Author's Note: "The 'Linsthergork' is a Namekian reproductive organ. Located down within the pelvic region, it secretes several unique proteins that contribute to the formation of Namekian eggs. It is not often discussed openly, not only because of the embarrassing nature of the organ, but also because of its silly name."

DRAGON BALL GT: REVISED

By Kaboom Krusader

Chapter "Seven" - "We Interrupt This FanFic..."

Nappa slowly and repeatedly blinked, now that he had physical eyes with which to do so, and surveyed his brand-new surroundings. He couldn't see very well yet, but he seemed to be indoors, in a wide, darkened room. Various rope and frame-based rigging was suspended above him, and the floor was slick and tiled.

"...Where am I?" He asked nobody in particular.

Suddenly, he was enveloped in a blindingly bright light. He raised a hand, which he now had two of again, to shield his eyes. He was in some sort of spotlight. Brought back to life, and he ends up in some sort of enemy camp? Just his luck...

Suddenly, on the other side of the room, another spotlight was turned on, and a previously unseen figure came into view within it. Nappa squinted, but not even the individual's huge hair clued Nappa into its identity, until he heard it's voice.

"Hello, Nappa."

"Vegeta!" Nappa was surprised. "Where am I? What happened?" He rambled on as Vegeta steadily walked toward him, the spotlight following. "The last thing I remember, we were on Earth, going after the Dragon Balls. Kakarrot showed up and fought me..." He rubbed his temple. "Everything after that is a blur..."

"Well, no worries," Vegeta said with a smirk. "Because you're back now, and you've got an opportunity to claim a prize far greater than any Dragon Balls..."

That snagged Nappa's attention, and a devious grin slid onto his face. "Heheh, right to the point, eh Vegeta?" He cracked his knuckles, which he now had again. "So tell me more. What do we have to do?"

"Hmm, it may be more difficult than you'd expect," Vegeta remarked. "and you'll have competition."

"Competition? For me? Hah!" Nappa thumped his chest. "I'm a Saiyan Elite! Who could possibly compete with me?" He thought for a second. "Uh... besides you... and Zarbon and Dodoria... and the Ginyu Force... oh, and Freeza, Cooler and King Cold. Probably Kakarrot, too... and..."

"But that's the challenge for you, Nappa," Vegeta cut in. "It's not a contest of force."

"What?"

"It's a contest," Vegeta smirked. "Of knowledge."

"Knowledge?" Nappa processed this for a moment. Knowledge? Challenge? Competition? How could they all be combined? What was... Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, sweet, merciful, minty multiverses, NO!

"N-no..." He stammered. "Y-you can't mean..."

"That's right!" Vegeta exclaimed, as he raised his hand. He snapped his fingers, and the entire chamber was filled with light. Several more figures became visible, all standing behind waist-high podiums. The walls were decorated with all sorts of sparkling and artistic patterns and outcroppings, as well as two giant video screens. One of the walls, now evident as a curtain, rose up out of view, to reveal...

... A live studio audience.

"You're on, You Get What I'm Saiyan," Vegeta continued enthusiastically, as both screens displayed the show's name in a bold, flashy fashion. "The only TV trivia game show exclusively featuring the universe's proudest warrior race!" An poppy upbeat tune came over the loudspeakers, and the audience began to applaud and cheer.

"Noooooooooo!"

"That's right, Nappa!" Vegeta, now revealed to be in a polyester suit and speaking into a skinny, 70's-era microphone, continued addressing the semi-catatonic Saiyan. "You've been brought back to life to take part in this fantastic competition, thanks to the revival powers of Shenlong!"

"No problem," The dragon called from within the audience.

"Now, my friend, If you'd please," Vegeta began leading Nappa over towards a row of podiums, the leftmost of which was unoccupied and waiting for him. "Now that we're all here, why don't we formally introduce all our contestants?" He gestured towards the other side of the stage. "And to do that, let's go to you, Kakarrot!"

"Kakarrot...?" Came a voice from one of the as-of-yet unnamed other contestants. No way you can guess who it is. Not in a million years. I'll bet you five dollars.

"Thanks, Vegeta! Don't mind if I do!" A spotlight gave luminance to a previously dark corner of the stage. Sitting neatly in a small balcony was the newly child-sized Son Goku, the show's co-host. He started speaking as the screens began displaying the contestants individually, starting with Nappa.

"First off, we have Nappa! Born a Saiyan Elite, Nappa spent most of his early years conquering planets!" The screen showed a picture of Nappa as a child, with a full head of long, flowing hair, holding up the crispy carcass of an unidentified alien while waving to the camera. "Eventually, he was promoted to the illustrious position of 'Vegeta's babysitter,' a job he would hold until I kicked his butt on Earth, and Vegeta blew him up." A freeze frame of Nappa's shocked face as Vegeta's blast approached him was shown on the screen. Vegeta could be heard giggling.

