I helped Sodapop clear off the table for dinner but I didn't take my eyes off of the new boy, Dallas. Sodapop had said he gets in lots of trouble. I wondered what kind. Even with my sunglasses on, I guess Dally had saw me staring at him because he pointed it out to Sodapop. "Don't worry, Dal," Sodapop said, waving his hand. "He just doesn't know you."
"That's gonna have to change, huh?" he asked, leaning back in his chair. "So. Baby Curtis, huh? Welcome back."
"Thanks," I whispered but I don't know if the words even came out.
"He looks like you, Soda. Soon he'll have all these girls hangin' over him."
"Come off it," Soda laughed, knudging the chair so Dally had to grab the table to keep from falling. He took a swing at Soda who easily dodged it but even while he was laughing he saw me flinching. He frowned slightly and gave Dally a look. He seemed to understand because he didn't try to hit Soda again.
I started eating what my mom had cooked slowly but I wasn't really hungry. The fries I had ate at lunch still had me full but I tried to eat as much as I could. Plus it was weird having real food. The fries were weird enough, but this... It wasn't basement food, that's for sure. I started to get really tired and I wanted to go to bed. My eyes started closing but I tried my best to force them open. It wasn't working. I excused myself from the dinner table and went into my room. I looked around for clothes but didn't find any which made me sigh. I'd just sleep in what I had on. Not like it mattered, really.
I slid into bed and realized immediately how soft my bed was compared to the floor. I sank into the mattress and pulled the blankets tight around me. I saw Scruffy and my heart ached. I got up and grabbed him before settling back down in bed again. I hugged him close to me and felt my eyes close. Scruffy was my baby, really. As pathetic as it sounds, I found comfort in it. In what felt like a second, I was asleep.
I woke up with a start and I had almost forgotten where I was. I felt like I was back in the basement. Then reality hit me and I started shaking. I was afraid. Honestly, I was. I was afraid of those men who had taken me. I was afraid of the beatings. I was afraid of them taking advantage of my body. I was afraid of the yelling. I was terrified. I still missed them but that didn't take my pain away. Even though the pain was meant to make me a better person, I feared it. I felt shame in myself.
I slid out of bed and opened my bedroom door noiselessly. There was still talking coming from the living room so I figured Soda, Steve, and Dally were all awake still. I walked down the hall, forgetting I had Scruffy in my arms. The clock said it was a little past midnight. I didn't see my parents but I saw my brothers and their friends. Like I guessed, those three were still awake, but Darry had come home and Two-Bit and Johnny were over. I was surprised I was remembering everybody's name. Nobody heard or saw me come in but I wanted Sodapop so I made myself known.
"Hey, Pony. Can't sleep?" he asked me, standing up. He took a few steps towards me but he must've noticed something was off. Maybe he noticed the fear. He gently grabbed my arm and pulled me into the kitchen. "Are you okay, kiddo?" I shrugged, looking down. "Wanna stay in the living room with us?" I nodded. "C'mon then."
We went back into the living room and Steve and Johnny moved off of the couch, giving room for me and Sodapop. He sat down on one end and I sat on the other. He told me I could lay down if I wanted so I did with my head on his lap. That just felt like it was right even though I felt like I shouldn't be doing that. I hugged Scruffy tighter and closed my eyes against the light in the room. I wished I had my sunglasses but I wasn't gonna bring it up. Instead I just kept my eyes shut.
"Kid asleep?" the person I knew as Dally asked after a few minutes of silence.
"I think so," Soda answered, stroking my hair. "I think he was scared when he woke up."
"Why scared? He's back home. What's to be scared about?"
"Scared by his memories, probably."
"Scared or not, I'm just glad he's home," Darry spoke up. That made me feel better, knowing he was happy I was home. Having him say it when he thought I couldn't hear made it more true. He wasn't just saying it for me at that point.
"He seemed to be handlin' himself good," Dally said. "Good considerin' this was his first day with ya."
"I know he needs to adjust still...Thought you were gonna get punished, Steve."
"Me? Why? What ya mean?"
"When you swore. That's why Pony left the room. He didn't want to see you get hurt. Punishment."
"God dammit," Steve muttered. "When's he gonna speak up? He was found a month ago an' nobody knows what happened to him there."
"I know a little," Soda admitted and I felt nervousness creep up. I was scared he was going to tell them what I told him. Why would he betray my trust? "When he's ready for everybody to know, he'll tell you personally."
"You ain't gonna tell us?" Darry asked, sounding angry.
