbing something from under the tarp, then tossing me his rain jacket.

"But this is yours." I started and he shrugged.

"I don't need it, and besides, if you don't get something to keep the rain off you you'll freeze."

I wanted to argue, but another breeze rippled through the woods, this one stronger and I shivered again.

"Alright." I said. It was so big it easily covered my book bag and still went passed my hands, I felt like a kid wearing their father's suit jacket but he was right. I was much warmer than I was a few seconds ago.

"Ready?" he asked and I nodded.

It was really starting to get dark now and as we moved from the fire light, I was starting to realize just how little I could see. Jason didn't seem bothered by this, he looked as he always did in nature, totally at home. While I was tripping over tree roots and stumbling over rocks, he was waiting patiently for me to catch up to him, occasionally catching me before I fell.

He didn't complain, but when I almost slid down a muddy hill into a pile of jagged rocks, he'd apparently had enough.

"Alright we're done with this." He said righting me for what must have been the twelfth time tonight. "I'm just going to carry you."

"I'm fine." I protested indignantly.

"Tani, if we keep going at this rate you're not going to get home until next Wednesday."

"It's not my fault it's dark." I said defensively.

"I'm not saying it is. But we're several miles out and you're too slow."

"Wouldn't carrying me slow you down?"

"You weigh less than my winter gear."

"But-"

"Do you want to get home tonight?" he asked cutting me off.

"Yes."

"Then you're going to have to let me carry you."

"Fine." I said darkly but allowing him to carry me on his back.

"Jeez you're tiny." He said his arms sliding under my knees.

I ignored this and locked my arms above his shoulders as he started walking. He was right, now that he wasn't waiting for me we were making far better time.

"Why the hell aren't you tripping over stuff?" I asked trying not to be concerned how warm his skin was. I had to admit it was a little nice. Any traces of cold had been burned away by it.

"I've always had better night vision than you."

"Yeah, but how can you see anything?" I asked looking up all I could see were the occasional branches against the clouds above us, and even then it was difficult. "It's legitimately a cloudy night."

"I guess I'm just special."

I continued to stare around trying to see anything but gave up after only a few seconds. I rested my chin on his shoulder.

"So how's your grandfather?" I asked unable to think of anything else to talk to him about.

"Same as usual." He said and I felt him shrug, the muscles in his shoulder hardly seeming to notice my weight. "Old, stubborn, and thinks he knows how to run my life better than I do. Still irritated by the youths."

"I never got the impression young people irritated him."

"Yeah, well he always liked you." He said and I could tell he was grinning. "Every time I introduced him to a girl I was dating he'd make a point to ask me about you in front of her."

"Why?" I asked shocked.

"He thought you were good for me." He said a little awkwardly. "In his words I acted less like 'An arrogant little hellion' when you were around."

I couldn't help myself, I grinned.

"He was right of course." He said with a sigh. "As he always is. Even my parents noticed it."

"What do you mean?"

"I was always much better behaved when you were around as a kid."

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Because if I ever annoyed you you'd just ignore me and start drawing. Other kids, I'm not sure why but they always did whatever I wanted to get me to like them, but not you. I hated it when you ignored me so I tried to avoid it as much as possible. I acted like much less of an idiot around you."

"You once put a kid in head lock for stealing my cookie at lunch when you were seven." I said frowning. "That was you acting like less of an idiot?"

"Yeah, you can imagine how bad it was when you weren't around." He muttered shortly.

I didn't know what to do with this information but he didn't seem to require an answer. He continued to walk and silence stretched between us, rain drops occasionally dropping onto my head but not really bothering me considering how arm he was. I knew I shouldn't have been, but I was extremely comfortable. He smelled like smoke from his fire and the laundry soap his parents had always used. It was so familiar to me I closed my eyes as memories presented themselves to me, all attached to the scent. Camping with our parents, all those days we'd gone walking together in the woods, walking home together after school, laughing and talking about our days when we'd been apart. It was amazing really, how terrified I'd been earlier but now that I was with Jason I felt untouchable. Not even thinking about the dream scared me.

Everything about him felt familiar, not just familiar, but right. The way his heart beat and his body moved as he continued to walk and I felt like a kid again, when being around Jason was the safest place in the world, where I was supposed to be.

I woke up to the sound of a door opening and light falling on my face as a panicked voice said.

"Oh thank goodness you found her Jason."

I blinked, confused only to see my aunt and uncle standing in their door, looking worried.

"Is she alright?"

"Yeah, just sleeping."

"Not anymore." I said and the all looked at me, Jason turning his head.

He set me down and my aunt quickly shuffled me into the house while my uncle addressed Jason.

"Do you want to come inside?"

"No I'm fine." He said and I tried to look over my shoulder at him but my aunt was inspecting me for damage.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asked when she was satisfied I'd come to no physical harm. She looked very much like Nona with long dark hair, warm brown eyes, and a worried expression that Nona often gave me when I'd neglected to take care of myself.

"Yeah." I said trying to look over my shoulder again but the front door was closed.

"What happened?" she asked but before I could answer I was tackled into a hug.

"Where the hell have you been?" Nona asked her grip so tight it felt as if she were trying to squeeze the life out of me.

"What happened to you?" Another familiar voice asked and I looked up from Nona's strangle hold to see Alex taking in my torn and dirty jeans.