"Can... Can I please get a shirt, or something?" Nappa inquired. " I'm still wearing the wrecked armor I was wearing when I died, and it's cold in here..."

"No!" Vegeta scolded. "No shirt for you!"

Nappa pouted.

"Nowadays, Nappa spends most of his time floating around aimlessly as a puffy little soul-cloud in Hell. He hopes to one day regain a physical form, and proceed to open a bookstore."

"...I do?"

"Moving along," Goku continued, as the camera focused on the next in line. "We have King Vegeta!"

The older Saiyan waved to the camera. "Hi, everybody!" He saw Vegeta, and waved his whole arm and upper body frantically. "HIYA, VEGGIE!"

"HIYAS!" Vegeta replied.

Goku continued. "King Vegeta was born into Saiyan royalty, about who-cares years ago. He spent most of his early years killing things, and eventually came to lead the nomadic Saiyan race around the universe all willy-nilly as they spent most of their time killing things." The screen showed some fuzzy old videos of a younger King Vegeta leading a bunch of other Saiyans in a conga line. "Eventually, King Vegeta would end up having a hand in eradicating the entire Tsufrian race."

"They started it!" King Vegeta protested, banging on his podium and pointing at the screen. It showed a city square full of dead Tsufrians, one of which King Vegeta could be seen positioning into silly poses.

"Or... DID they?" Goku commented, rubbing his chin inquisitively.

"No spoilers, Kakarrot. Didn't you read the intro?"

"Fine, party-pooper. Anyway, " Goku continued narrating. "He would go on to take their planet over as a home for his people..."

"Aaawww..." Proclaimed the audience.

"...Stealing their technology, using it to start expanding the Saiyans' territory. He soon formed an alliance, otherwise known as a 'we'll-work-for-you-so-please-don't-kill-us' deal, with Freeza." A press photo was displayed of the King and Freeza shaking hands after the signing of their agreement.

"Rumors have it that Freeza was fibbing." The screen revealed a picture of Freeza urinating on a smoldering chunk of the freshly-destroyed Planet Vegeta, lending heavily to the theory.

"At some point, King Vegeta forgot to wear protection when with his queen, and ended up spawning the feral little freak we all now know as Prince Vegeta."

"Hey!"

"These days," Goku continued, "King Vegeta serves his community in Hell as a fashion consultant. In fact, I believe he's worn something to model for us today, is that right?"

"Wait, what?"

"Don't mind if I do!" King Vegeta jumped, did a midair frontflip, and stuck his dismount, positioning himself elegantly in the middle of the stage. The audience was thrilled. The lights dimmed, a spotlight focused onto the senior Vegeta, and Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" began to pulsate throughout the studio. The King started to pace, as Goku emcee'd.

"King Vegeta is wearing a diamond-encrested turquoise Chanelle gown, accented by a silver bracelet and necklace by Dolce & Gabbana. He is also modeling a pair of Rhinestone Peep-toe pumps by designer Giuseppe Zanotti! Fabulous!"

On the song's final downbeat, King Vegeta struck a pose, a sexy pout on his face, and with one hand on his hip and the other raised defiantly in the air. The crowd went nuts. Vegeta was somewhat less impressed.

"...Apparently, several decades in Hell has affected my father's reasoning somewhat..."

"Aw, that's not nice, Vegeta!" Goku exclaimed. "I'm sure his brain is perfectly fine, and..."

"Look! I'm a duck!" King Vegeta exclaimed as he began to noisily waddle back to his podium.

"...O-KAY!" Vegeta took over. "Next down the line, it's... Kakarrot?"

"Uh... I'm still over here, Vegeta. That's Tullece."

Indeed, stationed at the podium was Tullece, a figure infamous across the internet and in ice cream parlors everywhere for looking exactly like Goku. He appeared somewhat unamused as Vegeta rapidly looked back and forth between him and Goku.

"I see. I was wondering how you went back to adulthood all of a sudden," Vegeta remarked.

"Which, really, you're not even meant to know about until the next chapter."

"Who is he, again?"

"Tullece. He showed up that one time and planted the big tree on Earth. You weren't there. We had to beat him up ourselves."

"Oh? Where was I?"

"I don't think you'd shown up yet..." Goku mused, scratching his head. "Or, maybe... you had already come and ran away? I dunno, my head hurts..."

"Yeah, yeah, we get it," Tullece started to complain. "Movie continuity's a b&#. Now where's the fruit platter? I only came because you people said there'd be a fruit platter."

"Pssht! You and your fruits!" King Vegeta taunted. "Maybe you ARE a fruit!"

"No," Tullece responded, annoyed. "I just like to eat fruits."

"Oh, I'll bet you DO!"

"YOU'RE the one in the freaking dress!"