"Not my place to. I barely know anythin'. I ain't goin' against my brother."
"We understand," someone said. I couldn't place the voice. It was either Two-Bit or Johnny by process of elimination.
"He seems to like you," Steve said after a few minutes of silence. What was I, an animal? Of course I liked Sodapop. I love Soda.
"I would hope so," Sodapop chuckled. More silence. "I'll get him to open up about what he went through. Can't force him to. He was there for years. Can't imagine what's goin' through his head." I tensed up a little when I started thinking about what was going through my head. I was thinking about the punishments I would've been getting if I was back where I belonged. "Pony? You awake?"
"Yeah," I whispered.
"You feel okay? Why can't you sleep?" he asked. I didn't want to tell him it was because I had nightmares so I just stayed quiet. "Well, kiddo, you can stay out here as long as you want." I nodded and said okay.
"Who's this little guy?" Dallas asked and somebody took Scruffy away. I sat up, wanting him back. I felt angry at Dally for taking him and embarrassed for having him.
"That's his teddy bear from when he was a baby. Give it back, Dal," Sodapop said and Dally listened, grinning at me. I hugged Scruffy tighter and laid back down. I winced when I accidentally stared at the light. Sodapop asked Steve to grab my sunglasses for me while he went back to stroking my hair. "He used to never go anywhere without it. He was only a baby, after all. What'd you name 'im again?"
"Scruffy," I muttered, even more embarrassed saying its name. Steve came back and handed me my sunglasses. I put them on and opened my eyes back up. Everybody was staring at me.
"What're you thinkin' about?" he asked me gently.
I bit my lip and looked away from everybody. "Something awful's gonna happen," I mumbled.
"What doya mean, Pone?"
I felt uncomfortable. "I have a bad feeling about something... Soda, when will I go to school?"
He laughed a little too loudly at that. "You've been home for a day and you're already askin' 'bout school? We just got back from Christmas break last week. I'm sure mom will have you back in school within the next couple of weeks."
"Hey, kid," Dallas said. I shifted my eyes to look at him. "Enjoy your time out of school."
I wish he understood. I never went to school. It was something I missed out on. I didn't want to put that into words so I ignored it. "What grade will I be in?"
"I dunno, honey. You're old enough for eighth grade but with your lack of schoolin', we'll just have to wait an' see," Soda answered.
I looked at Darry. He was going back to college soon. That's what Sodapop had said. "Darry?"
"Yeah?"
"When are you going to college?"
"I'm on break right now. I'll go back in a few weeks."
"What's it like?"
"College?" he asked and I nodded. "I don't know. Feels good to be makin' somethin' of myself."
"What grade are you all in?" I asked, playing with my fingers.
Dally snorted. "I ain't goin' to no school."
"I'm a junior," one of them answered. It was Two-Bit. Sodapop had said he never shut up so I didn't understand why he was as quiet as he was.
"Sophomore," Steve said.
"Freshman," Johnny answered.
"Sophomore," Sodapop said, pushing my hair out of my face. I yawned and he grinned. "You should get some rest." I shook my head and curled up on the couch. The couch was really comfortable.
Everybody started talking again but about different things. I noticed that their voices were quiet and gentle compared to how they were when I wasn't in the room. Sodapop never stopped stroking my hair. That made me feel oddly calm and safe and I liked it. It was one of the best feelings, if I could be honest. Not only that, but I felt better knowing I was with my brothers and their friends. They all seemed like nice guys but frankly Dally scared me. Darry did, too, and Two-Bit. They were big guys and that intimidated me. Dally got in a lot of trouble. Darry seemed cold. Two-Bit was just big. But, in a weird way, I enjoyed the intimidation because I knew they were good people. Maybe they wouldn't use their size against me. Whenever I looked at Johnny, I saw fear. I wanted to get to know him. I figured we'd be good friends. I hoped, at least. I felt I'd be good friends with all of them. Even though Dally got in a lot of trouble he seemed to accept me. He wasn't mean or anything. Two-Bit was really funny. I heard him talking to Sodapop before and then everybody. He was more quiet when I was involved. Maybe he just didn't know what to say. Maybe it just seemed really funny because I hadn't had humor in my life. I remembered Steve from when I was little. He was around for a while so it just felt like he was my brother, too. So laying there with my head in Sodapop's lap made me question if I missed those men and that basement. I hadn't felt at home for a long time. Since I was four. I was thirteen now. Thirteen years old and I finally felt at home.