"I'm going to go head off the search party." My uncle said grabbing his coat from the peg by the door and taking his keys from the bowl. "You should call Sam. He'll want to know Jason found her."

"You're right." My aunt agreed and as my uncle stepped out the front door she made her way towards the kitchen where the home phone was located.

"Why'd they make a search party?" I asked confused.

"Are you kidding me?" Nona asked her eyes wide.

"What?"

"It's for you! We've been worried sick!" Nona said indignantly. "You take off on your own, don't bring your cell phone, and stay out hours later than you should, then turn up with Jason of all people? What the hell?"

"I got lost." I said honestly.

"And you just happened to blunder into Jason?" Alex asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah actually." I said and he gave me a suspicious look, but then shrugged. "What are you doing here?"

"He got off his shift early and came over to see you." Nona answered for him.

"So what have you two been up to then?" I asked and I was surprised to see Nona look a little flustered.

"Just talking." She said flushing. "I mean, we've been worried about you. Which reminds me." She continued suddenly looking irritated then smacking me in the back of the head.

"What was that for?" I asked indignantly.

"For getting lose in the woods AGAIN." She said furiously. "Do you remember what happened last time? You're lucky Jason found you!"

I didn't answer this, still feeling unaccountably awkward but I wasn't sure why.

"Well, I'm glad you're ok." She said eventually. "Even if you are a dumb ass."

She shook her head.

"I'm too stressed, I'm going to go take a shower. Make sure she doesn't wander off again ok?" she asked looking up at Alex who grinned.

"Alright."

"I'm not five." I said irritated but they both ignored me as Nona made her way up stairs still muttering angrily to herself.

"You look like crap." Alex observed looking me up and down as I fell into a chair in the living room and he followed me in, sitting on the couch.

"How kind of you to notice." I muttered.

"So Jason was the one to find you." He said quietly and I suddenly realized why I felt so awkward. Alex had been there through all of the rough bits with Jason. He'd always been the one to comfort me every time things between Jason and I had gotten bad, and he was there too when I'd screwed up and forgiven him. It was humiliating and though Alex never made fun of me or even feel bad about it, it didn't stop the fact that he probably thought I was a bit of an idiot when it came to Jason. Especially when I'd been so close to falling back into the cycle tonight.

"Yeah." I said not meeting his eyes. I hadn't realize just how easily I'd fallen back into that trap until I was away from Jason and got my head on straight again. How had I allowed myself to start thinking that way about him again? It didn't make any sense, I didn't want anything to do with him and yet…

I felt my cheeks burn and my heart skip a beat when I'd remembered how it had felt with his arms round me. What was wrong with me?

"You really do seem stuck with him don't you?" Alex asked mildly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said shaking his head. "It's just…I mean, you could have run into anyone out there or no one, but, I'm just not surprised it was him. You know? If I had to guess who it would be to find you, it would be him."

"I don't get what you're trying to say." I said looking away from him.

"Don't play dumb Tani." He said shaking his head. "Even when you wanted to hate him you guys always had some sort of freakish connection. Why do you think you always forgive him?"

"We were best friends." I said softly.

"You and I are best friends." He said sagely. "And as close as we are, we both know you and he were on a very different level."

I shook my head.

"I don't want to think about anything else tonight, I'm going to bed."

"Alright." He said shrugging. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'll tell Nona where you've gone."

"Thanks." I said and walked back to my room. "I'll see you later."

"See you."

As much as I didn't want to think about Jason, my brain didn't seem to want to get with the program. He monopolized my thoughts as I stepped into my room and shut the door. I glanced out the window and half expected him to be there. He wasn't of course, whatever had happened between us out in the woods had vanished now that we were back on the reservation and in the real world, but I continued to glance occasionally at the window as I got ready for bed. Did I want him to be?

It was only when I took it off that I realized I was still wearing Jason's jacket. I put it on my desk chair thinking I'd be able to give it back at school and changed into pajamas, but when I turned out the lights and crawled under my blankets I found I couldn't sleep. I didn't know why, my body felt exhausted but my brain didn't want to shut off. I tossed and turned for an hour listening to the rain until I couldn't take anymore. I sat up and turned on my light determined to either read or draw until I fell asleep but when I sat at my desk and grabbed a pencil I didn't feel like doing either.

I really was exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep but I couldn't seem to do that.

I caught the smell of smoke and looked over my shoulder at Jason's jacket still resting on the back of the chair.

"This is stupid." I muttered to myself but stood, put on the jacket and got back into bed. Almost immediately as the light switched off I felt my body getting heavy. I pulled it tighter around me while pulling over the hood and caught a trace of a scent that I knew was his shampoo. I couldn't believe after all this time he still used the same one.

Again I was surrounded by that sense of warmth and safety only being around Jason had ever made me feel. It was a feeling I trusted unconditionally, no matter what disaster it might have led me to over the years. I knew I shouldn't have, but I allowed my thoughts to drift to him telling myself that thinking about him for one night couldn't hurt. I didn't want to think about all these confusing emotions, they could wait until tomorrow, until then I could just pretend like nothing had happened between us and that Jason was still the most certain part of my life. Was that so bad?

I knew it was but I ignored it, too afraid to lose this feeling now that I'd gotten it back after so many years. I would pay for it tomorrow, I knew I was going to regret this, but that was later. I could pretend for now.