"Born a low-class Saiyan," Goku routinely went on to Tullece's bio. "Tullece was sent off to conquer planets as a child. Eventually, he came across the home world of the Tree of Might, and after killing all the planet's inhabitants and boosting his power by eating the fruit, he took some seeds and set off to gather henchmen and play 'Johnny Appleseed's Evil Twin' across the Universe. Eventually he showed up on Earth, where I proceeded to kick his butt."

"You did not."

"Did too."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not! I was smearing you and your little friends all across the landscape! But then you cheated!"

"Oh, you're just a sore loser."

"With a sore hiney, too, I'll bet," King Vegeta put in.

Tullece firmly planted (Get it? "Planted?" It's a joke, see, cause he did that thing with the Tree of Might, and-) both hands on his podium and loudly addressed Vegeta. "Look, can I PLEASE get moved to a different spot? If I absolutely have to play this game, I'd rather not keep getting harassed by the transvestite psycho," he pointed to King Vegeta on his right.

"Fruitsy-poo, fruitsy-poo!"

Tullece then thumbed towards the figure on his left. "And THIS guy keeps giving me weird looks!"

"Kakarrot?" Replied 'THIS guy.'

"Oh, quit whining," Goku scolded. "Don't make me unload a can of Spirit Bomb on you again!"

Tullece pouted.

"...Either way," Goku continued. "That brings us to our next contestant! Say hello, Broly!"

"KAKARROT!"

"Hiya. Nice tie."

"KAKARROT!" Broly gave a thumbs-up.

"How's Paragus?"

"KAKARROT!" He shook his head in dismay.

"Still dead, huh? Bummer." Something then caught Goku's attention. "Hey, Vegeta, what's wrong?"

Vegeta was on his knees, staring catatonic at Broly. "It... It's all over," he whimpered. "He's the Legendary Super Saiyan! He'll kill us all!"

"Oh yes, that reminds me," Goku spoke while ignoring Vegeta, who continued to whine and collapse into the fetal position. "As you can see, Broly is in his big, husky ol' 'Legendary Super Saiyan' state. We normally don't let our contestants to be transformed while playing. However, our judges decided to make an exception for Broly, after he killed them."

"KAKARROT!" Broly nodded, and held up a pair of blood-soaked skulls which he began to use as puppets.

"Plus, he's pretty darn funny like this," Goku remarked, as Broly threw one of the skulls into the audience at high speed, killing a random Namekian on impact.

"Aagh! My linsthergork! He ruptured my linsthergork!"

"But I can kick his butt if we need to," Goku remarked. "So no problem."

Vegeta took notice of this, and looked up. "Wait, what?"

"Uh, yeah, Vegeta," Goku informed him. "We're both a lot stronger than Broly now."

"We are?" Vegeta stared, and blinked a couple times before his eyes lit up, and he stood. "Oh yeah! We are!" He pointed at Broly. "Damn straight! Cause any trouble, and I'll blast you to smithereens!"

"...KAKARROT!"

"Anyway," Goku proceeded. The screen displayed a picture of Broly as a crazy little baby. "Despite being low-class, Broly was born with a battle power of 10,000, making it immediately obvious that he was the Legendary Super Saiyan. However, fearing what Freeza might do, King Vegeta decided to have Broly and his whiny father Paragus executed, rather than doing the smart thing, and keeping Broly safe so that he might grow up to just easily overthrow Freeza instead."

"Oh, damn! That was you?" King Vegeta started to panic. "I've gotta disguise myself somehow... I know!" From out of nowhere he produced and donned a pair of Groucho-glasses. "Now NOBODY will recognize me!"

"Managing not just to survive that, but escaping Planet Vegeta's destruction too, Broly went on to become a nutty, near-unstoppable demonic force of nature, wreaking havoc across the universe, until I kicked his butt."

"Nowadays," Vegeta, back to himself, continued. "Broly's hobbies include smashing Kakarrot, screaming at Kakarrot, blasting Kakarrot, and volunteering at his local animal shelter on weekends." A picture was displayed of the giant Super Saiyan happily, yet still insanely, rolling around on the floor as a veritable swarm of dachshund puppies crawled all over him and licked his face. The mutilated corpses of various other social workers were visible in the background.

"So what's his deal with you, Kakarrot?" Tullece made the mistake of asking.

"Well, it seems when we were babies, I was in the crib next to him in the nursery, and I cried a lot," Goku explained. "I guess that helped make him crazy, and now he goes into a rage of violent, merciless death whenever he sees my face."

"Okay, but then why does he keep looking at ME like I'm..."

"..."

"...Oh, SHI-"

"KAKARROOOOOT!"

Ignoring Tullece's plight, Vegeta pressed on.

"Last but not least, meet Selypa!"

The female warrior, dressed in a modest yet becoming business casual outfit, waved amicably. "Hey. You're all freaks."

"Oh, you know it, baby!" King Vegeta exclaimed amorously, winking at Selypa while making pelvic thrusts. "How about after this, you and me ditch this lame joint and go play a little game of our own, huh?"

"KAKARROT!" Broly imitated the movement.

"...You're wearing a dress." Selypa pulled out a scouter and scanned the bearded and fabulous Saiyan. "...And apparently, I'm stronger than you. Remind me, WHY are you our king, again?"

"'Cuz I'm just THAT hot!"

"Right."

"AAAAANYWAAAY," Vegeta cut in. "Born a low-class Saiyan fighter - whoa, I'm seeing a trend, here - Selypa spent her childhood wandering with the rest of the Saiyans, causing trouble on distant planets." The picture displayed was that of a young Selypa nailing head shots on Ewoks. "Eventually, she was inserted into a Saiyan squad, the leader of which was Bardock, Kakarrot's father. They prospered, conquering many planets. The days were merry..." A picture was shown of a drinking contest between Bardock and Panbukin at the Saiyans' Christmas party, with the rest of the squad cheering them on. "...Until Dodoria killed all of them but Bardock, who was then killed by Freeza."

"Uh.." Selypa spoke to Goku, who was staring at her wonderingly. "What's your problem, kid?"

"Are you my mommy?"

She was taken aback. "W-what? No! What makes you think that?"

"Well, you look a lot like Pan, and apparently this Bardock guy was my dad, so..."

"What? Me and Bardock?" She blushed and shook her head. "No way!"

"But in this one fanfic I read..."

"No! Absolutely not! We were just teammates!" She crossed her arms in denial. "You can't believe ANYTHING you read in fanfictions, kid. They're pretty much all misleading and inaccurate." She leaned forward, and put her hand to her mouth to address him. "Not to mention terribly out of character. I mean, just look at this chapter..."

Goku stared for a minute, then shrugged. "Okay, then. It was just a run-to-you-for-comfort thingie, anyway."

"Comfort? Why?"

"Toma dumped him."

Selypa's eye twitched. "I can't believe I'm asking, but for who?"

"Uh," Goku picked up and read a printout. "Cell."

"But Cell didn't even exist yet!"

"I know, it's weird!"

"Can we just start the damn game already?" Tullece peeked out from under his podium and yelled.

"My thoughts exactly!" Vegeta chimed in. "Okay, let's get this thing rolling..."

"Okay..."

"Whoo-hoo! Ye-yuh!"

"It's about time."

"KAKARROT!"

"Me and Bardock...?"

"...After these words from our sponsors!"

A collective "WHAT" burst forth from the contestants, as the cameras panned away and the station cut to commercials.

CHHHHHHHT!

"-down to 'Crazy Wheelo's Appliance Depot,' for the best deals on new and pre-owned washers, driers, microwaves, giant brain-driven robots, and so much more! We've got the lowest prices anywhe-"

CHHHHHHHT!

"Make you an offer you can't ref-"

CHHHHHHHT!

"Coming up next, more Naruto! Only on Cartoon Network! No really, it's the ONLY thing we ever-"

CHHHHHHHT!

"My next guest is a close friend of mine..."

Kuririn sat at a mahogany desk, wearing a dark blue suit with a silvery tie to match his graying temples. He motioned to stage right, and addressed his audience.

"…Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the god of Earth and keeper of the Dragon Balls, Dende!"

The audience broke into applause as the band played a jazzy little entrance tune. Dende walked onto the stage, waving meekly as he was obviously unsure as to just what was going on. Kuririn enthusiastically shook Dende's hand, as the young Namekian reached his seat. They both sat, and Kuririn motioned to the band.

"Vegeta and the Henchmen Band, folks!"

The band, featuring Vegeta on keyboard and main vocals, Medamacha on Guitar, Zangya on bass, and Cacao on drums, all waved.

"How's it going, Dende?"

"Oh, very well, Kuririn," Dende smiled and responded. "Things have been generally peaceful on Earth, and I'm grateful for that."

"Generally peaceful? What about the whole Dragon being summoned and causing the global earthquake and the destruction and all that crap?"

"Oh, I thought you meant besides that."

"So, how're things going at the Palace?"

"Oh, yes! We just finished remodeling the interiors of the watch towers! You know, the smaller ones that stick up? But then Goku knocked one of them down..."

"Uh-huh..."

"Mr. Popo touched up the paint trim around the door to the Room of Spirit and Time just the other day. It looks great now."

"You don't say," Kuririn lazily remarked as he began to play with a pencil. "How's old Popo doing, anyway?"

"He's doing well."

"Piccolo?"

"He's been acting a bit strangely since the weird summoning, which hasn't been explained yet, which makes things really awkward for us in a filler chapter like this."

"Which brings me to my next and not-boring guest..."

"...'not boring?'"

"Ladies and gentlemen, the ever-sensational and never-punctual author, the writer known as Kaboom!"

The audience broke into thunderous applause, as a 20-ish, devilishly attractive, casually-dressed, and immensely talented young man entered from stage left. He waved, and took a seat next to Dende.


At that moment, hundreds of thousands of fan-fiction elitists across the planet simultaneously clutched their heads and screeched in agony.

"AAAAAAAIIIIEEE! SELF-INSERTION!"


"Oh, shut your pie traps!" Kaboom angrily exclaimed in no particular direction. "It's a non-story humor chapter! Lighten the hell up!"

He paused, noticed everyone staring at him awkwardly, and then sheepishly took his seat.

"Where were we?"

"Well," Kuririn cut to the chase. "When graced with the presence of such a prestigious guest as yourself..."

(A-hem.)

"...What else can we do but have an interview?"

"Oh, sure. Fine with me. I'm sure there's ALL kinds of things the readers are just itching to know, about myself and the story."

"You bet. Let's get down to it then."

The one called Kaboom shifted in his seat, eagerly awaiting the questions.

"...How much exactly do you suck?"

"Huh?"

"Why the insane multi-month gaps between chapters?"

"Well, um..."

"What excuse do you possibly have for making the poor readers wait over three months for a meaningless filler chapter?"

"I... you see... lots of planning, and I had to keep changing things, a-a-and..."

"...And WHY," Kuririn stood, pounded his desk, and pointed accusingly at the guest author. "haven't I been in the story yet, dammit?"

"Uh... Kuririn, perhaps you should calm down a bit," Dende encouraged the maddened and diminutively-statured host. "I'm sure there are some good reasons..."

"I will NOT calm down!" Krurin yelled, and continued angrily pointing at the guest. "You! Apologize to the readers!"

"I'm so sorry!" Kaboom threw up his arms in exasperation. "I am a lowly worm! I have let you all down!"

"Darn straight! Lean over here so I can slap you!"

Dende interrupted. "Maybe it would be best to move on...?"

Kuririn let out a heavy sigh, and sat back down in his chair. "Fine," he muttered, before looking at Kaboom one last time. "What possible reason could you have, anyway?"

"Two words: Phantom. Hourglass."

Kuririn pondered this new information for a moment.

"All is forgiven," He replied. "Now, without further adieu, let's continue onto the next chunk of our show, the Top Ten list!"

A flashy title with the words "TOP TEN" in big, bold, 3D letters arced across the screen, before the view returned to Kuririn and the guests.

"For this week's top ten," Kuririn dictated. "We have the 'Top Ten Pathetic or Hilarious Villain Moments!"

The crowd broke into cheerful applause.

"Heh," Vegeta commented. "Now this is my kind of list."

"Oh, that reminds me," Dende pointed a few pages upwards, and enquired of Kaboom. "How is it that Vegeta's in both shows?"

"Oh, I just felt like it. Couldn't think of anyone better."

"You're just really lazy, aren't you?"

"...Yes."

"Number ten!" Kuririn abruptly began the list, accompanied by a constant drum roll. "Vegeta is rendered helpless and at Kuririn's mercy!"

"What the f*ck?"

"Hee, hee, hee..." Kaboom, like the audience, found humor and pleasure in Vegeta's surprise and dissatisfaction. He was shifty like that.

"Number nine," Kuririn continued. "Cell throwing a temper tantrum, before barfing up my wife and then blowing himself up!"

"I could make a meme joke here, but that'd be the second time this chapter, so I'll restrain myself."

"Number eight! Freeza, chopping himself in half!"

"Hahahahaha!"

"Number seven! Freeza chopped in half AGAIN!"

"Hahahahaha!"

"I get it!" Shouted a random Fry from the audience.

"Number six! Pilaf, period."

"Why have I gotten so little response about those guys?"

"Because," Zangya spoke up. "They suck. Just like the idea of having character-narrated intros and outros."

"Oh, shush your sexy blue self."

"Number five! Freeza getting his tail chopped off by Kuririn!"

"Wow," Kaboom commented. " 'Villain actually gets damaged by Kuririn' seems to be a common concept of 'pathetic' around here."

"Yeah, you want a quick demonstration?" Kuririn sarcastically responded, positioning himself to charge a Kienzan

"Uh, carry on."

"Number four! Garlic Jr. go down the hoooole... Again! Number three! Ginyu switches bodies with a frog!" Kuririn paused. "Hey, I wonder what happened to him, anyway?"

"Well, Namek blew up," Kaboom exclaimed. "So I guess he croaked!"

Ba-dum-pish!

"Good job, Cacao."

"Da!" The cyborg resumed the drum roll

"Number two! Slug is beaten by whistling!"

"Ah, Slug," Dende remarked. "Yet another Namekian of whom we know so little about."

"Yeah, good ol' Slug. I wonder," Kaboom commented ominously while stroking his chin. "What could EVER be his story..."

"No spoilers!" A rather irritated Vegeta scolded the author.

"Fine, party pooper." Kaboom went back to typing.

"...And the number one pathetic or hilarious villain moment is," Kuririn teased, as the drum roll intensified.

"Broly, defeated by water!"

A more significant rimshot from Cacao accompanied the laughter and applause of the audience.


In another part of the fanfic, it was the middle of an intense lightning round of trivia questions, and Tullece was pressed to provide an answer.

"Uh... hemlock?"

BZZZT!

"Ooh, I'm sorry," Vegeta consoled. "The answer was 'Planet Thormasia Phi VII."

"Oh," Tullece lamented. "Wait, what? What does that have to do with-"

Broly suddenly let out a thunderous sneeze, the force from which instantly and violently eradicated a good third of the audience.

"Whoa nelly!" King Vegeta exclaimed.


"Hmmm, yeah," Kaboom mused as he glanced upwards at the cutaway. "I think it's about time we got back to those guys. This segment's starting to wear thin."

"What?" Kuririn protested. "You can't end my section already! The best part's coming up next!"

"Really? What would that be?"

"Yamcha and Puar."

Dende gasped in horror. "Don't tell me it's..."

"Stupid pet tricks."

"A-YUP," Kaboom busily returned to his laptop, determined to change the course of the chapter. "Time to end this chunk, before Letterman sues me. Let's see... tweak some dialogue here, enter a character there, and..."

"No, wait, it's good! I promise!" Kuririn yelled. "How many other cats on the planet can shape-shift and-"

"Kuririn!"

Kuririn's eyes went wide with catatonic shock. "E-e-eighteen?"

His wife stormed in from stage left, and marched up to him. "What the hell are you doing here? You told me you were going bowling with Gohan! How did you end up on a variety show!"

"It's his fault, honey!" Kuririn desperately pointed at Kaboom. "He's the author! He picked me for this part of the chapter! I had nothing to do with it!"

"You?" Eighteen turned her gaze towards Kaboom. "You're the author, huh?"

She leaned down close to him, and he began to flop-sweat. In a low, menacing tone, she spoke to him.

"Why haven't I been in the story yet?"

"Uh..."

Kaboom pressed a single key on his laptop.

"Bye!"

CHHHHHHHT!

"Alright, everyone, this is it! The final round!"

Vegeta enthusiastically addressed the contestants. It had been a tough and exciting game, and now, nearing the end, the competitors were locked in a gripping five-way tie. That is to say, they were all tied at ZERO, because throughout the course of the entire game, nobody had managed to answer even one single question correctly.

"First, we will have five normal questions, one to each of you in order," he explained. "This will, ideally, allow each of you one more fair chance to gain a point and take the lead. After that, we will have the exhilarating final question, worth a whopping ten points!"

"Sweet mercy," Tullece folded his arms and leaned forward on his podium. "Finally, we're gonna be done with this."

"It's about time, too," Selypa commented. "This chapter's been going downhill since about page eight."

"SILENCE!" Vegeta yelled. "QUESTIONS!" He produced an index card and read from it. "This first one goes to Nappa! Tell us," he asked. "What is the sum of Banana + 5, multiplied by chicken patties?"

"Uh," Nappa appeared more clueless than was characteristically normal for him. "What? I don't understand that! What's chicken?"

"If only you knew, Nappa, if only you knew," Vegeta licked his lips in hedonistic anticipation of ravenously devouring a McChicken sandwich later. "But apparently you don't, so..."

BZZZT!

"Wrong! The answer was, in fact, the U.S.S Excelsior! Next question!" He moved on. "This one goes to King Vegeta!"

"All-right" The King made a 'bring it on' gesture. "Hit me with your best shot!"

"What is the surplus of the most radical of underachieved spots for invariationalized galactic dominatrix?"

"...Twelve?"

BZZZT!

"Oooh, so sorry! The correct answer was 'yellow polka-dot bikini!' Let's move on!"

He approached Tullece. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be, I guess."

"Okay then! Your question. What does marriage taste like?"

"Huh?"

"You heard me, punk."

"Yeah, I heard you, but... It doesn't make any sense! These questions are ridiculous! They have been for the whole game!"

"Well, look who's being a little crybaby!" King Vegeta taunted Tullece for the millionth time in the half-hour programming block. "Didjoo mess your diaper, widdle baby?" He proceeded to make funny faces at Tullece.

"You... " Tullece started to power up in his anger. "I've had it! Raaagh!" He generated and threw a ball of ki. It struck King Vegeta and exploded, knocking him across the stage through a wall, and TOTALLY ruining his mascara. "Now shut up!"

"OoOoh... nappy time..."

"Hmmmm..." Vegeta observed. "Eh, he'll be fine. Tullece, do you have an answer?"

"What? There IS no answer! The question is meaningless! Who's the idiot that writes these, for crying out loud?"

On the balcony, Goku nonchalantly twiddled his thumbs while whistling 'Makafushigi Adventure.'

"I demand an answer! I am the Prince of all Saiyans!"

"Gah! Fine!" Exasperated, Tullece said, "Apples."

BZZZT!

"Oh! So sorry! The correct answer was 'Piccolo.'"

"Marriage... tastes like Piccolo?"

"That's what SHE said!"

"Aaah!" Tullece recoiled in horror at the rediscovery of King Vegeta next to him. "What the hell...?"

"I finished my nap!"

"I thought you were dead! That blast was strong enough to kill Ginyu!"

"Aha. Well, my friend, I survived! Not only because this is a gag chapter," the King boasted. "But I am far more durable than you all think."

"Really?" Goku commented enthusiastically.

"Indeed," King Vegeta continued. "In fact, contrary to popular belief, I was NOT killed by Freeza!"

"You don't say," Selypa made the mistake of involving herself in the discourse.

"Yes, I survived! In my cunning, I went on to infiltrate Freeza's empire, disguised as the one you all came to know as Zarbon!" He held up a picture. "Here is the photographic proof!"

"That's just a picture of Zarbon," Nappa observed. "With your head taped over his."

"Is not."

"Yes, it is," Tullece scorned. "You'd have to be a complete moron to fall for-"

"OH, DADDY!" Vegeta broke down in tears. "That was YOU on planet Namek?" He ran over and bear-hugged the King. "I'm so sorry! If I'd known it was you, I'd have never done those terrible things!" He openly sobbed, as the King comfortingly patted him on the back.

"There, there, son. Time heals all wounds," he consoled. "Even ones from enormous ki blasts through the torso." He backed up and grasped Vegeta by the shoulders. "It's in the past. Now, go on, and fulfill your duty! Make your green, sexy, stylish daddy proud!

Sniffling, Vegeta wiped away his remaining tears. "Right!" With a newfound sense of pride and responsibility only found in such situations in shonen manga but not really, he dramatically walked further down the line and faced the next contestant.

"The next question is for Broly!" Vegeta proclaimed. "Are you ready?"

"KAKARROT!"

"Then here we go." Vegeta read from a card. "What are the definite momentum solutions to the Dirac equation for massless electrons?"

Broly paused, and pondered the question for a moment. He scratched his head, and counted on his fingers for a few seconds, before an expression of epiphany came across his bulging, maddened face.

"Do you have the answer, Mr. Broly?"

He nodded.

"Let's hear it."

"KAKARROT!"

BZZZT!

"Oh! Close, so very close," Vegeta exclaimed. "But the answer was rhubarb pie!"

Broly grunted and snapped his fingers in frustration, releasing a shock wave of ki in the process which killed several more Namekian audience members.

"Aaaaaieeeeeee!"

"Oh, man," Tullece commented. "I thought the rest of us were having trouble with this game," he thumbed towards Broly. "But this guy's just plain hopeless."

Broly began gnawing on his tie.

"In every sense."

"Oh, I wouldn't say our friend Broly is completely beyond help," King Vegeta commented, deviously stroking his bearded chin.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, anyone can be trained to fit into society, if given the proper training." He leisurely walked over to the hulking Super Saiyan. "In fact, I believe that, given an ample amount of time and resources," He stretched up to place a hand on Broly's shoulder. "I can turn our friend Broly, here, into a perfect gentleman!"

"You're nuts."

"Indeed I am."

"It's impossible."

"Care to back that up?"

Tullece raised an eyebrow. "What are you proposing?"

"A wager!" King Vegeta held one finger up in the air. "Give me one month! If I have not succeeded, you shall have, on me, the finest clothing this side of the Kaioshin realm!"

Tullece smiled. "Fine by me," he said. "And if you can, I'll give you a seed for the Tree of Might, which can grant you more power than you could ever imag-!"

"No. I want a Pikachu plushie."

"...Okay fine, I'll toss in a Pikachu plushie."

"Then we have a bet!"

"Ahem," Vegeta interrupted. "I hate to halt the beating, nay, grotesque mutilation of this dead horse, but we have a show to finish."

"Oh, sorry," Tullece waved. "Go ahead."

"Well, then," Vegeta moved to the last podium. "It all comes down to you, Miss Selypa! Will you manage to score a point and take the lead, or will we need to continue on to the bonus round?"

"Here's hoping," she said. "Sock it to me."

"Hey, baby! I'm the one you want!"

"Not like that, you idiot!" Selypa angrily scolded King Vegeta, before turning back to Vegeta Jr. "Ask the damn question already!"

"Very well," Vegeta read. "When you find yourself in danger, when you're threatened by a stranger, when it looks like you will take a licking, who will drink his super sauce and throw the bad guys for a loss and bring them in alive and kicking?"

"Oh, I know this," Selypa said, smiling. "We watch this show in Hell all the time, along with Cosby reruns." The folded her arms confidently. "The answer is 'Super Chicken."

BZZZZZT!

"WHAT?" Selypa couldn't contain her disbelief. "How could that be wrong? That's impossible! I KNOW it's right!"

"I'm sorry," Vegeta said. "But the correct answer was 'Donny Osmond'."

"...Who?"

"Well, Vegeta!" Goku exclaimed from his position on the balcony. "It looks like the outcome of the entire game has come down to the final question!"

"That's right, Kakarrot," Vegeta concurred. "Alright, contestants, are you ready?"

The contestants responded with various remarks of "Yeah," "You bet," and "KAKARROT."

"This question will be harder than any of those previous, and, as you all know, will be worth a whopping ten points," he explained. "First to answer the question correctly will take the game! Lady, gentlemen, Broly... hands on dinger-button-thingies."

DING!

"No, don't press them yet."

"Oh," Nappa replied sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Now, here is your question, which was NOT written by Kakarrot." Vegeta prepared himself and produced the card, and a quick, Millionare-esque burst of music played to heighten the tension. He produced the question.

"According to my scouter, WHO had a... power level of... over... nine... thousand...?"

"Oh, wow," Goku said in disbelief.

"I REALLY thought we weren't going to use this joke," Vegeta commented.

"Ooooh, shoot, I know this one," Nappa pondered, rapidly tapping his head as he tried to remember.

DING!

"Tullece!"

"Uh," he said, unsure of himself. "Was it... Piccolo?"

BZZZT!

"Incorrect!"

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon," Nappa continued wracking his brain. "What was it..."

DING!

"Selypa!"

"Um, was it Bardock?" She asked. "I'm pretty sure he broke ten thousand..."

BZZZT!

"Incorrect!"

Suddenly, Nappa snapped his fingers in realization. "I've got it!" He reached for his buzzer button...

DING!

...But was beaten to it.

"Aaaaaand," Vegeta proclaimed and pointed. "Broly!"

Having buzzed a split second before Nappa, the hulking Super Saiyan stood up straight. He slowly and calmly adjusted his tie and shirt collar. Then, he grasped the left and right top sides of the podium with each of his hands, and carefully and steadily leaned down to position his face mere inches away from the microphone.

Into which he proceeded to scream the answer at the top of his lungs, and the sheer force of the resulting soundwaves messily killed the remaining audience members.

"KAKARROOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

DING DING DING!

"CORRECT!" Vegeta exclaimed. "The correct answer was Kakarrot!"

"Oh," King Vegeta said. "Phew! I was gonna say Kenshiro!"

"He's from Hokuto no Ken, you moron!" Selypa yelled. "This is DragonBall!"

"Congratulations, Broly!" Goku announced. "You win our fabulous grand prize, a lifetime supply of E-Z Mac!" A curtain rose, revealing a rotating platform with a plethora of boxes of the delicious, cheesy, noodly treat.

"THAT," exclaimed Nappa. "Was the DragonBalls-surpassing grand prize?"

"I know!" Goku exclaimed. "Isn't it great?"

"Well," Selypa remarked. "This was an even bigger waste of time than I thought. But at least I'm back to life, so maybe I'll go shopping." She glanced over at King Vegeta. "I wonder where can I find those shoes..."

"...Can I come along?" Nappa asked.

"Sure. We'll buy you a shirt." The two walked off the stage and exited the studio.

"Say, uh, no hard feelings about the ki blast earlier, right?" Tullece apologetically addressed the King. "It kinda destroyed most of your, uh, outfit, too."

"Pish posh, not a word," he replied, waving it off dismissively. "It is easily replaced."

"Yeah, I guess," he said, then grimaced. "But you sure could have picked a better day to not wear any underwe-aaah!"

Tullece was cut short as he was grabbed by the leg by Broly, who proceeded to swing him around through the air in celebration as he charged away at full speed.

"Aaaaaaaugh!"

"KAKARROT!"

"No, Broly, NO! Bad!" King Vegeta scolded the Super Saiyan, as he gave chase. "Down! Put him down! Goodness, I've got my work cut out for me, don't I?"

"Hey, Vegeta?" Goku spoke up. "We wished these guys back to life just for the show, right? Should we be just letting them leave like this?"

"As opposed to what? Killing an opportunity for priceless cameos later?"

"Guess you're right."

"Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's it! Another exciting game of... Oh." Vegeta then noticed they had no living audience members left. "Oh, well."

"For those of you watching at home," Goku announced. "Stay tuned for an exciting episode of 'Saiyan Mary-Sue SMACKDOWN,' when Saiyan Videl takes on Vegeta's sister!"

"Good night, everyone!"

CHHHHT!

The end...?